The Funniest 'Wedding Crashers' Quotes
- Photo: New Line Cinema121 VOTES
The Meat Loaf
Chazz Reinhold: Mom! The meat loaf! F*ck!
- Photo: New Line Cinema215 VOTES
In The Trenches Taking Grenades
Jeremy Grey: I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out! You selfish son of a b*tch! You leave me in the trenches taking grenades, John!
- Photo: New Line Cinema310 VOTES
I'd Find You
Gloria Cleary: My father warned me about people like you Jeremy, I'm just another notch on your belt.
Jeremy Grey: What are you talking about? It's not like that.
Gloria Cleary: Then what's it like Jeremy?
Jeremy Grey: No wait! I just feel very strongly that we're starting only to express ourselves in a physically sexual specifically way and I just want to play some catch-up on finding who's inside here.
Gloria Cleary: Jeremy, you're amazing.
Jeremy Grey: I think you're amazing
Gloria Cleary: Don't ever leave me.
Jeremy Grey: Ever.
Gloria Cleary: Good. Because I'd find you.
- Photo: New Line Cinema416 VOTES
10 Percent Of Our Hearts
John Beckwith: You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts.
- Photo: New Line Cinema522 VOTES
Share That
Jeremy Grey: Share that with the Dalai Lama, jacka**!
- Photo: New Line Cinema68 VOTES
Great Talk
Janice: I've got the perfect girl for you!
Jeremy Grey: Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested, I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that a**-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your a** sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip." Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.
Janice: Okay...
Jeremy Grey: Okay, can you, can you put that so he can't see it? Thank you. Hey, Janice... great talk.
- Photo: New Line Cinema723 VOTES
Moby Dick
William Cleary: Well, the guy wants to run for president, he thinks Moby Dick is a venereal disease.
- Photo: New Line Cinema810 VOTES
Stage Five Clinger
Jeremy Grey: I've been looking all over for you. I got to get outta here, pronto. I got a stage five clinger.
John Beckwith: No, no, I need more time.
Jeremy Grey: Did you hear what I just said to you. Stage five, virgin, clinger. Let's go I'm gonna start the car. I'm serious, let's go... I don't think you're appreciating the urgency here. Not only is she a virgin, she's totally off the reservation. I'm terrified of this broad.
- Photo: New Line Cinema912 VOTES
True Love
Claire Cleary: True love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.
- Photo: New Line Cinema1012 VOTES
Play Like A Champion
Jeremy Grey: How many times you gonna do this sh*t? Rule #32: You don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely positive they have a pulse.
John Beckwith: Rule #16: Give me an up-to-date family tree. That was your mistake. You made me look like an idiot.
Jeremy Grey: Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!
- Photo: New Line Cinema1112 VOTES
Girls With Hats
John Beckwith: Don't waste your time on girls with hats. They tend to be very proper.
Jeremy Grey: Yeah? Well, the proper girl in the hat just eye-f*cked the sh*t out of me.
John Beckwith: Why don't you say it a little louder? I don't think the priest heard you.
- Photo: New Line Cinema127 VOTES
I Call It "Celebration"
Todd Cleary: I made you a painting. I call it "Celebration." It's sexual and violent. I thought you might like it.
- Photo: New Line Cinema139 VOTES
Kill Some Birds
Jeremy Grey: Wow. Mr. Environmental is also a hunter. That's got to be an interesting combination.
Sack Lodge: I hunt quail, Jeremy. They're overpopulated in this region and they're decimating the grubworm population. You got a f*cking problem with that?
Jeremy Grey: Not nearly as much as I do with the attire that you have on, or just your general point of view towards everybody. But let's go kill some birds. I'm psyched.
- Photo: New Line Cinema146 VOTES
Rollin' a Fatty
Jeremy Grey: Does anyone know what this here is used for?
Little Boy: Rollin' a fatty?
Jeremy Grey: No... Not for... Where'd you learn that?
- Photo: New Line Cinema157 VOTES
Call Me "Kitty Kat"
Kathleen Cleary: I just had my t*ts done. You like 'em?
John Beckwith: Those... seem like lovely t*ts.
Kathleen Cleary: William doesn't give a sh*t about my t*ts.
John Beckwith: Well, darn him. But Mrs. Cleary, this is pretty sudden...
Kathleen Cleary: Oh, you been playing "Cat and Mouse" with me ever since you came here.
John Beckwith: Mrs. Cleary, I don't...
Kathleen Cleary: Call me Kat.
John Beckwith: Okay, Kat.
Kathleen Cleary: Call me "Kitty Kat".
John Beckwith: Okay, Kitty Kat. This feels borderline inappropriate.
Kathleen Cleary: Feel them.
John Beckwith: What?
Kathleen Cleary: I said feel them!
John Beckwith: Mrs. Cleary...
Kathleen Cleary: Kitty Kat.
John Beckwith: I'm sorry, Kitty Kat, are you out of your f*cking mind?
Kathleen Cleary: I'm not letting you out of this room until you feel them.
[John feels her boobs. Kathleen moans softly.]
John Beckwith: Wow, they feel really nice. Real orb-like. It's amazing what they can do...
[Kathleen shudders and puts her blouse back on.]
Kathleen Cleary: Pervert!
- Photo: New Line Cinema165 VOTES
First Asian
Jeremy Grey: Completely different situation. She was a very, very family-oriented girl. And very into her grandmother.
John Beckwith: Yeah.
Jeremy Grey: That was my first Asian!
- Photo: New Line Cinema175 VOTES
The Painting Was a Gift
Todd Cleary: Jeremy tried to seduce me! I want my painting back!
Jeremy Grey: The painting was a gift, Todd. I'm taking it with me.
- Photo: New Line Cinema184 VOTES
Her Boyfriend Just Died
Chazz Reinhold: Yeah, her boyfriend just died. Dude died in a hang-gliding accident! What an idiot! "Aaaahhh, I'm hang-gliding! Take a good picture, honey, I'm dead!"
- Photo: New Line Cinema196 VOTES
Crabcakes and Football
Flip: Yeah! Crabcakes and Football. That's what Maryland does!
- Photo: New Line Cinema206 VOTES
Faithful for Two of Them
John Beckwith: How long have you and the Secretary been married?
Kathleen Cleary: 30 years next April.
John Beckwith: That's beautiful.
Kathleen Cleary: Yeah. And we were faithful for two of them.
- Photo: New Line Cinema216 VOTES
Sorry I'm Late
John Beckwith: Sorry I'm late.
Jeremy Grey: No problem.
John Beckwith: I'm sorry I called you white trash.
Jeremy Grey: Apology accepted.
John Beckwith: And I'm sorry I called you hillbilly. I don't even know what that means.
Jeremy Grey: John, it's Okay. Do you mind if I get married now?
- Photo: New Line Cinema226 VOTES
Touch Football
John Beckwith: What are you doing? It's a game of touch, every time I look over you're on your a** again.
Jeremy Grey: If I had an air in my lungs, I'd scream at you.
John Beckwith: Oh now you're going to blame me because you're not athletic enough to stay on your own two feet?
Jeremy Grey: I hate you.
- Photo: New Line Cinema237 VOTES
It's Not Halloween
John Beckwith: It's the first quarter of the big game and you wanna toss up a hail Mary? I'd like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona but it's not Halloween. Grow up, Peter Pan! Count Chocula! Look, we've been to a million weddings and you know what? We've rocked them all.
- Photo: New Line Cinema244 VOTES
Go Comatose
Mr. Kroeger: That's it! Go comatose for me, baby.
- Photo: New Line Cinema258 VOTES
Love Doesn't Exist
John Beckwith: [To children] Love doesn't exist, that's what I'm trying to tell you guys. And I'm not picking on love, 'cause I don't think friendship exists either.
