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Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny Paperback – International Edition, May 10, 2016

by Holly Madison (Author)
Goodreads Choice Award nominee
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The real, untold, and unvarnished story of life inside the legendary Playboy Mansion—and the man who holds the key—from the woman who was Hef’s #1 girlfriend and star of The Girls Next Door.

A spontaneous decision at age twenty-one transformed small-town Oregon girl Holly Sue Cullen into Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner’s #1 girlfriend. But like Alice in Wonderland after she plunged down the rabbit hole, what seemed like a fairytale life inside the Playboy Mansion—including A-list celebrity parties and her own #1-rated television show—quickly devolved into an oppressive routine of strict rules, manipulation, and battles with ambitious, backstabbing bunnies. Losing her identity, her sense of self-worth, and her hope for the future, Holly found herself sitting alone in a bathtub contemplating suicide.

But instead of ending her life, Holly chose to take charge of it.

In this shockingly candid and surprisingly moving memoir, this thoughtful and introspective woman opens up about life inside the Mansion, the drugs, the sex and the infamous parties, as well as what her relationships with her Girls Next Door co-stars, Bridget and Kendra were really like. Holly talks candidly about a subsequent abusive relationship, her own successful television series, and the hard work of healing, including her turn on Dancing with the Stars. A cautionary tale and a celebration of personal empowerment, Down the Rabbit Hole reminds us of the importance of fighting for our dreams—and finding the life we deserve.

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  1. Print length
    352 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Dey Street Books
  4. Publication date
    May 10, 2016
  5. ISBN-10
    0062569082
  6. ISBN-13
    978-0062569080
  7. See all details
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  1. What's it about?

    A woman's memoir of her time in the Playboy Mansion, including the dark side of the lifestyle and her path to healing.

  2. Popular highlight

    This is an important note: a man has to already know what he wants. Don’t waste your time trying to change someone’s mind. It never works.
    444 Kindle readers highlighted this

  3. Popular highlight

    Maybe I wasn’t defined by the mistakes I had made after all ... maybe those decisions were what allowed me to become the person I was always destined to be.
    415 Kindle readers highlighted this

  4. Popular highlight

    In a few short months, I had gone from a friendly, optimistic, confident woman to a confused girl with a nervous stammer who second-guessed every thought that went through her head and rationalized every bad decision she made.
    300 Kindle readers highlighted this

  5. Popular highlight

    Like Beauty locked up in the Beast’s castle, I developed my own brand of Stockholm syndrome, identifying with my captor.
    265 Kindle readers highlighted this

  6. Popular highlight

    “I don’t care about money, I just want to be wonderful,” was a Marilyn Monroe quote I lived by.
    204 Kindle readers highlighted this
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Fascinating.” — AV Club

“Reads like a celebrity memoir infused with The Bell Jar and Going Clear.” — Buzzfeed

From the Back Cover

Lost in Wonderland . . .

A fairy-tale dream that became a nightmare, and a woman whose strength helped her find a way out to the other side

At 21, small-town Oregon girl Holly Cullen became Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner’s number one girlfriend. But like Alice’s journey into Wonderland, Holly’s plunge down the rabbit hole took her to a world where all was not as it seemed. The fairy-tale life inside the Playboy Mansion—which included A-list celebrity parties and starring in a number one television show—quickly devolved into an oppressive routine of strict rules, manipulation, and battles with ambitious, backstabbing Bunnies that nearly drove Holly to take her own life.

Down the Rabbit Hole is her introspective account of her time inside the Mansion: the drugs, abuse, infamous parties, and Holly’s real behind-the-scenes life with Bridget, Kendra, and Mr. Playboy himself. It is also her chronicle of healing and hope. By telling her story, both a cautionary tale and a celebration of personal empowerment, Holly reminds us of the importance of fighting for our dreams—and of finding the life we deserve.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Dey Street Books (May 10, 2016)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 352 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0062569082
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0062569080
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 10.8 ounces
  • Customer Reviews:

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  1. Holly Madison

    Holly Madison

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    Holly Madison spent five seasons on the #1 rated E! hit reality show The Girls Next Door before landing the leading role in the Las Vegas Strip's smash hit, Peepshow. She also starred in two seasons of her own hit E! series Holly’s World. Madison divides her time between Las Vegas and Los Angeles with her husband and daughter.

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  2. Leslie Anne Bruce

    Leslie Anne Bruce

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Customer reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
4.2 out of 5
17,066 global ratings
Hef legend regardless of sins
5 Stars
Hef legend regardless of sins
But this is the most honest book out along with CRYSTALS TO SHOW TRUTH BUT WE STILL THINK IT'S COMICAL LOL HIGHLY RECOMMEND MOST RESPECT SHOWN TO HEF FROM THIS LADY OF ALL LADIES THE TRUE BEST WIFE EVER IF MR. HEFNER #UPTHEREwithMissMonroe #AAgetcleannow
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Top reviews from the United States

Benji
5.0 out of 5 stars An Inspirational Story, Well Written, and Very Relatable
Reviewed in the United States on July 5, 2015
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I rarely write reviews, but honestly, I thought Holly's book was both insanely entertaining and inspiring and dare I say, a feministic inspiration. I can see why it's a New York Times Bestseller. I was an occasional watcher of Girl's Next Door years ago, but it was Amazon's email prompt that encouraged me to purchase this book. It sounded juicy and fun so I bought the Kindle version, not really expecting to take that much out of it other than an entertaining read before bed.

I think her mass appeal to so many women, in combination with all the dramatic juicy details of her mansion life has contributed to this book's success. I wasn't expecting to identify so much with Holly but I did. I, like many women, am largely non-confrontational, have a good heart, and have met my fair share of mean girls. There have been times when I too have felt overshadowed by a man, and her story is inspirational because it's relatable. How many women out there are sick of their identities being tied to their husband's or a man's? Holly's is an extreme version but she nevertheless hits on a problem that's not uncommon.

Holly is intelligent and smart and its reflected well in the clarity of her writing. I'm shocked she made it 7 years in the mansion. The way this book is set up is rather simple but clever. She sets the story up as the ultimate underdog story. Small town girl moves to LA and encounters villain after villain. Her weakness is a lack of self-esteem though that quickly became eroded. But she triumphs over some very mean girls and some men who want nothing more than to selfishly use her and keep her in her place. You can't help but cheer for her!

At times it kinda felt like reading The Other Boleyn Girl, or a similar novel about European court and women's roles during the 16th century or so. Her freedom was so limited and it's nearly impossible to imagine she had a 9PM curfew for 7 years and endured what amounts to essentially emotional abuse.

At times I wanted to shake her and ask why didn't you just leave if you're so unhappy?! But she does a fairly good job at explaining her story although it's hard to fully understand her rationalizations for staying at the mansion for so long. She said she convinced herself she stayed for love, but I can't see how.

Moral of the story: haters love to hate on those the most who shine the brightest. Holly's clearly a bright girl and was obviously the most beautiful and level headed at the mansion. It's sad to think she let her self esteem become so dependent upon a man who clearly didn't see her as an equal. But fortunately the story ends with lots of acquired wisdom and a happily ever after!
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katarinaism
4.0 out of 5 stars what would motivate someone to live there (other than the obvious material gains) and were they really in love with him
Reviewed in the United States on September 26, 2015
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Though I've never been a Playboy fan or ever really a watcher of GND (though on the few episodes I did catch, I always found Holly to be the most intriguing of the bunch), Holly Madison's memoir piqued my interest. I grew up in Vegas, so the stories of parties and clubs were always in the air and I remember hearing about her getting the role on Peepshow a few years back.

So when she wrote a memoir, my interest was piqued, not so much because she was a Playboy girl, but because she had left and was writing about her experiences. I think most readers -including myself - wonder, what would motivate someone to live there (other than the obvious material gains) and were they really in love with him, or just pretending, or just deluding themselves into feeling that way? Were they truly happy, or did they fall into a comfortable situation and find it too difficult to orchestrate a departure? Did they mind sharing their 'boyfriend' or was it actually better that way, taking some of the pressure off of fulfilling all of his needs? Lots of questions. On the few times I saw GND, they always seemed to be upbeat and pleasant with each other, though one would surmise that there were more tensions than were exposed on the show.

Holly's story starts with the typical small-town-girl trying to make it into Hollywood as an actress, though one thing that impressed me about her was that she worked to pay for college courses while pursuing acting - and she wasn't putting all her eggs in the 'making it as a movie star' basket, at least initially. She denotes a longstanding wish to be a Playmate, because Marilyn Monroe, one of her idols, was featured in the magazine back in its heyday, and illustrates how her day job at Hooters eventually led her to invitations to the Mansion. From there, she details how mansion parties eventually lead her into the 'girlfriend' gig, and how her financial instability contributed to her seeking residence in the Mansion. As expected, there's tons of tales about drugs, club nights, and cattiness amongst the various girlfriends who all seem to be seeking the same thing - Playmate status, the sort of apparently elusive white whale of the Playboy world. The debauchery and cattiness was something I would have expected given the nature of their roles. Though naively, I didn't realize how difficult it was for the girls to become playmates (as I would have expected it'd be part of the girlfriend deal). However, Holly corrects my assumption by stating that Hefner avoided making the mansion girls Playmates, as their desperate wishes to become Playmates was a tool he could use to keep them in line. Another thing I didn't expect was the strict guidelines that the girlfriends had to follow, including a curfew, strict allowance, and adherence to attending all the events (including the more sordid ones such as 'bedroom nights') that Hefner planned. From the carefree reputation Playboy has with the public, this was surprising to me. The rest of the book chronicles Holly's path out of the mansion and into a life that she creates for herself, including a successful career in show business.

One thing that makes this book particularly interesting is Holly's insight - she thoroughly concedes that she fell for the glamour of the house 'hook, line and sinker', she acknowledges her role in creating her predicament and takes responsibility for her actions, which is admirable. She doesn't devolve into getting too graphic, but she realizes throughout certain parts of the book that she's lost sight of her sense of self. She realizes the manipulation going on in the house (in one shocking anecdote, she notes Hefner scorning her indelibly for wearing red lipstick, then later telling fellow girlfriend Kendra that it looks "absolutely wonderful" on her). In another, Hefner disturbingly calls Quaaludes (a sedative hypnotic meant for insomnia, but frequently misused as a club drug) "thigh openers". Fortunately, she's able to eventually leave and move on to a more fulfilling life for herself, but not without some sordid memories to show for it. Throughout the book, Holly details the cattiness of the other girls in the house. The fact that she really spent her formative years in the house (though she was in her early twenties, she spent the majority of her early 20's living in the mansion) surrounded by a bunch of women all seemingly trying to bring each other down seemed to have instilled in her a potentially unhealthy sense of competition with other women. Even towards the end of the book, she notes that her successful reality TV show (Holly's World) gets better ratings than fellow GND star Kendra's show. I wondered why she felt the need to compare herself to other women throughout the book, as she clearly was successful in and of herself, without making those references. It was sad but understandable that she felt so wary of other females.

Overall, I found this book to be fascinating and surprisingly well written. I'm not typically a reader of celeb memoirs (truly, I'm a medical resident who picks up fun reads that catch my eye) and so this book was a random, but interesting find. The thing that makes this memoir different is that Holly truly seems to be in on the joke the whole time - she always acknowledges how crazy her life seems to the outside public, how the public questioned her motives and scrutinized her looks, and that she struggled to be taken seriously both inside and outside the house, even after she left - but in the end she seems to have made a real, fulfilling life for herself.
19 people found this helpful
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J'lene Beverage
5.0 out of 5 stars fun and quirky read!
Reviewed in the United States on April 28, 2024
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Holly dishes the daily happenings of her mansion days and the pain and damage caused by the same. She shares all the love and anxiety that led her to her happy ending! Kudos to her for reinventing herself as the strong confident woman she is!
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Top reviews from other countries

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Brianda Peñúñuri Ezrré
5.0 out of 5 stars Beautiful book
Reviewed in Mexico on February 28, 2023
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Really enjoyable and nice narrative, great work from Holly Madison to sharing her life experience. The real experience, we didn't knew about.
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BeautyLover1991
5.0 out of 5 stars Surprised & impressed by Holly's writing and story-telling skills
Reviewed in Canada on October 15, 2021
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So far I'm a bit less than halfway through the book but am LOVING IT! I finished the entire series of Girls Next Door before starting this book and am enjoying every second of the scandal! I am extremely surprised and impressed by Holly's writing and story-telling skills. I did not expect her to be this good, and if I'm not mistaken, I don't think she had a ghost-writer like some celebrities do. This book is really good and I can't wait to finish it! I highly recommend this book and I'll definitely be purchasing her other books in the near future.
3 people found this helpful
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Barbara.
5.0 out of 5 stars Pettegolo su un mondo, la Playboy Maison di Hugh Hefner, ancora impossibile da realizzare in Italia.
Reviewed in Italy on November 15, 2021
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Preso in Amazon Usato a meno di 3,00, arrivato in ottimo stato, senza un difetto.
Sentiamo cosa ha da dirci l'ultima miracolata da quel genio di Hugh Hefner... :)))
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Leslie
5.0 out of 5 stars Interesting and complete
Reviewed in France on December 25, 2019
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Lots of details, complete storyline, insightful and well written with a nice lesson in the end. I recommend this for the GND fans.
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Derya von Toberen
5.0 out of 5 stars Kurzweilige Unterhaltung und zusätzliche Infos für Interessierte
Reviewed in Germany on December 7, 2018
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Nachdem ich eine Staffel von The Girls of the Playboy Mansion (Originaltitel: The Girls Next Door) damals gesehen habe, fragte ich mich, wie es wohl hinter den Kulissen der sogn. Reality-Show zugeht. Vor allen Dingen interessierte mich die Beziehung der Frauen untereinander und die wirkliche Rolle von Hugh Hefner in dem Szenario. Klar, das Buch ist lediglich aus dem Blickwinkel von Holly geschrieben, doch bei der Lektüre (habe es im Original gelesen, da durch Übersetzungen manchmal Feinheiten verloren gehen) fiel auf, dass Holly durchaus selbstreflexiv sein kann und sich um Objektivität bemüht, auch wenn ihr dies nicht immer gelingt. Dabei ist das Buch zwar leicht lesbar geschrieben, ihm fehlt aber trotzdem nicht das gewisse Etwas.
Natürlich gibt es einige Diskrepanzen zwischen der Serie, sowie Holly's Izabella St. James' und Kendras Version der Geschichte, wobei ich das Gefühl hatte, dass jede sich selbst natürlich im besten Licht dastehen lassen wollte, dies Holly jedoch am besten gelingt. Die Wahrheit liegt wohl irgendwo dazwischen ;) Mich würde durchaus Bridgets Version interessieren.
Hugh Hefner kommt in Hollys Geschichte natürlich nicht so gut weg, doch sie betont immer wieder, dass sie das Buch nur geschrieben hat, um andere junge Frauen zu warnen und Ihre Geschichte zu erzählen und nicht um schmutzige Wäsche zu waschen. Ob das zu 100% stimmt, kann man am besten beurteilen, in dem man es selbst liest...
4 people found this helpful
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