How to Deal With Stalkers

Each year, an estimated 6 to 7.5 million people are stalked in the United States. Aside from causing emotional and psychological distress, stalking also can lead to physical and sexual violence.

If you have experienced stalking, it is important to learn more about how to deal with stalkers. Recognizing the signs and proactively protecting yourself can help you stay safe. However, learning how to exercise your legal options is also essential.

How to Recognize Stalking

When most people think of stalking, they probably imagine a stranger prowling around a person's house at night, showing up at their office uninvited, or following a person from place to place. But stalking involves so much more than just following someone around.

Oftentimes, the person stalking another makes threats or intends to harm the person in some way. Additionally, stalking also can occur online as well, and this version is often called cyberstalking.

Examples of Stalking

Some examples of stalking include:

• Non-consensual communication
• Sending unwanted gifts
• Leaving bizarre items for the target
• Following the target
• Lying in wait for the target
• Damaging the target's property
• Making threats
• Defaming the target's character
• Harassing the target online
• Posting false information online
• Spreading rumors
  

How Often Stalking Occurs

According to the Centers for Disease Control, stalking is fairly common, with 1 in 6 women and 1 in 17 men experiencing stalking in some form during their lifetime. Nearly 54% of female targets and 41% of male targets who have been stalked experienced this menacing behavior before age 25.

What's more, almost half of people who are stalked experience at least one unwanted contact per week. And, 11% of those targeted are stalked for five years or longer.

In fact, nearly 50% of people who were stalked experience one or more violent incidents. Meanwhile, 31% of women who were stalked by an intimate partner were also sexually assaulted.

Consequences of Stalking

Research shows stalking can lead to depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as well as injury and even death. In fact, about 68% of female and 70% of male victims experienced threats of physical harm during their lifetime.

Because there are so many unknowns with stalking—such as not knowing when the person stalking you will show up or what they might do—stalking can create a great deal of fear and uncertainty.

Stalking also can cause those who are targeted to lose sleep as well as time at work. As many as 1 in 8 of those who are stalked miss work, while 1 in 7 moves as a result of being victimized. Stalking also causes high levels of anxiety and social dysfunction.

How to Deal With Stalking

Stalking consists of repeated and unwanted attention that can make you feel afraid, unsafe, and stressed out. For this reason, it can sometimes be hard to know what to do in order to feel safer and cope with the negative impact of stalking.

But if you are proactive and implement some safety strategies and ask for help from friends and family members as well as local law enforcement, it should help ease your concerns.

Safety Strategies for Dealing With Stalkers

When it comes to stalking, there are some things you can do to make your life a little safer. In addition to going out in groups, keeping your home locked, and being aware of your surroundings, here are some other safety strategies to help you deal with the stalking you're experiencing.

Go to a Safe Location

Find a safe place to go if someone is following you. For instance, go to the nearest police station or fire station, a friend's house, a public place, or a shelter. Know where these locations are in your community and how to get there.

Always Carry Your Phone

Carry your cell phone with you at all times and keep it charged. You want to be able to call for help if you need to.

Trust Your Instincts

If you feel like something is wrong or unsafe, trust your gut. Consider leaving the uncomfortable situation, even if nothing is happening at the moment. Usually, your instincts or gut reaction is your first warning that you're in danger.

Vary Your Routes and Your Routines

If you always take the same route to work or walk your dog at the same time every day, these patterns make it easier for a stalker to find you and monitor your activities. Try to take different routes and vary your routine.

Exercise With a Buddy

If you enjoy running, hiking, biking, or walking, you should consider getting a buddy to work out with. Exercising alone or in secluded areas like bike trails or in parks can put you at risk when it comes to stalking.

Travel With Others

Try not to go too many places alone. Although it may be difficult to have someone with you at all times, the less time you are alone when you're out, the better.

For example, ask your friends or family members to accompany you if you need to walk to your car after dark or invite a friend to go shopping with you.

Be Cautious of What You Post Online

Even if you have blocked the person stalking you online, there are ways for them to see what you're up to. So, be sure you are not sharing too many details about your life.

Consider Taking a Self-Defense Class

Although the best defense is to put distance between you and the person stalking you, you want to be sure you know how to defend yourself in case they catch you by surprise or there is no way out. Taking a self-defense class also can help you feel more empowered and self-confident.

Create a Safety Plan

Even though you are likely not living with the person stalking you, a safety plan can help you prepare for different scenarios and strategize on how to stay safe. Plus, going through the steps can help you feel empowered and like you are taking control of your situation.

Do Not Engage With Their Contact Efforts

Refrain from responding to emails and messages. In general, it's best not to respond to someone who is stalking you. Don't answer their emails, texts, phone calls, messages, or even just to tell them to stop. Any type of response, even an angry one, could be encouraging to the person stalking you.

Seek Counseling

If you are currently being stalked, it's important that you take care of your mental health. Stalking is a traumatic experience and many of those targeted experience depressive disorders or PTSD.

Strategies For Home, School, and Work

Regardless of whether you are at home, work, or school, there is a possibility that the person stalking you could show up or contact you in some way. For this reason, it's important to think about how you can stay safe in each of these locations.

Here are some tips for staying safe at home, school, and work:

Secure Your Home

Make sure your home is secure. Invest in alarms, video doorbells, security systems, and locks to keep your home as secure as possible if you can.

Park in Well-Lit and Well-Populated Areas

If you have a car that you use for work or entertainment, be sure that you are cautious about where you park and ask someone to walk you to your car if you're ever concerned. Once inside your car or your home, pull the door closed and lock it immediately.

Let People Know You're Being Stalked

Whether it's your employer, neighbors, or classmates, make sure they know that you are being harassed. Although it might be a little embarrassing at first to talk about, it's important that you keep other people informed so that they can watch out for you.

For instance, a neighbor might notice someone sneaking around your house and alert you and the police. Or a classmate might notice a strange person lurking outside of class and let you know.

Identify Escape Routes

Knowing how you could get out of your home, your office, or your classroom is important, should the person stalking you break in or arrive unannounced. If you know ahead of time how you could escape, you won't waste time thinking of a plan. You will already know what to do.

Legal Options for Dealing With Stalkers

Keep in mind that stalking is a crime in all 50 states. Even though it is not always considered a felony, with only one-third of states classifying it as a felony after the first offense, there are other factors that could elevate the charges.

Regardless, if you are being stalked, it's important to notify the police and file an official complaint. Here are some other steps you can take to help you feel safe.

Create a Stalking Log

Keep track of when and where the stalking occurs, including any witnesses. Write down the date, time, and location as well as how it made you feel. This information will be useful for police officers as well as an attorney should you need to get someone involved.

File a Complaint With the Police

Make sure you let them know about any stalking that has occurred as well as threats of violence and damage to your property. Even if there is nothing they can do initially, you will have a complaint on file should the stalking continue or escalate in some way.

Seek a Restraining Order

Ask if you can get a restraining order or an order of protection. Although laws vary by state, most people who have been stalked two or more times can get an order of protection, which requires the person stalking you to stay away from you.

Document Evidence

Save evidence of stalking and online harassment. This evidence might include emails, notes, gifts, videos from security systems, voicemail messages, text messages, social media posts, or anything that demonstrates that the person is contacting you consistently and without permission.

Takeaway

When it comes to stalking, a lot of people assume that if they just ignore the behavior that it will eventually go away. Unfortunately, that rarely happens. Keep in mind that people who stalk others are already violating boundaries and making their targets feel unsafe. For this reason, it's important to take steps to protect yourself as well as involve local law enforcement.

You also should consider getting the help of a mental health professional. What you're experiencing is significant, and it can impact your mental health in a number of ways.

For instance, depression, anxiety, and even PTSD are common responses to this type of experience. A trained professional can help you process your feelings as well as offer guidance and support as you manage this situation.