To call Mary Trump’s book a “tell-all” does the author and her subject a disservice. This is a rich, probing, substantive, and concise portrayal of the most dysfunctional of dysfunctional families (combine Hamlet and Lear and you still don’t have the toxicity of the Trumps). It’s worth supporting Mary Trump in this endeavor for many reasons, such as the fact that she holds undergraduate and Master’s degrees in English literature as well as a Ph.D. in psychology. She is legit, not just someone who wanted to make a buck and grabbed a ghost writer in order to do it.
The clips from the book as presented in the media have been solid, but you’re still only getting the Spark Notes that way. Reading the entirety of the memoir– like delving into any long form piece – allows you an *experience*. For most of us, an experience living with the Trump family doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun. But for me it was worth it because it allowed me to “be there,” and now I can see DT’s pathologies with a much clearer lens. I can actually picture him at two years old, his mother in the hospital for an extended period of time, a helpless child being raised by a sociopathic father. If it weren’t for all the people he has harmed, I would actually feel bad for the guy. And if you were ever to wish a sentence of hell-on-earth to anyone, it would be that they would have to live Donald Trump’s life. It’s the worst imaginable existence, and so sad.
I’ve long believed that the discipline of psychology needs to be much more heavily emphasized when examining topics in any field of study. Its absence from our examination of disciplines such as politics, economics, philosophy, and literature weakens our understanding of said disciplines. Why the omission? The Goldwater rule? Because psychology is still largely a soft science? There’s no good reason. Psychology requires that we understand the underpinnings of human behavior, including human motivation. It takes us to the roots, the fundamentals, and the barest bones of who we are. Like this book, it provides answers.
Over the past few years, I’ve been frustrated to watch even the most astute of political pundits offer psychology-free observations of the Trump presidency. Let’s go back to 2016 – how many people thought DT would “pivot” to greater reasonableness once he was in office? Those not dialed in to the basics of human psychology did. The rest of us recognized we were watching an emotionally damaged three year old who would never recover from his hour long temper tantrum. How about the failure of trickle down economics? You could spend years studying economic theory without uncovering the fundamental psychological truth that when rich people get money they simply don’t shower it down on everyone else. The field of psychology understands this ; the field of classical economics had no ability to figure it out.
That is, in my view, Mary Trump’s great contribution to the historical study of Donald Trump and his presidency. She is a psychologist, and she implicitly makes the argument that an educated citizenry views systems through the lens of psychology. (I don’t know if she would share this view ; early in the book she criticizes armchair psychologists – among others – for “missing the mark” and using easy labels like “malignant narcissism.”) If future televised political round tables increasingly include someone who can invite us to view our political system psychologically (and I don’t mean Dr. Phil types… I mean those who are actually qualified to do so), then we will be an improved culture and a wiser democracy. I hope schools will better emphasize the teaching of psychology to students, both as a required subject as well as a lens through which to view all other subjects.
Regarding the book itself, it’s not solely about Donald Trump. It’s about the family, and it stars as its three principle characters Fred the father, Freddie the sympathetic son, and Donald the unholy spirit. In fact (plot spoiler here, if there is such a thing), the first half of the book is much more Freddie’s story than it is Donald’s. It often reminded me of Tara Westover’s memoir *Educated*. Unlike the Trumps, the real-life characters in Westover’s family memoir are not famous, and yet the family’s story of dysfunction is no less gripping. In fact, if Mary Trump’s book were a work of fiction it would still be a fascinating story and imagined case study.
I am must struck by the hollowness of the Trump family. Note that I used the word hollow, not shallow. Shallow indicates that there’s at least *something* there even if it doesn’t run too deep, whereas hollow is the sound of a chest rattling with bronchitis. I’ve noticed this with Donald Trump’s speeches for a while – he riffs, but not with the brilliance of Robin Williams. Trump just doesn’t seem to talk about anything. It’s an engine revving with no gas. Interests and hobbies in the family? Nothing. Everyone I’ve ever met has a plate of interests, be it music, the outdoors, building things, watching sports, exploring astronomy… something. Not Fred and Donald. Nothing. Nada. Nada again. They just float from phone call to meeting to cruelty to philandering to minimal sleep to more of the same the next day. They are the hollow men. If you are a conscientious person sickened by how vapid many powerful people can be, you’ll definitely feel that nausea when reading these pages.
I’ve also been impressed by Mary Trump’s interviews. Her facts are consistent, she comes across as credible, and she doesn’t seem to have worked with some PR firm to look and sound like a celebrity. She reveals herself as truthful, natural, unvarnished, and maybe even a bit socially awkward. Refreshing qualities actually.
Kudos also to Mary Trump for not being talked into writing a 400 page book, which she may have been tempted to do and probably could have done. The approximately 200 pages was the perfect size – rich information but not overburdened by detail.
I did find some areas that could have been better edited and probably would have been had the book not been pushed out far sooner than originally planned. These are small glitches like unclear pronouns or areas requiring re-reading because the chronology becomes confusing.
Questions I would ask Mary Trump if I could :
1) When did you form a full awareness of how dysfunctional your family was, and why?
2) If Donald could have been adopted on the day he was born, how do you think he would have turned out differently? How much of his emotional damage is a result of his upbringing (nurture) and how much is a result of his temperament (nature, yet nature too since he nevertheless inherited the DNA from his parents).
3) Since you so dislike Donald and voted for Hillary Clinton, I’m confused at to why you attended the family dinner at the White House in April of 2017 and told Donald (of his critics) “don’t let them get you down.” Those sound like the words of a supporter.
4) Acting as objectively as possible, how would you assess your father Freddie’s character? He certainly seems morally stronger than others in the family, but I still found myself questioning whether he possessed core decency.
5) Why do you think you “survived” this family? What allowed you to develop morally, intellectually, and emotionally despite all of the dysfunction?
So this is a must-read. When you’re done, you may be reminded of these words from F. Scott Fitzgerald : “They were careless people… they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.”
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Reviews with images
Excellent
An incredibly well written book and hugely informative. Totally worth buying and reading! Hugely informative. Totally worth buying and reading!
Top reviews from other countries
Marco J. Meyer
Ein kluges Buch, das aber von den falschen Leuten gelesen wird
Reviewed in Germany on August 23, 2023