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The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World Hardcover – March 18, 2014


Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Nobel Peace Prize winner, Chair of The Elders, and Chair of South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission, along with his daughter, the Reverend Mpho Tutu, offer a manual on the art of forgiveness—helping us to realize that we are all capable of healing and transformation.

Tutu's role as the Chair of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission taught him much about forgiveness. If you asked anyone what they thought was going to happen to South Africa after apartheid, almost universally it was predicted that the country would be devastated by a comprehensive bloodbath. Yet, instead of revenge and retribution, this new nation chose to tread the difficult path of confession, forgiveness, and reconciliation.

Each of us has a deep need to forgive and to be forgiven. After much reflection on the process of forgiveness, Tutu has seen that there are four important steps to healing: Admitting the wrong and acknowledging the harm; Telling one's story and witnessing the anguish; Asking for forgiveness and granting forgiveness; and renewing or releasing the relationship. Forgiveness is hard work. Sometimes it even feels like an impossible task. But it is only through walking this fourfold path that Tutu says we can free ourselves of the endless and unyielding cycle of pain and retribution. The Book of Forgiving is both a touchstone and a tool, offering Tutu's wise advice and showing the way to experience forgiveness. Ultimately, forgiving is the only means we have to heal ourselves and our aching world.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“A primer for not only finding the path for healing ourselves and the world, but for restoring balance in our biology, mind, and spirit.” — Deepak Chopra, author of What Are You Hungry For?

“Includes instructions on how to forgive, as well as scientific and moral reasons to do so. No one is unforgiveable; it takes a moral icon such as Tutu to credibly assert this. . . . This book belongs on nightstands, shelves, and altars everywhere.” — Publishers Weekly (starred review)

“There is no one who embodies the virtue of forgiveness like Desmond Tutu. With this book, he and his daughter take forgiveness out of the realm of mystery and offer a handbook on forgiveness, revealing this most exacting and freeing of human capacities in all its complexity and transformative achievability.” — Krista Tippett, Host/Executive Producer of On Being

“What better guides and teachers on forgiveness than Bishop Tutu and his daughter who have lived faithfully through the hardest most demanding days of South Africa! This book meets an urgent need among us, and does so with wisdom, realism, and generosity.” — Walter Brueggemann, author of The Prophetic Imagination

“Desmond Tutu shows each of us how to transform our pain and sorrow into hope and confidence in the future. Whether you are the head of a country or the head of a household, you will cherish his words.” — Nelson Mandela, former president of South Africa and Nobel Peace Prize recipient

“For decades [Tutu] has been a moral titan―a voice of principle, an unrelenting champion of justice, and a dedicated peacemaker . . . an outspoken voice for freedom and justice in countries across the globe; a staunch defender of the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender persons.” — President Barack Obama

“[Tutu’s] unofficial legacy will be his life and the story of how this tiny pastor with a huge laugh from South Africa became our global guardian.” — TIME

“Archbishop Tutu has the ability to see our shared humanity in each person he meets, and to get us to do the same.” — Bill Clinton

“Archbishop Desmond Tutu, like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. before him, has offered us a luminous vision of love and hope. With his great warmth and compassion, Archbishop Tutu offers a spiritual message that if heeded can change lives as well as history.” — Jimmy Carter

“I have the highest regard for my good and trusted friend Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I admire him for the wonderful, warm person he is and especially for the human principles he upholds.” — His Holiness the Dalai Lama

“One thing I have learned from [Tutu] . . . is that he has that constant and persistent faith that things can be better and we can do something about it. We should not find excuses not to act or not to speak out.” — Kofi Annan, former secretary-general of the United Nations and winner of the Nobel Peace Prize in 2001

“Desmond Tutu has walked the talk all his adult life. We can all be grateful that, together with his daughter Mpho, he has now shared his secrets for why he has so much hope and joy.” — Mary Robinson, former president of Ireland

“I doubt there is anyone on this Earth with a deeper sense of God’s presence and goodness than Archbishop Tutu.” — Thomas Cahill, author of How the Irish Saved Civilization and The Gifts of the Jews.

“[Tutu] was not just an anti-apartheid worker. . . . He was somebody who had thought very deeply about spiritual values and had applied them to what he was doing. In some ways that reminded me of Gandhi.” — Daw Aung San Suu Kyi, winner of the Nobel Peace Prize

“Bishop Tutu and his daughter Mpho reveal groundbreaking insights as to how to acknowledge and resolve our lifelong burdens of anguish and pain towards a new paradigm of transformative healing.” — Annie Lennox

“I am lost for words to express my appreciation for this book … Desmond Tutu and his daughter show clearly that suffering, while always painful, need not destroy.” — Terry Waite, CBE

From the Back Cover

How do I forgive?

Nobel laureate Archbishop Desmond Tutu has witnessed some of the worst crimes people can inflict on others. So wherever he goes, he inevitably gets asked this question. This book is his answer. Writing with his daughter, Mpho, an Anglican priest, they lay out the simple but profound truths about the significance of forgiveness, how it works, why everyone needs to know how to grant it and receive it, and why granting forgiveness is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves when we have been wronged.

They explain the four-step process of forgiveness—Telling the Story, Naming the Hurt, Granting Forgiveness, and Renewing or Releasing the Relationship—as well as offer meditations, exercises, and prayers to guide the reader along the way.

"With each act of forgiveness, whether small or great, we move toward wholeness," they write. "Forgiveness is how we bring peace to ourselves and our world."

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ HarperOne; First Edition (March 18, 2014)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 240 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0062203568
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0062203564
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 11.5 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.85 x 8.25 inches
  • Customer Reviews:

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Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
1,914 global ratings
This book took me a year to read. Worth it.
5 Stars
This book took me a year to read. Worth it.
This book will take time. At least it took me almost a year to read through. It has required much of me, while at the same time giving so much life. The Book of Forgiving is about the fourfold part of forgiving: telling the story, naming the hurt, granting forgiveness, and renewing or releasing the relationship. This is a book that I think I will keep for life. I can see it being a resource for when I am needing to forgive, when I need ask for forgiveness, or forgive myself. These notes are for myself and a way to distill what I learned and remember from the book. It’s a way for me to process what I internalized and have been practicing. At the end of each chapter there are poems, things to remember, meditations, and exercises. The exercises are not a walk in the park and some can’t be done in a day. In fact, I would say that it’s not a linear read. I read the book to cover to cover but there are several pages that I dog-eared to go back to when I have the space in my journey. I’m taking my time, but not too much time. I love this book and the way that it presents forgiveness. I love that it is all about truth. There is not genuine forgiveness, and therefore no genuine healing, without genuine truth. It’s what sets us all free. Read this. It will take emotional, mental, and spiritual energy. It will take time and effort. It may rock your world for a while, but oh the peace. -HBR
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on January 23, 2020
Forgiveness is a difficult trait for me to master. I find myself holding grudges towards someone making a snide comment or looking at me funny. There are also moments where I feel that a person has wronged me in more serious ways, and those grudges are even harder to free myself of. These emotions have done me no favors, and I would do well to let them go. But that is much easier said than done. In this book, Desmond Tutu and his daughter Mpho instruct how to forgive and how to be forgiven.

I know that I will refer back to this book when I find myself in dark times. With clarity and powerful anecdotes, the authors delineate what you must do in order to forgive someone in a way that makes sense and is easy to implement. There are tangible steps that one can take to forgive, and the authors lay out those steps in a way that is grounded and understandable. I would not call this book religious at all, but it does have moments of spirituality. These include poems and mindfulness exercises that people can use to help them forgive. None of these resonated with me, but others might find them useful. The core content of this book, though, is down to earth and never once do the authors take a holier than thou attitude (an attitude which Desmond Tutu of all people would have every right to take). I value this book because it gives me the in-the-moment thoughts and actions I must take to forgive, and also gives me answers as to why and how I must forgive. I consider this book life-changing because it can directly act on me to make me a better person.

Overall, we need to forgive for our own peace more so than for anyone else. If you find yourself in a place where you have anything from deeply ingrained grudges to severe trauma, this book might help you.
27 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on September 15, 2023
I’m so glad I got this book! Many things have happened in my life have been very difficult for me to deal with and get over. I knew I had to forgive, I just didn’t know how to do it prayer helped, but it’s still going to go away. This, but this book gives you very specific and profound advice that helping me to finally find peace.
4 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on June 14, 2022
As a Spiritual Director, I have long recognized that forgiveness plays an important part in any healing journey. This book is an wonderful resource for anyone on a journey of forgiveness or helping another on their journey. This book takes forgiving to a place that is accessible and understable. Thank you to the authors Desmond Tutu and his daughter Mpho Tutu.
3 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on March 21, 2019
This book will take time. At least it took me almost a year to read through. It has required much of me, while at the same time giving so much life. The Book of Forgiving is about the fourfold part of forgiving: telling the story, naming the hurt, granting forgiveness, and renewing or releasing the relationship. This is a book that I think I will keep for life. I can see it being a resource for when I am needing to forgive, when I need ask for forgiveness, or forgive myself. These notes are for myself and a way to distill what I learned and remember from the book. It’s a way for me to process what I internalized and have been practicing. At the end of each chapter there are poems, things to remember, meditations, and exercises. The exercises are not a walk in the park and some can’t be done in a day. In fact, I would say that it’s not a linear read. I read the book to cover to cover but there are several pages that I dog-eared to go back to when I have the space in my journey. I’m taking my time, but not too much time. I love this book and the way that it presents forgiveness. I love that it is all about truth. There is not genuine forgiveness, and therefore no genuine healing, without genuine truth. It’s what sets us all free. Read this. It will take emotional, mental, and spiritual energy. It will take time and effort. It may rock your world for a while, but oh the peace. -HBR
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HBR
5.0 out of 5 stars This book took me a year to read. Worth it.
Reviewed in the United States on March 21, 2019
This book will take time. At least it took me almost a year to read through. It has required much of me, while at the same time giving so much life. The Book of Forgiving is about the fourfold part of forgiving: telling the story, naming the hurt, granting forgiveness, and renewing or releasing the relationship. This is a book that I think I will keep for life. I can see it being a resource for when I am needing to forgive, when I need ask for forgiveness, or forgive myself. These notes are for myself and a way to distill what I learned and remember from the book. It’s a way for me to process what I internalized and have been practicing. At the end of each chapter there are poems, things to remember, meditations, and exercises. The exercises are not a walk in the park and some can’t be done in a day. In fact, I would say that it’s not a linear read. I read the book to cover to cover but there are several pages that I dog-eared to go back to when I have the space in my journey. I’m taking my time, but not too much time. I love this book and the way that it presents forgiveness. I love that it is all about truth. There is not genuine forgiveness, and therefore no genuine healing, without genuine truth. It’s what sets us all free. Read this. It will take emotional, mental, and spiritual energy. It will take time and effort. It may rock your world for a while, but oh the peace. -HBR
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32 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on August 5, 2015
I ordered this book for my son after completing the Tutu Forgiveness Challenge on line. (Check out the intro video with his daughter. Delightful!) At first I found it almost simplistically silly. But as I continued to force myself to work the daily challenge, I begin to realize this simple little program was having a defined effect upon and within me. Archbishop Tutu in concert with his daughter, Reverend Mpho Tutu have compiled a successful program reflected within the pages of this little book: "a manual on the art of forgiveness—helping us to realize that we are all capable of healing and transformation."

The book was born out of the trials of South Africa. Rather than altercations after suspension of apartheid, "this new nation chose to tread the difficult path of confession, forgiveness, and reconciliation." The book takes its reader through four steps of forgiveness toward healing: admitting and acknowledging any wrong or potential harm; telling one's story and witnessing the anguish; asking for and granting forgiveness; renewing or releasing the relationship. Their simplistic method allows the participant --- IF willing --- to look deeply within their psyche, acknowledging their feelings and emotions. At times when journaling what I was feeling, I allowed myself, without judgment, to feel the anger, sadness, joy or happiness I was experiencing. And this little exercise of putting it all down on paper, allowed a tremendous release from these old issues. By the end of the 30 day program, my mental, spiritual and physical health and well-being had undergone a true transformation. For that reason alone I purchased The Book of Forgiving as a gift, hoping my son will choose to release some of the anger bottled within his soul.

RECOMMEND PRODUCT. RECOMMEND SELLER.
38 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on December 4, 2023
Much to apply to my daily life. Clear, easy to understand. Short book but many ideas.
Reviewed in the United States on February 12, 2024
Love content and fact that is written by Desmond Tutu.
One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Brenda J. Mcquade
5.0 out of 5 stars Makes you think
Reviewed in Canada on November 9, 2023
I’ve tried to be more forgiving
Noah Arthur
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read for EVERYONE
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 15, 2022
A gently, thoughtfully, and intelligently written book. We think we know what forgiving is, but really we haven’t got a clue. I bought it because I keep finding myself ruminating over past traumatic incidences. The perpetrators have probably long forgotten me, but I still wake up at 3 am and keep thinking about them and their vileness. This needs to stop. I need to let go and walk away. This book has helped immediately. If you want to bury past and move on, read this book.
7 people found this helpful
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Elaine Keane
5.0 out of 5 stars About forgiveness
Reviewed in Australia on March 6, 2024
This was purchased as part of a group study project.
.
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read for everyone!
Reviewed in India on March 16, 2017
Because everyone needs forgiveness in life- to forgive and be forgiven, we need both at some point in life.

This book is both - a friend and a journal or a journey with a dear friend teaching us how to break through the icy stuff in our hearts and learn to live and love again- with complete workbook with exercises and homework! Desmond Tutu's narrative is very gentle and we can feel it in all its vulnerability when he shares his personal stories.

The main take away for me was learning how to forgive people who are not sorry. One of the quotes I came across was,"Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past."

This book deserves a place in all bookshelves!
3 people found this helpful
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Daniela Hartmann
5.0 out of 5 stars Der Weg der Vergebung
Reviewed in Germany on August 30, 2016
Ein eindrucksvolles Buch, dass lebensnah beschreibt was Vergebung bedeutet und wie wir sie in unser Leben einladen können. Es hat mich tief in meinem Herzen berührt!
One person found this helpful
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