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The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World Hardcover – March 18, 2014
Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Nobel Peace Prize winner, Chair of The Elders, and Chair of South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission, along with his daughter, the Reverend Mpho Tutu, offer a manual on the art of forgiveness—helping us to realize that we are all capable of healing and transformation.
Tutu's role as the Chair of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission taught him much about forgiveness. If you asked anyone what they thought was going to happen to South Africa after apartheid, almost universally it was predicted that the country would be devastated by a comprehensive bloodbath. Yet, instead of revenge and retribution, this new nation chose to tread the difficult path of confession, forgiveness, and reconciliation.
Each of us has a deep need to forgive and to be forgiven. After much reflection on the process of forgiveness, Tutu has seen that there are four important steps to healing: Admitting the wrong and acknowledging the harm; Telling one's story and witnessing the anguish; Asking for forgiveness and granting forgiveness; and renewing or releasing the relationship. Forgiveness is hard work. Sometimes it even feels like an impossible task. But it is only through walking this fourfold path that Tutu says we can free ourselves of the endless and unyielding cycle of pain and retribution. The Book of Forgiving is both a touchstone and a tool, offering Tutu's wise advice and showing the way to experience forgiveness. Ultimately, forgiving is the only means we have to heal ourselves and our aching world.
- Print length240 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherHarperOne
- Publication dateMarch 18, 2014
- Dimensions5.5 x 0.85 x 8.25 inches
- ISBN-100062203568
- ISBN-13978-0062203564
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Editorial Reviews
Review
“A primer for not only finding the path for healing ourselves and the world, but for restoring balance in our biology, mind, and spirit.” — Deepak Chopra, author of What Are You Hungry For?
“Includes instructions on how to forgive, as well as scientific and moral reasons to do so. No one is unforgiveable; it takes a moral icon such as Tutu to credibly assert this. . . . This book belongs on nightstands, shelves, and altars everywhere.” — Publishers Weekly (starred review)
“There is no one who embodies the virtue of forgiveness like Desmond Tutu. With this book, he and his daughter take forgiveness out of the realm of mystery and offer a handbook on forgiveness, revealing this most exacting and freeing of human capacities in all its complexity and transformative achievability.” — Krista Tippett, Host/Executive Producer of On Being
“What better guides and teachers on forgiveness than Bishop Tutu and his daughter who have lived faithfully through the hardest most demanding days of South Africa! This book meets an urgent need among us, and does so with wisdom, realism, and generosity.” — Walter Brueggemann, author of The Prophetic Imagination
“Desmond Tutu shows each of us how to transform our pain and sorrow into hope and confidence in the future. Whether you are the head of a country or the head of a household, you will cherish his words.” — Nelson Mandela, former president of South Africa and Nobel Peace Prize recipient
“For decades [Tutu] has been a moral titan―a voice of principle, an unrelenting champion of justice, and a dedicated peacemaker . . . an outspoken voice for freedom and justice in countries across the globe; a staunch defender of the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender persons.” — President Barack Obama
“[Tutu’s] unofficial legacy will be his life and the story of how this tiny pastor with a huge laugh from South Africa became our global guardian.” — TIME
“Archbishop Tutu has the ability to see our shared humanity in each person he meets, and to get us to do the same.” — Bill Clinton
“Archbishop Desmond Tutu, like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. before him, has offered us a luminous vision of love and hope. With his great warmth and compassion, Archbishop Tutu offers a spiritual message that if heeded can change lives as well as history.” — Jimmy Carter
“I have the highest regard for my good and trusted friend Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I admire him for the wonderful, warm person he is and especially for the human principles he upholds.” — His Holiness the Dalai Lama
“One thing I have learned from [Tutu] . . . is that he has that constant and persistent faith that things can be better and we can do something about it. We should not find excuses not to act or not to speak out.” — Kofi Annan, former secretary-general of the United Nations and winner of the Nobel Peace Prize in 2001
“Desmond Tutu has walked the talk all his adult life. We can all be grateful that, together with his daughter Mpho, he has now shared his secrets for why he has so much hope and joy.” — Mary Robinson, former president of Ireland
“I doubt there is anyone on this Earth with a deeper sense of God’s presence and goodness than Archbishop Tutu.” — Thomas Cahill, author of How the Irish Saved Civilization and The Gifts of the Jews.
“[Tutu] was not just an anti-apartheid worker. . . . He was somebody who had thought very deeply about spiritual values and had applied them to what he was doing. In some ways that reminded me of Gandhi.” — Daw Aung San Suu Kyi, winner of the Nobel Peace Prize
“Bishop Tutu and his daughter Mpho reveal groundbreaking insights as to how to acknowledge and resolve our lifelong burdens of anguish and pain towards a new paradigm of transformative healing.” — Annie Lennox
“I am lost for words to express my appreciation for this book … Desmond Tutu and his daughter show clearly that suffering, while always painful, need not destroy.” — Terry Waite, CBE
From the Back Cover
How do I forgive?
Nobel laureate Archbishop Desmond Tutu has witnessed some of the worst crimes people can inflict on others. So wherever he goes, he inevitably gets asked this question. This book is his answer. Writing with his daughter, Mpho, an Anglican priest, they lay out the simple but profound truths about the significance of forgiveness, how it works, why everyone needs to know how to grant it and receive it, and why granting forgiveness is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves when we have been wronged.
They explain the four-step process of forgiveness—Telling the Story, Naming the Hurt, Granting Forgiveness, and Renewing or Releasing the Relationship—as well as offer meditations, exercises, and prayers to guide the reader along the way.
"With each act of forgiveness, whether small or great, we move toward wholeness," they write. "Forgiveness is how we bring peace to ourselves and our world."
About the Author
Desmond Mpilo Tutu was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1984. In 1986 he was elected archbishop of Cape Town, the highest position in the Anglican Church in South Africa. In 1994, after the end of apartheid and the election of Nelson Mandela, Tutu was appointed as chair of South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission to investigate apartheid-era crimes. His policy of forgiveness and reconciliation has become an international example of conflict resolution and a trusted method of postconflict reconstruction. He is currently the chair of The Elders, where he gives vocal defense of human rights and campaigns for the oppressed.
The Reverend Mpho A. Tutu is currently the executive director of The Desmond and Leah Tutu Legacy Foundation.
Product details
- Publisher : HarperOne; First Edition (March 18, 2014)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 240 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0062203568
- ISBN-13 : 978-0062203564
- Item Weight : 11.5 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.85 x 8.25 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #314,772 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #786 in Emotional Mental Health
- #1,020 in Emotional Self Help
- #2,267 in Spiritual Self-Help (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors
Desmond Mpilo Tutu won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1984 and was only the second black person ever to receive it. In 1986 he was elected archbishop of Cape Town, the highest position in the Anglican Church in South Africa. In 1994, after the end of apartheid and the election of Nelson Mandela, Tutu was appointed as chair of South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission to investigate apartheid-era crimes. His policy of forgiveness and reconciliation has become an international example of conflict resolution, and a trusted method of postconflict reconstruction. He is currently the chair of The Elders, where he gives vocal defense of human rights and campaigns for the oppressed.
Discover more of the author’s books, see similar authors, read author blogs and more
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Top reviews from the United States
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I know that I will refer back to this book when I find myself in dark times. With clarity and powerful anecdotes, the authors delineate what you must do in order to forgive someone in a way that makes sense and is easy to implement. There are tangible steps that one can take to forgive, and the authors lay out those steps in a way that is grounded and understandable. I would not call this book religious at all, but it does have moments of spirituality. These include poems and mindfulness exercises that people can use to help them forgive. None of these resonated with me, but others might find them useful. The core content of this book, though, is down to earth and never once do the authors take a holier than thou attitude (an attitude which Desmond Tutu of all people would have every right to take). I value this book because it gives me the in-the-moment thoughts and actions I must take to forgive, and also gives me answers as to why and how I must forgive. I consider this book life-changing because it can directly act on me to make me a better person.
Overall, we need to forgive for our own peace more so than for anyone else. If you find yourself in a place where you have anything from deeply ingrained grudges to severe trauma, this book might help you.
Reviewed in the United States on March 21, 2019
The book was born out of the trials of South Africa. Rather than altercations after suspension of apartheid, "this new nation chose to tread the difficult path of confession, forgiveness, and reconciliation." The book takes its reader through four steps of forgiveness toward healing: admitting and acknowledging any wrong or potential harm; telling one's story and witnessing the anguish; asking for and granting forgiveness; renewing or releasing the relationship. Their simplistic method allows the participant --- IF willing --- to look deeply within their psyche, acknowledging their feelings and emotions. At times when journaling what I was feeling, I allowed myself, without judgment, to feel the anger, sadness, joy or happiness I was experiencing. And this little exercise of putting it all down on paper, allowed a tremendous release from these old issues. By the end of the 30 day program, my mental, spiritual and physical health and well-being had undergone a true transformation. For that reason alone I purchased The Book of Forgiving as a gift, hoping my son will choose to release some of the anger bottled within his soul.
RECOMMEND PRODUCT. RECOMMEND SELLER.
Top reviews from other countries
This book is both - a friend and a journal or a journey with a dear friend teaching us how to break through the icy stuff in our hearts and learn to live and love again- with complete workbook with exercises and homework! Desmond Tutu's narrative is very gentle and we can feel it in all its vulnerability when he shares his personal stories.
The main take away for me was learning how to forgive people who are not sorry. One of the quotes I came across was,"Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past."
This book deserves a place in all bookshelves!