The 25 Best The Wedding Singer' Quotes
- Photo: New Line Cinema133 VOTES
Hey, Linda
Petey: Hey Linda, you're a b*tch.
Robbie: Thanks Petey, go back into the house. He might have Tourette Syndrome. We're looking into it.
- Photo: New Line Cinema263 VOTES
Before You Jinx
Robbie: Hey, psycho - we're not gonna discuss this, OK, it's over. Please get out of my Van Halen t-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.
- Photo: New Line Cinema320 VOTES
I Will Strangle You
Father of the Bride: You are the worst wedding singer in the world, buddy!
Robbie: Sir, one more outburst, I will strangle you with my microphone wire. You understand me.
- Photo: New Line Cinema440 VOTES
Sideburns Lady
Robbie: But the worst thing is: that Me, Fatty, Sideburns Lady, and the mutants over at Table 9, will never ever find a way to better the situation, because apparently we have nothing to offer the opposite sex.
- Photo: New Line Cinema528 VOTES
Big Fan Of Money
Mr. Simms: Do you have any experience?
Robbie: No, sir, I have no experience but I'm a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where you come in.
- Photo: New Line Cinema623 VOTES
Cukoo's Nest
Robbie: Hey, the goofball brothers!
Tyler: Is it true you're in the middle of a nervous breakdown?
Robbie: What? No!
Petey: Nervous breakdown! Nervous breakdown!
Robbie: Who said that?
Tyler: Everybody's been saying that.
Robbie: Everybody? You're eight years old... the only people you know are your parents!
Tyler: Is it true you're going to end up in a mental institution?
Petey: Cuckoo's nest! Cuckoo's nest!
- Photo: New Line Cinema727 VOTES
Flock Of Seagulls
Airport Clerk: Do you like Flock of Seagulls?
Robbie: I can see you do.
- Photo: New Line Cinema838 VOTES
Church Tongue
Julia: Not porno tongue. Church tongue.
- Photo: New Line Cinema922 VOTES
Be Much Stronger
Glenn: Hey, *sswipe, don't go snitching to Julia about this. I know you got a little crush on her, but you gotta face the facts: she'd rather go to bed with a REAL man. Not some poor singing orphan.
Robbie: All right, sh*thead. I haven't been in a fight since I was in the fifth grade, but I beat the sh*t out of that kid, so now I'm going to beat the sh*t out of you.
(old man wiffs a punch past Glen)
Robbie: Hey, what are you doing, man?
Old Man: I'm sorry. I used to be much stronger.
- Photo: New Line Cinema1079 VOTES
I Wanna Grow Old
Robbie: (singing to Julia on the plane) I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad / Carry you around when your arthritis is bad / All I wanna do is grow old with you. / I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches / build you a fire if the furnace breaks / Oh it could be so nice, growin old with you. / I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold. / Need you, feed you, I'll even let you hold the remote control. / So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink / Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink. / Oh I could be the man to grow old with you. / I wanna grow old with you.
- Photo: New Line Cinema1129 VOTES
Thanks For Bringing It Up
Glenn's Friend: Robbie Hart? Oh, man, I heard what happened to you at your wedding, that was so cold! You must've felt like sh*t!
Robbie: No, it felt real good, thanks for bringing that up, man. Hey, my parents died when I was ten, would you like to talk about that?
Glenn's Friend: No, why would I wanna talk about that?
Robbie: I don't know.
- Photo: New Line Cinema1231 VOTES
They Were Cones
Robbie: You hit two cones back there. Those could have been people... they could have been guests at her wedding!
Sammy: (exasperated) They were Cones!
- Photo: New Line Cinema1374 VOTES
Yesterday
Linda: The point is, I woke up this morning and realized I'm about to get married to a wedding singer? I am never gonna leave Richfield!
Robbie: Why do you need to leave Richfield? We grew up here. All our friends are here; it's the perfect place to raise a family.
Linda: Oh, yeah - sure! Living in your sister's basement with five kids while you're off every weekends doing wedding gigs at a whoppin' sixty bucks a pop?
Robbie: Once again, things that could've been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!
- Photo: New Line Cinema1426 VOTES
Pop
David 'Dave' Veltri: Little news flash, Pop. Ha. Harold ain't so perfect. Remember that time in Puerto Rico when we picked up those two, uh... well, I guess they were prostitutes, but I don't remember paying.
- Photo: New Line Cinema1535 VOTES
You Will Listen
Father of the Bride: Hey, buddy, I'm not paying you to hear your thoughts on life. I'm paying you to sing.
Robbie: Well, I have a microphone, and you don't, so you will listen to every damn word I have to say!!!
- Photo: New Line Cinema1628 VOTES
Nobody Like You
Robbie: All right, remember - alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you!
- Photo: New Line Cinema1720 VOTES
A Boot Come Out
Robbie: Are you drinking, too?
Julia: No, it's Coca-Cola.
Robbie: Are you sure? There's no rum in that Coca-Cola?
Julia: I'm not a big drinker. And if it was, I'd probably be puking more than that kid!
Robbie: Oh, I don't think anybody could puke more than than kid. I think I saw a boot come out of him.
- Photo: New Line Cinema1820 VOTES
Little Things
Julia: May I ask what happened with Linda?
Robbie: She wasn't the right one, I guess.
Julia: Did you have any idea she wasn't the right one when you were together?
Robbie: I should have. Uh, I remember we went to the Grand Canyon one time. We were flying there and I'd never been there before and Linda had, so you would think that she would give me the window seat but she didn't and... not that that's a big deal, you know. It's just there were a lot of little things like that. I know that sounds stupid...
Julia: Not at all. I think it's the little things that count.
- Photo: New Line Cinema1926 VOTES
Somebody You Love
Sammy: If you find somebody you can love, you can't let that get away.
- Photo: New Line Cinema2030 VOTES
Hip Hop
Rosie: (on stage rapping) I said hip hop, a hibbi to da hibbi da hip hip hoppin, ya don't stop-a rockin' to da bang bang boogie say up jump da boogie to da rhythm to da boogie da beat!
- Photo: New Line Cinema2118 VOTES
Be Like Two Hundred
Rosie: Are you nervous?
Robbie: I'm actually not that nervous. I've been around lots of weddings before, so I figure it won't be very different.
Rosie: I didn't mean about the wedding. I meant about the wedding night. Will this be your first time with intercourse?
Robbie: Uh...
Rosie: Well, don't be ashamed. You know, when I got married, I wasn't a virgin. I'd already had intercourse with eight men.
Robbie: Now, that's something I didn't wanna know about.
Rosie: That was a lot back then; it'd be like two hundred today!
- Photo: New Line Cinema2219 VOTES
Who Hasn't
Robbie: Hey. I kissed her, but it didn't mean anything, I just brought her the jacket.
Glenn: Kissed who?
Holly: Oh, me.
Glenn: Who hasn't?
- Photo: New Line Cinema2318 VOTES
Bangs Me On The Elbow
Julia: Hey, Glenn, do you mind if we switch seats so I sit in the window seat?
Glenn: Mmm. I hate the aisle seat. Every time that drink cart comes by it bangs me on the elbow.
- Photo: New Line Cinema249 VOTES
I Vomited
Julia: I puked.
Robbie: Okay. Don't worry.
Julia: I vomited in my hair.
Robbie: All right.
Julia: Does my hair smell bad?
(smells Julia's hair)
Robbie: No, it smells good, actually.
- Photo: New Line Cinema2516 VOTES
Grade A
Glenn: That's Grade A top choice meat!
