Oh, David DeCoteau. What am I going to do with you? And how did we get here? Mr. DeCoteau served as director on a number of cult horror movies in the 80’s and 90’s including Dreamaniac (1986), Creepozoids (1987), Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988) and Puppet Master III: Toulon’s Revenge (1991) before switching to more homo-erotic, soft-core porn with a tiny bit of horror features in the 2000’s. However, after the conclusion of his 1313 Series in 2012, DeCoteau’s taking a stab at making full fledged horror flicks once again with titles like Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper, 90210 Shark Attack and Sorority Slaughterhouse – all of which I gave lackluster scores. Now, you’re probably wondering why I rented his latest project, Swamp Freak, if I’m well aware that his current content leaves a lot to be desired. Well, simply put, I see that DeCoteau still has glimpses of greatness and I’m going to continue to be that annoying pain in his side that gives him constructive criticism until he returns to his roots and blows us away with something campy, fun and gory.
Unfortunately, Swamp Freak is definitely not that movie. Instead of handsome men walking around in their tightie-whities for the majority of the movie, Swamp Freak features fully clothed men (and one woman) walking around the woods for nearly an hour straight; literally doing nothing except hiking up and down the paths without any dialogue. Hell, the movie was already more than four minutes in before a character was actually on screen. Here’s a long shot of the swamp. Here’s a long shot of the bay that’s never used in the movie. Here’s a shot of the tree-line. OK, David, I get it. You’re good behind the camera and editor Jamie Francis did an excellent job chopping this up, but if we take away all the b-roll, establishing shots, and stock footage, then we’re left with a 25 minute movie. That’s a problem, and at this point I’d rather see the shirtless men. Horror films aren’t traditionally known for their deep story-lines, but you need to give viewers something to latch on to. If we wanted to walk through nature, we’d turn on The Discovery Channel or we’d just go outside.
I always wondered how Mr. DeCoteau and Rapid Heart Pictures keep churning out these films at such a quick pace, but it finally makes sense after watching Swamp Freak. I read in a review on Amazon that Swamp Freak was filmed around his house in Canada, meaning the cost of a proper location was already non-existent. Looking over the casts’ resume, none of them have any credits outside of this one, so they were probably green enough and thirsty for work to perform on a lowered rate. The script is almost non-existent, too, and I imagine it was only 20 pages long, if that, which cuts down on the need for a script supervisor. The monster costume was old school and looked like fabric, smaller props, and plastic plants stapled to a bed sheet. I mean, fuck, you could even see the actor’s shoes and gloves in some shots. And all five of the deaths in Swamp Freak happen off camera. This eliminated the need for a practical and special effects department. Basically, Swamp Freak was probably filmed in less than a week for less than $150,000. It wouldn’t be difficult for David to make his money back based on that.
When it comes to The Reed Cove Swamp Freak, well, that’s probably the most laughable part of the movie. He’s apparently a very well known creature that lurks in the woods, but this fails to deter six college students from searching for their missing professor in the wetlands. One by one, they meet their demise at Swamp Freak’s hands. No, really, the scenario is the same in every one of the kill scenes. College kid is walking through the forest. College kid sees Swamp Freak. College kid runs at a marathon pace while Swamp Freak barely manages a shamble. College kid goes in a big circle and comes face to face with the monster again. Swamp Freak punches college kid in the face. Cut away. Death. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. My God. We even get treated to a 20 minute dual chase scene. 20 minutes of two characters being chased at the same time in separate locations, while saying absolutely nothing or calling for help. Poor execution on a cool concept. Swamp Freak mirrors Swamp Thing and Creature from the Black Lagoon for only a second. it has that cool, nostalgic monster movie vibe, but then it bores you to tears.
Swamp Freak stars Aisling Goodman, Alex Caithness, Dylan Hughe, Dylan Norberg, Michael Timmermans, Nick Appleby and Josh Van Meurs. It also features the talents of Felissa Rose (of Sleepaway Camp), Helene Udy (of My Bloody Valentine) and Lesleh Donaldson (of Happy Birthday to Me), but let me make this clear. Do not let the marketing scheme fool you. I’m going to put this in bold. Despite the movie poster, DVD cover and trailer saying that Swamp Freak stars these iconic horror actresses, I say that their talent is featured because they never appear in person. Each actress provides one voice over in one scene and that’s it. Do not buy this movie if you’re looking forward to seeing them in a major capacity. Swamp Freak is another half assed attempt from David DeCoteau, but I’m not ready to give up on him just yet. Though I will tell you to avoid this movie. Final Score: 3.5 out of 10.
