River Clegg
Which Friendship Plan Is Right for You?
With the Sunday Sports Sidekick package, get ready for beer, wings, and hugs that provide a substitute for the warmth we never got from our withholding fathers. Score!
Debate Me, You Coward!
Here are some things I believe: North Dakota is the one on the bottom; tennis balls can feel pain; there’s only one gender.
The Monopoly Bank Bailout
Never in our nation’s history have we allowed a player to pass Go without collecting two hundred dollars, and we cannot start now.
Welcome to the Comfort Zone!
We deserve a place where we are FREE, where we can BE OURSELVES, no matter how OBJECTIONABLE those selves are.
I Live in the City from the Car Commercials
There is no one here, save for me, the witness. Me and the Driver.
The American Experiment: Findings
On the one hand, every President has been elected by a democratic majority. On the other hand, “democratic majority” has had many meanings, including “whatever white landowners want” and “let Chief Justice Rehnquist decide.”
God’s Grant Proposal
I’m writing to request a one-time grant of fifty thousand dollars to aid in the creation of a new bipedal, mostly hairless, fairly bad-smelling mammal.
Selections from the Secret Service Archives
July 5, 1865: We just got founded! Because, well, you know.
Presenting “The Bob Mullen’s Life Halftime Report”
“We’re at the midpoint of his earthly existence, and to date his performance has been shaky at best.”
Will You Marry Me? (No Pressure)
This isn’t about the forty thousand fans currently watching us, in mounting anticipation.
CashChum Would Like Permission to Track You
It’s just that CashChum and your ad preferences are really vibing right now.
Robbie: A User’s Guide
The Baby does not come with college tuition included, but you knew that going in, right? Wait a minute. Did you really not think about that?
Data 4 Sale
Sure, we’re not the biggest cobbler in the St. Louis area, but we’ve collected some pretty sweet data that we’re certain corporate America will want a piece of.
On Lava
Comments by Jane Goodall, Carl Sagan, Confucius, Archimedes, Darwin, George Washington Carver, and others on the nature and properties of molten rock.
Screen Saver: The Movie
The grim walls of the void mock Cube’s dreams of a better life. Someday, Cube will break through.
This Poem’s Gonna Be a Hit!
It’s like the Iliad knocked up the Odyssey and they had a kid that wasn’t about war but was still a great poem.
But What About
No, I haven’t paid taxes in nine years. But what about the accountant I didn’t hire? Where was he when I was sitting on my couch Googling “How to get away with not paying taxes”?
Everything Is Horrible
Everything is horrible, so here’s an eighteen-second video of a baby elephant taking a bath and sloshing around in the water. How cute!
The Job Creator Rises at Dawn
The Job Creator takes a bottle of bourbon from his desk drawer and pours himself a stiff drink—both to steady his nerves and to create distillery jobs in the heartland.
The Howard Schultz Scripts
“Welcome to Starbucks. Would you like a coffee or are you just here to yell about Schultz?”
Which Friendship Plan Is Right for You?
With the Sunday Sports Sidekick package, get ready for beer, wings, and hugs that provide a substitute for the warmth we never got from our withholding fathers. Score!
Debate Me, You Coward!
Here are some things I believe: North Dakota is the one on the bottom; tennis balls can feel pain; there’s only one gender.
The Monopoly Bank Bailout
Never in our nation’s history have we allowed a player to pass Go without collecting two hundred dollars, and we cannot start now.
Welcome to the Comfort Zone!
We deserve a place where we are FREE, where we can BE OURSELVES, no matter how OBJECTIONABLE those selves are.
I Live in the City from the Car Commercials
There is no one here, save for me, the witness. Me and the Driver.
The American Experiment: Findings
On the one hand, every President has been elected by a democratic majority. On the other hand, “democratic majority” has had many meanings, including “whatever white landowners want” and “let Chief Justice Rehnquist decide.”
God’s Grant Proposal
I’m writing to request a one-time grant of fifty thousand dollars to aid in the creation of a new bipedal, mostly hairless, fairly bad-smelling mammal.
Selections from the Secret Service Archives
July 5, 1865: We just got founded! Because, well, you know.
Presenting “The Bob Mullen’s Life Halftime Report”
“We’re at the midpoint of his earthly existence, and to date his performance has been shaky at best.”
Will You Marry Me? (No Pressure)
This isn’t about the forty thousand fans currently watching us, in mounting anticipation.
CashChum Would Like Permission to Track You
It’s just that CashChum and your ad preferences are really vibing right now.
Robbie: A User’s Guide
The Baby does not come with college tuition included, but you knew that going in, right? Wait a minute. Did you really not think about that?
Data 4 Sale
Sure, we’re not the biggest cobbler in the St. Louis area, but we’ve collected some pretty sweet data that we’re certain corporate America will want a piece of.
On Lava
Comments by Jane Goodall, Carl Sagan, Confucius, Archimedes, Darwin, George Washington Carver, and others on the nature and properties of molten rock.
Screen Saver: The Movie
The grim walls of the void mock Cube’s dreams of a better life. Someday, Cube will break through.
This Poem’s Gonna Be a Hit!
It’s like the Iliad knocked up the Odyssey and they had a kid that wasn’t about war but was still a great poem.
But What About
No, I haven’t paid taxes in nine years. But what about the accountant I didn’t hire? Where was he when I was sitting on my couch Googling “How to get away with not paying taxes”?
Everything Is Horrible
Everything is horrible, so here’s an eighteen-second video of a baby elephant taking a bath and sloshing around in the water. How cute!
The Job Creator Rises at Dawn
The Job Creator takes a bottle of bourbon from his desk drawer and pours himself a stiff drink—both to steady his nerves and to create distillery jobs in the heartland.
The Howard Schultz Scripts
“Welcome to Starbucks. Would you like a coffee or are you just here to yell about Schultz?”