Paul Brian
If you feel like a failure, I know how awful that is because I felt that way for years.
I tried my best to think differently, feel differently and listen to inspiring speakers and spiritual leaders.
But it didn’t lead to long-term changes.
Changes only started to happen when I began changing what I was doing and my actual daily habits.
Here are the habits that are keeping you trapped in a failure loop. It’s time to say goodbye to them forever.
1) Waiting for the perfect moment to act
It’s not coming.
Action leads to more action, and vice versa.
If you’re waiting for the right time to take action, you’re wasting time.
Granted, some times are better than others: don’t start a new company with no money, for example!
But by the same token, don’t wait around for conditions to be ideal before you make a move.
The time is now (or at least very soon)!
2) Spending life on your phone or devices
It’s using up all your time.
Too much screen time is a time hole like no other.
If you add up all the time the average person rechecks their notifications or scans people’s “stories” on social media, they probably could have written a novel or learned a new language!
We all have limited time here:
If you’re not using that time then it’s much more likely you’re going to feel like a failure.
Don’t get me wrong:
You’re not a failure, but if you spend too much time on your phone or devices you’re engaging in behaviors that are bound to lead to feeling like a failure and having lessened motivation.
3) Looking for somebody to save you
They’re not coming.
Waiting around for something to happen and checking your phone are sure ways to feel like a failure.
They also tend to go hand in hand with the desire for somebody to come save you.
For example:
- An employer who finally sees your brilliance and pays you lots!
- A girlfriend or boyfriend who’s everything you’re looking for and makes every day so much better!
- A new place to live or new social life that suddenly makes your life super awesome!
When these things don’t happen or are much more underwhelming than you hoped, you tend to feel like a failure and the cycle repeats…
Well, maybe if I just be patient a little longer I’ll hit the jackpot…
Wrong move!
4) Eating junk, and having an unhealthy lifestyle
Junky food and quick-fix snacks may taste good at the moment you eat them, but they undercut your vitality and energy.
Long-term they can contribute to all sorts of illnesses and overall exhaustion.
Sleeping in too much, getting no exercise and being generally passive are all major contributing factors in feeling like a failure.
It’s a horrible thing to let your body waste away and not use it for what it’s intended for: work, movement, dance, sex, fighting, art, creation, creative destruction!
Action.
It’s time to get moving. Even if it’s just a bit!
5) Running away from yourself
Many times we run away from ourselves and our potential.
This includes wasting time, making excuses and avoiding action.
It also includes having an unhealthy lifestyle and self-sabotage.
Instead of pushing ourselves and seeing what we can accomplish, we seek refuge in mediocrity.
Short-term it can work, but long-term this leads to misery and feeling like you’ve wasted your life.
6) Making promises you don’t keep
Over-promising and under-delivering is an awful feeling.
Better to make promises you can keep!
If you find that you make a lot of promises and vows but not many of them ever actually come to fruition, it’s time to pause and think about why.
There are only two real reasons:
- You’re promising too much without knowing whether you can really make it happen (solution: stop doing this!)
- You’re making promises you think you can keep but which emergencies or unforeseen circumstances make hard to fulfill (solution: reduce how many commitments you make!).
In general: say less about what you will do, and do more instead!
You’ll be happier.
7) Complaining all the time
It creates a negative feedback loop!
Complaining sometimes is understandable, I’d even say inevitable!
Maybe you just ate the worst meal of your life and you say “damn that was awful!”
Maybe a dangerous driver just cut you off in traffic and you turn to your husband and say “what the f*ck is wrong with that dude?”
But making a habit of extended complaining is a very good thing to avoid.
It creates a negative feedback loop and conditions you to notice more and more things to complain about (and trust me, there’s plenty).
Even when you want to complain, practice holding back from verbalizing it until it becomes a habit.
You’ll notice that your mental and emotional focus also begins to shift as you shift away from vocalizing your complaints to others.
8) Taking terrible work
If at all possible, it’s important to be selective in the work you do.
We don’t all have a choice in that and you may be stuck in physically or mentally draining toil.
But if at all possible, avoid work that doesn’t respect you.
If you’re in a job that exploits you badly, take any spare time you have to find another one.
At the very least talk to some people you know about whether they have any leads on new work.
Staying in a job that treats you like trash is a surefire way to feel like trash!
9) Failing to save money
You’re going to need it!
When you don’t save money, you set yourself up for life’s cruel whims:
A sudden medical emergency not covered by insurance that leaves you financially ruined for life…
A purchase or business idea you know will be hugely beneficial but which you can’t pursue due to lack of funds…
If you don’t save money, your whole life will only be as a renter and our neo-feudalist system will absolutely treat you as a serf.
I don’t like it any more than you do, but if you feel like a failure, don’t forget to pay attention to trying to actually save money.
Money’s far from everything, but it is something.
10) Focusing on who’s to blame
Don’t give them more power.
This is just another way of running from yourself.
If you’ve already been victimized and mistreated badly, don’t do it again by going over everything and how helpless you feel:
Empower yourself. Arm yourself with self-confidence and willpower and grit.
Get busy taking steps to better your situation and to spend time around those who treat you well.
You may never forget about those who are to blame for setbacks in your life, but the best form of revenge against them is your own success!
You only fail if you don’t try
Almost every possible failure in life is only temporary.
Consider it a temporary setback along the road of life.
If you’re near the end of your life or know there is no way to make up for something or someone you failed, there may still be hope for resolution in Heaven or beyond this realm.
Even if you don’t believe that, you’re not a failure.
You’re here trying, or at the very least you tried.
You’re only a failure if you stop trying and decide to be.
The next time you’re a failure, you’re not: and with cutting the behaviors above out of your life you’ll be much more ready to realize just how great you are!
