Advice
I (31f) am almost 10 weeks pregnant with my first and it's been mentally and physically draining.
No one tells you how difficult pregnancy can be, especially in the first trimester. I've experienced constant nausea, body aches, morning sickness (although thankful for Zofran), tiredness, and worst of all the bloating and constipation. It's made food unappealing and the stomach pain unbearable, especially during the night, so sleep has suffered.
I'm not usually one to complain and take pride in my independence. My husband is the bread winner and takes care of most of the house bills while I manage the cleaning, cooking, pets and my own personal bills. I have my own business but with that comes it's own turmoil and the question of when the next paycheck will come. I've been successful until as of late.
My mental health is suffering with the aches and pains of pregnacy and with that, my business and household are taking a hit too. I've tried talking to my mom, my friends and even my husband and they're dismissive. Not that they dont try to give some words of comfort but there's only so many "it'll get better"s and "but it's going to be worth it!"s I can take before I just stop talking and plaster a fake smile on.
I am in therapy and enjoy my therapist and she is a huge supporter to me in terms of listening and validating my feelings but there's only so much therapy can give you when the support system around you doesn't match up.
I hate being pregnant. I hate feeling trapped inside my body everyday while my mental health deteriorates. I am on antidepressants and have been cleared from my doctor to keep taking them. But the mental toll is too much. I know hormones play a huge factor into mental states during pregnacy, especially in the first trimester but damn is it lonely. I don't have any mom friends to talk to that understand or isnt over the moon about pregnancy (if you are, I love that for you, but I just feel differently).
I feel like no one wants to be around me because of the misery and they're used to me being upbeat and relied upon to keep to a certain standard for them so they rather avoid me altogether. I even feel like my own husband would rather play video games than spend any time with his miserable pregnant wife.
I honestly can't take this and wondering if anyone feels the same.
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I can fortunately say after the first trimester, most of the symptoms subsided. I hope you won’t have to deal with such much longer. I completely understand what you’re saying. It feels like you’re going unheard almost, They hear your complaints but they don’t understand and think positivity is enough to cure this feeling. I felt everything you’re feeling at some point, it’s not fun. Everyone gave me the same advice that you’ve received, so I’m not going to do that to you because I know how it feels. I will say, some of these feelings may subside or lessen as you get in the second trimester like me. The only thing that kept me going way the baby, and doing things that gave me joy. You’re not alone, and I hope things get better for you love. You’re doing your best, this pregnancy shit IS NOT easy.
Thank you for your response. I am definitely holding the hope that the symptoms will lessen in the 2nd trimester. It's hard to even find joy in the things I've always enjoyed lately but I'm going to try to be easier on myself as well. I am doing my best and thank you for the reminder!
I hate being pregnant, too. Which is so strange to me because I've worked on a hospital postpartum unit for 10 years now and I never suspected how awful the actual pregnancy part is!! I'm at 12 weeks now and still have a long way to go, I'm hoping the 2nd trimester gets better like everyone says. I wanted to have 2 kids, but the thought of voluntarily doing this to myself again is making me depressed. Mentally, I started to feel better when the nausea/vomiting improved at 10-11 weeks (although it's still mildly lingering and I'm getting frustrated again). But now I'm struggling with insomnia and I had a complete meltdown Saturday night after working a 12 hour shift on no sleep.
All this to say, I totally hear you. I'm glad you are still able to take your meds and have been talking with a therapist. A few weeks ago I was seriously considering reaching out to a therapist too, although like I mentioned, I started getting better and don't feel like I need to at the moment.
I'm sorry that your family and friends aren't more supportive. All I can think of is that they truly don't understand what you're going through. Until I went through the past few months, I had NO idea how bad it could be, either. Even my mom who is very supportive, when I told her I threw up 3 times one day, she said, "Do you have a fever!?! Maybe you have a virus!" I'm like, no mom, I'm sick because I'm pregnant. I couldn't believe she didn't get that. Just saying, even people who have been through pregnancy before may have no idea what you're really going through. I guess that's why I've spent so much time on Reddit lately....it helps seeing that others are having similar experiences and I'm not the only one! Best of luck to you.
I feel the same about another potential kid, especially going through the trenches with this one. I'm glad the nausea has subsided a bit for you, it's honestly the worst part. I can't imagine the insomnia for you especially working a 12 hour shift. But thank you for doing what you do in the postpartum department.
My mother is similar in the support but she doesn't realize the differences between us. She had four kids while working full time and doesn't remember having any of the symptoms I've been experiencing except exhaustion so explaining to her that I can't just "get up and push through".
Thank you for responding, your support helps!
YES. I feel all of this. I am miserable and probably a horrible person to chat with these days. I’m not enjoying pregnancy at all (I’m also 10 weeks in). I guess I accept that I am in survival mode, getting through day by day. And it will get better I’m sure. But I’m allowed to be upset!!! I’m allowed to hate this!!!! And so are you!!!
10 week ladies out here! And that's exactly how i feel! Survival mode and auto pilot most days. It will probably get better but right now it straight up sucks and I'd just like some acknowledgement. Everyone deserves some type of understanding.
Feel like I could have written this. In theory, I appreciate people trying to lift my spirits with “it’ll get better soon, almost there!” And “but at the end you’ll have this amazing baby”. But being in the thick of it right now I just cant see past the suffering to think about the future. No one close to me apparently had this difficult of a time pregnant, so it makes it seem like I’m just being whiney and weak. I had no idea it could be like this.
The toll it has taken on my mental health to feel nauseated all day every day basically…I’m never doing this again and it makes me wish I hadn’t done it at all.. I’m genuinely afraid that feeling this horrible won’t end.
I know I haven’t offered anything helpful but I hear you and I’m right there with you. I’m sorry you are in a dark place and I really hope it turns around soon for all of us. It helps me a little to know I’m not the only one having such a hard time.
You have offered me more help and support than you realize. All of your words are entirely my own as well and although I wish for the both of us that we would be having an easier time, I do take comfort in knowing I'm not alone in my feelings and that they are valid.
Yes! I remember week 8 & 9 was the peak of being physically draining (fatigue, hyperemesis, diarrhea, etc.) and by week 10 it definitely started to be mentally draining. Especially just being bedridden and seeing no one all day other than my husband after work. I really wish I had asked people to just come visit a bit and distract me, not necessarily talk about the pregnancy just distract me. My mom did come stay for a week which actually helped because she just talked my ear off about random stuff so it helped keep me distracted haha. But one thing my husband really pushed me to do was to set small goals for the day. Even if it’s just sit outside for 10 mins or take a shower. It REALLY helped. The we’d celebrate at the end of the day if I checked off some goals. I’m at week 13 now and now my goals are walking the dog, doing 1 chore, and maybe some emails. Literally nothing crazy. And then just REST in between. Rest is work for us rn! Don’t beat yourself up because you’re not doing everything before being pregnant! It’s an unrealistic goal. Right now you’re doing awesome! Sending hugs!
Thank you for your support! I feel like I've only seen the inside of my bedroom for two weeks and it's been incredibly lonely. Maybe I should reach out more to my support system but I know it's also hard for them to know what to do when I'm just sitting around like a sack of sad potatoes. I'm glad your mom was able to stay with you for some time and give you some distractions and having goals is a great idea. I'm going to work on that myself and hopefully feel better having some type of accomplishment. Sending hugs back!