What's sadder? To be scattered as ashes with no marker or buried with a headstone and nobody visits anyway?

No one is going to remember me in a generation, so I like the ashes idea

Neither, cause sometimes the ashes are scattered at a special place like my dad wants to happen and my grandma told me not to visit her grave since she’s not there. I haven’t been there in almost 18 years but I have visited the grave of her sister who died as an infant of TB meningitis in the 1920’s and laid flowers there. But it was at a cemetery a couple hours away from where my grandma is. I did that and plan to keep doing that till I’m old cause I don’t want that baby forgotten cause my great grandma probably feared that.

My father had MS (and multiple other health issues stemming from his compromised immune system). He was a loving, vibrant and active man until the MS started chipping away at his mobility. He spent the last few years of his life bedridden, yet kept his cheery demeanor and positive attitude until the dementia set in. He was an avid traveler before he got sick, but there were many places left on his bucket list because traveling became impossible due to his lack of mobility. Japan was at the top of the list, but sadly, he never made it.

His wishes were to not be buried (his exact words were “fry my ass, throw a party and make sure your mom drinks a Beck’s in my honor (mom HATES beer, lol).” After he passed, we decided as a family that everyone would travel to me in California. We brought him out to a gorgeous, secluded beach, said our goodbyes and set his ashes free in the ocean. And yes, mom did drink that Beck’s without a single word of complaint. We laughed and we cried, and I’m certain he would have gotten a huge kick out of it.

When I think about it now, I picture him being carried on the waves to all the places he’d never made it to, starting with Japan. And it makes me smile every time. I miss him dearly, but the thought of him out there enjoying the world takes the sadness away.

Definitely the latter, because at least with the former you can pretend your ashes are on a grand adventure around the world.

At the time, I wouldn't mind either way. But while I'm alive, the thought of a headstone to remember me by but nobody doing the remembering is very sad. Ashes spread in nature or someplace nice is a pleasant, peaceful thought for me.

I've mentioned this story before. A friend of mine had a rich friend who left my friend instructions on how to handle his remains. My friend carried them out. The man was cremated, the estate rented a plane, and my friend spread the ashes from the sky on a fancy local shopping mall. The man knew that that way, after he was gone, his wife and daughters would visit his final resting place.

I'll be dead, I won't care.

Headstone one

I believe that once I’m dead my body isn’t worth special consideration. I would be cremated because it isn’t as big an expense on my living relatives. I would have them toast my urn then throw it in the Pacific Ocean. Who I am lives on in the memories of the people who love me, and the meatsack that carried me has done its job and can be retired.

I want neither.

Just feed me to the sharks.

Throw me in the trash!

Personally I like option C) Ashes in an urn that my family holds onto for a bit. My grandmother knows 6 generations of family (her great grandparents to her granddaughter), I'll know grandmother to granddaughter--I want to be able to watch over the family for a bit, just until the last person who knows of me passes. After that, might as well toss the ashes.

I just had the thought of figuring where my wife’s wildest travel dream is and leaving instructions to spread my ashes there. Trick her into having her dream vacation after I’m gone.

A headstone might generate interest for future generations if it explains how you died at a young age in extraordinary circumstances.

I hope my boyfriend drags my body out to the woods so the bears can eat me.

I'll let you know

I would rather the ashes. There's always the option of it being scattered somewhere or be placed in urns to be distributed to family or friends.

My fiancé is in an urn on my table. I vote urn in a house as the least sad for me.

I won't scatter his ashes because I want him near me, always.

I don't know where my great grandparents or even grandpa are buried. Haven't been to their graves since the funeral but I loved them dearly.

That said, everyone mourns differently.

A headstone with memorable epitaph will be seen and appreciated by many people even if they didn’t know you. Scattered ashes are far sadder.

Sad? I think it's sad that people waste their time with the graves of the dead. Other than for grieving off course. I think it's kinda perverse to have to pay for a funeral at all.

If I'm dead live your life, it's not like I'd notice.

To have a headstone means you will always be seen, so that's less sad. 

With scattered ashes, it means you never existed. 

Headstone by far. Even if people visit, it's sad.

Leading to that headstone would be a path of footsteps of my life. A path offen washed Out or barely visible but Sometimes i might leave a footsteps in concret that people stumble over and wonder who i was, what my thoughts were. But they won't be able to follow that patchy path that i left even If thy tried and never find that headstone so why Put it over my remains anyway. Scatter my ashes in a Forrest or a River or plant a Cherry tree over my remains.

It's sadder to make my loved ones spend money on a coffin, plot and head stone. Burn my corpse and throw the ashes anywhere. It's just an empty husk where my consciousness used to reside anyways. 

TBH I don't really visit my relative's graves. They don't feel that special to me, as a burial place. I think about them whenever I do something that was associated with them, I have photos in my place, etc. It's not that I don't care about them any more. I just don't feel like the burial place has anything to do with them (except for their decomposing body), and I'd much rather remember their lives outside of the burial place.

My family feels different and will usually go to the grave sites on holidays etc. So if I die young-ish, I'd probably want to be cremated and buried because my relatives will want to visit. If I die in old age - it will depend on what my younger relatives do, but I'm alright with being scattered somewhere nice. I'd actually prefer that from being stuck in a dark hole.

Neither, they are just facts of life. You are a very important and loved person by your friends and family, after you die they still love and hold your memories fondly and while some need that space to visit you and tell you how much they miss you, others do this in their heart.

Ugh, don't put me in a box under some dumb rock! Let me be ashes, mix me with the earth, let me be a plant and a worm again.

neither are sad imho. it's sad if nobody misses you or remembers you soon after you're gone. what happens to your body doesn't make a difference there.

personally as an amateur historian I think having some kind of grave marking is good because they give future generations information about the past. but that doesn't have anything to do with whether it's sad or not.

How long exactly do you think people are going to be visiting your gravestone for anyway?

Your grandkids are most likely the last people who will know or care who you were, assuming you meet them and they were old enough to remember.

The vast majority of people will never do anything significant enough to be remembered outside of relatives who were alive at the time.

To be ashes is to return to the earth.

I feel like it doesn't matter. I never go to my parents graves, and it's not because I don't care or don't think of them. I think about and miss them both of them constantly. I don't go to their graves because I don't need to; they are in my heart forever.

Graves are for the living, not for the dead. You won't even know what's going on, because you won't be alive...

Definitely the grave with the 5 thousand dollar non biodegradable coffin is sadder.

It's better to focus on how you're going to live your life and not worry about what comes after that doesn't matter!))

The way I look at it is when the newer generations end up happening and if I'm buried they're just going to build property over my headstone. This entire world that we live on right now is an entire gravestone. I would rather be turned to ashes than to be buried

Scattered as ashes is perfect. I don't want my spouse/kids/grandkids/whomever to feel obligated to pay for a chunk of land my corpse is in or to spend their time visiting it.

I want my ashes scattered in my favorite place, because it's the place where I'm most happy. 

So I'd say the unvisited headstone is sadder.

Wasting your time here worrying about it is sadder than both by far.

None of those are sad, it's just life.

I have no problems with being forgotten within a generation or two, I know I'm just an ordinary human.

My brother and me just threw my mom’s ashes in the trash when we found them after selling grandmas house after she passed.