Are you in a situationship? If you are, if you have, if you know what I'm talking about. I just listened to the Tortured Poet Society double album by Taylor Swift. Seems like that's what she was going through and I want to talk about it the Love you Miss, you Bye podcast. Let's inspire each other. I have Taylor Swift to thank for my theme today. As you probably already know, taylor released her double album, the Tortured Poet Society.

I wanted to see what this album was all about, so I listened to a few of the songs and although melodically there's not a lot of difference between the songs, lyrically I think that's where Taylor Swift really shines. As usual, she's a great, great songwriter. I started thinking what is it? What makes her so different than the artists that are out there right now? And it hit me you know how you go and you watch like a true story, but it's got actors in it. You know you're watching a true story and you get really connected to the characters in the story, which is based on truth. If the show isn't smart enough to show you these real life figures and people when it's over, I am going to jump and do a deep dive into this person. I go and I look at pictures, I want to know timelines, I connect it. I'm like, okay, they were looking like this, so that means it was probably around here. And I just do that, naturally. That's why I love true stories. Because of that, taylor Swift is the master of this. Except she's doing it with her own life, so that we can hear these lyrics and then jump to figure out who she's talking about, and that is her secret sauce. It's brilliant because I even want to know and I don't really, I don't really care about Taylor Swift's love life, if I'm going to be honest, but now I'm invested. Now I'm like, okay, who was she writing about? What was she thinking when she was on the heiress tour? When did this happen? Yeah, I know, I know she sucks you in, but I'm all about figuring out what the secret sauce is. You know, I did a little bit of a deep dive on JLo and it was because it really connected with me as far as her talking about her love life, because we all look at it and we're like, hmm, hmm, she really healed. Well, it's the same thing with Taylor Swift. She's talking about her love life and in this particular album, she has three characters. One, joe Alwyn Okay, he's the long-term relationship. Two, matt Healy he is the situation ship. And three, everyone knows Mr Football Star himself, travis Kelsey. So she's got three men that could be sprinkled all within this. Oh, and then of course, we have the villain, kim Kardashian.

I think what surprised everybody is the fact that they thought this album was going to be a hundred percent Joe Alwyn. I mean it would make sense. She was with him, I think six years, I think. Like I said, I'm not completely invested so much that I know every part of it. So if I make a mistake, swifties, I tried, but I'm basing my information from what I see on TikTok. So Joe Alwyn, everybody thought he was the main character. He's not. He's not. It's Matt Healy, the situation ship. So Matt Healy if you're connecting real verse lyrics and Taylor song was the emotional affair. Joe Alwyn was the relationship that she was slowly dying in. Therefore, matt Healy gets majority of the songs and that is where this theme was born. Why is it that the situation ship gets more songs than the actual relationship?

Think about it. Think about relationships that you've been in that were slowly dying, slowly dying I mean I have a few. And then you start talking to somebody while you're in that relationship, which is just a friendship in your own mind it's just a friendship and then all of a sudden, you start to go to this other person that's outside your relationship, for attention, for affection, and that's where it starts to spin out of control, because now you've stopped going to the relationship that you used to go to, because that's the person that is causing the pain and now you can no longer go to them. You know, in a perfect scenario, it's your friend, it's your, it's your best friend that you're going to and you can start to talk. And that's why best friends always have a hatred for the man, the husband, the soon to be ex husband or the soon to be ex boyfriend, because they know all the dirt when I'll imagine if that's the opposite sex and they start out as a friend and then they become your confidant and then they become the person that's actually breathing life into your lifeless body and your lifeless relationship. And that's what Matt Healy was for Taylor Swift, and I know that that's happened to me.

I've definitely been in emotional relationships. I have, I think, probably a lot of us have For me, I've been in situationships. So that's what I want to talk about today. When I was listening about this Matt Healy situation feel free to take a swig of coffee and Kahlua every time I say situationship so I started to think about my last situationship. It definitely wasn't an emotional affair. I was done and over with my relationship of 10 years when I started talking to this person. Ironically, it did stem from Bumble, and ironically it did stem from Bumble. Maybe this is why I don't have those apps anymore, because of this significant situationship in my life.

We'll call him military man. On Bumble, the woman has to swipe right, which means you like them, and then the man has 24 hours to swipe right on you, but they can't reach out unless you've reached out, which I kind of love about that app. I don't know if it still does it that way, because it's been a couple of years since I've been on it, but I really liked that because it gave you control. It's like sometimes you get swipe happy and you keep swiping to the right if somebody's hot, but you don't really read their bio. And then you read their bio and you're like, oh hell, no, no, absolutely not. And so it gives you an opportunity to kind of not reach out if they don't meet all of the qualifications that you're looking for in a relationship or in a man. And he swiped right on me and I reached out to him.

He was absolutely adorable, so cute, had all the qualifications of being a bad boy, but a good boy at the same time, because, I mean, he's a military man. It wasn't just a military man, he was special operations. That meant he was the elite of the elite, jumping from helicopters, just all of it. His uniform, it was borderline angelic in my mind. I was like he's everything, he's amazing. And this was the first person that I was like he's got everything. I'm looking for A good job. He's tough, he's handsome, he's rugged, he's got a good body. Yeah, he had everything. I definitely reached out. I'm like he fits all the qualifications. Yeah, he was. I think he was four to five years younger than me.

He immediately was like, let's talk, like I mean, I guess his military training. He wants to know if this is, if I'm a real person or not. So we ended up talking on the phone. We clicked, it was so good, everything was just good. Our conversations were good. We talked daily. Then some red flags started to show up, which were.

I'm definitely not looking for a relationship right now. Honesty is a good thing, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course not. I'm not either. I just got out of a 10 year relationship. Of course I'm not. I'm not looking for a relationship either, and I wasn't. I mean, that was true. I absolutely wasn't looking for a relationship. It's like if you put like the perfect human on paper, you're going to fall for that. The more you start talking to them, the more you start hearing about who they are.

He had a son, um, and he was a single dad and he just had all the elements and a little bit of danger because he would have to leave. Okay, this is where you go, but I didn't. This is where he'd have to leave and go in places that I couldn't know about. Right, I couldn't know about it. So he had to go for periods of time where we didn't talk, but it's part of his job. So, of course, it's true. Don't think I didn't have a little bit of inner. Speak about it. Of course I'm like Hmm, you know, did my radar go off? Yes, it definitely went off. But I'm like I'm not going to convict. I'm not going to convict the man. He's got pictures, he's got medals, he's got all of it, like I well, I don't know this at the time, but he's telling me it. So for whatever reason, he was working he wasn't able to see me and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then call me crazy. Hey, you can call me crazy.

At my own brother's wedding I asked him I'm like, listen, there's a party going on the night before the wedding. Do you want to meet there for the first time? I mean, I know you have to go and you have to do your week or two weeks of military duty. Do you want to meet there on your way? And he said, yes, talk about being nervous. I was freaking nervous. So he shows up, he meets everybody and we hit it off. So we walked along the Buffalo ranch and they were roaming.

It was very romantic. It was, you know, kissing and making out, and that went on back and forth where we would meet up, see each other go dark, meet up, see each other go dark, and it was just like a cycle and pattern. But he said he didn't want a relationship. I accepted those terms until it became too much for me because I realized after months and months and months and months and months of this that it wasn't enough for me. It was good to get out there and start dating again, but it wasn't what I really needed at that time. I wanted a relationship, or at least I thought I wanted a relationship. There were other girls, you know, and for whatever reason, he was probably using this. And yes, I did go to his house. Yes, he was not married. Yes To all of that stuff. I slept over there Like I really enjoyed my time with him. I really did.

The thing is he wasn't really what I wanted in a boyfriend. He wasn't really someone I could see a future with. There were red flags there, but I was just like no, no, no, no, no. I could see a controlling side to him that would not work well with me. I'm not submissive in nature. I speak my mind. I do what I want and I need somebody who's equal to that, and I don't want somebody that's subservient, but I want somebody that recognizes that I have my own free will and I could see maybe he wouldn't be that person for me.

So I knew in my own mind that this would not be a long-term thing. I could see that there were good times to be in a controlled situation. And then there were bad times to be in a controlled situation. I had to say goodbye and I told him that I'm like I'm done, I'm, I can't, I can't do this anymore. And he respected it. He's a good guy. He respected it, so I walked away and then some months later I guess this was maybe a year and a half ago, maybe two years ago he reached out again and of course I'm like oh my God, military man, how are you? You know, all giddy again Cause he had that hold on me and I went and saw him again and we have not talked since because I knew after that time of going to his house and hanging out there wasn't going to be anymore. I knew that emotionally he could get to me too much. And then that's how a bad situation for a situationship can happen.

I've been in a friend with benefits situation where it worked. I didn't have any real feelings about this person and they didn't have any real feelings about me and it just played its part. No regrets about that. I don't have any bad ill will. A friends with benefit situation has only worked well one or two times in my life. It's not really for me, although now I look at my life and I'm in a much different mindset and I don't know. I still don't think it would work for me. I don't want somebody right now that's going to be clingy or want everything right away, but I don't want somebody that doesn't want an emotional connection, because I need that Once I do venture out and I'm getting closer. I keep telling you that I know I'm getting closer. I actually almost downloaded Bumble today and maybe when I get off of here I might A little selfishly it could be good content.

I believe that things come into your life at the right time. The universe answers your call, but you also have to be in the mindset to receive it, and I don't know that I fully am, which means I may not be capable of receiving it and it may not happen, and I'm aware of that. What are some of the issues of a situationship? It's non-committal and if you're both on the same page, it works, but if one of you is not on the same page, it doesn't. And the longer it goes on, the more likely one of you is to develop feelings. Okay, so say that you're the one that has the feelings. It gets in a cycle of well, I want to see him. He's going to fall in love with me. He's going to love me, he is going to. How can he not fall in love with me?

Intimacy for women is a lot more emotional than it can be for men. This doesn't speak to all men and it doesn't speak to all women. I'm just speaking of the traditional role, which is really unlike me. Actually, if you want me to be honest, I'm nothing about the traditional role For me. I'm the emotional one. I need the emotional connection and intimacy more emotional.

I know a lot of friends that do not get emotional about intimate relationships at all, like zero, and I'm like damn it. One of my friends has said Christy, you're lace and I'm leather, and that is like a perfect description of who we are when it comes to dating. I'm lace, I'm romantic, I believe in the fairy tale, I'm optimistic. Even though I've been through hell and back, I still have those feelings. My friend was very non-committal, non-emotional and just was there for the fun, and that's good too. I mean that works too. I wish I could kind of go back and forth between leather and lace. I'm not made that way and that's why typically friends with benefits or situationships don't work for me, get into these cycles, so okay.

So, for example, it's like you you realize you start, you've started to develop feelings, so you go over there thinking that they're still going to fall in love with you. They have to right, they have to, and why wouldn't they? You're amazing, I get it, but they don't. They don't form emotional ties to you at all because they told you so, they told you the truth. I don't want that. This is just what this is. So they're not thinking they're doing anything wrong, and they're not, because honesty is important. They're spelling it out for you, but you're still thinking well, it's been six months now and we have been seeing each other every weekend at two in the morning, forever. It's not like you're going out on dates, and if you are, that's just going to add to the complication. It's almost easier if you don't go out on dates, if you don't want a emotional tie to each other.

So you're thinking he's got to feel something and he doesn't. And then you start to realize, you start to get sad and you start to get jealous. Where is he? What's he doing? Why isn't he thinking of me? He should be thinking of me. And then, all of a sudden two o'clock comes and he texts you come over and you're like see, I knew he was thinking of me. And then you go over there and this keeps happening for months. Then you're finally like he's never going to love me. I, you go over there and this keeps happening for months. Then you're finally like he's never going to love me. I'm going to give him an ultimatum, I'm going to let him know like it's me or it's them. Do you want this relationship with me, cause I can't do it anymore. Then he says no, and then you're hurting and you're like well, I thought this was going to be real. I thought you really did care, because in the beginning everything's wonderful. You're making that connection.

You know, situationship is even more complicated. It's more complicated because he's he's showing you all the things that a boyfriend would do. He's giving you that added extra layer of emotion and he's genuine in the moment I believe, mostly genuine in the moment. But there's something that he just won't do. There's the line yeah, I love being with you. Yeah, you mean everything to me, I miss you, I want to see you. It's love bombing, right, it's love bombing.

And then, when it actually comes to the real commitment part. He becomes aloof and you're like, wait, whoa, I thought we had something here. We never were in a relationship. What are you talking about? Then you seem crazy and it becomes gaslighting and that's a whole cycle in that. Look what we can build. You see the future so clearly and they don't and you can't make them. So then it becomes loss.

But it's also living in a fantasy of what you thought was going to happen for all this time and it doesn't never getting what you want. What if you had lasagna in the fridge? Okay, put it in the fridge yesterday, you cooked it. You get home and somebody's eating your damn lasagna. Doesn't that piss you off, cause you've been thinking about lasagna all day in your head and now it's gone. You have to get a piece of that lasagna. How are you going to get a piece of that lasagna? Either I have to make that lasagna again or I have to go buy that lasagna. When you go buy that lasagna, it doesn't taste quite like what you made, what you had in your mind.

It didn't meet the fantasy, and that's similar to what I'm talking about. It's like the fantasy is so real in your head because you know it can work, so you lost them because they haven't seen what you saw, and that's almost more tragic and more harmful than a long-term relationship, because there, at least, you know what it is, you've seen it play out, you've been in the dream together and realized together it's not going to work. But in a situation ship you never quite get there and you're always longing to get there, which makes it much more tragic. That is why Taylor Swift songs are majority about Matt Healy. She never got the fantasy. There was a ceiling. He was a bad boy these damn bad boys, man. I'll tell you what.

This was definitely a topic that I wanted to talk about and because I know that most of us can identify with these feelings of not quite getting what you long for. It happens all the time and then that turns into a fantasy. They seem perfect but they're not. They're flawed. I'm rooting for you, kid. I am rooting for you. I want all the good things to be in your life. I want all of that and I can tell you, for me it is so rewarding to know I don't have any baggage. I'm not going to get into this next relationship that will eventually happen, with these internal wounds and these internal scars. It's just not going to happen. They're going to get 100% of me. There's nobody I'm looking back at. I'm only looking forward, sending you lots of love, positivity and abundance.

This is Love you Miss you Bye. I am Christy Chanel and I will see you next week. Have a good one. Love you, miss you, bye, and I will see you next week. Have a good one. Love you, miss you bye. L-u-m-u-b podcast Love you, miss you Bye has been brought to you by Christy Chanel LLC, but if you're looking for more information or want to follow us on social media, go check out christyschanelcom. All the podcasts are streamed there and the YouTube episodes are there, so why not? You can also listen where all podcasts are streamed there, and the YouTube episodes are there, so why not? You can also listen where all podcasts are streamed. This includes Apple Podcasts and Spotify. And lastly, thank you to you. You, yeah, you the one that's listening or watching. I appreciate you so much. Love you, misha, bye.