Launch Attempt #14! Ready for Liftoff! - "Seven Minutes Towards Action"

So many various failed launch attempts under my belt!

This one feels like my final effort towards anything ressembling a conventional "career."

Full Text below, but it's better with images and links on the site - https://dirtsmith.com/seven-minutes-towards-action/

This is the third in a series about the most impactful seven minutes of my life. The second post covered my reflections on the event and its aftermath. This post addresses the question – Why Now? Why would I focus on this event two years after the fact? And What's Next?

A Year of Challenge The last year has been difficult. I suffered an emotional collapse that derailed my latest “career,” and forced me to address (with success!) a long misdiagnosed mood disorder. Meanwhile, my Mate has had to largely relocate to Europe.

But most critically, (via a lengthy process of disengagement, manipulation, and compassion-leveraging), my ex-wife has effectively kidnapped my daughter.

This last experience has been the most unexpected and devastating act of betrayal I have ever known. As of this moment I haven’t seen my kid in in more than seven months, and she hasn’t communicated with me in four.

Reinforcements About a month and a half ago my daughter was celebrating her 13th birthday, somewhere out of reach. I was engaged in legal efforts to regain contact, and found myself reflecting on that car fire. Perhaps the time had come to identify and connect with the other party to that experience? The exchange ought to at least lift my spirits. And if I wound up needing character witnesses he could furnish a powerful one.

I was able to identify him and get in contact! It was a process, involving a fair bit of detective work, but I eventually reached him by phone a couple weeks ago. (I would have just introduced myself in person but he had moved from the area and relocated 500 miles away). My call, out of the blue and two years after the incident, surprised him. But it was a very positive connection for both of us.

We shared our memories of the event (he only recalls awakening on the ground outside the vehicle). I sent him pictures from the scene, and he returned a lovely montage of photos depicting subsequent significant life events, with a note of gratitude. He also assured me that he will do everything in his power to help with my legal efforts, if required.

A Year of Fortune The last year has brought more than just challenges. It has also provided a precious opportunity to explore authentic living. The support I have received from Mate and others has allowed me to explore numerous avenues of self-expression. These had been stifled by a decades-long forced march through the grim landscapes of employment under the yoke of late-stage capitalism. In the forlorn hope of providing and maintaining an “adequate standard of living” for my family and myself, I had enabled society too long.

But I’ve tried to make the most of this sabbatical. Throughout, I have pondered conjuring a living out of any of these expressions, or somehow cobbling one together from the numerous pieces. This has yielded no confidence-inspiring solution. Meanwhile my window of contemplation is closing.

But I won’t return to Pushing the Wheel towards the Grey City.

Reflecting on the events of two years ago, one final, Hail Mary solution presented itself; I could try my hand as an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT).

Seven Minutes Towards Action My best friend is a paramedic and has worked in emergency medical services (EMS) for about a decade and a half. At the beginning he encouraged me to consider joining him. And I would have back then! But my biggest concern has always been my squeamishness. I was the kid who always had to close his eyes at the gory parts of the movie.

I’ve improved a bit over the years, but this is still a concern. There are others.

The hours (both the long, overnight shifts and the cumulative weekly totals) heavily impact any long-term viability. And while I would have opportunities to save lives, I would also witness profound, unredeemable tragedy. Furthermore, as my best friend notes, his primary daily role is to provide “a taxicab for derelicts.”1

Finally – this isn’t work I can port to Europe when I try to spend time over there.

Thus, I have some concerns about sustainability.

BUT…the skills themselves would be extremely valuable to master, and could prove essential at any moment in daily life. Meanwhile, as the pharmaceutical industry drives Western Medicine further from affordable basic care for the general population in favor of longevity advancement and luxury lifestyle enhancements for the elite, emergency medicine still humbly serves the most vital of human needs, without regard for social class.

So, I have signed up for a course in Emergency Medicine. This course will prepare me for the National Registry of Emergency Medical Technicians (NREMT) exam. After that, my best friend thinks he can get me hired on with his team, and should even be able to provide me with my field training!

Seven Minutes Towards Action Curb Your Enthusiasm My life has furnished a firm curriculum with an overarching message – “Lower Your Expectations (on Everything Outside Your Control).” So when I find myself getting excited about anything that will involve input from others, I reflexively try to reign it in. Thus the rather muted enthusiasm I am expressing.

But I AM excited by the chance to provide for the most basic human needs, in a local community, with no consideration for social class! And who knows? I might just love it! Furthermore, if I can’t hack it full-time, part-time is also an option!

Hope Is Not A Strategy, but sometimes it has value to offer nonetheless. So, fingers crossed!

He has described transporting indigent patients with vague claims of illness to the hospitals of their choice (on the other side of the city). Then, after completing his required paperwork, he has watched them exit the emergency room and depart the grounds. ↩︎