Margaret Trudeau: 'Women Don't Need Protection. We Need Armor'

Margaret Trudeau has a honeyed voice, a warm smile and some hard-won insights on love, joy and the power of being a woman.

She became famous in the 1960s when she married Pierre Trudeau, then the Prime Minister of Canada and almost 30 years her senior. She was barely in her twenties, and stunningly beautiful. They had three children together—and one of them, Justin, is the current Prime Minister of Canada.

In between, Trudeau’s life was filled with glamorous moments—she had relationships with movie stars, politicians and even a Rolling Stone. She became famous for dancing at Studio 54 and made headlines for the gorgeous dress she wore to a White House gala. But there was also tragedy when she lost one of her sons in an accident—which lead to her near suicide and ultimate diagnosis of bipolar disease.

Now she is telling the story in all its joy and anguish in a one-woman show Certain Woman of an Age that has gotten rave reviews in Montreal, Chicago, and is now opening in New York. She is continuing on tour, and the 90-minute performance will be released by Audible so you can hear it at home.

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When I talked with her recently, I was struck with how her story is both very special—and the story of so many women everywhere. She might have been young and vulnerable when she was first lady, but her strength and perspective now are inspiring.

You’re the wife of one prime minister and the mother of another. It’s a rare position! But does it drive you crazy that it’s how people always describe you?

If I didn’t have an identity outside my husband and my children, maybe it would bother me. But
I was glad to be Pierre’s wife and it’s wonderful to be the mother of Justin. I find having been a part of a big political family to be a blessing.

You're very honest in this show. How did you feel the day your children all came to see it?

I was nervous because I was cued to be onstage in five minutes and that turned into 10 minutes and 15 and I didn’t know what was wrong. It turned out the Secret Service had to go through everybody’s knapsacks because of Justin and we hadn’t worked that into the schedule. But it was all lovely and my children were very proud. Everything I say is the truth, but it’s gracious.

You’ve said that Pierre was a feminist as long as you weren’t married to him. Can you explain?

He respected women and had them in his cabinet, and he had very good policies. But with me, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen was basically where he wanted me. He was older, too much older. He was almost 50, and he wanted his children fast. For the years that I was with him, I was either pregnant or nursing.

You were beautiful and young and everyone was trying to protect you. Did you feel like you wanted to escape?

I called 24 Sussex [the Prime Minster’s residence] the crown jewel of the federal penitentiary system because it really took away all my freedom and choice. My husband worked 14 hours a day, so I had an hour and a half a day with him over dinner when I was supposed to charm him with light stories and interesting talk. I was caught in this birdcage. Women don't need protection. We need armor. We need to be ready. We need to have the resources and education to make choices. I didn’t know who to be other than the Prime Minister’s wife. Women need to be resilient and resourceful and have the tools in order to be our best.

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You’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. When did you start to realize something was wrong?

After my second child, I had my first bout of depression and it changed everything. I no longer had light in my eyes or in my heart. I had no interest. I want to make it so clear that depression and sadness are two different things. Depression is an illness, this bottomless pit of gray, of not being able to make choices. It's the worst lonely state. I just wept all the time. I didn't want to get up. I didn't know how to make a choice about what to wear. And then you start feeling better and before you know it, you're up in mania, where your brain is so flooded with a hormone called dopamine that you lose your judgment and can't access reason. It's all chemical and out of your control. Your brain is firing so fast. You get swept away.

You’ve had an extraordinary life, but so many people can identify with your story.

It’s because I’m talking about our emotions and our level of joy. I know so much about mental illness, but I know even more about mental wellness. And you know what? It's a choice. When we get up in the morning, we can be negative and complaining—or we can make a choice to be a happy person. For me it was deciding to lift up my head and walk on the sunny side of the street instead of being in the dark and feeling so sorry for myself. When you hold up your head, you start making eye contact and being part of the world.

You were hospitalized a couple of time. What happened?

If you have depression, you don’t have the capability to make that positive choice on your own, so you must reach out for help. We can't always fix ourselves no matter how smart we think we are. Twenty-one years ago, I lost my second son to an accident and I could not live anymore. I stopped eating and drinking and by the time I had an intervention and the police carried me into the hospital, I was very close to death. With mental illness, like every other illness, you need to have treatment in order to get recovery. But most people will deny even having a problem.
It must be terrifying to think back on that time.

I felt defeated and I felt over, that there was nothing in front of me and the best of my life had been before. And it was just so not true! It’s wonderful when you can get to the other side where you can take the person you've lost and have them sacredly in your heart but not making you sad. It’s lovely to live in the now with balance.

You were tabloid fodder for a long time with your glamorous life. How do you think about those years now?

I look back at that time, the wonderful people I met, the fun I had –it was a hoot and it was a good time. It wasn't real though. It was a false world of movies, stars, and hot lights and all that. The real life is at home. People see the glamour, and that’s how they identify some celebrities, but it’s such a small part of your life. My daughter has a jacket that says “Bad Choices Make Good Stories.” So I have a long story.
I don’t think you have to apologize for having wanted fun and excitement!

I tried my hardest. I just wasn't able to figure it all out because I didn't understand what was going on in my beautiful brain. Now mental wellness opens the door for everything and I’m living with feeling, loving my reliability and my capabilities.

You once said that you wanted to be more than rose in your husband’s lapel. A lot of women spend their time being roses. From your many experiences, what advice could you give to women about finding their own power?
It all comes down to believing in yourself, being confident and saying, I can do it. And even when people say you can't do it, its saying, yes I can. Fear keeps us from moving forward. It’s the one thing we have to battle.

You seem so comfortable with yourself now.

Thank you. It’s good to live in the moment.

Edited from a longer conversation.

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