Everybody has heard the expression "Never burn a bridge." What does it mean to burn a bridge? It means that you end a relationship in such a way that you could never go back and re-start the relationship again -- or perhaps you could, but it would require you to beg forgiveness of the person whose bridge you have burned, even to try.
You burn a bridge when you quit a job by walking out one day and never coming back. You burn a bridge when you break up with your sweetheart via text message, tell him or her never to contact you again and then change your phone number.
For the most part, the advice "Never burn bridges!" is good advice, but there are exceptions to every rule. Some bridges desperately need to be burned. Sometimes for your own sake, you need to take a stand. Burning a bridge involves taking a risk.
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If you tell your sleazy boss that you're leaving your job because you can't subscribe to your boss's brand of business ethics, you'll burn a bridge. Do you care? Your boss is a horrible manager who treats employees like dirt and rips off your customers. You might worry about telling your boss the truth because somewhere in the future, you might run into your boss again.
So what? Do you really think that in this wide world, you're going to find yourself in a position where this one sleazy person's opinion of you matters?
If you never speak your truth, your truth-telling muscles won't grow. You can't spend your whole life avoiding risk. There is a risk in crossing the street. The more truth you tell, the more risks you will take. The more you take risks, the stronger you will become!
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As you think about the future, I hope that you see yourself getting stronger and more confident. There are people stuck in fear all over the place, and some of them are rude or unethical or even abusive. You cannot waste your precious brain and heart cells worrying about whether a person like that will like you or not like you years in the future. You have to focus on your own path!
No matter what you do, some people will like you and some people won't. Your goal is to find the people who resonate at your frequency -- not to placate and appease all seven billion people on earth!
Here are five bridges worth burning.
Burn A Bridge If You Might Be Tempted To Use It Again
Go ahead and burn a bridge as you quit your job if your job is making you sick from anxiety and the toxic culture is crushing your mojo. If you don't burn that bridge as you leave the job, financial stress might get you to think about going back into the toxic environment. If you've burned the bridge on your way out the door -- perhaps by telling your manager the truth about the horrible culture at the job you're leaving -- you won't be able to do that, and you'll have to take another step forward.
Burn A Bridge With Someone Who Tries to Dim Your Flame
Don't hesitate to burn a bridge with someone who tells you that you need them and that they can help you succeed in your career, but then takes advantage of you and lies to you. Many people hold themselves out as very influential people, and at first you might be dazzled by someone like that and taken in by their smooth patter. Gradually you realize that the person who you thought would save you or vault your career to the next level is just a scam artist. Don't be afraid to slam the door on your way out of that relationship!
Burn A Bridge To Support Your Friend
Max was working at a parts warehouse where there were a lot of shady things going on. Max could see that supervisors clocked in for one another and generally broke the rules to their own advantage, but he didn't say anything. After a few months, Max got a better job and he left the warehouse on good terms. A few weeks later, his work-friend Leo called him up and said "Max, are they hiring anybody at your new job? I have to get out of this place. It's even worse here since you left."
Max said "Send me your resume and I'll show it to my boss." He did, and Max's new boss wanted to meet Leo. Then Max got a voicemail message from his former manager back at the parts warehouse. The manager said "If you solicit our employees, I'll sic our company's lawyer on you, and you'll never be eligible to work for this company again." After that, Max was even more avid to get Leo into his new company, and he did -- and got a $500 referral bonus for his trouble!
Max burned a bridge with his old boss by referring Leo into his new company, but he was happy to do it. "I don't need guys like that bully manager on my team," he said.
Burn A Bridge When Your Integrity Requires It
Burn a bridge when your integrity is at stake and the only alternatives are to burn the bridge or to do or say something unethical. It happened to Geeta, who was hired as a Quality Control Manager for a startup company. Geeta was enthusiastic about her new role until she realized that her company hired a Quality Control Manager for show, not because they care about quality control.
Geeta was silenced over and over and her testing plans were pushed aside. Defective products streamed out the door while the company made excuses.
Finally Geeta was called to a Senior Staff Meeting where she was called on the carpet for the quality problems. She had to make a choice -- tell the truth about the brick walls she had run into, or stay silent and look and feel like an idiot. Geeta told the truth. The senior staff applauded her honesty in the meeting but three days later Geeta was terminated. She was glad to be gone and glad that she'd been honest about the real problems in the company.
Soon afterward the CEO was ousted by the Board of Directors. Is Geeta sorry she burned a bridge with that CEO? Not in the slightest!
Burn A Bridge When Your Trusty Gut Tells You To
There is no reason for you to stride across the landscape burning bridges everywhere you go, but there are times when a bridge must go, and your gut will tell you when those times arrive. Sometimes the alternative to burning a bridge is just to slip away quietly, and that is often your best option.
In other situations, you feel honor-bound to take a stand, even if doing so will damage or destroy a relationship possibly forever. Do you care if there are people walking around on this planet who don't like you? I hope you don't care very much about that!
The more your confidence grows and the bigger your flame gets, the more people will resent and dislike you anyway, whether you want them to or not. You will make enemies just by being yourself. Listen to your trusty gut and take the rule "Never burn bridges!" with a grain of salt. Sometimes burning a bridge is the healthiest thing you can do.
