A place to share stories, ask questions or seek advice. Grief affects every person in a different way every time. Whether you are grieving the dead, a relationship, a job, a pet, a place or an era you are welcome here.
Ambiguous Grief
Dear all,
The funeral of the father of my friend is coming up but I feel some resistance attending. My mother passed away half August and being in a funeral setting is something I am a little afraid of. I don't know if I can manage my emotions at this funeral as I am still grieving big time for my mum. I want to be there for my friend and his family and also be able to be at funerals as this is as much part of life as being alive but....did someone had a similar experience?
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Sorry for asking but. why do you need to keep your emotions in check?
it's always alright to cry if you feel that you need to.
I have just not that long ago attended my cousin's confirmation. it was the first time now in the last 5 or so years i have been to the church and it's not been a funeral.
I tried but i couldn't stop the tears.
It will be rough but have you talkt to your friend about how you are feeling about it? maybe you can be there together with someone that can keep you company and be a supporting pillar?
I was really grateful to have my two best friend at my dad's funeral.
It felt better for me to be able to talk to them then all the relatives.
I attended one of my friends dads funeral 3 or 4 months after my mum died. I had the same conflict. I felt so much empathy and love for her, and wanted to be there to support her, but was also worried with all of my own feelings that I might struggle to keep the focus on remembering her dad if I was going to be triggered by my own loss.
I eventually made the decision to go. I planned to sit at the back so I could quietly exit if I needed my own time. But, it was easier than I expected. Still fucking hard, but what surprised me was how easily I was able to detach my own loss from the service. My role there was as her friend, I was there to support her, and for some reason being able to assign that meaning to my presence was able to safeguard my mind from taking over that space with my own grief. Not going to lie once I was home alone it hit me hard, but I was scared I would totally break down at the funeral and I actually kept it together ok.
Grief is like a house. My grief is my house. Your grief is yours. I can visit yours, but it's not mine to live in. That mindset has helped me to separate my own grief from others, especially at times like this when you want to be able to put your grief aside to be there for someone else.
On the other hand, you do have to do what is right for you and even if he doesn't understand now, he will one day. We're all part of the same horrible club and I know I had no animosity whatsoever towards a friend of mine who didn't come to my mums, because his mum had died a few months earlier. He sent his condolences, and when I saw him a few weeks later he so genuinely apologised he couldn't be there and honestly expressed that it was because he just didn't think he could hold it together after his own loss. I totally understood, and your friend probably will too.