Hello! Can someone please read over my intro? I feel like it doesn't unpack the prompt sufficiently enough (especially the "human progress" part..). Thanks in advance for all help. 

Prompt: �The different dystopias represented by Orwell and Scott share a common despair in the possibility of human progress.� Discuss.

Set in dystopian futures, George Orwell�s 1984 and Ridley Scott�s Blade Runner depict societies ruled by absolute and totalitarian authorities. Both asserts that this control cripples any human progress, further compounded by these societies� hostile environment that crushes the human spirit. However even if achieved, Orwell and Scott highlights that humans achieve progress at their own detriment. As such, both author and director ultimately share limited hope for human progress within their respective dystopias.   

Bump! Also, an edited version of the intro (with 2 sub-arguments tho  ):

Set in dystopian futures, George Orwell's 1984 and Ridley Scott's Blade Runner depict societies ruled by absolute and totalitarian authorities. Both asserts that his control, although differing in extremity and form, cripples all effort for humans to better themselves. Even if achieved, both author and director highlights that humans achieve progress at their humanity's expense. As such, Orwell and Scott ultimately share limited hope for human progress within their respective texts.

Bump! Also, an edited version of the intro (with 2 sub-arguments tho  ):

Set in dystopian futures, George Orwell's 1984 and Ridley Scott's Blade Runner depict societies ruled by absolute and totalitarian authorities. Both asserts that his I haven't read the books so I don't know if you're talking about society or a person. If it's about society controling people, then say society's control instead or his control, whereas if it's about a person controlling people you specify their names. I would write something like Both the novel and the film asserts that society's control... control, although differing in extremity and form, cripples all effort for humans to better themselves. Even if achieved, both author and director highlights that humans achieve progress at their humanity's expense. This sounds really clunky and weird. The "even if achieved" at the start of the sentence sounds unnecessary and weird. Also, in my opinion using human and humanity sounds repetitive since they have the same base word. Also you don't really explain how progress is bad or the "expense" of progress. I think you need to talk about it for a bit As such, Orwell and Scott ultimately share limited hope for human progress within their respective texts. Again you haven't really discussed why they have "limited hope for human progress". Even though it is the intro, I think you should briefly go through your points, since right now I have no clue what you're going to talk about in your body paragraphs. Also this sentence sounds weird. It sounds like you're saying that they are sharing limited hope, which is really weird. I would say something like Thus, both Orwell and Scott endorse the notion that there is limited hope for human progress.

Take my feedback with a grain of salt, since I'm only a year 11 student. You should probably get someone else to check it, as I'm probably not the best person to give you feedback.

Take my feedback with a grain of salt, since I'm only a year 11 student. You should probably get someone else to check it, as I'm probably not the best person to give you feedback.

Whoops, was meant to write this instead of his. Anyways, thanks for the feedback!