You know, it’s funny.

We meet so many different people throughout our lives. Some are a joy to be around, while others, well… not so much.

Now, I’m sure you’ve encountered those types who seem genuinely kind to your face but somehow, rumors or hurtful words seem to trail behind them.

Ever wondered why?

Turns out, these individuals might possess certain hidden traits that you might not be aware of. Traits that make them seem like the best companion at first glance, but reveal a whole different story behind your back.

Let’s get started, shall we?

1) They’re masters of flattery

Of course, we all enjoy being praised. However, people who are kind to your face but mean behind your back have turned flattery into a fine art.

They know exactly what to say to make you feel special, but here’s the catch. Their compliments often lack sincerity. It’s as if they’re reading from a script rather than speaking from the heart.

You’ll notice that their flattery often comes at a time when they want something from you. Once they’ve got what they wanted, the compliments suddenly dry up.

2) They’re selective with their kindness

I’ll never forget my college roommate, Jane.

Jane was the epitome of kindness – always ready to lend a hand or offer a comforting word. But there was a pattern to her benevolence that I didn’t notice at first.

She was exceedingly nice to people who were popular or held some sort of power. Yet, she was indifferent, sometimes even rude, to those who were lower on the social ladder or who couldn’t offer her any ‘benefits’.

It took me a while to realize this selective kindness was a trait of being nice upfront but mean behind closed doors.

3) They’re skilled at playing the victim

Let me share a little story about a former colleague of mine, Let’s call him Mark.

Mark was a charismatic guy, always full of energy and the life of every office party. But there was something I noticed that didn’t quite sit well with me.

Every time there was a conflict or a problem, Mark was somehow always the victim. He had a unique talent for twisting situations to make himself appear innocent and wronged, even when he was clearly at fault.

4) They are gossips

Ever met someone who seems to know everyone’s business?

They seem charming, always keen to engage in conversation. But before you know it, they’re spilling all sorts of juicy details about other people.

Despite their friendly demeanor, they don’t hesitate to share private information or indulge in idle gossip. And if they’re willing to talk about others behind their back, chances are, they’re doing the same about you when you’re not around.

5) They’re inconsistent

Inconsistency can be a dead giveaway.

You see, psychologists have observed that people who are kind to your face but mean behind your back often show inconsistency in their behavior. One day they’re your best friend, and the next day they act as if they barely know you.

This flip-flop nature can be disorienting and confusing, making it difficult to establish where you stand with them. It’s like walking on eggshells, never quite sure what type of mood or behavior to expect.

6) They don’t show empathy

I remember a time when I was going through a tough breakup.

It was one of those situations where you feel like your world is falling apart. Naturally, I confided in a friend who was always kind and supportive when we were together.

But rather than offering empathy or understanding, she seemed indifferent to my pain. She would quickly change the subject or make light of my feelings. It was as if my emotional turmoil was an inconvenience to her.

Looking back, I realize this lack of empathy was a clear sign that her kindness was only skin-deep. Genuine friends, after all, share in our joys and sorrows, while those who are kind to your face but mean behind your back often fail to show genuine empathy.

7) They rarely apologize

When they hurt you or make a mistake, they often skirt around the issue or justify their actions instead of apologizing. Their pride or fear of appearing wrong seems to outweigh their concern for your feelings.

An apology requires humility and acknowledgment of one’s faults. It’s a vital part of maintaining healthy, respectful relationships. So, if someone rarely or never apologizes, it might indicate that their kindness is not as genuine as it seems.

Final thoughts

We’ve all been there. Realizing that someone who seemed kind to your face has been less than kind behind your back can be a real punch in the gut.

But here’s the silver lining – these experiences can become invaluable lessons. They can help us become more adept at recognizing genuine relationships and steer clear of those built on false pretenses.

Start by observing the traits we’ve talked about. Pay attention to how people behave and how they treat others. Be mindful of your interactions and trust your instincts.

Remember, it’s okay to distance yourself from people who drain your energy or compromise your peace of mind. It’s not about being cynical or fostering distrust, but about protecting your emotional well-being and choosing to surround yourself with positivity, respect, and sincerity.