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Patrick Carnes

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The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitative Relationships Paperback – 30 April 1998

by Patrick Carnes Ph.D. (Author)

4.5 563 ratings

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Divorce, litigation, incest, child abuse, domestic violence, professional exploitation, religious abuse these are all common areas of trauma bonding. Addictions and compulsions counsellor Dr Carnes shows readers how to break the bonds that trap them in destructive relationships.

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Print length

250 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Health Communications
Publication date

30 April 1998
Dimensions

13.97 x 1.91 x 22.23 cm
ISBN-10

1558745262
ISBN-13

978-1558745261
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Patrick J. Carnes
843
Paperback
13 offers from £10.45

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Health Communications (30 April 1998)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 250 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1558745262
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1558745261
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 13.97 x 1.91 x 22.23 cm

Best Sellers Rank: 140,045 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- 777 in Marriage Relationships
- 818 in Marriage
- 12,118 in Health, Family & Lifestyle Self Help

Customer reviews:
4.5 563 ratings

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Patrick Carnes

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Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5

563 global ratings

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Happy Mum of 1

Finally able to make sense of dysfunctional 'love' relationships

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 6 January 2008

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The title of this book put me off initially as I thought that it could not possibly have any relevance to my life or experiences. Of course I was wrong, the book is great, it is clear and has lots of true life scenarios. It is quite heavy going because of the complexity of exploitative relationships but it makes so much sense. I really am starting to see patterns and links within my romantic relationships and am starting to feel equipped to face new partnerships with knowledge, confidence and a sense of enlightenment. I would highly recommend.

14 people found this helpful

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Trefor Roberts

Absolutely Outstanding

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 1 April 2013

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As a psychologist, I have read hundreds of books. As a human who has struggled all his life I wish I had come across this one far sooner. For anyone who is unhappy in a relationship, yet cannot walk away, this book will provide answers and practical help. It goes way beyond co-dependency and explains why tragically survivors of child abuse are very likely to end up in painful adult relationships and more importantly what to do about it.. It is without doubt the most incredible book I have ever read. Good work Patrick, you are a class act and thank you from the bottom of my heart.

13 people found this helpful

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Grey Breeze

An Informative and Helpful Book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 15 November 2011

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I've yet to finish this book but i'm moving through it very quickly which is always a good sign. I've felt uncomfortable when reading many parts of it as i recognised myself within several of the situations talked about within the book. I don't feel working from a book alone with any kind of abuse that someone has experienced is a good thing and the book itself suggests further help, but for anyone who has explored the subject matter in other areas will find this one of the most informative books at least i've certainly read. Be prepared to confront some painful issues within your life that you may have experienced that will bring up distressing thoughts, but it is an excellent book and if used with getting further help from a professional source, i would certainly recommend it.

7 people found this helpful

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L. Pe

Oh my

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 16 August 2015

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I'm less than half way through this book, and will admit for me it is hard going emotionally.

But it is very good I purchased on the Kindle but will be buying a hard copy. There are some diagnostic assessments which having on paper would of been easier to complete.

Good book, if you have come this far and you think or already know you are Traumatically bonded or as the title suggests Betrayal bonded.

4 people found this helpful

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Titi

Very helpful

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 4 February 2019

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I read much on dysfunctional relationships. This is one of the few books that I came across that provide tips for healthier relationships whilst describing what an unhealthy/dysfunctional relationship is. Highly recommended to anyone who is interested in identifying dysfunction in their relationships and skills to contribute to healthy ones.

6 people found this helpful

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Amazon Customer

A great insight

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 28 August 2018

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Thank you for opening my eyes to a bad relationship and helping me to move on. Not without sadness but with the strength and insight that I needed.

One person found this helpful

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Jenz

very informative

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 1 December 2016

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Such a brilliant book really helped to see where I had my childhood trauma.Love the idea of little tasks you have to do so it makes it more personal. Very glad I purchased this book.

One person found this helpful

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graham ulyatt

brought on kindle and wow what a great book so much stuff for people to identify with ...

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 23 October 2014

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brought on kindle and wow what a great book so much stuff for people to identify with and see why they act as they do towards others , if counselling or just curious as to why relationships don't work then buy this

3 people found this helpful

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Teté

Very good book

Reviewed in Mexico on 29 January 2018

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Es un libro muy fácil de leer y los temas se abordan coherentemente. Además de tener ejercicios de ayuda para la autoreflexión.

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Kindle-Kunde

Sehr hilfreich!

Reviewed in Germany on 3 August 2017

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Wie löst man sich aus krankmachenden Beziehungen? Trennen, durchhalten, verändern oder loslassen und gehen? Dieses Buch gibt eine sehr tiefgehende Orientierungshilfe.

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Samantha

Great book! Have referred it to many others.

Reviewed in Canada on 20 February 2016

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Loved this book and am referring it to clients who are in these kinds of traumatic relationships. While the title is betrayal bond, this book applies to anyone who has been traumatized or abused in any way and in any kind of relationship. My only complaint is that if you buy it in kindle format, it is hard to do the exercises. I had to find a way to convert the book to pdf and then print out the exercises. But the exercises are actually really great (most times I don't do exercises in books). This author knows his stuff and conveys it in a very easy to read and understand way.

2 people found this helpful

Courtney

Empowering - Must Read!

Reviewed in the United States on 10 August 2013

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It's life changing. Nothing is a quick fix, and nothing is going to make everything 'all better' but it gives answers to the reasons why you 'just can't let go', why that person keeps mistreating you, why you feel perpetually hurt by people in your life, why relationships are dysfunctional and it gives you practical ways to come up with a game plan on how to break out of it.

It was like seeing clearly for the first time ever. I've read several self-help books. Boundaries, His Needs Her Needs, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Love Languages, and other books that have you focus on you and only you and how being positive and thinking loving thoughts and extending peace will shift your perception and change how you feel and look at the world, how to release control and let go, and yes they all helped. But only to a certain point. It's like it runs out when it enters this territory that you can't put your finger on. The Betrayal Bond covered and explained everything.

I had been in a relationship that spanned 24 years and for part of the time was a marriage. The concept of letting go no matter how much I wanted it felt impossible. However in reading this book I was able to come up with a logical plan of action that was empowering and not dramatic or inviting further conflict, and I was able to calmly break ties/set boundaries and feel good about it. What I love about this book is that it states things very bluntly, and calls things what they are - but there is no blame. You don't walk away and go "It's all my parent's fault" or "It's all my partner's fault" you say instead "Oh, I understand why I respond like this. And wow, it makes sense that I am in relationship in the way I am with this person. And I understand why he/she responds like this, this is how they learned to cope with the way they were exploited long before me. Wow, this makes perfect sense." It's very validating, and even for someone who has been exploited, you learn to understand (NOT excuse) why that person seeks to exploit others, and why you are ripe to be a victim, and how to break out of that so you can stop repeating it. It makes you feel strong. You learn how logical the next steps are, based on your personal situation. For people who have been molested or sexually assaulted or manipulated it also speaks to that, and it calls it what it is, and explains why you feel the way you do, and how to stand up for yourself and break free of your own emotional and mental prison of pain. It is compassionate, brilliant and brutally honest.

If you want to get healthy and break free, this is empowering. It's like your own personal therapist in a book, but you've got to do the work and be willing to get honest with yourself and do the excavating back to your roots of childhood. It helps identify the victimizers, helps the victims, yet doesn't give you an excuse to remain the victim, but gives you tools to change and heal YOU so that you can change your current and future situations.

15 people found this helpful

Charlene

Eye opening

Reviewed in Canada on 5 August 2018

Verified Purchase

It truly brought important points needed to be understood. Early in book yet good reading and reflection.

One person found this helpful

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The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitative Relationships Paperback – 30 April 1998

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Patrick Carnes

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