I purchased this book as part of a 30 Days of Pride Book Review project. This is that review:
Kristin Lattimer is sure of a lot of things. She's sure that she and her boyfriend Sam are absolutely in love. She's sure she's going to state in the fall on a full track scholarship. She's sure her best friend would never betray her trust. And she never had any reason to doubt that she was 100 percent a girl. Then, her gynecologist informs her that she has Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, or AIS, which means that although her outsides appear feminine her chromosomes are male and, she's horrified to learn, she even has some boy “parts” inside of her. In the aftermath of this discovery all the things she had been so sure of are one by one stripped away and she is left to start from scratch, answering the question of who she is, who she can trust, and how she wants to live her life.
This is a unique “coming-out” story, because Krissy is coming to terms with a medical diagnosis, being told she is intersex, which then becomes known by others before she is ready to even decide how she wants to identify. Being outed, shortly after she learns this fact about her body, makes coming to terms with this side of her a lot more difficult than it would have been for someone who had time to process her emotions and start the long journey of feeling unity with her genetic sex, her external sexual characteristics, and her gender identity. Krissy is kind of thrown into the deep end of all of this immediately.
This novel is, at its core, a journey of personal discovery. Krissy has to step back from all the assumptions she's made about who she is and redefine her identity. This painful process is well articulated, steering through her sudden body dysphoria, her classmates transphobia, and the way her own fears about what this diagnosis means strain her relationships with everyone else still in her life.
It's thoughtful and emotionally wrought.
There is, however, no mistaking this as anything but an “issues” novel. Like if this were a movie, it would be a lifetime movie of the week. So, through research, therapy, and support groups, we are inundated with what it means to be intersex and what it means to be a woman. We get lessons on the definitions of terms; sexuality, sex, gender identity, how they intersect and dovetail and how they diverge. It's good information for those people out there not “in the know.” It's just, as I've said about other YA “issues” novels, you can feel the author attempting to educate you, and at times that intention seems to overpower the more important intention of telling a story.
That being said, I do recommend this book. I think intersex stories should be told and listened to. I think Krissy’s struggle, coming to terms with her identity, will strike a chord with anyone who has become an outsider or worried about where they fit into the scheme of things.
Next, the project scales:
On my Queer Counterculture Visibility Scale, which I invented to quantify how much I felt a book highlights the less visible members of the community, this book does pretty well. There is a lot of prejudice and misunderstanding about people who are intersex, so an intersex point of view character gets a lot of points from me. On top of that, as I said, there are a lot of other things being explored, transphobia, sex vs gender, sexuality. A side character deals with how his father's sexuality affected his own identity when he was younger. A side character, an intersex woman who is more comfortable in her body, proudly identifies as a lesbian. While, most of the main characters are upper middle class and (aside from a few Asian-American characters) white, I did find some diversity in perspective. I'm rating it:
4 out of 5 stars
On the genre expectation scale it does okay. It is very much a “woman finds herself after a difficult truth comes to light” movie of the week kind of story. It hits all the expected benchmarks. I'd like to say that having an intersex main character set it notably apart from other stories like it… but… I'll give it:
3.5 out of 5 stars
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This book had some good moments, some questionable moments, and some moments that failed to get me to connect to the characters. This was the first book I've read about being intersex, and while I recognize the book was well-researched, I felt that this approachable YA written by a founder of the We Need More Diverse Books group had too many faults to be completely enjoyable.I can only imagine (poorly) what it would be like to discover you have AIS well into your teens. It may be confusing, scary at first, worrisome, and cause you to feel a loss of a sense of identity or secure sense of self for some. That is exactly what the character felt. I felt that this part was portrayed well. I also liked that the author wasn't afraid to use the word "hermaphrodite" in the story along with portraying the real stigma, ignorance, and even violence people have in this area. Finally, the betrayal, sense of abandonment, and shift in support system also packed a punch. All of this made the story more real-to-life and taught me so much about the kind of adversity intersex people (along with many others who are queer) face.Unfortunately, all of these realistic, heartbreaking moments were trampled over by all of the tone deaf and unchecked sexism in the book. I would understand sexism and other forms of gender discrimination being a part of the story arch for the main character and how she and those around her view herself and our gender norms overtime, but this was completely lacking.Not only did the character obsess over if she was a girl or not (which may very well be accurate for many with this experience) but she constantly assigned and pigeon-holed people into gender stereotypes throughout the novel. Her dad likes to cook brunch on Sundays? Well, he has to be dubbed "Mr. Mom" during those moments. Her friend who is handling everything poorly is a "bitch," her dad who is new at running but trying for his daughter who feels lost at the moment "runs like a girl."Phrases like these peppered every other page and went unchecked and unchanged. For a novel that blatantly wanted to cover the gray areas of gender identity and went out of its way to correctly state that sex chromosomes and genitalia, gender identity, and sexuality are all separate things and that gender is a social construct, it did a poor job of bringing these points home. I was just disappointed and uncomfortable with the ignorance that even the main character stubbornly portrayed. Maybe, though, others will find this slow-to-learn narrative realistic and relatable and thus powerful.There were a lot of heavy topics covered in this book, but I felt a lot of it was thrown in there for padding, brownie points, or entertainment rather than contributing to the discussion. I prefer to read books that tackle all the hard subjects brought up since it was a deliberate choice by the author and can be triggering or therapeutic for some readers and thus should be given proper attention and closure. I don't believe this was done well for the mother's cancer and resulting grief of the family, a character's bisexual dad, and the bigotted bullying and attempted hate crime/sexual assault. This last event really had me fuming as it was not only completely unnecessary to the narrative, but actually served as a catalyst for the character to "pull herself together" as her "friends" tell her to do. Real life doesn't always have happy endings, supportive friends, or resolutions, but a book that is trying to provide solace to a marginalized group of people should try.Don't get me wrong, I like that the book ended open-ended and hopeful (I actually love these endings), I just wanted some of the loose ends for the side characters to be tied up some so that their struggles didn't feel diminished to entertainment and plot conveniences.I spent a lot of time explaining the weaker, negative points of the story because it's important to discuss how to be better, which also includes me. I'd be glad for anyone to call me out on things that rubbed them the wrong way in my review or where I completely missed the mark. I completely understand that my perspective and opinion isn't the only one out there and want to learn from others. Reading books like this, even if they didn't hit me as hard as I wanted them to, help me grow and learn.Overall, this was a fast read with diverse (though tokenized) characters (Asian side character, single and widowed father, side character with bisexual dad, lesbian side characters) that was well-researched and well-intentioned. For those that have read it, it acts as a great jumping off point for more reads like this. In fact, one of the things I appreciated about this book is the author's note that illustrates how well researched the book is, gives readers links to resources, and lists other books (both fiction and non-fiction) to read more about this experience. For those that haven't read it and younger, sensitive, and/or less discerning readers, I wouldn't recommend it. I think it brings up more problematic things than it challenges.TW: loss of a parent from cancer (told not depicted), grief, attempted suicide (depicted), struggle with identity, cyberbullying, hate crime/attempted assault, depression
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