What About Bob?

Bob Wiley:
Baby step to four o'clock. Baby step to four o'clock.

Bob Wiley:
I see salt and I see pepper, but I don't see a salt substitute.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
You think he's gone? He's not gone. That's the whole point! He's never gone!

Bob Wiley:
Is this some radical new therapy?

Dr. Leo Marvin:
YOU SEE?

Bob Wiley:
You ever hear of Tourette's syndrome? Involuntarily shouting out profanities?

Dr. Leo Marvin:
It's exceptionally rare.

Bob Wiley:
Sh*t-eating son-of-a-b*tch... bastard, douche-bag, twat, numb-nuts, d*ckhead!

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Why exactly are you doing this?

Bob Wiley:
Well, if I fake it then I don't have it.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
All's I want is some peace and quiet!

Bob Wiley:
Okay I'll be quiet.

Siggy:
And I'll be peace!

Bob Wiley:
what if I'm looking for a bathroom, I can't find one... and my bladder explodes?

Bob Wiley:
There are two types of people in this world: those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Are you married?

Bob Wiley:
I'm divorced.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Would you like to talk about that?

Bob Wiley:
There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't. My ex-wife loves him.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
This is black powder, Bob. A teaspoon of it can blow up a tree stump.

Bob Wiley:
How much you got there?

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Twenty pounds.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
You understand right? There's no other solution. You won't go away.

Bob Wiley:
Yes I will.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
No you won't. You're just saying you will, so that when I don't kill you, you'll show up again and make everyone else in my life think you are wonderful and I'm a shmuck. But I'm not a shmuck Bob, and I'm not going to let you breeze into town and steal my family away just because you're crazy enough to be fun.

Bob Wiley:
What are you doing with the gun, Dr. Marvin?

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Death Therapy, Bob. It's a guaranteed cure.

Bob Wiley:
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.

Bob Wiley:
Dr. Marvin, I'M SAILING!

Dr. Leo Marvin:
That's good, KEEP SAILING BOB!

Bob Wiley:
...baby steps get on the elevator... baby steps get on the elevator... Ah, I'm on the elevator.

Bob Wiley:
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Mr. Guttman:
Hello, Dr. Marvin. The house looks nice.

Mrs. Guttman:
Burn in hell, Dr. Marvin!

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Son of a b*tch and BOB!

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Hahaha, Monday we'll eat Gil and Tuesday Bob.

Siggy:
I mean, my dad just dropped me in the water. He let me go with no warning. I mean, I nearly drowned. My whole life passed before my eyes.

Bob Wiley:
You're lucky you're only 12.

Siggy:
It was still grim.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Why are you always wearing black? What is it with you and this death fixation?

Siggy:
Maybe I'm in mourning for my lost childhood.

Bob Wiley:
Good morning Gil. I said good morning, Gil.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Catherine that's easy for you to say. The man is human crazy glue!

Dr. Leo Marvin:
I can't believe that I'm hearing this!

Dr. Leo Marvin:
I'M RELAXED!

Dr. Leo Marvin:
I'M ON VACATION!

Bob Wiley:
Excuse me Phil, but with these particular symptoms, is Prozac the right choice?

Lily Marvin:
You think Prozac is a mistake?

Bob Wiley:
Well, with this kind of manic episode, I would think Librium might be a more effective management tool.

Phil:
You could be right. I'll rewrite the prescription.

Bob:
Baby step on the bus, baby step on the bus...

Driver:
Last bus to Lake Winapinasaukee, Bob!

Bob:
I know Minh, just give me a moment. Baby step to the stairs.

Driver:
Would you be able to board today? We have a "baby" schedule to keep.

Bob:
[to himself] Baby step to 4:00, baby step to 4:00.

[A customer attempts to use the phone]

Bob:
[to customer] Hey! NO, NO! NO! [Calmly]I'm expecting a phone call. [The customer hangs up] Thank You. Thanks a lot. [to everyone else] Thanks everybody, I really appreciate Also, uh If I... loose consciousness or black out or something explodes, would you tell Dr Marvin when he calls that I was here...

Mrs. Guttman:
Dr. Leo Marvin?

Bob:
Do You know him?

Mr. Guttman:
Yeah. He bought our dream house. We worked a lifetime to save for down payment.

Mrs. Guttman:
And He swooped down with his bag full of money, and grabbed it out from under us. Son of a b*tch.

Mr. Guttman:
She never says that.

Mrs. Guttman:
Stay as far away from him as possible.

Bob:
Well, that'll be easy. He won't see me, that's why I'm waiting for the phone call.

Mr. Guttman:
He Won't see you? Well, we'll show you where he lives.

Bob:
You will?

Mrs. Guttman:
The son of a b*tch.

Mr. Guttman:
She never says that.

Dr. Marvin:
You've ruined my life! You've ruined my career! You've ruined my book! You turned a peaceful house into an insane asylum! Get out!

Anna:
Daddy!

Fay:
My god, Leo What's gotten into you?

Dr. Marvin:
It was a disaster, Fay!

Fay:
No, it wasn't. You were wonderful, sweetie.

Anna:
You were fine, dad.

Siggy:
Yeah. Why'd you need to kick Bob out of the House?

Dr. Marvin:
You think he's gone? He's not gone! That's the whole point, He's never gone! [Opens the door]

Bob:
Is this some radical new therapy?

Dr. Marvin:
You see?!

Siggy:
[the Marvins have told Bob to leave, and they are saying farewells] Goodbye, green-puking pissant!

Bob:
Later, barf-breath douche-mouth!

Dr. Marvin:
[To the Guttmans, who saw him push Bob into the lake] WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?! I HAD EVERY RIGHT TO BUY THIS HOUSE!

Bob Wiley:
Hello, my name is Bob. Would you knock me out, please?