Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.
Simply saw an opportunity and took it. When the hard seltzer landscape exploded and brands like White Claw turned to lemonade for an obvious extension, The juice giant protected its turf. Simply Spiked Lemonade was one of 2022’s best new alcoholic drinks. Sweet and bubbly, they delivered more flavor — and about 70 percent more calories — than the rest of the boozy, fizzy drinks in the field.
Lemonade was merely the first step. Summer 2024 is the backdrop to Simply’s Limeade line, 12-packs of seltzer that swap out one sour citrus for another and introduce a few new supporting flavors to the mix. Some of which are finally getting the shine they deserve (blackberry!) and others which are tragically overplayed (… passion fruit). Let’s see how they stack up compared to the original.
Signature Limeade: A-
It looks and smells like the real, non-alcoholic thing. The only tip-off you’re getting a boozy remix is the slim can and the bubbles that rise up to the surface and quickly flee, a carbonation rate befitting a hard seltzer.
The taste itself is full bodied, leaning hard into that lime to create a drink that’s sweet up front, tart on the finish and well balanced throughout. You get a hint of the neutral spirits endemic to the genre, but other than that there isn’t much to tip you off about the five percent alcohol by volume inside.
You do get the distinct impression there’s a decent amount of real lime in here, which since we’re dealing with Simply is exactly what you’d hope. This is borderline dangerous how easy it is to drink. You’ll get worn out by the sugar inside before you stop drinking due to the taste of the booze.
Blackberry Limeade: A+
Oh hell yeah. Blackberry should be where passion fruit exists on the seltzer and canned cocktail spectrum. Anyone who’s ever had blackberry brandy will back me up here (and passion fruit always tastes like it fermented in old rubber. We’ll discuss this later).
It smells like sweet berry, without any of the lime juice prevalent off the top. That citrus kicks in when you take your first sip and … hooooo buddy, it’s awesome. This is just about perfect; sweet and tart with a perfect edge cutting between the two. It’s got a clean crisp finish and it’s less sugary than the signature limeade that came before it.
This is great. One of the best seltzers or canned cocktails I’ve ever had, let alone reviewed here. I wish it had fewer calories so I could crush six of these and play a bunch of Mario Party without feeling too bad. But that sugar makes it work… even if it’s probably gonna lead to a stupid hangover tomorrow morning.
Passion Fruit Limeade: B+
Oh boy. I haven’t had many good experiences with passion fruit, a seltzer flavor that perpetually tastes like stale Now n’ Laters. Wait, does that say “many?” Dang, it should read “any.” That’s on me.
And yet… this avoids that stale taffy trap of other passion fruit drinks. The proper balance of sweet and acidic remains intact, reminding you that, yeah, Simply is an old pro at this. There’s no old rubber taste here, just sweet with a slightly creamy aftertaste.
That’s very surprising, but it makes sense. Simply crushes the nexus between “real fruit flavor” and “sugary kids drink.” This tastes like candy in a glass, but the carbonation and dry finish makes it much more palatable than, say, sipping from a jar of maraschino cherries. There’s not much else I can add here beyond the fact I do not like passion fruit, but I liked this.
Cherry Limeade: B+
Let’s wrap with what should be the easier flavor to nail, on paper. Cherry and lime have made up two-thirds of the best popsicle on earth since the Bomb Pop was brought to life by some food scientist who, tragically, has yet to claim his Nobel Prize. Given the way everything else Simply has done has turned out, expectations are high.
But this doesn’t go Bomb Pop sweet. It goes limeade tart which is a pleasant change up. Cherry is the sourest of the bunch, though that more notable acid doesn’t keep it from being easy to drink. It’s just not quite as “liquid candy” as the passion fruit before it.
This flavor is crisp and sweetly dry. There’s nothing else like it on the market, which you could safely say about any of Simply limeade. This is a brand that knew it had to deliver on flavor when each can has 70 more calories than your standard seltzer. Brother, did it ever.
Would I drink it instead of a Hamm's?
This a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I drink Simply’s Limeades over a cold can of Hamm’s?
Yes. The calorie count is a little high for me — four of these is the equivalent to about seven High Noons — but they taste great.
