How to Develop Interpersonal Intelligence

We’ve all been there: saying something super awkward, feeling lost at parties, or having trouble making friends at work. If we’re being honest, these situations can feel really confusing and uncomfortable. It’s not about wanting to be the life of the party or the most popular person in the room, but about really connecting with others. That’s where interpersonal intelligence comes in.

Interpersonal intelligence is about understanding others’ emotions and being able to interact with them successfully, says Tatiana Rivera Cruz, MSW, LCSW, a therapist at ADHDAdvisor.

Fortunately, interpersonal intelligence is a skill we can develop. In this article, we explore what it is, why it’s important, the benefits it offers, and how to develop it.

The 8 Different Types of Intelligences

The concept of interpersonal intelligence was first proposed by Howard Gardner, a developmental psychologist and professor at Harvard University. Dr. Gardner felt that instead of a single type of intelligence, which we try and measure through IQ tests, there are actually eight different types of intelligences:

• Interpersonal intelligence: Connecting with others and forming relationships
• Intrapersonal intelligence: Understanding our own emotions, motivations, and goals
• Naturalist intelligence: Understanding and interacting with the natural world
• Logical-mathematical intelligence: Reasoning, analyzing, problem-solving, and critical thinking
• Spatial intelligence: Visualizing distance, depth, area, and space
• Bodily-kinesthetic intelligence: Having good physical coordination and movement
• Linguistic intelligence: Reading, writing, language, and communication skills
• Musical intelligence: Understanding, creating, and performing music

We’re all born with varying degrees of each of these types of intelligences. However, with effort and practice, we can improve our skills in each of these areas.

Understanding Interpersonal Intelligence

These are some of the characteristics of interpersonal intelligence:

• Empathy: Interpersonal intelligence helps us put ourselves in other people's shoes and understand their feelings and motivations. This helps us connect with others on a deeper level.
• Social awareness: Interpersonal intelligence involves a high degree of social skills, helping us initiate conversations easily, build relationships with others, and navigate social situations smoothly.
• Communication skills: Interpersonal intelligence helps us express ourselves clearly and pick up on nonverbal cues like body language and facial expressions.
• Adaptability: Interpersonal intelligence also involves adaptability in various social situations. It helps us adjust our communication style, behavior, and approach to different personalities, cultures, and situations.
• Teamwork: This is a key skill for good teamwork. It helps us work effectively within a group, collaborate with others, and appreciate their contributions. It also makes us more likely to ask for help when we need it.
• Leadership: Interpersonal intelligence is often associated with good leadership abilities. Leaders with this intelligence inspire trust, motivate others, and create a supportive environment that encourages collaboration and growth.
• Conflict resolution: Interpersonal intelligence plays an important role in conflict resolution. It helps us see different sides of an issue, find common ground, and mediate between opposing viewpoints.

Developing Interpersonal Intelligence

It's never too late to develop your interpersonal skills. These are some strategies that can help:

Strike up Conversations

It can be helpful to practice having friendly conversations. You can chat with your neighbor while you get the mail, talk to the person sitting next to you on the train or plane, or make conversation with the person waiting in line with you at the coffee shop.

Find Common Ground

An easy way to bond with someone is to look for common ground with them. When you find things you’re both interested in, you’ll automatically have plenty to talk about.

Show Empathy

Try to put yourself in other peoples’ shoes to see things from their perspective. Practice empathy by acknowledging and validating their feelings, perspectives, and experiences.

Become a Keen Observer

When you talk to people, pay attention to nonverbal cues like their body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. These can give you valuable insights into how they really feel about something.

Listen Actively

Active listening goes beyond simply hearing someone speak. It involves paying close attention to what they’re saying and showing them you’re interested in their life. Maintain eye contact with them while they talk to you, ask follow-up questions, and avoid interrupting them.

Be Positive

Be positive, approachable, authentic, and respectful in your interactions with others.

Participate in Social Activities

Use social activities and networking events as opportunities to practice your interpersonal skills in real-life settings. Join clubs, volunteer groups, or professional organizations to meet new people and build relationships.

Reflect on Your Interactions

After social interactions, take some time to reflect on how things went. What went well? What could you have done differently?

Learn From Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes in social situations. Don't beat yourself up, instead, use them as learning opportunities to improve your interpersonal skills.

Study Role Models

Identify role models or mentors who demonstrate effective communication, empathy, and relationship-building skills, and study their behavior.

Try Role-Play

Practice your social skills in a safe space with a trusted friend or family member. You can role-play different scenarios and get feedback on your communication style.

Take a Class

Consider enrolling in a communication class. This can provide you with a structured learning environment and the opportunity to practice your skills with others.

Benefits of Interpersonal Intelligence

These are some of the benefits of interpersonal intelligence:

• Stronger relationships: By understanding and connecting with others on a deeper level, we can build more meaningful and lasting relationships. This applies to friendships, family bonds, romantic relationships, and even workplace connections.
• Reduced social anxiety: As we develop our interpersonal skills, we start to feel more confident in social situations. We’re able to navigate conversations and interactions more easily, with less social anxiety.
• Increased open-mindedness: Interpersonal intelligence teaches us to be empathic and understanding of others' perspectives, emotions, and needs. This helps us be more inclusive and open-minded.
• More favorable negotiations: Whether we’re negotiating a business deal or mediating between our friends or siblings, interpersonal intelligence is key. We can understand the other person's perspective, build a rapport with them, and find solutions that benefit everyone involved.
• Greater career success: This type of intelligence helps us build professional connections, foster mentorship relationships, and advance in careers that require strong interpersonal skills, such as sales, leadership, negotiation, counseling, and customer service.
• Improved well-being: Strong interpersonal relationships are essential for our emotional well-being. By fostering these connections, we can live happier and more fulfilling lives.
  

Interpersonal vs. Intrapersonal Intelligence

Let’s take a look at the differences between interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligences.

Takeaways

By working on your interpersonal intelligence, you can bridge the gap between awkward small talk and meaningful conversations. With time and practice, you can build deeper bonds and stronger connections in your personal, professional, and social life. You’ve got this!