Hello, welcome along to the main meal in today’s three-course World Cup menu. Cameroon, the best African side at this tournament (if you believe the Fifa rankings, which of course none of us do), against Japan (who are a lowly 45th, for what it's worth, which isn't much).

Cameroon... a football team still inextricably linked with Roger Milla and his 1990 wiggling hips. We've seen and heard a lot of Milla during this World Cup already, partly thanks to a brown, fizzy drink, and partly because he suggested Samuel Eto'o had not performed as well for his country as for his club. “Is it worth me going to the World Cup?" responded Eto'o, who has scored 42 times for his country. "I still have a few days to think about it but I will see if my participation is important because I don't need this in my career."

Suffice to say, Samuel Eto'o got over that little huff and takes his place in Cameroon's starting XI today against a Japan side who come in to the tournament on the back of four straight defeats, against Ivory Coast, England, South Korea and Serbia.

JAPAN: 21-Eiji Kawashima; 2-Yuki Abe, 22-Yuji Nakazawa, 4-Tulio, 3-Yuichi Komano; 5-Yuto Nagatomo, 16-Yoshito Okubo, 7-Yasuhito Endo, 17-Makoto Hasebe, 8-Daisuke Matsui, 18-Keisuke Honda.
CAMEROON: 16-Hamidou Souleymanou; 19-Stephane Mbia, 5-Sebastien Bassong, 3-Nicolas Nkoulou, 2-Benoit Assou-Ekotto, 11-Jean Makoun, 18-Enoh Eyong, 15-Achille Webo, 21-Joel Matip, 9-Samuel Eto'o, 13-Eric Choupo-Moting.
Referee: Olegario Benquerenca (Portugal)

Milla claimed he only criticised Eto'o "to spark him up" but that didn't stop the Inter Milan striker firing back: "When I was growing up my bedroom was full of posters of footballers I wanted to be like. The biggest poster that was right behind my bed was of Milla... He has, unfortunately, darkened and tarnished the image I have of the gigantic poster of him behind my bed. In response to the words that have been published that I have done nothing for my country, I ask: is an Olympic gold medal, two African Nation Cups and the all-time goalscoring record for the country nothing?"

No, Samuel, it isn't nothing. By the looks of things, Eto'o may come up against a rather-defence minded Japan side today. Yoshito Okubo, of Visel Kobe fame, is the only striker.

Cameroon coach Paul Le Guen leaves Arsenal’s Alex Song on the bench, while 36-year-old Hamidou Souleymanou replaces regular Idriss Kameni in goal. Inter Milan striker Samuel Eto'o leads the Cameroon attack, along with Achille Webo. Japan coach Takeshi Okada has experimented with various line-ups recently and goes with CSKA Moscow’s star midfielder Keisuke Honda up front alongside Yoshito Okubo. Captain Makoto Hasebe anchoring the midfield.

Sensational start to the BBC's coverage as Emmanuel Adebayor's phone goes off.... twice. Unfortunately, the Manchester City striker has got a very sensible ringtone. I was hoping for Blue Moon at the very least.

Yes, three of the last four goals conceded by Japan have been own goals, and Marcus Tulio Tanaka managed to score two of them, against England and Ivory Coast.

A not very packed crowd at Bloemfontein blow their vuvuzelas with abandon as the teams arrive on the pitch. Anthems now. Japan's is a very mournful affair, and I'd imagine very easy to get out of time, while Cameroon's is a bit more groovy.

Fact attack: Japan have only played 10 World Cup matches and have never won one outside their own country. Cameroon are about to kick off in their sixth World Cup, a record for an African nation. Fact attack ends.

First piece of goalmouth action, and it's after some neat build-up play ion the right inevitably involving Samuel Eto'o. Achille Webo cuts the ball back for Eric Choupo-Moting, but it's behind the Nuremberg striker and Japan survive.

Japan keeper Eiji Kawashima comes for a cross and completely misses it. He's fortunate that Makoto Hasebe is right behind him to head clear.

Not much going on here. Something for the hair fans: Tottenham left-back Benoit Assou-Ekotto has gone for the Jason Lee pineapple, accompanied by a large black headband.

Cameroon keeper Hamidou Souleymanou drops a cross as he challenges with Yoshito Okubo, but manages to collect it before Keisuke Honda can pounce. Okubo, who it turns out was offside from the cross anyway, needs a bit of treatment. A Mexican wave of doom has started. Woe is me.

Daisuke Matsui darts through on goa... Oh, he's offside. A slo-mo now of Keisuke Honda and Samuel Eto'o hugging each other. Lovely. But not exactly the goalmouth action we were after. Eto'o has hardly been in the game and seems a bit isolated out right. Maybe that's why Honda gave him a hug.

Bit of trouble for Stephane Mbia, who lets out a loud (louder than a vuvuzela even) scream as he is challenged by Yasuhito Endo. He's OK though.

And now Japan keeper Eiji Kawashima is on the deck after catching a high ball into the box. Looked to land heavily, but I think he'll be fine and, dare I suggest, may even have been looking for the free-kick. How we feeling out there? Chipper, I hope.

Some sharp passing from Cameroon now as they look to unpick the lock. Jean Makoun threads a pass through for Eric Choupo-Moting, but Yuto Nagatomo is alert to the danger and clears. There's a tiny little bird on the pitch! Completely oblivious to the dour football going on around it, and indeed the din of a thousand vuvuzelas.

And instead of criticising and deriding Ross from Leicester (see earlier text), we should really be thanking him for absolutely guaranteeing this would not be a goalless draw.

According to Infostrada, Cameroon have been behind at half time at the World Cup five times, and never recovered to win. The best they managed was a draw against Chile in 1998.

Mixed messages from Infostrada though, who also report that Japan have only led a World Cup match once at half-time and lost it 3-1 to Australia in 2006.

Samuel Eto'o will stay on the right - for now anyway - as we kick off the second half in Bloemfontein.

Wow. That's the first corner of the match, but Jean Makoun's effort comes to nothing because there's a foul in the box.

Cameroon defender Stephane Mbia, who hardly covered himself in glory for Japan's goal, gives away a free-kick just outside the box on the left touchline, but Japan can't create anything from it.

Much better from Cameroon. Samuel Eto'o beats one man on the right and then jinks between two others. His shirt is being pulled, but the Inter striker stays on his feet and cuts the ball back for Eric Choupo-Moting, who wastefully bends a shot wide. Might be their best chance so far.

Japan playing some nice football, crisp passing to feet. Cameroon still lacking urgency. Whatever Paul Le Guen said at half-time, it hasn't made a lot of difference.

Here's a bit of urgency. Eric Choupo-Moting drives in from the left, but drags a shot wide of the post. Not much urgency, but a bit.

Promising... Eric Choupo-Moting is on the overlap on the left but the pass is horribly overhit and all Cameroon get is a corner. Samuel Eto'o takes it, but Japan clear. Eto'o still mystifyingly stranded on the right. So frustrating to watch.

Only 17 minutes remaining and Samuel Eto'o finally picks up the ball in a central area, but loses control. If Japan hang on, this will be their first World Cup win outside their own country.

Mohammadou Idrissou wins the ball and canters away down the right, but a heavy touch allows Japan to recover.

Mohammadou Idrissou wins a rather fortunate free-kick now after being played in by Samuel Eto'o. Geremi swings it in but Eiji Kawashima punches well clear.

Four minutes of added time remaining. There's a couple of triumphant Japan fans in the crowd who look like they're dressed as skittles. That can't be right though.

Brilliant save by Japan keeper Eiji Kawashima, low to his right from a Mohammadou Idrissou flick. The whistle goes for a free-kick for some pushing by Samuel Eto'o but he wasn't to know that. Japan hanging on now.

Japan record their first ever World Cup win outside their own country. It's also their first win since beating Bahrain 2-0 in the Asian Cup in March. Cameroon, on that evidence, are a long way from being the best African side at this World Cup (see 14:25 entry). I'd put Ghana, South Africa and Nigeria above them. Maybe even Algeria.

And on that statistical bombshell from the brilliant OptaJoe, I shall leave you. Don't stray too far though, Jonathan Stevenson will be back for Italy v Paraguay in a mere 20 minutes. Enough time for a cup of tea and a chocolate-based snack, but nothing more. Bye.