How to Be Friends with Your Younger Sister

Co-authored by Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD

Last Updated: December 18, 2022 References

Being friends with your siblings can be tough at times, but establishing a strong friendship with your younger sister can lead to having a lifelong best friend. Building or strengthening your friendship with your younger sister can be particularly fulfilling for you and a great way to help her develop into a capable young woman. Many younger siblings value the guidance and support an older sibling can provide. Like most friendships, it all begins with showing that you care.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Being a Role Model

1
Demonstrate integrity. Your younger sister learns a lot about the world through her experiences with you. Show her the right way to interact with others as you spend time together.^{[1]
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- Show your self-awareness when making decisions your younger sister is involved with. Let her know how your values, principles and ethics affect your choices.^{[2]
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- Treat her and others with fairness.
- Be honest with her and with others in her company.
2
Focus on your relationship together. In order to be friends with your younger sister, she needs to know that she’s important to you.^{[3]
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- Pay her direct attention and let her know that you are interested in what she has to say.
- Be generous with your time when she needs you. Let her see you make an effort to have time for her.
- Prioritize her needs. Nothing lets someone know that they matter faster than seeing someone take their needs seriously. By making them as important to you as they are to her, you demonstrate how much you value your relationship.^{[4]
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3
Be accessible. Your younger sister may have a lot of questions about her life or yours, or she may just be looking for someone to talk to.^{[5]
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- Let her know that she can come to you when she wants to talk.
- Avoid being critical of what your sister brings to conversations. Make her feel comfortable approaching you with anything.
- Listen to her actively and participate in the conversation.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
  
  Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}
4
Be confident and genuine. Your sister will look up to you more if you see yourself as someone to look up to, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make mistakes.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert

Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}
- Show your sister that you believe in yourself and she will believe in you too.
- Don’t change who you are to fit in with others, instead be yourself and let her know that it’s good to accept who you are.
- Own up to mistakes and demonstrate that they don’t define you. By learning from your mistakes you demonstrate confidence while teaching her an important life lesson.^{[8]
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5
Take good care of her. You can make sure your sister knows how much she means to you by taking good care of her.^{[9]
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- If you are babysitting your sister, see that as an opportunity to spend quality time together, but remember that her safety is your responsibility.
- Explain why things are important for her safety or well-being as you do them.
- Keeping your sister safe and secure may not always make her happy, but it demonstrates your care and concern for her, which will far outlast any temporary frustration.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Being Inclusive and Interested

1
Let your sister play a role in the things that matter to you. Sharing important parts of your life is a great way to bring you and your sister closer.^{[10]
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- Feeling left out can make your sister less apt to want to spend time with you. Make sure she knows that she is welcome to participate in what you’re doing.^{[11]
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- Explain what you are doing and tell her why it’s important to you.
- Make sure your sister understands the importance of what you’re sharing and how important it is to you. Also let her know that it’s important to you that she participates.
2
Pay attention to what matters to her. It’s important not only to share what’s important to you, but to share in what matters to her.
- Acknowledge that you and your sister are both individuals and that it’s okay to not like all of the same things.^{[12]
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- Demonstrate sincere interest in learning about and understanding her interests.
- Don’t make fun of her interests if you don’t share them. It may not be your favorite thing, but it matters to her.
3
Set boundaries and explain them. You can’t always be welcoming and care free, so there’s bound to be a time when you and your sister don’t get along.^{[13]
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- Know when to walk away. Sometimes it’s better just to split up and spend a little time alone to cool off.
- Explain your frustrations as patiently as you can. Your sister may not understand why you’re annoyed or frustrated. By explaining it to her, you can make sure she knows you’re upset at what she’s done, not who she is.
- Set some places or times as off limits, but explain why you need to do so. Maybe you need time to get your homework done or talk to someone important on the phone. Make sure your sister knows why you need the alone time and that it isn’t because of her.
4
Make time for her. Sometimes getting closer to your younger sister can be as easy as just setting aside some time to spend together.
- Let her know that spending time with her is important to you and that you look forward to it.
- Listen to what she has to say and play an active role in the conversation so she knows she has your full interest.^{[14]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
  
  Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Getting Past Sibling Rivalry

1
Avoid competition. Sibling rivalry can arise when siblings feel like they have to compete for attention or become jealous of one another.
- Remember that jealousy is completely natural and can arise from time to time.
- Make it clear to your sister that you don’t need to compete with one another for your parent’s time or attention.
- Praise her accomplishments and help bring attention to her when it’s appropriate so you can make sure she knows that you aren’t competing for your parent’s affection but rather sharing it.
2
Avoid comparisons. You and your sister are at different developmental stages of your lives and have different interests. Teach her not to judge her successes by comparison to yours.
- Discuss your differences in a positive way, emphasizing that you each have your own strengths.
- Praise her for her accomplishments without mentioning your own as a yard stick or measure of comparison. You are different people and don’t need to excel at the same things.
3
Defuse jealousy. Jealousy is bound to rear its head from time to time, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a big deal.
- Downplay the importance of jealousy. If your sister expresses her jealousy of something you can do or have, explain that jealousy is normal and that there’s nothing wrong with it.^{[15]
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- Re-emphasize that you are individuals with your own strengths. If she feels jealous of something you are capable of, discuss some things she is capable of that you wish you could be better at.
4
Settle your arguments fairly. No matter how hard you try, arguments are bound to arise from time to time. Arguments are normal and natural for siblings, just remember that you are friends.
- Treat her with respect even when you’re angry.^{[16]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
  
  Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} Remember you won’t be fighting forever.
- Express what you are upset about clearly without being accusatory. Acknowledge her grievances and concerns.^{[17]
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- Listen to her side of things and try to appreciate where she’s coming from.
- Teach her how to handle disagreements respectfully and calmly by doing so yourself.
5
Emphasize that you’re a team. The best way to alleviate sibling rivalry is to help her understand that you aren’t in competition, you’re on the same team.^{[18]
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- Play games where you can be on the same team or help one another succeed.
- Help her accomplish her goals and ask her help when she can aid in yours. Establish a relationship where you share in one another’s victories.
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Tips

Remember that your younger sister is still learning, so be patient.

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Don't get frustrated if she follows or copies you, imitation is the surest form of flattery.

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