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Teenager 13-19 Years
Just got a call from the middle school principal. Our 7th grader and a few other kids left a piece of paper titled “Death Note” that had 4 teachers and 1 student on it. I am now aware of said show, something we had not watched in our house, and I don’t know where to go from here. The principal said that it was in his handwriting, but that he (our son) said he hadn’t ever seen the show and just knew about it from his friends. They’re now going to do an interview with him, with me and my husband, and check his bag every day for the rest of the school year. He doesn’t have any access to weapons, he doesn’t even have free access to his smart phone or his laptop. He has ADHD and is likely autistic, and he is so easily led to do stupid things. We don’t watch any anime other than Pokémon in our house, but I read up on this show and I am just like, what the actual fuck?
I don’t know where to go from here. They will likely suspend him. He only has through this month left in school but I am considering pulling him out. We’ve talked about online charter schools before and it seems like that will likely be where we go from here. What the hell am I supposed to do? He is 13, he’s a good kid most of the time, other than the sass, he doesn’t watch inappropriate stuff and he doesn’t get in fights or anything. He hardly even has regular friends because someone will hurt his feelings and he won’t want to hang out with them anymore. I’m so lost here and I don’t know what to do.
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Talk to your boy but honestly, this seems to me to just be a stupid thing he and his friends were doing as a laugh. Not very funny, but he wasn't planning to kill anyone.
I think chnagjbg schools is telling him this was a super major life changing error, not a very stupid thing he did presumably in private with his friends.
It was a life changing error. They got this kid on the potential school shooter list. I'd pull him out and homeschool from now on tbh.
Thank you for your input. It was definitely incredibly stupid... Part of the problem I have is that we are in a very small town and 3 of our relatives work for the school. I’m not only concerned for how he will be treated at school from here on out, but also how they will be treated - this could potentially be a life changing error. His principal is a good family friend and he said he doesn’t think it will impact his school life very much at all going forward, that he thinks he was just following the group, but what about how the kids in his grade treat him? How the teachers he wrote on that list will treat him or my family members going forward?
Like...how would a teacher not just find that funny? Seriously. Who takes a bunch of 12 year olds seriously? /facepalm.
A 6 year old first grader shot his teacher last year, seriously wounding her. It is important for schools to take things like this seriously.
This!
I guess in the US that can be taken wrong. Didn't think of that.
Most kids don't enjoy school. Sever kids, especially teenagers, outright hate school and their teachers. If schools treated every kid who mused "what if my teacher died" like a potential shooter then the Principal would be in conferences all day and classrooms would have like 25% attendance.
OP's kid was not trying to magically kill their teachers. They were just doing a dumb, goofy joke.
As long as this remains an isolated incident, it won't affect him long term.
As a youngish teacher who has watched the show, I would not consider this a threat, just a dumb thing to do.
He’s never had any incidents like this before and his counselor said he took what she said very seriously, already wrote a note to the teacher apologizing, and hasn’t put up a fight about his punishment at all. I’ll continue to keep in touch with his school and to keep an eye on him, but his counselor and principal both sounded very confident that they knew he wasn’t serious and that he’d never be violent with anyone.
The optics are bad, but this could be as harmless as teens messing around with an Ouija board. I think it’s right for the school to monitor it, but I hope for your kid’s sake that it blows over.
Such a good analogy.
Thank you. I spoke with both the principal and the counselor and both said they are not concerned, not taking it as a serious threat as they both know him and know that he is a good, kind kid who sometimes makes very stupid decisions. It seems like he will be looking at In School Suspension for a day or two but they said it likely won’t be more than that. Apparently he listed the one teacher he has had issues with this year (the first in his entire school career) and two other kids each wrote 2 names. The counselor said he admitted to being the writer and contributing one name but that it was not his idea and he was not continuing it like the other two kids. I am still stressing out about this but they reassured me quite a bit.
I have a Death Note wallet because I thought it was funny/cool. It's just fiction, the story is interesting and the shinigami is funny eating apples and dropping a death note just to see what would happen - it really doesn't feel that dark. If he happened to like horror and wrote a horror story about school, would he be punished too?
I feel like this is a massive overreaction to a fiction reference that could be considered offensive to the teachers/student at worst. We have toy weapons and we reenact warfare on the playground, but somehow this is worse??
I’m trying to comprehend how a school could ever overreact to a teenage kid writing out what reads as a kill list of teachers and a classmate in the US.
“Well actually if you’ve watched the anime or read the manga it’s not so bad.” /s 🙄
How dark the show is, isn’t the point.
Getting things clarified before making assumptions seems like the right way to go? Checking a kid's school backpack for the year is hardly justified afterwards. That's not going to be overlooked by his classmates either if they get word of it, and could in turn make the others avoidant of him. Kids are not always kind to each other at that age.
Adults are to blame for that school environment to begin with. Punishing a teen this severely for doing teen things somehow seems counterproductive to me.
This, I would expect the teachers to react MORE.
I got suspended for a similar thing in elementary school, I wrote a list of kids I knew who had dogs. Teachers found it in my desk and automatically assumed it was a kill list. I was suspended and not allowed to return until I’d talked to a doctor and police officers. I was told never ever to put lists of names in writing no matter what they are for, and I’ve taken that to heart.
Making a list of names that says “death” on it in any way should be investigated MASSIVELY.
There’s also the possibility they were referencing a show to cover up their plan. I also knew kids who would threaten other students and when confronted say they were actually talking about a cartoon character with the same name and the teachers bought it hook line and sinker. Until the actual kid was forced to drink hand sanitizer and thrown down a flight of steps and got a TBI
I’ve not watched the show ever, and to my knowledge he hasn’t either, so the first I’ve really heard of it is now. A quick google search essentially made it sound like a very dark anime. It may be an overreaction, but at least in America, we have so many school shootings or other horrible things happening in schools, I can’t even blame them for an overreaction. Thankfully he’s very apologetic and his school staff know very well that he is not a violent boy, but he is definitely one to follow the crowd.
I would consider the show to be similar to Breaking Bad, but in anime form. It basically takes a very bright, good natured character and a life event that causes the character to evolve into a monster of sorts.
I’ve read the manga and movies and anime. And it was more about riding the world of criminals and kinda asking the question when does it get taken to far.
I remember buying the replica book. That looked exactly like the anime. Never wrote in it.
So I can see it being done as some harmless fun. But perhaps because I’m not American the situation would be different because of where I am.
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You can have a different take, do you say that to everyone who thinks differently than you? I did not find the anime dark compared to what else I've seen in the horror/psychological genre when it comes to anime. You're the first person I get to know that doesn't think Ryuk is funny for his apple cravings.
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It's a dark show in that there is a death, but ultimately it's just a cat and mouse detective show with this supernatural twist to it. I wouldn't call it particularly concerning. It was extremely popular when it came out among all kinds of kids, not just the kind of darker/goth kids. I'm a mystery book reader and I put it in with the same kind of level of darkness as a lot of the, say, Agatha Christie books I read.
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I didn't say it's the same as Pokémon at all, I said it's fiction, it's horror, and there shouldn't be anything wrong with liking horror or referencing it the same way one can like shooting games without wanting to murder people. Differentiate between reality and fiction is all I try to say. Where do you draw the line otherwise?
I think you’re doing everything right so far, but pulling him from school would be an overreaction. Continue to cooperate with the school and communicate with your son.
Monitoring him seems like an appropriate reaction and punishment on the school’s part. He has to give up a bit of time and privacy in exchange for rebuilding trust.
The school is grossly overreacting. This kid is on the potential school shooter list. I'd be yanking my kid out and blowing it up on social media.
I think it’s fair for a school to be cautious and not understand the nuances of a once popular anime.
Fair to be cautious but this is outright punishing a disabled kid. Sorry but it needs to be said.
Likely autistic is unfortunately not a protected class. OP would have more leverage here if they had an autism diagnosis and her son would quality for educational support and federal protections.
As others have mentioned, this isn’t as serious as the people involved are taking it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a good thing, but I also wouldn’t treat this as your child creating a hit list. Death Note is a very popular anime, and I’m sure he and his friends just got a little carried away after watching the show.
Teacher of 14 to 15 year olds here.
This is perfectly normal and even developmentally appropriate for students coming out of the age of their innocence. It's clearly a thought experiment, even enabling them to flex their moral standards.
In many ways, it's the same experiment Dostoyevsky explored in Crime and Punishment, and if I was the teacher who found it, I would laugh and ask them to explain their reasoning (though I've seen the anime and that would probably take the sting out of it.)
The principal seems like a hyper sensitive ass, as most admin are. Sorry that I have no advice there, but I do recommend not punishing your child over this. In fact, it could be a great waybto explore the cause and effects of his list. Done right, he'll probably see that, in fact, writing someone's name in the Note can only lead to bad things, just as Dostoyevsky and the anime do 😊
This response seems kind of ridiculous to me? Plenty of kids have done this, I mean remember the burn book from Mean Girls. I sincerely doubt your child or his friends were actually planning to murder anybody. The list could have been titled “People we don’t like” and that’d be just as accurate, they just happen to also like anime.
Absolutely there should be consequences and they should speak to the counselor, but checking his bag everyday and scouring his internet usage for signs of a killer seem like an overreaction. The staff at your kid’s school sound inexperienced in the way kids actually talk to each other. This sort of thing is super normal for the age group.
They want to pull the kid out of school over this?
I mean, I get that because of school shootings these things are taken very seriously, but holy shit!
How about having a chat with the kid and making sure he understands it's not a thing you can joke about.
If it was a group of friends, he should have no other choice but to divulge the identity of all the students "participating" in this and interviewed as well before the school decides on who to suspend for how long. We, as adults, can comprehend the effect something like this can have on the school and it's entire population. Kids that age don't have the prefrontal cortex capacity to understand the outcomes this kind of thing can have, it's up to the parents AND THE SCHOOL to teach our children to do the right thing.
Just seems like dumb kid stuff! I’ve seen the anime and read the manga ( kinda fun). The reaction seems a bit dramatic when you put it in the context of a cartoon. Certainly needed to have a word with him though.
Pulling him from school because you don't like the consequences isn't going to do anyone any favors. Yeah, it's probably a stupid harmless joke. But it's the type of joke that every teen turned school shooter would have made also. At the end of the day, the death note is names of people you hope/wish/want to die. Even without intent, that's gross and deserves consequences.
Pulling him from school would not be in reaction to him suffering consequences. Pulling him from the school where he makes poor decisions is a consequence.
I think you're overreacting a bit. Explain to him why what he did is being taken so seriously, but understand it's just something kids do. Death Note was very popular when I was in school and this sort of thing was super common. I'm pretty sure Hot Topic even sold "Death Note" notebooks. I'd be more concerned if this wasn't linked to the anime TBH.
This is an incredibly serious situation and I’d be surprised if all the school does is suspend; I would think talk of expulsion would be next. It sounds like it was a group effort but your son is the one who actually wrote it, so he’s the one in trouble.
I don’t think pulling him out of school is the answer. I would first have a conversation about “going along to get along” . More than likely, his lack of friends is what sparked this. He wants to be accepted so he’s willing to do whatever it takes to fit in, even really dumb stuff like this.
Maybe his social skills need some work. There’s a reason why he doesn’t have a lot of friends and you need to get to the root of that.
It really isn't. This is the edgy goth teen equivalent of "what color Power Ranger would you be."
In the world we’re living in…leaving a note titled “death note” with a list of people’s names on it is a very serious situation.
No. 1 of 2 things will happen:
The teacher or principal or whoever will find the note and go, "Ah, yes, Death Note. One of the most popular comic and TV series of all time. This is a dumb and stupid joke." Then they'll tell the kid, "Don't do that," and then go home and tell their friends cus it's hilarious.
or
2. Or, they'll think it's serious and try to make a big deal out of it. 5 seconds later someone will tell them it's a reference to one of the most popular comic and TV series of all time. They'll be like, "This is a dumb and stupid joke." Then they'll tell the kid, "Don't do that," and then go home forget about it.
Any other situation would be a complete and total overreaction. Kids have been making "real" Death Notes for 20 years. It's really not a big deal. It's kinda creepy and weird and could get you in trouble if the person who finds it has been out of the pop culture loop for 20 years, but it's really, really not a serious situation.
I've literally had kids write notes about how they're going to kill me and guess what? It's fuckin hilarious every time.
The point of “death note” is that by writing their names they will automatically die, not a list of people they WANT to kill. These kids know they will not automatically die, and don’t have any desire to take murderous action. They just wish that by writing their names they’d disappear, something many kids have written in diaries or ouija boards
Well that makes sense then. I guess I’m out of the loop and didn’t know that’s what a “death note” is! Unfortunately i think I’ve been conditioned to assume that it’s the latter because of all the terrible tragedies and school shootings that have happened. I had no idea this was even a thing, it’s not something I’ve heard my own (14f/11m) mention or heard chatter of at all. Now knowing this, it seems harmless and not at all what i thought it meant! Thank you for explaining!
Thank you. I have never seen this show so when I got the first call, I immediately started freaking out and googled it. I still don’t really see the appeal, but I like stuff other people don’t! It will still not be allowed in our house after this incident though.
In my personal perspective as someone from Oxford MI, with kids in the school system, this is an incredibly serious situation. The school is doing the right thing. Even if the child had no intention they need to be held to some accountability. Something like this would be handled the same exact way in our district.
Thank you for your take. They will not be expelling him, not even close. Both the principal and the counselor called me and reassured me they know he is a good, kind kid who did something dumb with other dumb teenager boys. He was very open with them about his role in this and he is likely looking at 1 or 2 days of in -school suspension.
His lack of regular friends is mostly due to his innocence and being sensitive. He won’t hang around with kids who tease him or bully other kids or the kids who are already having sex and vaping. He attributes a lot of it to not having social media, which is a hard no in our house.
Sorry, but the school did the right thing.
Years ago, a kid in my class (middle school) made a hit list (entitled as such). Teachers found it, parents called. They raised a huge stink and donated some money, and all the kid had to do was apologize.
The show is not the point. The school did not overreact. Making a list of names that includes “death” on it in any capacity should be looked into by the school.
Could you imagine if they didn't? People would be up in arms if something actually transpired, but y'all want to call admin overzealous or ridiculous is somewhat mind blowing.
I think you’re doing everything right so far, but pulling him from school would be an overreaction. Continue to cooperate with the school and communicate with your son.
Monitoring him seems like an appropriate reaction and punishment on the school’s part. The extent of this does seem a little extreme, but if you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.