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The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World Hardcover – 27 Mar. 2014


The Book of Forgiving, written together by the Nobel Peace Laureate Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and his daughter Revd Mpho Tutu, offers a deeply personal testament and guide to the process of forgiveness.

All of us have at times needed both to forgive and be forgiven – whether small, everyday harms or real traumas. But the path to forgiveness is not easy, and the process unclear. How do we let go of resentment when we have been harmed, at times irreparably? How do we forgive and still pursue justice? How do we heal our hearts? How do we heal the harm we have caused others? And how do we forgive ourselves?

Drawing on his memories of reconciliation in post-apartheid South Africa, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, together with his daughter, Revd Mpho Tutu, herself an experienced teacher and preacher, offers four concrete steps along the path to forgiving and being forgiven.

Each chapter contains reflections and personal stories, as well as exercises for practising each step of the path. The Book of Forgiving is a touchstone and tool for anyone seeking the freedom of forgiveness: an inspiring guide to healing ourselves and creating a more united world.

Product description

Review

'I am lost for words to express my appreciation for this book. With considerable courage the authors recall the hurts they and others have suffered and how, in the face of dreadful wrongs,forgiveness has proved to be truly healing.’ – Terry Waite

‘Desmond and Mpho Tutu have been very practical and generous in writing this book. Drawing on an experience of suffering and forgiveness which no-one would wish to endure, they make a loving gift of it to make forgiving easier for their readers, who should be many – for the need to forgive is as basic to our humanity and the future of our species as eating and breathing.’ – Diarmaid McCullough

‘Bishop Tutu and his daughter Mpho reveal groundbreaking insights as to how to acknowledge and resolve our lifelong burdens of anguish and pain towards a new paradigm of transformative healing.’ – Annie Lennox

About the Author

Desmond M. Tutu is the Archbishop Emeritus of Cape Town, and became a prominent leader in the crusade for justice and racial conciliation in South Africa, his extraordinary contributions becoming a crucial component in the transition to a free democracy in South Africa and earning him a Nobel Peace Prize in 1984.

The Rev. Mpho A. Tutu, an episcopal priest, is the executive director of the Desmond & Leah Tutu Legacy Foundation. An experienced preacher, teacher and public speaker, Rev. Tutu holds a Master of Divinity degree from Episcopal Divinity School in Cambridge, MA. Rev.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ William Collins (27 Mar. 2014)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 240 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0007512872
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0007512874
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 14.1 x 2.3 x 22.2 cm
  • Customer reviews:

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Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
1,864 global ratings

Top reviews from United Kingdom

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 15 April 2022
A gently, thoughtfully, and intelligently written book. We think we know what forgiving is, but really we haven’t got a clue. I bought it because I keep finding myself ruminating over past traumatic incidences. The perpetrators have probably long forgotten me, but I still wake up at 3 am and keep thinking about them and their vileness. This needs to stop. I need to let go and walk away. This book has helped immediately. If you want to bury past and move on, read this book.
7 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 23 December 2022
It's a book that everyone can gain from reading, and I recommend you do so.

Wonderfully written, and thought provoking. And also providing the introspection we all need from time to time.
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 2 October 2023
We should all learn to forgive but if you really want to understand what true forgiveness is, you have to start with yourself because you can not forgive others if you can not accept that you yourself self have some foibles and weaknesses that you need to deal with before you can actually understand that others too are the same as yourself. You can not be irreconcilable or reconciling if you can don't admit you make mistakes

The most person that we need to forgive is yourself. Why? Because regardless of what has happened; regardless of who was in the wrong; regardless of who started it or ended it or played part in it -- your response to it is far more important to it than the root cause of it. Why? Because you can choose to follow the path of the antichrist, that is the devil, or the path of God. Fire doesn't extinguish by pouring more fuel to it, it just gets more engulfed into flames. The side and decisions you make as your ultimate response will either be of God or of the antichrist.

If your wife goes and screws with another man and she comes back home and you find out. You obviously feel betrayed and angered. You go out filled with rage yo the nearest pub and you intoxicate yourself with alcohol and when you come back home, you go off and do something that is do horrible and evil because who think that she lied that she lived you and you now think that you almost own her to the point that you can even take her life. Even if her acts were every evil and inexcusable, your subsequent actions will be regrettable for the rest of your life. The devil has burned both of you.

We can see the seem things in wars. The Ukrainians are now dying and corpses rotting on the streets left to be fed to animals and wild dogs looms the streets to be fed on human flesh. Our response to that war in failing to negotiate peace makes us culprits. We are not a solution but rather a problem because we are pouring more fuel to a burning inferno.

Counter weapons and counter weapons will never bring back destroyed lives and devastated families or destroyed societies. And the same story goes on in Iraq, Libya, Syria, Afghanistan, Sudan, Yemen, Israel, Taiwan or People's republic of China, etc, etc.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 26 July 2014
very lovingly written with a common sense approach to life and its traumas. good/must read for anyone not just for those recovering from political/religious wars.
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 2 November 2015
I don't usually review books but this one made a real impact on both my husband and myself. Whether or not one has a need for forgiveness from someone else, to forgive someone else or yourself or perhaps at the moment the concept of forgiveness doesn't apparently play a part in your life this book gives some clear guidelines on how to go through the process of forgiveness and how it can repair broken lives and potentially bring peace to the world. Although written by Archbishop Tutu the book is not overtly religious. If your life is hurting the book should give you hope of a better future and if you feel that your life is good it will help to keep your relationships healthy.
3 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 7 August 2023
Loved this book 5*
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 21 February 2023
The need for forgiveness lies at the heart of the human condition. Who better to explain the systematic process of it than Tutu, who chaired the Truth and reconciliation commission in South Africa after the fall of apartheid, together with his daughter.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 25 February 2021
Found the book quite repetitive guess I was expecting more from it

Top reviews from other countries

Brenda J. Mcquade
5.0 out of 5 stars Makes you think
Reviewed in Canada on 9 November 2023
I’ve tried to be more forgiving
Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars “I would like to share with you two simple truths: there is nothing that cannot be forgiven, and there is no one undeserving of forgiveness.”
Reviewed in the United States on 23 January 2020
Forgiveness is a difficult trait for me to master. I find myself holding grudges towards someone making a snide comment or looking at me funny. There are also moments where I feel that a person has wronged me in more serious ways, and those grudges are even harder to free myself of. These emotions have done me no favors, and I would do well to let them go. But that is much easier said than done. In this book, Desmond Tutu and his daughter Mpho instruct how to forgive and how to be forgiven.

I know that I will refer back to this book when I find myself in dark times. With clarity and powerful anecdotes, the authors delineate what you must do in order to forgive someone in a way that makes sense and is easy to implement. There are tangible steps that one can take to forgive, and the authors lay out those steps in a way that is grounded and understandable. I would not call this book religious at all, but it does have moments of spirituality. These include poems and mindfulness exercises that people can use to help them forgive. None of these resonated with me, but others might find them useful. The core content of this book, though, is down to earth and never once do the authors take a holier than thou attitude (an attitude which Desmond Tutu of all people would have every right to take). I value this book because it gives me the in-the-moment thoughts and actions I must take to forgive, and also gives me answers as to why and how I must forgive. I consider this book life-changing because it can directly act on me to make me a better person.

Overall, we need to forgive for our own peace more so than for anyone else. If you find yourself in a place where you have anything from deeply ingrained grudges to severe trauma, this book might help you.
27 people found this helpful
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Elaine Keane
5.0 out of 5 stars About forgiveness
Reviewed in Australia on 6 March 2024
This was purchased as part of a group study project.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Must read for everyone!
Reviewed in India on 16 March 2017
Because everyone needs forgiveness in life- to forgive and be forgiven, we need both at some point in life.

This book is both - a friend and a journal or a journey with a dear friend teaching us how to break through the icy stuff in our hearts and learn to live and love again- with complete workbook with exercises and homework! Desmond Tutu's narrative is very gentle and we can feel it in all its vulnerability when he shares his personal stories.

The main take away for me was learning how to forgive people who are not sorry. One of the quotes I came across was,"Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past."

This book deserves a place in all bookshelves!
3 people found this helpful
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Daniela Hartmann
5.0 out of 5 stars Der Weg der Vergebung
Reviewed in Germany on 30 August 2016
Ein eindrucksvolles Buch, dass lebensnah beschreibt was Vergebung bedeutet und wie wir sie in unser Leben einladen können. Es hat mich tief in meinem Herzen berührt!
One person found this helpful
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