Mom of 3 Shares the Secret to How She 'Does It All' & Women Everywhere Are Applauding
Karen Johnson knows how it feels to be burning the candle at both ends. (It is, after all, how she gets through most days.) The busy mom of three, who works as a freelance writer/editor by day while also running The 21st Century SAHM, is always drowning in to-do lists, and feeling like a big fat failure when many of those tasks go unchecked. But in a now-viral Facebook post, the Wisconsin mom says she recently started to reframe what "doing it all" really looks like for her ... and believe it or not, the simple shift in mindset has been kind of life-changing.
Johnson originally wrote the post more than two weeks ago
In it, she holds up a head of fresh broccoli, and gives the camera a bright-eyed smile.
"Story time!" Johnson wrote on August 30. "Why am I holding up a giant head of broccoli? Glad you asked."
The mom of three goes on to warn her followers that what they're about to read is definitely not a "Look how amazing I am" kinda post. Instead, it's a real, honest-to-goodness mom confession that just might make them all feel better about their own lives, too. (And take it from us — this one's definitely worth a read.)
She begins by giving herself a major pat on the back
And honetly, she deserved it. Johnson had just wrapped up a highly productive day that ended with her (almost) checking everything off her to-do list, and was feeling pretty good about it.
"Today, I was efficient AF," wrote Johnson, before listing off the various tasks she managed to perform throughout the day.
In addition to registering her son for tennis, she also rented her daughter a clarinet for band try-outs, dropped her other son's Epi-Pen paperwork at the pediatrician's office, shopped for dinner items at the grocery store, bought allergy meds for her son, had a painter swing by her house to give an estimate on a project, picked up her son's friend so he could have a play date ... and paid all the household bills.
... Impressed yet? Just wait — there's more.
After that, she returned home to prep dinner
That's right — even after an insanely busy day, Johnson managed to meal prep, grocery shop for her family, and then actually follow through with it. (You now, instead of just GrubHubbing dinner 'cause she was too tired to cook.)
AH-MAZING.
On top of it all, Johnson also managed to pull off a full work day for her job, which included writing an in-depth article, creating a presentation, and doing approximately "900 other things my job requires of me daily" — all while emailing/Slacking/and communicating with coworkers about day-to-day operations.
"I also drank six glasses of water AND ate a salad for lunch!" she added. "A SALAD people. Like, I killed it today. Seriously. EFFICIENT AF."
If you're rolling your eyes right now, let us stop you right there
Johnson's post wasn't meant toot her own horn (though honestly, she has every right to). Instead, she wrote it to prove to moms everywhere exactly how she managed to pull the whole thing off.
And — spoiler alert — it wasn't because she's some kind of supermom who operates on a different plane that the rest of us could only dream of.
Nope.
According to Johnson, she manages to "do it all" by ... well, not doing it all.
"My kids were on screens all the damn day," she confessed. "I barely saw them. They fed themselves breakfast and lunch (food foraging was the only time they emerged from the basement) and I'm pretty sure they ate ice cream for breakfast and Oreos for lunch. I don't even know. There were definitely zero fruits consumed."
There's also another big piece of the puzzle she hadn't shared ...
"The house is trashed," Johnson admits. "We just got back from a 2-week vacation Saturday night and still haven't finished unpacking. Sh-t is everywhere. Like EV. ER. Y. WHERE. No one can find underwear or socks. Or that's all they can find and they're basically naked. There's no in between."
"That's how I managed such an 'efficient' day," she concluded.
So there you have it — the "secret" to momming
And while we're on the subject, here's another one for ya ...
"Anyone who tells you that you can do it all — that you can parent the way you've been guilted into believing you need to parent, and maintain a career you very much deserve and likely need to support your family, and do all the 843 errands moms always need to do like rent fricking clarinets and buy Zyrtec for your allergy-ridden child who ran out last night, and cook healthy meals for your family, and exercise and eat salads and drink water (self care!) and keep your house clean and actually know where your kids are and what they're doing — anyone who says you can do all of that is lying."
"Do you hear me? LYING."
"Something HAS to give. In fact, many things have to give. There is no other way."
The debate around "doing it all" has been around for decades
(Of course, for some reason it's always aimed at women — because when did anyone ask or even expect a dad to "do it all"?)
The point is, it's an impossible standard to meet and maintain; in motherhood especially, but also just in life. At the end of the day, bending over backwards to do all the things and do them perfectly helps no one — least of all our kids. Instead, it just leaves them with a physically and emotionally exhausted, cranky AF, and mentally tapped-out mom.
So forget that to-do list, mamas
Okay, don't actually forget it — some of those things are actually super important. But do yourself a favor and re-draft it. And the next time you're overwhelmed (AKA five minutes from now), take a cue from Johnson and stick to what really needs to get done. The rest can go by the wayside.
Are your kids able to wipe their own butts and help themselves to a snack from the fridge? Let them. Will it matter if the laundry continues to pile up for a few more days, so long as everyone has a pair of clean underwear on? Then look the other way.
The only way to get through it, says Johnson, is to get through it.
"I did a million things today," she writes in her post. "Go me, right? But guess what? I also didn't do a million things today."
"Maybe tomorrow I'll finally unpack and put everything away and find everyone's socks. Maybe tomorrow I'll make my kids take screen breaks and go outside and read books and not be screen zombies. But then, maybe I won't work out and won't get all my work done for my actual job and we'll end up ordering takeout or eating cereal for dinner."
In the end, the real secret to "doing it all" is simply not to
"You can't do it all," writes Johnson. "None of us can. Be proud of what you do — however long or short that list is — because tomorrow's another day with another list. And you'll rock it tomorrow, in some ways. And in some ways, you won't. Because that's motherhood."
Since writing her post, Johnson has gotten a LOT of applause
In the past two weeks, her words have been read and shared by thousands of moms — many of whom have thanked Johnson for being so damn honest about something that impacts each and every mother out there.
"Wow!" wrote one mom. "Needed this pep talk! Thanks for sharing your crazy life with us. Thanks for telling us how it is and for those of us who feel guilted, for telling is not to feel guilted. Much appreciated!"
"I felt this," added someone else. "I often feel guilty for letting some of my spinning plates fall and crash just so I can keep a few going."
"THANK YOU," wrote another mom. "I feel so ... seen."
"Thanks for being real and honest," yet another mom added. "And saying the things no one does. You are absolutely right, no one can do it all alone."
Johnson says these are the comments she's loved getting the most, because they confirm that she's accomplished what she set out to do in the first place: Release moms everywhere from the burden of trying (and inevitably failing) to do it all.
"Motherhood since Day 1 has been incredibly hard (in ways I never anticipated) and from the beginning, I have felt a calling to connect to other moms and let them know that they are not alone and that they are doing a good job," Johnson tells Mom.com. "That continues to be my passion, even now, 13 years in."
There's a reason why so many moms are nodding their heads in agreement
"I think we are more taxed, more stretched thin, than ever," says Johnson of moms today. "I know so many women who work full-time and still try to be these amazing do-it-all moms who still do all the things, and it's impossible."
"Or stay-at-home moms who never get a second to take a breath, never get a moment of personal space, have parented through a worldwide crisis, and still feel guilty at the end of the day, focusing on what they didn't do, or what they think they failed at. We know we are asking too much of ourselves, but we keep doing it, keep expecting the impossible, expecting ourselves to manifest time — manifest hours -- that aren't there."
"We need to be reminded of how amazing we are, and we need to do better at focusing on our accomplishments and wins from day to day," she adds.
The last 18-plus months have certainly put things in perspective for her
"The pandemic has taught me (and I definitely need this constant reminder) that I can do hard things," says Johnson. "My kids were in virtual school for over a year (starting in spring of 2020, then in the fall of 2020 through spring of 2021), and I was working full time from home. I had to sit next to my 8 year-old (we call him the gorilla baby because he struggles to sit, focus, etc.) and basically attend 2nd grade (his class was taught via livestream all day) so that I knew how I could best help him."
On top of that, she had to somehow focus on her regular 9-5, which she does from home Monday through Friday.
"I have never been so exhausted and so overwhelmed with sensory overload, but I did it," Johnson tells Mom.com. "Because I had to. We all did what we had to do, because we can do hard things."
That said, making peace with the fact that everything wasn't going to get done, the house was going to look trashed most days, and her kids were going to spend an insane amount of time behind screens to make it happen wasn't easy. But it was eye-opening. And learning to let go of the guilt that usually comes with it? Well, that was nothing short of magical.
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