Question ❓
So I’m a 30F and I recently started seeing this 32M. We’ve only been on like 3 dates so far.
He’s perfect on paper. We have the same religion, same ethnicity, both educated and family oriented. He seems emotionally available and he likes dogs.
His physique is also great, but (and I know this will sound SO shallow but this is why I’m here asking) his face isn’t objectively attractive?
I thought that by date 3 I’d just get past it and continue moving forward with dating him, but I’m still having the same thoughts. And I hate having these thoughts because he’s so nice and sweet - and he seems like he’d be a great partner. It’s honestly killing me.
Do you think attraction can grow over time? Or should I let him go even though I think he’s absolutely wonderful?
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Physical attraction can indeed develop after emotional and intellectual connection in some cases. How else do you think all the “objectively unattractive” people (as you put it) are in relationships and married?
However there is a possibility that it will not develop for you, and that’s ok. You can’t force attraction.
I say keep seeing him and getting to know him and see if your feelings change with more exposure to him.
But do not commit to a relationship with him until you’re sure.
You don’t owe it to this guy to go out with him, even if he is nice and everything seems to be alright. If you do decide to pursue him and give it a shot, great! But there are plenty other fish in the sea that could also match the description you’re talking about— there is not a shortage of men with the same traits. Ultimately it’s your choice. Personally I wouldn’t want to be with someone who thought initially that I wasn’t good looking but “decided to look past it,” but that’s just me
I think your uncertainty is more about you than it is him. The best strategy for finding a life partner is to try out the market for X amount of people to find your baseline for what you value, what's attainable, and what qualities are hard to find. I think if you were past the appropriate X amount and thought he really brought something special to the table, you would just appreciate him for what he is.
I do think attraction can grow, but you really need to be in a place where you truly appreciate the person you're dating. Sometimes letting a good one get away so you can have more perspective on what's realistic is your best option (or find that he's not that special after all).
Haha you can never win as a men
Forget his face, do you have any chemistry at all with him?
You want to let go of a guy who matches 9/10 criteria just because you want to find someone who matches 10/10? Do you have any idea how rare that is? Unless you're sexually repulsed by the guy I'd say stick to him. And while this may sound very rude, it's not like you're getting any younger. I'm sorry but it's an objective fact that desirability for women regarding a serious relationship starts reducing once they start moving north of 30
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Wasn’t a very Great Contribution. Don’t think people should settle because it damages the other person. Like forget her for a minute, that guy is dating someone who finds his face unattractive. That’s awful for him. He can’t change his face, he deserves someone who finds his face attractive.
Do you have a partner? And if so, do you like literally every single thing about them?
No and with my exes no. But that’s not a problem, I don’t like 100% of anyone in my life lol. Most people don’t. No human is perfect. But the important things like how my partner looks, yes. I couldn’t have gotten with them otherwise. I’ve personally never spoken to anyone with a partner who has come out and said I don’t find their face attractive. Insane to me.
Exactly. I understand that a certain amount of physical attraction is required which is why I said she shouldn't continue if she's sexually repulsed by the guy. But ultimately people can look past certain things. And since she asked for advice, I merely encouraged her to think about whether she can look past that one flaw of his because she clearly likes everything else including his personality which tends to take centre stage once you're actually in a committed relationship.
I think attraction from girls usually grows over time
It’s not a gender thing.
Yeah you right. I'mma kill myself soon. Bye