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Can't we all just get along and roll some dice?

Table Disputes

I (DM 26 Male) have two players (22 and 21 female) and a third occasional stand-in (22 female). The two players, let's call them Susan and Veronica, have been in the group for some time. Veronica joined first and Susan slightly after. Occasionally, Susan has to work on the nights we play, and so Veronica has started requesting to bring her sister, Nora.

Unbeknownst to me, Nora and Susan have some unpleasant history with each other, involving the loss of friends from one person to the other. Upon Nora's first time playing, she used Susan's character sheet, a rogue, mostly just as a damage dealer in combat. I assured Susan that any and all choices made by Nora or any potential PC death (which did not happen) would be hand waved away as if they never happened but Susan was still upset over Nora using her character as well as Nora being in a space that Susan felt was her safe space and to paraphrase "feeling as though she was being replaced."

The initial blowup between all three has largely been handled amongst themselves, with Nora and Susan agreeing to stay out of each other's spaces. But now Veronica has requested that Nora come back on the night of our next session. I thought it would be a good idea to let Susan know so she was not surprised to discover this the night of, I also assured her that her character sheet would be with me behind the DM screen and that Nora, if she plays at all, will be playing a pre made character. I also assured her that dnd night was still her safe space and that so long as Susan was there, Nora would not be.

Despite this, Susan is still upset and brings me to my question. Should I bar Nora from joining in any future sessions to keep the peace? I worry that doing so will cause tensions between Veronica and Susan to reignite. But I worry not doing so will cause Susan to feel as though she is a sort of second-class player who can be pushed aside on a whim. To paraphrase again, Susan has said that "she has stayed out of Nora's space, but [Nora]'s still allowed into mine." In case it is important, the game is played at my house. Any and all advice is appreciated.

TL;DR: Player 1 feels like they are being replaced by Player 2's sister, who has old beef with Player 1. What should I do?

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u/darkpower467 avatar

If a player expressed to me that they were not comfortable with someone being brought into the game, I would simply respect their wishes and be done with it.

With only two players, I do feel like, if someone can't make it, you should just do something else. Run a duet one-shot, play a board game, whatever. Or get a third, unrelated friend to permanently join the campaign, if you must continue the campaign.

Underlying problem though: Susan's friends want to hang out with someone who's apparently wronged her badly enough she can't be around them. (I'm assuming you do want to hang out with Nora; if not, why is this situation happening at all?) This will not be solved by playing a board game!

I think an honest conversation about everyone's feelings is warranted here. Susan might decide that if y'all are going to do [exact same activity, but you've replaced her with her nemesis], she no longer wants to play DnD with you. I think there's a good chance the Susan-Veronica tension will devolve into open conflict eventually anyway. If I was Susan, I would've left this group long ago.

u/bigzachdaddy97 avatar

I should have clarified that there are 5 players total. And that there are no plans to include Nora as anything more than a fill in. I try to continue the story if any one person is missing but will switch to a one shot or something else if two or more are unable to make it.

I personally have no real desire to hangout with Nora. However, she is the twin sister of Veronica who is very over protective. The whole situation began when Veronica thought there was some bad mouthing going on behind Nora's back which, to my knowledge, never actually happened.

A conversation was had between the three that I was not apart of but from what I was told and have inferred it has been mutually agreed that Nora and Susan should and will avoid each other. Susan and Veronica are on good terms and want to remain friends but I fear the exclusion of Nora, while Susan is unable to play, will result in their friendship deteriorating.

u/darkpower467 avatar

Nora is not entitled to be included in a group she is not a part of.

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u/DDDragoni avatar

This is a messy situation to find yourself in the middle of. Just as a minor thing, you probably should have asked Susan before letting someone else have control of her character- even if it wasn't going to have any permanent consequences.

For your main question though, without knowing the details of the conflict between Susan and Nora, I don't think "Nora comes on the nights Susan can't" is a sustainable solution as things stand. Ideally, this is something that Susan and Veronica should work out between themselves, but if you as the DM and host need to make a call, I'd respect Susan's wishes and tell Veronica that Nora can't come.

Edited

I would never let someone play another person's active character unless it's been freely offered.
Playing RPGs is a vulnerable thing, even beyond just sharing a space with someone. There's a bit of social contract among players that we try to keep one another safe emotionally so that we can play this vulnerable game together without folks getting hurt.
If I were in your shoes, I'd ask Nora not to come back, and I'd apologize to Susan. If someone who had hurt me showed up at my game table and played my character, that would feel like a huge violation. It's kinda shitty to show up in the scene that someone we've hurt has invested their time and energy into. Sometimes it has to happen but when it does the decent thing is to give them what space is possible. Playing their character is the opposite of that. It's a major dick move. For a lot of us, characters feel like part of us. Susan's character used to be a part of herself that she was sharing with you. Now her character is part-Susan-part-Nora, in the memories of everyone else at the table.
I'd kick Nora from the game for good, and if Veronica can't hang with that I'd kick her too.

I stopped reading at you letting a random person play someone else’s character. Wtf drugs are you smoking? Mf krokadile?? 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

You just don't want to bring in someone one of the starting players in the group has beef with. It won't be fun for anyone, and it's unfair to Susan. And you shouldn't have let Nora play Susan's PC, that’s like wearing someone else's underwear imho. Are you conflict avoidant? A people pleaser? Sounds like you have a hard time saying no to someone, tbh.

u/Carrente avatar

This isn't a D&D problem, this is a "do you respect Susan's wishes more than your friendship with Nora and Veronica" one.

We don't know what their "past beef" is. But it sounds like it was probably pretty bad and it sounds like, whether from a position of malice or not, you betrayed Susan's trust by inviting Nora.

I don't think, with the context here, you'll get good advice outside of the harsh reality that you need to make a choice between your friends.

u/Netherx3 avatar

"Sorry Veronica and Nora, this is a long-term campaign and I'm not planing on adding any new PCs to it at the moment. Your sister can join in our next campaign. The constantly rotating players is throwing me off"

Or something along those lines, would be my response. I had a similar situation with someone desperately trying to insert themselves into my current campaign for some "cameos", as they called it, and I literally said the above to them. I'm planning for my four players, I planned from the start for these four players. I don't need someone sitting in as what's essentially an NPC I have no control over.

Use this angle when kicking Nora from the table. This shifts any blame away from Susan.

u/Vallorous avatar

I would find a different group to DM for, personally. Grown ass women acting like teenagers, smh.