IELTS Writing Task 2: 'music' topic

A student on my member site asked me about the following question:

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

(From Cambridge IELTS 14, test 3)

The student asked whether the following plan would work. What do you think?

1. Introduction: completely agree
2. Main paragraph: why music transcends* cultures and age groups
3. Main paragraph: how music connects people
4. Conclusion: repeat / summarise

*I added the word 'transcend' myself (to summarise the student's point). What do you think I mean when I say that "music transcends cultures"?

Comments

[Betty]

Hi Simon,
Could I ask a question about Writing part?
We better to write Task1 first as you mentioned here. How about before start writing Task1, do you think we should take a look at Task2 question? to give ourselves what might happen in Task2 and brainstorm a bit ideas during the Task1? or just simply ignore what’s up next and try to focus on Task1?
Thanks:-)

Here is the link about which writing task should we do first?
https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2015/03/ielts-advice-which-writing-task-should-you-do-first.html

[Mirabella]

In my opinion, "music transcends cultures" means that music is a universal art, every person is able to enjoy listening to music, and it does not depend what age or from which cultural background a person is. Every nation in the world has musical instruments and create musical compositions in order to reveal their feelings and emotions.

[Vishaal]

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is often argued that music is a nice medium to bring people from different countries or having different ages together. While I consider that musical compositions or lyrics of many songs seem to be loved by many people in the world, I disagree that they are helpful in reducing the generation gap, in fact, the opposite is true in my personal view.

People having different nationalities love similar kinds of music or songs in recent times. This is primarily because musicians and lyricists prefer to portray the culture or even ways of living of their people in their creations, and hence, foreigners often choose to listen to the music of different areas in order to become aware of practices and traditions followed in different countries. For instance, the songs composed by A. R. Rehman, who is one of the renowned Indian singers and music composers, are hugely popular in the world as they usually reflect the emotions and culture of India. In this manner, I believe music reduces the differences between countries.

However, I believe the recently made songs or music rises the differences between people having different ages. While many young people love listening to pop music or rap songs, most elderly people hate these styles of music and, instead, enjoy songs having positive or motivational meanings. A recent survey, for example, has revealed that the Bollywood songs composed in the 20th century are loved immensely by the old people in India, whereas Indian children hate these songs. This is why I think music has the least or no effect on bringing people of different ages together.

To conclude, although it makes sense to me that music, in general, brings people of different locality or nation together, I would argue that it increases the gap between young and old people due to differences in the musical preference.

[KiKi]

Introduction: completely agree
Main paragraph: why music transcends* cultures and age groups
Main paragraph: how music connects people
Conclusion: repeat / summarise

By planning it this way, I think the student runs the risk of repeating the same idea. Maybe he can split it like this?

Intro: Completely agree
Main paragraph: Music transcends culture / we don't need to have similar background to understand and appreciate the melody / e.g. movie sound track / the music set the tone of a scene. Emotion get triggered. Pirate of the Caribbean - excitement. Lord of the Ring - melancholy.
Main paragraph: Music connects people from different generation / lyrics that people who had gone through similar situation can relate to regardless of their age / e.g. Many PDST song written by soldiers returning from Iraq war also resonate with older veterans from World War Two and Vietnam war.
Conclusion: repeat.

[Kata]

Vishaal

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=It+is+sometimes+argued+that%2CIt+is+often+argued+that%2CThere+is+an+argument+that%2COne+of+the+side+benefits%2COne+of+the+side+effects&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2CIt%20is%20sometimes%20argued%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CIt%20is%20often%20argued%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CThere%20is%20an%20argument%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2COne%20of%20the%20side%20benefits%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2COne%20of%20the%20side%20effects%3B%2Cc0

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=people+of+different+ages%2Cpeople+having+different+ages&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cpeople%20of%20different%20ages%3B%2Cc0

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=*+lyrics+of+many+songs&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cthe%20lyrics%20of%20many%20songs%3B%2Cc0

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=I+disagree+that+*%2CI+disagree+with+the+idea%2C+disagree+with+the+*+that&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2CI%20disagree%20that%20%2A%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3BI%20disagree%20that%20the%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BI%20disagree%20that%20it%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BI%20disagree%20that%20this%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BI%20disagree%20that%20there%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BI%20disagree%20that%20we%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BI%20disagree%20that%20they%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BI%20disagree%20that%20a%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BI%20disagree%20that%20any%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BI%20disagree%20that%20he%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BI%20disagree%20that%20such%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CI%20disagree%20with%20the%20idea%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2Cdisagree%20with%20the%20%2A%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20statement%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20view%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20idea%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20proposition%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20notion%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20assertion%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20conclusion%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20contention%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20opinion%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20suggestion%20that%3B%2Cc0

...ducing the generation gap,[run-on sentence: at least change comma to colon] in fact, the opposite is true in my personal view.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=People+of+different+nationalities%2CPeople+having+different+nationalities&case_insensitive=on&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t4%3B%2CPeople%20of%20different%20nationalities%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bpeople%20of%20different%20nationalities%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BPeople%20of%20different%20nationalities%3B%2Cc0

[Kata]

Something like: With the invention of recordings last century, people of different nationalities have come to love similar kinds of music or songs, often referred to as 'world' music.

"A. R. Rehman": did you mean "Rahman" ?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A._R._Rahman

-> In this manner, I believe 'world' music creates common ground/a shared appreciation between countries.

" rises the differences" -> raises the differences ("rise" is traditionally intransitive, although there are American yoga teachers who seem comfortable with "Rise your hands" instead of the more normal "Raise your hands". However you will not find "rise" used transitively in good (well-edited) writing.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=has+little+or+no+effect+&case_insensitive=on&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Chas%20little%20or%20no%20effect%3B%2Cc0

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=people+of+different+localities&case_insensitive=on&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cpeople%20of%20different%20localities%3B%2Cc0

[Vishaal]

Thanks Kata! I highly appreciate your valuable response.

[Vishaal]

In many countries, some students live with their families while studying, but other students prefer to attend universities in other cities. Do the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages?

In different parts of the world, students have different living preferences while pursuing tertiary education. In my view, undergraduates attending universities in other cities will become more independent and effective communicators if they live away from home, and these benefits far outweigh any or all drawbacks possible.

The main positive of living away from a family is that university students will become self-reliant adults as they have to manage almost all of their responsibilities, such as paying bills, cleaning, cooking, and others. Despite feeling stress initially, they will become prepared for future adult lives. The other significant positive is that they can improve their verbal communication skills. This is because most colleges have students from other cities or even other countries and, therefore, interacting with such young people gives them more opportunities to hone their speaking or language abilities.

On the other hand, the issue associated with living away from home is that many undergraduates often develop bad habits. As they are not mature enough at their age, they easily get influenced by their spoiled classmates having many addictions, namely smoking, watching adult videos, or drinking alcoholic beverages. Besides, safety is another concern to consider as they, being new to the city, do not know many areas that are prone to criminal instances. Such unawareness often puts their lives in danger or causes them large sums of money.

In my opinion, most parents like to observe every wrong action of their child through college staff and prevent them. Also, most colleges frequently warn their students about the dangerous areas in the city and restrict them to go out at the night. This is why the negatives are less significant, whereas the positives are extremely important as they are largely linked with the all-round development of university students.

To conclude, I argue that the disadvantages of acquiring bad habits and safety problems, that are possible when college students live away from home, are outweighed by the advantages of growing as an independent adult and gaining the persuasive communication skill.

[wendy]

Vishaal
338 words ?

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=easily+get+influenced+by%2Care+easily+influenced+by&case_insensitive=on&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Care%20easily%20influenced%20by%3B%2Cc0

"by their spoiled classmates having many addictions, namely smoking, ..." -> by their classmates, who may be spoilt or addicted to smoking, ...

"prone to criminal instances": "prone" usually refers to a person or animal, not an abstract idea -> where criminal activities are common.

"causes them large sums of money" -> costs them large sums of money.

"to observe every wrong action of their child through college staff and prevent them": do you mean parents ask the college to supply surveillance videos? That seems odd to me.

"restrict them to go out at the night. " -> restrict them from going out at night. OR impose a night curfew.

"disadvantages of acquiring bad habits and safety problems,": how does one acquire a safety problem? -> potential to acquire bad habits and the potential [increase in] safety issues

" gaining the persuasive communication skill."-> developing skills in communication and persuasion.

You have not mentioned that living at home is usually much cheaper!

[Jv]

Dear Mom and Dad,

I’m over the moon to tell you that I passed my final exams with flying colors. As you know, I was under the huge pressure to prepare for the final exam and then got sick, so I couldn’t talk to you all this time. But, I’m recovered now and feeling excited about my results. To award us a Bachelor's degree, my college has arranged a ceremony and you both must come to see me getting my degree.

The celebration has planned for 14th November at the seminar hall in my college building. The event will begin at 6 in the evening with some performances of my class, and then our prime minister Shri. Narendra Modi will give us the degree certificate. The fascinating thing is everyone should wear the Indian Traditional dress on that day, so just don’t forget it.

I’ve got a total four passes for the guests from my family, so two passes are additional. You can ask my uncle Sam and aunt to join you for the event. I’m sure they will feel proud of watching me getting the award by our PM.

See you on the event day!

Vishal