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whats a suitable reply for the question “what brings you to this app?” I feel like it’s obvious that I’m on apps to get to know guys and date them if we get along. But I’ve seen a lot of guys ask me this question in the first 2-3 messages. I also don’t want to share my past break up stories as a reply to what brought me here.
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What guys mean when they ask this question is:
"Are you looking for an exclusive relationship or are you looking for non-exclusive casual sex?"
And you are best served by giving a clear, honest answer to this question. Rather than wiggle out some in-between reply. Because it's essential for success that you're actually looking for the same thing.
In theory, this should work.. but nobody in the history of Tinder has ever given a straight answer to this question!
I find that as people get older they do know how to answer it. But younger people often have no idea what they want yet, or are open to either.
A girl replied destiny .. not know.how to catch that ball
Ah I see! I wish people would word it this way. Thanks for the help :)
But it’s also not that straightforward! I absolutely hate that question because I’m open to short term or long depending on the connection. I have stated all this in my bio and that I don’t want ONS and I still get asked “what brings you to tinder/what are you looking for”
Like why can’t people just let things unfold organically…if they just want a hook up or are looking for marriage then they should say that straight up.
Being open to both is very common. If you're both on the same page about that then you're good. But some people are only looking for one very specific thing and then they probably don't want to date someone who is open to both because that can seem to risky. Especially if they're only looking for something serious
I love that, and you bet your A** I just responded with "letting things flow organically." Why do people always need to ask questions? Just get to know one another first, start a conversation. USE SOME INTELLIGENCE AND PUT FOR MORE EFFORT, it's so aggravating really!
^
They probably want to know if you want a relationship so if you're certain on what you want, just respond with that.
You could also joke back with something like "chronic loneliness"
But if you're not sure if you want a relationship or casual just say "I'm not looking for anything in particular to be honest, just dating and going with the flow. I'm open to a relationship but if I only find something casual, that's cool too"
Usually works for me anyway
Hahaha love the chronic loneliness reply. Thanks for the advice! :)
I hate this question with a passion because it’s always in my bio so I just turn it around and ask them. But other than that, may as well be honest and upfront
“I’m looking for a husband. Can you help me find him?”
I say this and substitute wife.
This question is absolutely the worst! It only shows the other party’s inexperience and the inability to carry a conversation. The way you’re been answering is perfect. Keep it short and simple. No need to divulge personal info right off the bat.
Why is it the worst? I personally think it's the best. If you don't know what the other person is looking for you have no idea if you're going to be a match or not. You would just be two blind bats in a cave guessing and assuming. And one of you will likely be super dissapointed.
Its not the idea of this question that’s bad.. its this particular sentence thats cringe inducing. Every single girl I’ve spoken with on dating apps has confessed they’d rather not had been asked this.. but instead come about it in an organic way.
I can agree with that. It's worded indirectly.. "are you looking for something casual or a relationship" I think is much better
For me, I can say I hate when guys ask this. I've heard this enough times from men who only wanted something casual and sleep on the first date. I now know that when they ask this, they're really looking to just play me.
The thing is they never say it right then and there. There isn't much on the date that will show that they're not serious.
It's shortly afterwards when you're trying to schedule a 2nd or 3rd date that makes me realize that they just wanted to sleep with me.
Everything I expect is listed on my profile.
So, I've learned to just unmatch with men who ask this question.
Disagree. It’s him doing some early getting to weed through potential partners who want the same thing. It’s not an unfair question and saves time, money, and potential heartache for everyone involved.
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People use the app for many different things: serious dating, more casual dating, FWBs, hookups, friendship, etc. I don't think anybody's looking for breakup stories, just more, what kind of a relationship/interaction you want.
Re: your response though,
Not sure whether you do this, but it won't be obvious unless you explicitly state it on your profile. There's lots of really different people on the apps.
For me, it's not 100% what you want. You want to "get to know guys." Do you mean get to know them just by texting over the app? Or do you mean meet up/become friends before *actually* trying to date? And what does "dating" mean? Casual dating, or are you expecting marriage soon? I feel like these terms are somewhat vague.