AgeGap is the forum for anything involving relationships with a significant age gap, regardless of gender and sexual orientation. We deal with all age difference related issues e.g. sex, compatibility, financial and aim to help. We welcome stories about your experiences, successful or not.
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I know the reverse is the most popular, was wondering if there was anyone here who shared the experience. How did it start? How long have you been together? Do you have any regrets? What's one thing you learned about yourself?
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I'm 53F and my boyfriend is 29M. We have been together about one year. We have had some ups and downs. It took us awhile to maneuver through some issues. Some of the issues were age gap specific but some were just normal relationship issues because we both have some intimacy and communication issues. I am older than his parents but we have spent some quality time together and I think they realize he is happy. His moms one concern is that he wont have anyone to take care of him when she dies if I am her same age. I tried explaining that regardless of my age there is no guarantee of that. We are in the process of buying a house together. I dont know what the future holds but I do know that I am happier in this relationship than I have ever been.
Do tell.
Well age gap issues
His friends made fun of me. Called me "grandma". He started referring to me that way until I explained how that hurt my feelings and if he didnt respect me his friends never would.
He was embarrassed to introduce me to his extended family fearing their reaction. We went to a big family holiday event and all went well
He was concerned when we would go out people would think I was his mother. That never happened. I think over time he realized people were very accepting.
These were the big ones. Of course there is the difference in what we like to watch and listen to. He loves trailer park boys, family guy etc. He spends most evening playing online games. He listens to different music than I do. But I am pretty laid back so things work out. It might be different when we move in together. Right now I can go home when I want a break. So there are still things to work out.
I see. 1 was pretty messed up. 2 & 3 are things that a lot of people seem to have trouble with. The rest of the stuff is pretty normal for anyone, of course.
(17M and 36F) No regrets whatsoever. I love her with all my heart. Been together for almost a year.
Haven't had too many bumps, except recently, the stress is on her to tell her family about the relationship, cause I'm starting to get a little tired of living with her, and her family knowing about me, but not that we're in a relationship. Meaning that they never invite me to ANY outings, birthdays, or gatherings (Christmas, Easter, etc).
She's really afraid of what her parents are going to say or do, as she's always looked for the approval of her parents, even into her 30's. I'm just trying to help her out and tell her that she's an adult and they can't control you or your decisions.
Anyways, no regrets as I mentioned earlier, feel free to ask anymore questions if you so wish.
I am 32M dating a 44F.
Best relationship I have been in from a maturity standpoint and intimacy standpoint.
We met because we followed each other on social media for a few years via a mutual friend and would exchange some banter in comments and DMs. I had recently broken up with my girlfriend and we had begun DMing very frequently to where I told her I didnt need a penpal, let’s meet for a drink. We went out on several dates which were magical. I didnt know her age until a month after i had met her, assuming she was probably 38-42 max. I was a bit shocked at 44, of course worried how long the physical attraction would last.
I find that i think about that more when I’m not with her, i learned i make excuses to sour things if I’m left to my own devices. When I am with her this barely crosses my mind. She is gorgeous, intelligent and driven. We both don’t want kids and don’t care about marriage. We are at similar places and just really love spending time together and taking care of each other, learning from one another. I think when I am 42 and she is 54 the age gap will be even less felt. Time will tell, but I am giving this an honest shot. I really care for her and I love who I am when I am with her as well. I love making her smile and being of service as she is very independent and it is nice to watch her feel she can rely on someone if she had to.
You see way less older woman younger man posts on this thread and it’s a shame. The dynamic is an excellent one.
51M, 61F. Married 26 years. Met when we were both in graduate school. Our youngest is nearly 20 now. Regrets? I have to be honest here: she went through the change starting about ten years ago, and it was tough on both of us. These years are a real inflection point in the aging curve for women, and my wife was no exception. Sometimes I have to admit that, yeah, I do regret that I still feel pretty young physically but it is clear my wife is having a rough time with some aspects of aging. Still, it has been and remains totally worth it.
Come back and ask me again in 30 years though. It's tough to say how I will feel about it then.
If it's not too much to ask, can you get more specific? How limiting was it? How bad did it affect intimacy?
When you love an older woman, it means the normal timing of perimenopause happens when you are still relatively young and (possibly) physically fit. Where two age-matched partners would be enjoying great sex together, in this case her body runs hot or cold (literally!) sometimes within minutes, where I've barely gotten started. It can really put a damper on sexual intimacy.
Once the changeover is complete, a lot of women experience significant diminishment in libido (assuming it was healthy to begin with), in part because sexual desire has a hormonal component, in part because those hormones maintained her physical youthfulness (hair, skin, etc) and now she looks older and psychologically (for her) she has a hard time feeling lust-worthy.
It can be tough to remain unresentful about it, I gotta be honest, sometimes I was. But a close married relationship is so much larger than just the sex. I learned that at times I had to keep my eyes fixed on that larger meaning of our union.
I mean, it can be tough, but if you are patient, and you have a good relationship, you can ride it out and come out the other side okay, with good sex but where the frequency and vigor (ahem) is not what you expected or hoped for.
EDIT: Reading what I wrote here makes it sound like I was a some kind of rock in the relationship, but the truth is I was all over the place as well. At one point I was fat and unfit, unhappy in my job, with a young kid with significant medical needs, and those things undeniably made it tougher on all of us. Its hard to tease apart the problems associated uniquely with her age relative to mine. One thing that really helped though was her significantly more mature psyhcological health, which meant we weathered the storm (as it were) much better than many couples would have.
Where I think I am different from a lot of men, is that where some men might feel the need to be the stereotypical manly-man, always the stoic rock, and undisputed head of the household, I am comfortable in a relationship that is mostly an equal partnership, but also where I am frequently in the junior role, socially and psychologically speaking. My good fortune here is that my wife is just about the most psychologically and emotionally well adjusted person I have ever known, so she makes this relatively easy for me to do.
I love it!
41f here, 21m boyfriend. We started out as fuck buddies and caught feelings and have been monogamous a little under a year. I don't have much family, but those I've bumped into when we've been out together know that he's a lot younger than me - his family and friends know I'm older but I haven't met them yet. We met through the BDSM scene and most of my friends and our shared friends at from there so they know. We've not had any odd comments or even funny looks that I've noticed when we've been out together, but I look younger than my age (I would get asked for id buying booze regularly until maybe two-three years ago).
I'm so happy to hear of success stories between older women and younger men. I have began to develop feelings for a man 11 yrs younger than me. I didn't even know his age until I realized hey I like this guy.
I’m 50F he’s 30M. It took 18 months of friendship before we opened up about our feelings. . We are both self conscious about the age gap. As such we mainly hang out alone but my friends know and accept it and like him, as do my children . We did decide to call it an open relationship because we knew the limitations it could potentially have but neither of us are interested in anyone else at this point and it’s been two years now. It makes me sad that I’ve finally met someone I like so much and we just can’t be a regular couple. But is what it is and I will enjoy what we have in the moment.
22M here. I've written a post about mine on this very subreddit if you wanna look.
I’m 31f my boyfriend turns 22 this month. We met at work and liked each other but nothing happened for almost a year. Because of his beard I assumed he was mid twenties; because I have a baby face he assumed I was younger than him! Eventually we got talking again and realised our feelings. He asked me if the age difference bothered me and only then did the penny drop - he’d checked out my FB page and noticed but I hadn’t sufficiently stalked his!
We’ve been together almost 2 years now. I adore this man, he’s my life and this is easily the healthiest most mature and loving relationship I’ve ever been in. We’re very similar; both still living with parents but looking to move in together this year, both still in part time work but actively making steps to finding a career, share similar hobbies and interests and sense of humour; couldn’t be happier!
I don’t have any regrets. I can’t even say ’I wish I’d met him when I was his age’ because I would’ve been too immature for him back then! I’m a late bloomer with anxiety and it’s taken a lot to learn to be vulnerable in a relationship. He’s taught me so much. I certainly learned that age is just a number on your passport!
I never got into a full on relationship, but had a couple of experiences.
When I was in college, about 22, I met a woman online who was about 42. We chatted quite a bit. We also got together. I went to her house and we hung out for a day. Swam in her pool. Her sister and brother-in-law came over for dinner later. She gave me a quick kiss at the end. We had flirted a bit during the course of the day. Sucked on each others fingers in the kitchen while feeding each other bites of food, putting my hand on her leg when we drove to the store for something, she told me to dive off the diving board and swim between her legs. I was a virgin at the time and sometimes I think... She probably could've been my first experience if I had maybe done things a little differently.
Later in my early 30s, I met another woman online about 10 years older than me. She lived nearby and we got together on some dates a few times. We did get cuddly and kissy and... if I had let myself go, we would've had a lot of sex. But... I held back.
I had good experiences with older women.
If you’d like to hear a threesome story, I have a great one for you
Hi I am 38 yr old female my husband is 26 yr male. We met by accident downtown when he was 19 I got separated from my friends and my phone had died and he popped out of no where seeing me looking lost to help. I was never looking to be in a relationship with someone younger. We just started talking and we connected so quick. I never thought it was because he was interested in me and I ever said why would you want an old woman like me. You should be free with girls your own age and he had stated he always wanted an older woman. I resisted but he was so charming we talked all day. He asked if he could kiss me and I asked if I could see his ID cause he looked so young. We have been together for 7 years and have a daughter together. I have two sons from a previous marriage that he absolutely adores and he has absolutely changed everything in my life for the better and I hope I have as well. We have some struggles for sure that couples therapy helps with especially when it’s a maturity thing. Most he loves video games and sometimes gets carried away but any issue we bring he is so proactive to met me in the middle. My problem is I am starting to see aging in my neck I am getting grey hairs and it scares me that I am going to look so much older so it’s causing me some major Vanity issues but now I am at least taking better care of my skin as a result. So the best thing I can say is love is love and if you are bother consenting adult forget about what people think.
Got my john out for a friends mum and she took it well
When i was 30 i had a long term relationship with a 56 yr old woman. Its a very fulfilling relationship and remain friends today absolutely no regrets.
I'm 38male my partner is 50 ,I was married for ten years then slept around for 5years and met my woman ayear ago when she started talking to me at work ,we love life and I love sex alot and she is the perfect match fore as soon as I get through the door after work she is straight to my zip and within five minutes she is been pounded from me I'm so happy older lady's work better for me
I have been with a woman 8 years older than myself. It has been the best 16 years of my 72 years. I had been married for over 30 years to one right out of high school. That was bad. The fights over dum things and then her remarks would be “Your not my daddy. You can’t tell me what to do.” Stay for the kids worst thing you could ever do. The sex will never make up for the pain.