How to Booty Call Someone

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Learn to navigate no-strings-attached sex and relationships
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What is a booty call? In a nutshell, it’s when one person calls or texts another and asks if they want to have sex. Booty calls can be a one-night stand, or a more regular thing, like a friends-with-benefits situation. We’ll show you how to make one, offer plenty of message ideas, show you how to stay safe during your booty call, and also tell you how to meet your next booty call.

Quick Booty Call Guide

Start chatting with them in mid-late evening, when they’re most likely free, and open with a flirty line to make your intentions clear. Then, invite them over to your place or hint that you’re free to go to theirs. Keep it light, casual, low-key, and fun.

Section 1 of 5:

Making a Booty Call

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  1. 1
    Choose a time when they’re likely to be free. It’s best to make your move in the evening, around 7-11 p.m. on weekends, or an hour or so earlier on weeknights. They probably won’t be able to drop everything for a hookup in the middle of the workday, and the morning usually isn’t the sexiest time. But also, if you make the call too late, they might sleep right through it.
    • Or, if they work odd hours, make sure you’re aware of their schedule.
  2. Step 2 Ease into the big question with some flirty conversation.
    Just dropping a “Come over” might work sometimes, but mostly it’s a little low-effort and not super appealing. Instead, dating coach John Keegan suggests sending a casual, flirty text to establish the mood and signal your intentions. That way, if they’re not in the mood, things are a little less awkward if it doesn’t work out. Just remember you’re not here to chat, so keep it brief.
    • For example, you might open with: “Hey, you just crossed my mind and now I’m wondering what you’re up to?” or, “Got any plans tonight? Want any?”
    • If you want to keep it coy, talk about your night and say that you're now relaxing at home. See how they answer and then take the conversation the way you intended to.
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  3. Step 3 Invite them over, or to somewhere private.
    Booty call courtesy says that the caller usually hosts, but your circumstances might be different and you might ask to go to their place.[1] Whatever the case, make the question casual and low-stakes, but make it clear what you’re looking for, and that you’re looking for it sooner rather than later.
    • Also, even though it’s a booty “call,” we recommend asking over text, which is more casual and takes some pressure off both of you.
  4. Step 4 Respect their answer if they decline.
    At this point, the other person may accept or reject the booty call. If they accept, great! If they decline, respect that choice—no means no.[2] It’s also possible for the other person to misunderstand you. While statements such as “Let’s hang out at my place,” or “I want to have some fun,” may imply casual sex, if the other person is not on the same page, respect that.
    • Also, don’t take it too hard, or too personally. Sex is just sex, but it’s still more than grabbing coffee, and a lot to ask of someone.
    • Brush it off with something like, “No problem, I totally understand. Enjoy your night!” or, “Couldn’t hurt to try, but I get it. Stay safe out there!”
  5. 5
    Set the mood with some music or a movie. Once they’ve arrived, turn on some seductive, or at least low-key, music to make things more comfortable. Or, you might have a movie or TV show playing to add a little ambience and background noise, making things even more casual. Turn the lights down low and consider lighting some candles, if you want to go the extra mile. Remember though: stay laid-back and easygoing! This is fun, not romance.[3]
    • Also, if you’re hosting, make sure your place is tidied up, and don’t forget to hop into the shower, yourself! Even if you’re not totally grimy, it doesn’t hurt to be as fresh as possible.
  6. Step 6 Make sure you both know your intentions and boundaries.
    Once you’ve settled in, and before you make your move, make sure you have consent.[4] Even if you were obvious about the purpose of the call, it might’ve gone over their head. Also, make sure they know that this is a casual thing, and not a committed relationship.
    • For example, say, “I’m so glad you could make it. The bathroom’s down the hall, if you need to get ready. I’ll be waiting here in the bedroom,” which gets the message across pretty clearly.
  7. Step 7 Arrange a ride home for them, or get home yourself afterward.
    Spending the night is a slippery slope—waking up in each other’s arms is a recipe for unwanted feelings. Once things are through, call them a ride home, offer to drive them home yourself, or get on your own way.[5] If that’s not possible, offer them the bed, and sleep on the couch or in a different room to give them some privacy.
    • Don’t rush them! Bask in the afterglow, maybe watch an episode of a TV show, or have a light conversation before you bring up parting ways.
    • You might say, “You’re so much fun to spend time with, and I’d love to see you again. For now, let’s make sure you get home safe…”
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Section 2 of 5:

Booty Call Message Ideas

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  1. Send a flirty, open-ended, and no-pressure message.
    Keegan recommends keeping your booty call message open-ended, but suggestive enough that the other person gets the idea. Tell them you’re free at the moment, hint at what you want, and ask what they’re doing, like, “Hey, just lying in bed right now, trying to cool off. What are you up to?” Here are some other ideas:
    • Keegan suggests making a joke, like: “Definitely not booty calling you right now. I would never. But if you wanted this to be a booty call, it could be. But it’s not. Yet.”
    • “It’s been a weird night, but having you here with me would make it better.”
    • “I was thinking I might hit this party tonight, but wanted to see if you had any better ideas.”
    • “My roommate’s gone tonight, and I’m hoping to take advantage of that. Want to help?”
    • “I did almost everything on my to-do list today. Want to come help with the last thing?”
    • “I ordered a bit too much take-out. You could come help me finish it, then see where things go from there?”
    • “I’ve been wanting to watch this movie, but it wouldn’t feel right without someone to hold.”
    • “I’ve been thinking about you all day, and there’s only one way to get you out of my head.”
Section 3 of 5:

When Not to Make a Booty Call

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  1. 1
    Don’t booty call someone you spend a lot of time with. This means coworkers, regular platonic friends, or even just the barista at your regular coffee shop. Regular booty calls are a relationship dynamic of their own, and have a tendency to muddy the waters of other relationships, so it’s best to have a dedicated friends-with-benefits situation for your booty calls.[6]
    • This is where dating and hookup apps come in handy. They’re great ways to meet like-minded people and form relationships around sex as something fun and low stakes.
  2. 2
    Avoid booty calls when you’re looking for emotional intimacy. Take it from us: A booty call is not the place to find a fulfilling relationship, or even a significant emotional connection. Those things might blossom, but 9 times out of 10, you’ll be disappointed if that’s what you’re looking for. Before you reach for the phone, ask yourself: Am I doing this for fun, or am I hoping something deeper might happen?[7]
    • If your answer is the latter, spend the evening with friends or go out somewhere, like to a movie, then see how you feel afterward.
  3. 3
    Don’t make booty calls to get over someone, or get back at someone. The best reason to have casual sex is because you enjoy it.[8] If you’re doing it to try to get your mind off of something or someone, or to make someone jealous, believe us when we say that it won’t fix your problem, and may just cause other problems, in the process. Treat a booty call like any other fun activity: something you do because you want to do it.
  4. 4
    Avoid booty calling someone you have genuine feelings for. When you have casual sex, the expectation is that it’s just that—casual. The other person most likely isn’t looking to get serious, so don’t booty call someone who you want to be serious with. That’s a situation where you want to ask for a date, not a hookup. And definitely don’t get clingy or jealous—it’s just sex![9]
    • Also, don’t booty call the ex, which is just asking for trouble. Some of us can have casual sex with old flames, but mostly it just leads to choppy emotional waters. There are plenty of other fish in the sea!
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Section 4 of 5:

Staying Safe During a Booty Call

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  1. Step 1 Wear protection and get tested for STDs before and after.
    Sexually transmitted diseases are one of the top risks of casual sex. Get tested for STDs before and after, and ideally, know the other person’s status, as well. Also, always wear protection, and consider taking birth control if pregnancy is a concern.[10]
    • If the other person insists on not using protection, that’s a red flag, and we suggest ending the hookup then and there.
  2. 2
    Communicate your needs and boundaries. You don’t have to sign a contract or anything, but it is a good idea to make things clear before you get down to business. Let the other person know that you’re not looking for a serious relationship, aren’t trying to catch feelings, and that this is only for fun. That way, you both know what you’re in for, and can dip on the arrangement at any time without guilt.[11]
    • For example, say, “I’m glad we could keep things casual like this. It makes things more fun being on the same page.”
  3. 3
    Make sure you’re totally comfortable with the other person. You don’t have to be intimate with your booty call, or share all your deepest secrets, but you should be comfortable in their presence and confident in them as someone you can safely spend time with.[12] That’s why a little flirting beforehand is recommended, and it’s generally not a great idea to get into bed with strangers.
    • This is the major pitfall of using dating apps for hookups. If you are using an app, try to meet up somewhere public to get a feel for the other person before you take things somewhere private.
  4. 4
    Tell someone where you’re going, even vaguely. Even if you feel safe and confident with the other person, it’s a good idea to let someone know where you are, just in case.[13] Tell a friend where you’re going, if possible—you don’t have to say it’s for sex, just that you’re hanging out with someone new.
    • Or, if you can’t tell anyone, leave a note at your home as to where you are and when you’ll return.
    • You might also schedule a text message to send to an emergency contact later. Just be sure you remember to delete the message when you’re done with the booty call, and before it sends.
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Section 5 of 5:

Meeting Someone to Booty Call

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  1. Step 1 Get out on the town to meet someone, or look online.
    The bars, clubs, or parties near you are probably full of people looking to mingle on a weekend, or even a weeknight after work. Take a shower and put on some attractive clothes, then head out, alone or with a friend, to meet someone![14]
    • Or, hit the apps, like Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, or others, and start browsing. Just be sure you make your intentions clear in your bio.
  2. 2
    Flirt and get to know the person a little. Booty calls aren’t just one-night stands, though a one-night stand can turn into booty calls. A booty call is still a sort of relationship that you need to ease into, so when you see someone you like, introduce yourself and start flirting to break the ice. Smile, stay casual and not too serious, and ask them questions about themself to get to know them.[15]
    • Giving a slick compliment is always a great way to both signal your intentions and get conversation going. You might compliment their outfit, their hair, their voice, or anything else that strikes you.
    • Be sure to also compliment their personality, once you’ve chatted a little bit.
  3. Step 3 Instigate a hook up.
    You can invite them over to your place or if they are open to it invite yourself to their place. Make sure that the other person is aware of the solely physical nature of the relationship. Get their number but do not ask them on a date or make plans.
    • For example, say, “I really enjoyed talking with you, and I want to see you again. Can I get your number?”
    • Or say, “I’ve got to run, but I don’t think we’re done here. How about you give me your number and we’ll pick this up later, somewhere else?”
  4. Step 4 Let some time pass before you contact them.
    You don’t want to overwhelm them or show too much interest—better to let it simmer a little, so that when they do hear from you, they’re more excited. Wait about a week, then make your booty call. With a little luck, though, you won’t have to wait, and they’ll call you.
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  • Question
    What is a 'booty call'?
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    Community Answer
    A "booty call" is a call, text, or other message where you invite the recipient over to have sex with you. They usually happen in the context of casual, strictly physical relationships.
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    Should I say good morning or good night when we are not together?
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    Community Answer
    No, unless you were previously talking and you're just doing it be polite; otherwise, it makes it sound like you're interested.
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References

  1. ↑ https://www.gq.com/story/6-unspoken-rules-of-casual-sex
  2. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-greater-ohio/blog/school-survival-guide-safer-sex-edition
  3. ↑ https://www.gq.com/story/6-unspoken-rules-of-casual-sex
  4. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-greater-ohio/blog/school-survival-guide-safer-sex-edition
  5. ↑ https://www.gq.com/story/6-unspoken-rules-of-casual-sex
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/you-it/201512/3-kinds-casual-sex-explained
  7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201303/how-casual-sex-can-affect-our-mental-health
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/202105/casual-sex-benefits-vs-problems
  9. ↑ https://www.gq.com/story/6-unspoken-rules-of-casual-sex
  1. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/stds-hiv-safer-sex/safer-sex
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/202105/casual-sex-benefits-vs-problems
  3. ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/tips-safer-online-dating-and-dating-app-use
  4. ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/tips-safer-online-dating-and-dating-app-use
  5. ↑ https://www.gq.com/story/6-unspoken-rules-of-casual-sex
  6. ↑ https://www.gq.com/story/6-unspoken-rules-of-casual-sex

About This Article

John Keegan
Co-authored by:
John Keegan
Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by John Keegan. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. This article has been viewed 246,004 times.
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Co-authors: 12
Updated: May 20, 2024
Views: 246,004
Categories: Dating
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