my biggest fear in life is losing someone or something forever because i was too dumb or shy.
the ending of the movie just hit me right in the gut.
first of all i love how they depicted the sole female character in the flick: she didn't judge jason for what he was doing (faking a cheating tape to evade his marriage). she judged him for the mess he was creating by denying his reality. and yet she goes along, for money, yes, but she still does it. some of you might consider it weird but i am truly thankful for her kind. she is helping these boys in her own way to go along the ride that's life by preserving their image to the masses.
i love how ade comes back to jason, like a puppy who's hoping that this time would be different: that jason will finally admit that he's gay. and jason still presents him with a middle finger and promises of being a sidepiece of meat he gets to bang once in a while.
what irks me is that i never understood the jasons out there willing to lose out on the sole people willing to keep their secret but still host truckloads of lovers in front of everyone. even the bellboy says nobody is dupe of jason with his slew of boys going up and down his hotel room.
is it because a life with ade would be "too real"? because just fucking strangers is less gay?
it killed me, the constrast in the final scene between a wasted/used up/broken jason recalling his glorious youth in the arms of ade.
why is it that we human beings are more drawn to fame, easy money and glory than a sustainable happy modest life? even ade still has some spite in him for a life he missed out on because of jason; even though he's with gary and he says he's doing good, you can still notice he wants part of jason's life.
i think the movie cut off on a good time: jason and ade will always carry that memory in them. jason will always live in this limbo between his denial and his lust. and as we know too well, these celebrity htypes don't usually live a whole lot with the pill/alcohol combo.
i just wanted to reflect on this short film (because it feels so fucking short), and just put into words my thoughts*. it's times like these when i reflect on my own life now that i am nearing 28. i had my fair share of resentment towards people who tossed me aside like jason did with ade. so when i saw the film i thought "maybe it wasn't my fault, my personality, my actions or words". maybe they were ruthless to me because they were busy fighting their own demons. pursuing their own dreams they thought was more important. maybe it really didn't have to do with me.