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Hi! I cried at work again last night/this morning and I'm struggling with not be embarrassed of everything I do.
I've cried at work before, I've told supervisors multiple times that I'm not crying because I'm sad or upset but just because I'm frustrated and to please ignore it. I know this is a common enough issue. Living and working in a southern factory enviornment has led to the emotional woman gloves attitude that I've grown to resent. I know, for some it's not normal to cry at work and it might make that some uncomfortable, I've actually been working on it and grown much better at not crying when I'm frustrated and/or angry with the handling of a situation!
However I have a new supervisor, he's a funny guy that I've heard bad things about from friends that were under him before he transferred. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt as he is learning, but I've had a frustrating week. The changes he wants to implement were pressed a bit over-excitedly by my new/not new leads who made some mistakes in trying to understand what it is I do. That's fine, I cried a little in expressing how I did my job correctly and they failed to understand what my job was. We cleared up the situation and all was good. Then I cried again last night.
For context and to wrap this portion up so I can get to my pressing question, my old supervisor was awful. Nice guy when he's not under any sort of percieved managerial pressure and a silent nightmare when he was. This led to me not really handling criticism or involved managers in a certain process of my work well. I got over it and started completing the process quicker, but it goes to say I got frustrated a lot, and combined with an abusive ex who would roll his eyes when I tried to speak about anything work-related (so no one to talk to really), it's needless to say I cried a lot back then. I've gotten a lot better at stone-facing people who don't really know what I do, but last night I came into a shitshow that if I had been on the previous shift, wouldn't have happened at all because I would have been monitored and checked to make sure I had finished my job. Meaning I played clean up crew for 7 hours straight, no break, failed a check over small missed areas, and cried when my supervisor joined in on the checking and made, what he cleared up later as, joking remarks with the other supervisor about writing me up for being bad. (I don't like these kind of remarks but they are common at my workplace and generally received well by others.)
My supervisor and me later cleared things up after brief horror from them about my lack of a government mandated break and female tears, he also asked why I would cry and made a slight comment about a work enviornment which I chose to cut off as the situation was more unique to the entire thing stressing me out. I think we're good, if not I'll handle it later.
Now, to my actual question, please I'm so sorry for rambling I just enjoy thorough context and yapping and I'm new here.
How do I stop being embarrassed of myself? I'll be honest a big reason that I cried last night is because I was embarrassed that it was taking me so long to clean up someone else's mess and I was embarrassed that I was overwhelmed and denied help over it. I felt hey, I've gotten better at this why am I not- being better at this. This isn't even just a work issue, like, unfortunately. I get embarrassed when people make snide remarks towards me and shrink down. I get embarrassed when talking about regular things like relationships and family. I get embarrassed when hanging out with my friends and constantly send the morning after text of, "hey y'all don't hate me right" or "was I too annoying last night :))))????". (My friends are saints and deal with me accordingly. ._.) I get embarrassed when I'm 'too' loud for a second and everyone looks. When I walk through a room and people look at me. I get embarrassed when people look at me in general. I even get embarrassed to write or exist in public spaces. I've been wanting to sit in a coffee shop and write for 3 years. I refuse. (I'm working on it)
I know what a lot of this stems from. I've been through a lot. Especially in the past six months. Or, my entire existence as a person. I can't really recall a time where I wasn't embarrassed because I already had a lot going on and really didn't want the extra vibes in general, good or bad. Or I just didn't want to deal with any percieved judgment. I have an intense and deeply rooted issue with anxiety basically playing super intense music you would hear in a movie when something bad's about to happen at random times just to, what feels like, get a rise out of me.
I'm working on my anxiety, I'm actually a lot happier with life and being at the moment, but how do I feel more confident consistently? It feels like it comes and goes and ebbs and flows. I want to be my own consistent backup. I want to be there for myself. I want to stop being embarrassed of myself for existing too much. How do/did you guys, if you do/did, stop being embarrassed of yourself?
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(sorry this answer got so long lol)
I feel you, crying for me has always been a part of how I process my emotions and think things through (even when i'm not sad) and working customer service jobs has left me crying in the back room more than i'd care to admit. Only tip i've got workplace wise is cry in the bathroom!! Its generally safe & your not in as big a danger of crying in front of a co-worker or manager that it wouldn't be a good idea to cry around.
When it comes to feeling less embarrassed and more sure of yourself I can tell you this much, living life like the whole world is watching will kill your confidence. People look, and some can even cut you down with a glare but in the end its what you feel about yourself that matters. Don't let the looks of strangers who don't know you stop you from living your best life!! I know just saying "oh yeah just don't care and ur anxiety will go away" is pretty s***y advice tho. My anxiety is a bully who kicks me when i'm down and doesn't stop until i'm crying in bed wondering if my best friend actually likes me. Fighting your anxiety is never as simple as it is on paper but heres some tips.
Take really small steps- Can't sit in a coffee shop? Try someplace easier, like a library (super quiet and people won't bother you) if thats to tough try parking places and sit in your car! Like outside a coffee shop or a library, pace yourself, do what your most comfy with.
Self love- Start saying nice things about yourself, and doing nice things for yourself. If you put together an awesome outfit you know you look great in thinking "heck yeah I look amazing" to yourself. peoples judgment will get easier to ignore because you'll be too busy thinking about other things!
You could always try faking it till you make it lol (sometimes this works for me, sometimes very much not)
I started to become my own "consistent backup" when I came to terms with who I am as a person, when I was honest with myself and accepted that I was trans, that I liked guys and that that was totally fine my confidence shot up x1000. I became less embarrassed because I was having so much fun just loving being a girl to really have the time to care about other peoples judgement. And every step i've taken since, wether it was therapy, medication, friendship, volunteering, working, college etc. I've made with the backbone thought of knowing that I don't have to be embarrassed of myself for just being a person.
Confidence ebbs and flows, it always does, your never going to always be 100% confident all the time but confidence does come easier when you know that even when your not confident, it'll come back eventually!
And plus if its any help I just turned 18, I pretty much never know what i'm doing like all the time, so if my dumb*** can hug my anxiety and tell her that theres no need to feel embarrassed for just existing (or for accidentally crying in the workplace) than you can too!
Social anxiety I think is all about being a disappointment to others or worse.
It's tough to manage.
I think a mixture of CPTSD can be in there too as having overwhelming emotions and fear of having emotions tend to go hand in hand for me.
Growing up I was taught not to cry, to such a degree I could not understand people crying in public but I later went through stuff in life where I really just fell apart. I think I cry more when I get wrapped up in my fear of crying and being seen as less of a person. I understand getting emotional and my fear of getting emotional tends to make it worse. It sounds like your job just sucks right now and you are often just overwhelmed. Also sounds like management is pretty bad too, maybe they are getting overwhelmed too.
Let yourself cry and you might not feel the need to do it as much, second... Find a better job.
Also women are physically different then men with larger tear ducts, not only do we naturally cry more but that those tears trigger guys to react for better or worse, just because someone else doesn't know how to soothe you doesn't mean they are lesser they just might not have been raised to understand how. I for one was not allowed to cry so I did not allow others to cry when I was younger, but if you slowly learn empathy and that emotions are logical reactions your body is making to circumstances it's current it becomes less fearful. It's natural to cry when stressed out and when you struggle especially with poor sleep. Taking care of yourself if you can help gain more emotional balance though in stressful environments it can be tough.
Asking how to not embarrass yourself is like asking how to be happy, it starts with small steps where you learn to trust you have value and that it's okay to be overwhelmed you just need to work on improving your circumstances but by bit. It might be hard for a while but you can always improve your circumstances. Get more sleep, eat more and exercise and find a better fitting job as soon as possible.