Ako lang ba yung ganto? I think marriage is really not for me. Yes I like companionship pero pag dadating na yung point na maiisip ko yung stress when it comes to marriage i’m so scared to jump on it. Lalo na ang dami ditong nag rarant about their marriage na ang toxic or di kaya the other party is tamad, irresponsible and all that. Parang hindi ko keri yung stress non like dala dala ko sya my whole life. Mas matetake ko pa yung stress ng workloads sa trabaho kesa naman stress ka na nga sa work stress ka pa sa bahay wala nang pahinga hays. Kaya rin siguro ang daming may ayaw ngayon mag pa kasal or mag kaanak. I want peace lalo na pag nasa bahay ayaw ko na ng ligalig sa maligalig na mundo 😅
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It's easy to have a skewed perspective about the married life since people who had bad experience often post/rant about it while the other side doesn't. Because I think the one's who are contented and/or happy with their married life don't see the need of sharing it to the public.
But hey, this comment is not to convince you to jump over the other side of the fence, but a reminder that married life can be fulfilling, too.
True. I just married the love of my life last week. We've been living in for 5+ yrs na, and tho may stress, mas lamang yung natutulong nya sa life ko.
And yeah, sinong married couple ba nagpopost ng kwento nila e honestly, wala naman masyadong ganap kapag happy and contented ka sa relationship kaya walang mapost 🤣
I agree with this one. The baselining of a certain situation shouldn't be from what you read/hear. Merong negativity bias wherein it leads people to dwell more on negative events and feel a stronger need to express their dissatisfaction to others. I don't have any study or research work at hand though. Be water OP. We all have different life dynamics that affects a certain event, don't let others write it for you.
Agree! Ako na happy and thriving ang marriage eh di nagpopost ng story ko. Time to kwento naba? Haha. Para naman may mainspire char 😂
Gogogog hahahha puro na lang kase negative about marriages ang andito e grr 🥹
On the contrary, I think we often don’t hear all the real problems of marriage because most people are shy and embarrassed to talk about it. Many times people don’t even want to admit to themselves that their marriage is a failure or is failing, much less to other people. People often don’t want to even admit they’ve made a mistake about a boyfriend or girlfriend- how much less about a lifetime commitment?
This is a general observation I have made worldwide, but I think it must be doubly true for Filipinos who are obsessed with pleasing others, and are masters of enduring (“putting up with shit”) without complaining. Filipinos are also trained to put family first, widely indulge in cliche, hopeless romantic stories, and also have to deal with the reality of being the only country on Earth that still doesn’t allow divorce.
Put all this together and you have a recipe for widespread societal, social, and self repression of the reality of marriage problems. I’d bet 80% of people who get married in their 20s are seriously regretting it, whether they admit it to themselves or not, by the time they reach 40.
Most older couples I see that are still together are, I think, defeated and resigned to their fate.
That’s not to say that there are some fairytale romances and perfect match ups, but I think those are few and far between. Familiarity breeds contempt, either after 5 years or 20.
It is not that couples are embarassed to talk about the real problems of their married life, it is just that, it's outside of anyone's business. Problems within their married life are meant to be solved by the couple themselves and not to be shared to the public.
Are these couples find it hard to admit that their marriage is failing or maybe these couples are still in the process of trying to win these challenges? There's a difference.
Signing the marriage contract won't make anyone immune to any problems. Problems are to be expected in married life and thriving couples do find their way in solving them together
If your idea of a marriage is a problem-free life, then it is not for you. Prior getting married, couples go through conseling where they get briefed on what they're getting into.
Yes, that’s a big part of it too: privacy. People don’t generally air their dirty laundry to strangers. So you only have the chance to hear from a very small number of married people. Most are strangers or acquaintances that would never share intimate problems with you.
But I’m responding to someone saying that people have a skewed view of marriage because they only hear from the people that complain. My point is that even amongst the few people that you are close enough to to hear about their married life, the majority aren’t going to be honest about their problems. Most are going to keep up a public image of a healthy marriage, whether it is or not.
Of course every relationship will have problems, and healthy relationships will work through them, but most couples only have the energy to work through serious problems for the first few years. After that, serious problems either result in break ups or defeat and resignation. That’s why I mentioned the long term perspective: I think most couples (not all) that stay together past 15 or 20 years have at least one resigned or defeated half.
Touché. 🤝🏻
Siguro dahil ganyan lagi mong nakikita sa social media. Remember, yung mga taong masaya sa married life nila are usually private lang ang buhay and hindi masyado nagpo-post. While yung mga nasa toxic relationships sila yung panay rant at post sa social media.
+1
Ako Happy ako sa Marriage life ko. Hindi kami pala post, samin samin nalang yung masasayang bagay na yun haha, kasi pag happy ka hindi mo na maiisip pa na patunayan sa ibang tao na happy ka hahaha.
Hindi lang ikaw
As the other commenter said, people in happy marriages don't post as often as those in miserable ones
I assume na bata ka pa. Allow yourself the time and experience to build your own worldview. People change their views all the time. Maybe it's a matter of finding the right partner or being in a better situation.
Or maybe it's just not for you, and there's also nothing wrong with that.
I saw this on Instagram and why she finally gave in to the proposal after the numerous proposals of the guy. He convinced her that they can create a married life together according to how they want it to be, without it emulating all the bad marriages she witnessed over time, and without them losing their sense of selves. I think that hit home for me, parang, marriage is what you two make of it, so basically it’s really two different people building a life together. But, to each his own. Pag nakahanap ka, e di good. Pag hindi, okay lang din. Don’t make a villain out of what could be a good thing by dwelling on experiences that are not yours. You have the agency to make it what you want to be.
I used to think like you back in my early 20s. Turns out I really was just with the wrong person. When you're with the right person you wouldn't over think it. You just know you both will be alright.
Pero kung wala man someone sa buhay mo, don't worry about it too much. You might miss out on good things. Iba situation nila sa iyo so no need to be so rattled. Kaya din naman dapat mahaba ang relationship stage before getting married para malaman mo talaga ugali.
Same tayo OP. I also grow up watching movies/series about bridezillas or how weddings can cause a lot of stress to the relationship that sometimes they broke up because of it. Like finding the perfect dress, location, food, inviting guests, etc. can make or break the wedding then the marriage. So I learned to resent the idea of wedding and marriage in general. Tbh, I'm fine with just living with my partner. Tsaka ang hirap kaya magpakasal sa Pinas, walang divorce (and kung magkakaron man I don't think it will be a no-fault divorce which is better) so if the marriage does not work mahirap maghiwalay
theory ko lang ito ah, pero, sa tingin ko contemporary marriages will be more successful if marriages are viewed as more of an economic arrangement (like the old times) rather than for the purposes of falling in love.
of course if one can accomplish both, well and good.
but anyway, that's just coming from someone na wala balak magpakasal with anyone under any circumstance.
Well it depends
Just don't force yourself to get married. Magpakasal pag ready na financially, emotionally, mentally, etc. Wag magmadali at magpadala sa mga parents o kamag anak na nagsasabe na "oh kailan ka mag aasawa" haha JUST DON'T.
totally get it, op. ang problema kasi sa kasal sa pinas, wala nang kawala. but marriage problems are technically the same kung may LIP ka. ganun din naman kasi ang set up, hindi lang naka tatak sa papel. maganda lang na kasal ka kapag may anak kasi may habol ka talaga sa tatay ng anak. but thats another topic na haha
this is coming from me, a happily married woman. barely fought with my husband since magjowa kami nung college. wala naman ako problema sa amin ni hubby ah. gets ko lang naman din bat ayaw ng iba magpakasal. it’s a hit or miss
It's just similar to survivorship bias but in reverse.
Of course ung maririnig mong rants lahat ay negative. Mas madaming post na nageexist about someone ranting vs someone wasting their time to praise their marriage because why would they need validation? Minsan ung mga nagrarant pa ung need ng validation kesyo tama ginawa nila or whatnot or hingi ng kakampi.
It's the same concept as why mukhang madaming rags to riches stories at mukhang madali lang pero syempre ang maingay lng sa social media eh ung yumaman but never ung nalugi dahil bakit sila magpopost?
I dont know if you notice pero yung rant mo is one of the foundational roots ng Red Pill movement btw. For sure ick ka din dun until you find out na ung core concept na sinasabi mo is one of the things these people are into.
Gets naman. Medyo nakakatakot din talaga yung thought of getting married lalo na sa bansa natin na walang divorce so pahirapan ang annulment if ever di mag workout.
Ako naman I admit that I am selfish as fuck (with very possesive tendencies) kaya ayaw ko ng relationship, let alone married life.
I have friends but ayaw ko ng serious na relationship.
Of all 100 millions of Filipinos malamang hindi lang ikaw.
Shet ako na ako ko to OP! Apir!!
SAME OP SAME HAHAHAHHA
I have the same feeling. I prefer companionship. Maybe because I don’t believe in marriage, it’s just a paper to sign and a party to spend on.
Companionship >>> marriage