As a Relationship Coach, Here Are 4 Warning Signs Your Relationship Is Already Over

Being in love can be one of the best feelings in the world. The relationship can be filled with exhilaration and a soft gushiness that can propel you towards promises of forever. Yet, as time slips by, you may begin to experience uncertainty about your partner. 

It might’ve reached a point where you aren’t connected like how it was at the beginning. Even the little things about their personality may have started to bother you, and the same old arguments keep replaying on a loop. You're not opening up to your partner as much as you used to, and if you're being totally honest—you're not sure if you can see them in your future anymore.

Perhaps the relationship is going through a tough moment that seems impossible to repair. Or everything seems “fine,” but you're left with a persistent feeling of doubt you can’t seem to shake. Whatever the case may be, you're now wondering if the relationship has run its course and it’s time to move on.  To help you feel confident moving forward, here are a few obvious (and not-so-obvious) clues that could hint your relationship is already over. 

The Intimacy Just Isn’t There Anymore

If one of you reaches out for sexual intimacy, and the other consistently responds with excuses about being tired, irritated, stressed, disconnected, or not in the mood, it could indicate underlying issues in your relationship. There are no strict rules for sexual frequency, and experiencing occasional dry spells is normal.

However, if this pattern of physical distancing becomes a recurring theme, it’s worth addressing–especially if you feel like you’re forcing things, slowed down with physical touch, sharing secrets about your day, and engaging in revealing conversations together. 

In my work as a relationship coach, I’ve observed once you’ve stopped confiding in your partner, it’s likely you’ve also stopped craving physical and emotional intimacy with them, too.

When a couple tells me they’re not super open about the mundane and pivotal parts of their respective lives, it’s a huge sign that the relationship has probably been on the outs for some time. 

If you’re not actively seeking out these kinds of connected moments, it may mean that you no longer see them as someone who can bring you joy and fulfillment. Perhaps they are more like your best friend, family member, roommate, teammate, co-worker, or an obligation. Those are great aspects to have in your relationship, but viewing each other as a source and expression for your romantic pleasure is needed to keep the spark alive.

You Can’t Problem Solve Together

In long-term relationships, it’s common to have the same fight again and again. You know the fight I’m talking about. Even when you bicker about something different like the dishes, work, family, or money—somehow, somehow, the argument inevitably tumbles back to the same core issue. Not being able to get past this central fight can lead to resentment, exhaustion, and suppression. 

Sure, these fights can be frustrating. But they can also be incredibly satisfying once you finally tackle the unhidden issue that needs to be talked through to elevate the relationship. Addressing these emotionally charged issues requires effort. One must be thoughtful of triggers, understand the other’s perspective, discuss past grievances objectively, and strive to meet their partner’s needs.

The problem is avoiding certain conversations out of fear of confrontation, which signals a massive loss of trust in your partner. This reluctance to discuss sensitive topics shows you’re uncomfortable disclosing private aspects of yourself or articulating the fullness of your needs. If you can't tell them when you're upset, how can you approach them with a vulnerable request about something else that matters to you? When it reaches this point, your partner may not be seen as a collaborator for effective problem-solving but instead as an adversary. You're not on the same side anymore.

When you're disconnected and can't move beyond entrenched, well-defended positions in the argument, it’s time to question whether your relationships allow for change at the necessary level. If not, you might need to consider whether something different is required for your own well-being. 

You Feel Alone When You’re Next To Them

If you find yourself longing to do things alone or fantasizing about moments they won’t be around so you can participate in the activities you enjoy, that’s an invitation to pause and reflect further. 

When you’re in a thriving relationship, you’ll want to do some of your alone things with your partner. When your relationship is surviving, you’ll feel lonely even when they’re next to you doing the same thing—as if there’s an emotional abyss in between. You may feel misunderstood, trapped, shut down, on edge, and uncomfortable being around them. Taken to an extreme, you may find yourself judging your partner and the things they value.

When you and your partner feel disconnected on a fundamental level, no longer prioritize the same values, and find it hard to get along, it becomes a challenge to co-create a shared future. Why commit to a future together when the present moment feels so dissatisfying to be in? 

You Just Know It

Our subconscious mind controls 95% of our lives, meaning that a majority of our decisions, actions, emotions, and behaviors are influenced beyond our conscious awareness. These imperceptible signals are picked up by our mind-body connection, registering as a gut instinct that tells us something is not right. 

Gut feelings are easy to dismiss until we unpack the science. Emerging research notes the gut is linked to the enteric nervous system, which works alongside the brain to communicate in parallel, which ultimately plays a major instinctive part in our physical and emotional states. 

That’s why the gut is known as the second brain. So, when you simply “know” something to be true, even if you can’t put it into words or logically figure out how you know it, don’t dismiss what your gut is telling you. There’s a reason why they call it a “deep knowing” or an “inner truth.” Your intuition is intelligently designed.

But I will say this: if you live an unhealthy lifestyle with factors such as stress, anxiety, inactivity, poor diet choices, and lack of sleep, it'll contribute to an imbalanced gut microbiome. This means your mental health will be impacted, and your instincts will feel out of whack. For optimal cognitive functioning, it's imperative to align your mind, body, and soul with nourishing self-care practices so you can trust your intuition.

If you’ve been contemplating ending your relationship, regardless of whether or not you can clearly say why, don’t over-intellectualize what’s happening. Pay attention to your body and what it’s telling you–which you can only know when you slow down through mindfulness. You don’t have to have a big reason to break up with your partner and read article after article if you’re meant to be together. You’ll just know it.