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The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking Paperback – 3 Jan. 2013

by Oliver Burkeman (Author)

4.4 2,634 ratings

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Is our search for happiness futile? Or are we just going about it the wrong way? In this fascinating new book, Oliver Burkeman argues that 'positive thinking' and relentless optimism aren't the solution to the happiness dilemma, but part of the problem. And that there is, in fact, an alternative path to contentment and success that involves embracing the things we spend our lives trying to avoid - uncertainty, insecurity, pessimism and failure. Thought-provoking, counter-intuitive and ultimately uplifting, "The Antidote" is a celebration of the power of negative thinking.

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Print length

256 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Canongate Books Ltd
Publication date

3 Jan. 2013
Dimensions

12.9 x 1.63 x 19.81 cm
ISBN-10

1847678661
ISBN-13

978-1847678669
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Review

'An excellent book; Burkeman makes us see that our current approach, in which we want happiness but search for certainty - often in the shape of material goods - is counterproductive. We're on a treadmill of disappointment. So Burkeman explores a better way, and tells us about the philosophers and thinkers who have inspired him' Daily Telegraph

'He has written some of the most truthful and useful words on [happiness] to be published in recent years. This is a marvellous synthesis of good sense, which would make a bracing detox for the self-help junkie' Julian Baggini, Guardian

'If life can only have one destination, then, Burkeman argues, we should enjoy the journey as much as we can and deal with the terminus when it comes. It's a simple idea, but an exhilarating and satisfying one' Observer

'Addictive, wise and very funny. Burkeman never takes himself too seriously, but the rest of us should' Tim Harford, author of THE UNDERCOVER ECONOMIST

'The Antidote is a gem. Countering a self-help tradition in which "positive thinking" too often takes the place of actual thinking, Oliver Burkeman returns our attention to several of philosophy's deeper traditions and does so with a light hand and a wry sense of humor. You'll come away from this book enriched - and, yes, even a little happier' Daniel H. Pink, author of DRIVE and A WHOLE NEW MIND

'Quietly subversive, beautifully written, persuasive and profound, Oliver Burkeman's book will make you think - and smile' Alex Bellos, author of ALEX'S ADVENTURES IN NUMBERLAND

'Does the pursuit of happiness make us miserable? In this elegant and erudite book, Oliver Burkeman explores the riddle of joy in the 21st century. This book doesn't set out to make you happy, but that may just be why it works' Jonah Lehrer, author Of Imagine: How Creativity Works

'This is a genuinely useful book; Burkeman is not in the business of pouring automatic scorn; he really does want us to become slightly happier ... Help! is win-win. If you do find yourself with those problems which, though potentially tractable, are disproportionately aggravating, then you will find solace and good advice here. If you do not, or rather think you do not, then you will be amused anyway. Either way, you won't need to read another self-help book again' --Nicholas Lezard, Guardian

About the Author

Oliver Burkeman is a feature writer for the Guardian. He is a winner of the Foreign Press Association's Young Journalist of the Year award, and has been shortlisted for the Orwell Prize and the What The Papers Say Feature Writer of the Year award. He writes a popular weekly column on psychology, This Column Will Change Your Life, and has reported from London, Washington and New York. His work has also appeared in Esquire, Elle, GQ, the Observer and the New Republic. He was born in Liverpool in 1975, grew up in York, and holds a degree in Social and Political Sciences from Cambridge University.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Canongate Books Ltd; Main edition (3 Jan. 2013)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 256 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1847678661
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1847678669
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 12.9 x 1.63 x 19.81 cm

Best Sellers Rank: 495,485 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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- 38,823 in Health, Family & Lifestyle Self Help

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4.4 2,634 ratings

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Lark

At the very least this is a great read

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 3 May 2018

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I recently started a spell of reading books which run contra to a lot of the positive thinking self-help genre which I've developed a growing dislike for, too many easy solutions that seem to have been bought lock, stock and barrel by too many people and whose critical evaluation no one is engaged. Those that do are being dismissed one way or another, usually with the vagary of "being negative".

Its been a distinctly mixed reading experience, although I really do have to recommend this one. If nothing else Burkeman is a very good writer, he weaves together analogies, knowledge of theory, research and reporting his own experiences when he has tried out certain recommendations himself very well. Its more a page turner than I had expected. The contents are clear, there's great supporting endnotes and references and a good supporting index, all of which make it easy to find what you are looking for quickly, although, as I say, its such a well written book that its easy to read and read chapters at a time too.

Burkeman explores stoicisim, buddhism's non-attachment principles, even meets with the author who created Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, a sort of revitalised stoicism, criticises goal setting, the focus upon the self, talks about the benefits of insecurity, embracing your failures at the museum of failure and finally focuses in on the tradition of momento mori (remember you will die).

I have had some acquaintance with these ideas prior to reading Burkeman, indeed, some of my perspective has been shaped by Erich Fromm who initially promoted Zen Buddhism and some ideas now associated with the so called Optimisation Movement but was pretty scathing about how those ideas were commercialised in his day, the promotion of "easy/effortless fixes" and he really seemed to disapprove of the Human Potential Movement. Burkeman's presentation is good, no prior acquaintance with the ideas is necessary to enjoy the book, or even benefit from some of the insights I would say, it is an antidote to the sorts of positive thinking he finds vexing, and I suspect much of his potential readership too.

The book is similar to Psychobabble: Exploding the myths of the self help generation by Dr Stephen Briers but I think Oliver Burkeman's book is the better of the two, it could just be personal preference but I think the pace of narrative and writing style is more engaging. I would also say cheering or encouraging but that may just be my own personal perspective.

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Warren. S.

Very Interesting

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 20 July 2012

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I bought this on the recommendation of Stephen Fry and found it stimulating and interesting reading. I have always had an in-built aversion to "positive thinking" but had not appreciated how self-defeating it actually is. The other useful item was how we often fail to appreciate the difference between something bad and a worst case scenario.

As a follow up I have made looked up the Stoicism Society in the UK and bought a course as an introduction to Stoic thinking Stoic Serenity: A Practical Course on Finding Inner Peace . There is a little woo involved but as I understand Burkeman, this is easily dispensed with while retaining the bulk of helpful thinking.

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SirChutney

Anti-Self Help for Stoics

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 24 October 2015

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The light hearted cover of The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking can fool the reader into thinking this is an easy read. In fact, The Antidote is a powerful argument for embracing ambiguity and uncertainty (which includes our fear of death). It explores Stoicism, meditation, philosophy and psychology, mixed with offbeat situations and characters. The central idea is that we should accept negative feelings, thoughts and experiences as essential aspects of life. Do not try to avoid these.

British journalist Burkeman is straightforward and cynical. The Antidote contains ideas from the writer’s popular Guardian feature “This Column Will Change Your Life” strung together in a coherent narrative, leading to some inevitable conclusions.

Happiness
Don’t think of a bear. Too late, you’ve just done it. Trying to avoid an outcome is one we are most drawn to. This is why positive thinking doesn’t work. Add low-self esteem too and you’ll end-up less happy than when you started. The unwanted feelings become ever more solidified.

Burkeman explores Stoicism as a possible way forward, which is: Real Stoicism...involves developing a kind of muscular calm in the face of trying circumstances.

He suggests that is you visualise a successful outcome, then your motivation to achieve a goal reduces. By using negative visualisation you focus on what can go wrong, then cultivating a calm indifference towards things outside of your control. It is by adopting this process that you achieve tranquility.

After all it’s not a situation, events or people that cause us distress: Real Stoicism...involves developing a kind of muscular calm in the face of trying circumstances.

By considering losing the things you take for granted then you cultivate gratitude and reduce hedonic adaptation. As he says here:

"Thinking about the possibility of losing something you value shifts it from the backdrop of your life back to centre stage, where it can deliver pleasure once more."

He goes onto say:

"… reassurance can actually exacerbate anxiety: when you reassure your friend that the worst-case scenario he fears probably won’t occur, you inadvertently reinforce his belief that it would be catastrophic if it did. You are tightening the coil of his anxiety, not loosening it."

All too often, the Stoics note, things will not turn out for the best. But it is also true that, when they do go wrong, they’ll almost go less wrong than you feared. Thus, negative thinking should be something we do, and not something that happens to us.

Happiness isn’t about trying to control circumstances, hoping that the universe fall in line with your plans. This approach to negative thinking isn’t the opposite of positive thinking. It involves embracing our insecurities, flaws and sorrows and acknowledging that because we are human, we fail and make mistakes.

Burkman also advises that you avoid becoming hooked on mental narratives which promote how things should or shouldn’t be. By doing this then you avoid attachment, a Buddhist idea:

"We “pursue” happiness because we think it comes outside of ourselves. But it’s also because we think things are outside of ourselves that we are stressed about them and worry about them. Whatever can be found can also be lost.

There’s nothing wrong with striving to accomplish something, or making friends, or loving your spouse and children. The Buddha himself, after all, spent his life after his enlightenment associating with people, and teaching them. Non-attachment does not require extreme asceticism or shunning human contact. Non-attachment comes from the wisdom that nothing is truly separate."

The self is best thought of as some kind of a fiction, albeit a useful one. It’s difficult to control the chattering stream of thinking which makes up who we are, this ‘I’ that does not exist. Clinging to a particular version of a happy life, while fighting to end all possibility of an unhappy one, causes more problems than it solves.

Goals
Burkeman also backs up my thoughts on goal setting. He highlights a specific example. Everest climbers who had been lured into destruction by their passion for goals. The more they fixated on the endpoint, the more that goal became not just an external target but a part of their own identities. They reinterpreted negative evidence as a reason to invest more effort and resources in pursuit of the goal. And so things would go even more wrong.

To avoid the anguish that follows lack of goal achievement, you have to accept the mood you’re in then just get on do what you have to do. Sometimes you can’t make yourself feel like acting. Taking a non-attached stance: Who says you need to wait until you ‘feel like’ doing something to start doing it? Note the procrastinatory feelings and act anyway. The working routines of prolific authors and artists – people who do get a lot done – rarely include techniques for ‘getting motivated’. Quite the opposite: they tend to emphasise the mechanics of the working process. We can take action without changing the way we feel.

Interestingly, he also uncovers that The Yale Study of Goals never took place.

For me goals have to be set at an high level to be of any use. Some people have known for awhile now what they want, but just haven’t pursued it, and for them, it just takes a little contemplation to realize what they’ve wanted all along. Others will have a more difficult time, as they have never figured out what their dream is, or what they’d like to do. A simple exercise to help is to imagine you are eighty years old. Complete the sentences: ‘I wish I’d spent more time on…’ and ‘I wish I’d spent less time on…’. The answers should help provide guidance of your true life goals. Start living your life so that you will get to that point.

Uncertainty
Security is a kind of death whereas insecurity is another word for life. Faced with the anxiety of not knowing what the future holds, we invest ever more in our preferred vision of that future. Not because it will help us achieve it, but because it helps rid us of feelings of uncertainty in the present.

Consider any significant decision you’ve ever taken that you subsequently came to regret: you felt the gut-knotting ache of uncertainty; afterwards, having made a decision, did those feelings subside? If so, this points to the troubling possibility that your primary motivation in taking the decision wasn’t any rational consideration of its rightness for you, but the urgent need to get rid of your feelings of uncertainty.

Try asking yourself if you have any problems right now. The answer, unless you’re currently in physical pain, is likely to be no. Most problems involve thoughts about how something might turn out badly in the future, or thoughts about things that happened in the past. A staggering proportion of human activity is motivated by the desire to feel safe and secure.

In turning towards insecurity we may come to understand that security itself is a kind of illusion – and that we were mistaken, all along, about what it was we thought we were searching for. People have always believed that they are living in times of unique insecurity. Many of the ways in which we try to feel safe don’t make us happy.

We protect ourselves from physical danger by moving to safer neighbourhoods, but the effects of such trends on community life have been demonstrated to have a negative effect on collective levels of happiness. We seek the fulfilment of strong romantic relationships and friendships, yet striving too hard to achieve security in such relationships stifles them.

What’s the solution then? Like a frog: You should sun yourself on a lily-pad until you get bored; then, when the time is right, you should jump to a new lily-pad and hang out there for a while. Continue this over and over, moving in whatever direction feels right.

Death and Love
Reduce the terror induced by the mere thought of death. Fearing being dead yourself makes no sense. You don’t look back with horror at the eternal oblivion before you were born. Live a life suffused with the awareness of its own finitude, and you can hope to finish it in something like the fashion that Jean-Paul Sartre hoped to die:

"… quietly … certain that the last burst of my heart would be inscribed on the last page of my work, and that death would be taking only a dead man."

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung, and maybe broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no-one. The more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you.

In Summary
After reading the book you realise that no matter how bad the situation, there is always a worse one. What the cult of optimism and positive thinking tries to do is to end uncertainty, to make happiness fixed and final. And unfortunately it all to often has the opposite effect. Accept your fear and your failure, don’t repress them or hide them under a bogus positive mindset.

28 people found this helpful

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Mikhail Salamatov

Awesome, deep, interesting

Reviewed in the United States on 4 January 2024

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One of the best ‘business’ books I’ve read. It’s about everything - attitude to life, thinking, planning and reflections. Definitely recommend.

Harry

A must read, if you want to develop negative capabilites

Reviewed in India on 8 December 2023

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Once in a while i find a book that grips me. Shakes me and makes me pay attention. This book did that to me.
The insights on how one can develop nagative capability, like a skill using vipassana, teachings of Eckhart Tolle
and his personal experince among many other studies is fascinating.

One person found this helpful

Eric Frías

Plain good

Reviewed in Mexico on 21 October 2020

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Good. Not that good but introduced me to interesting concepts such negative capability and openture, and also concepts of stoicism and negative approach to happiness

Antoine Henry de Frahan

Excellent!

Reviewed in France on 12 September 2020

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Well written, full of humour, thorough, intelligent. A must-read.

H Gilani

One of the best books and highly recommended

Reviewed in Italy on 1 May 2020

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Antidote to the positive thinking and self help bullshit. One of those rare books which has made me think in a different way and really made a difference (small or big is a different topic).

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