To the girl I was best friends with in elementary school…

EDIT: since i messed up my age quite a bit! my family was only in that state for about two years in my early childhood. I was in the fourth grade when this all happened. It all hit the fan in fifth grade, us moving back in the middle of the year. I guess that would make me younger than I remembered to be. I guess the whole situation feeling so serious and adult that I just thought I was older when it happened. Sorry for the confusion! I guess more accurately, I’m 22 currently. I did go and check my moms facebook to confirm that we were in that new state in 2012 though! Sorry any confusion!

When I was in the third grade, my family and I moved out of state for my dad’s job. I started at a new elementary school and made fast friends with a girl I’ll call Maria. The two of us were inseparable but her…hobbies were something I wasn’t used to. This was about 2012, and a big thing she loved was gore. No just any scary movie movie gore, but MLP gore. Really introduced me to a very dark side of the internet for an 11 year old girl. She kept a binder full of these gorey images and often showed them to me on the bus. First red flag.

Second red flag. The boyfriend. Being a literal child at the time, I didn’t understand the sudden interest of dating for my peers. But Maria had a boyfriend. It was your typical elementary school relationship, giggling at just holding hands. And it was as short lived as any elementary school relationship, with him breaking up with her without a care in the world. But she, oh she did NOT take this well. She gathered our little crew in the playground, me her right hand man. She laid out the plan, we were to chase the boyfriend (or ex boyfriend I guess), catch him, hold him down, and she would…beat him up I guess? We all didn’t want to do this obviously, but she zeroed in on me. I was her best friend. I was supposed to do this for her. I being the stupid 11 year old I was, told her she was acting insane and I was gonna play with the boys.

From that point on we weren’t best friends. She was my bully. She harrassed me endlessly, little texts constantly popping up on my flip phone, calling me names on the bus, telling authority figures that I had started it. Eventually this cumulated into a sit down with the principal were we both were scolded and told to play nice. For a bit, everything was calm. Then, the art room scissors started going missing.

Red flag number three. I had been chatting with a friend on the bus, when Maria had put a pair of scissors very close to my neck. She laughed it off, and I stayed quiet, just wanting to keep some sort of peace at school. I knew she had stolen them. Never understood why I never said anything. Things were quiet for awhile again.

But one day, a day that still haunts me. A day that has put up barriers in me that I shouldn’t have had at a young age. I was taking my usual bus route, arriving early and taking a seat near the back. Maria arrives, sitting by herself on the opposite side nearer to the front. We took off and began the ride to school. As we were nearing the elementary school, mine and Maria’s eyes locked. I’ll never forget that smile.

She proceeded to pull a kitchen knife from her bag, one of the big ones from a knife block. She flashed it me before zipping the bag as the bus came to a stop. I remember sitting in my seat as everyone piled off the bus. I don’t remember much after that. I remember freaking out in front of the school. I remember sitting in the office all day. I remember talking to men in uniforms. I remember reading something I probably shouldn’t have. She was planning to hurt me. And the boy who broke up with her. She was suspended for the rest of the year. I moved before she came back, and I never saw her again.

So to that girl I was best friends in elementary school, let’s not meet again.