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I’ve known my bestie (17F) for around 5 years. It’s our senior year and prom is rolling around. I (17F) was talking to her about what I wanted to do with my hair, my dress, etc. Now, for God knows what reason, she thinks it would be a good idea to get her hair done EXACTLY LIKE MINE. I didn’t even know what to say, just no. You literally do not to that. And this isn’t the first time. Took her on a clothing haul and told her I got my clothes Zara. The same exact day this girl actually physically went out and bought the EXACT SAME two tops, same color, SAME EVERYTHING. Not to mention she did the EXAT SAME THING with clothes I bought from BERSHKA. Same tube tops, same dress, same pants, all the same color. I have no clue what to tell her at this point. It’s not like she isn’t stylish so I have no idea why the hell she’d actually start copying me like this. I get admiring someone but please, just don’t start dressing like me. It’s not even flattering. I took YEARS to build confidence and find my style for someone to suddenly start copying it. I know she had self esteem problems but copying people’s styles (which she has done before with other people) isn’t the way to go. So here’s my question, what should I do about this woman wanting to deadass copy my prom look?
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Just choose a different dress I guess no? Besties do kinda set boundaries I think or at least communicate it. Have you never asked her why at all? If she really was a bestie she would understand and try to work things out so both parties are happy
I think I’ll do that. I’ll talk to her once she calms down from… well… she’s been stressed to put it lightly. Hopefully she will let go the idea of doing her hair the same as mine.
Tell her to get her own personality
You just gotta talk to her man. My guess is she’s where you were a little while ago: trying to get the confidence to develop her own style. She’s not likely doing this to be harmful at all!
It’s totally valid to be annoyed. I’d be annoyed too, and it’s totally appropriate to tell her it’s annoying you! But I’d try to be gentle.
Maybe you can make a day of it. If you can afford a lil day out, take her out to coffee on a weekend day, tell her you’d like her to stop buying the same clothes you do, but in the same breath, offer to then go shopping and help her pick out clothes. That way she feels like she just has your opinion to support her but doesn’t have to copy you.
Same for the prom dress. Simple, straight forward, “These dresses match too much, if you’re willing to return your dress I will spend all day at the mall helping you find the perfect one.”
Your friend could have borderline personality disorder - which means she will continue to copy you as long as she is your friend. My oldest daughter attracted one of these in high school and did not get rid of her until the girl met a guy who married her about 5 years after graduating. While this girl was dating, she switched to everything exactly like the guy's mom. She was a nice person, but had no identity with her family, no opinion or style of her own, she glommed onto our family and whatever job my daughter took, she applied too. Now she does this with hubbies family and I am sorry to say we don't miss her. She bad rapped her family all the time, and now I guess she bad raps ours and my daughter because her whole identity is her husband's family now and they do everything perfect.
Does your friend have a history of people dumping her as a friend? You either make the same choice, or hang in and deal with the copy stuff because it probably is not going to end. If you can get her some counseling help under the "she needs to build self esteem" route, you can try that. A good counselor is going to see what is going on with her and get her some real help if she does have the disorder, (please do not label her that now though as she may not have that disorder and then the rumor is out there). My daughter's friend was diagnosed about 4 years into the friendship although she declined any help or treatment. This type of person is also very hard to get rid of, because again their identity is built around who they are trying to be so simply stating you don't want to hang out with them anymore, not answering their calls, etc. usually does not work unless they find someone else to become. Again though - please do be careful about labeling her without a professional opinion. I am only bringing it up because what you are going through does sound a lot like what my daughter and family did. In your case it may be as simple as helping her see that a different style choice is better for her and convincing her she can be her own person.