Laura Dern and Diane Ladd advocate for discussing difficult topics with mothers.
"This is the house?" Dern questioned.
"Yes, Laura. This is it," her mother responded.
It was the very home, Ladd stated, where she and her divorced partner, actor Bruce Dern, moved in search of a fresh start following the tragic demise of their firstborn child, Diane Elizabeth, at a young age. Here they welcomed baby Laura Elizabeth Dern into the world. This home also marked the end of their marriage.
The sight of this house triggers painful memories of divorce and grief for Ladd, and she had preferred avoiding such thoughts – until this particular day, when she opened up through gentle discussion, reshaping her mental images like clay. Dern encouraged her to focus on the positive aspect, saying, "I became a parent in that home." The house had aided her in rebuilding her life and overcoming her grief.
The relationship between Ladd and Dern in "Honey, Baby, Mine" is one of the most emotional and touching memoirs I've experienced. It left me sobbing uncontrollably on my couch. While the book could have banked on the father-daughter duo's celebrity status, they instead embarked on a journey into their inner thoughts, exposing their innermost struggles with each other that most public-facing parent-child pairs avoid.
When I spoke with Dern and Ladd in December, Ladd disclosed that these tough dialogues helped heal their relationship. She also revealed their conversation in an episode of Ancestry's YouTube series "unFamiliar" brought about the same positive effect.
"If you can transform your agony into a tool to explore, clear a path for yourself and others, then you're succeeding," Ladd emphasized during the interview. "So the book was teaching us both. As we took steps and breathed in air, we were absorbing our own lessons. That's what humans do."
Ladd recounted that her mother's assistance helped her find forgiveness and the emotional resilience she needed.
Interestingly, when Ladd talked to Dern about Diane Elizabeth, who they both share a middle name with, the conversation uncovered a startling discovery. They found they both have the same name as Ladd's maternal great-grandmother, Laura Prudence Smith Ladner, whom she'd always referred to as Prudence. This revelation was a profound moment for them, and it seemed to engage deep emotions.
Ladd indicated this discovery made her realize the importance of intuitions and that they guide us more powerfully than we can imagine.
Nearly four years ago, Ladd received a devastating diagnosis: idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, a lung disease characterized by lung tissue damage and scarring. She was told she would only live for six months, but regular exercise, specifically walking, could aid in strengthening her body. Dern and Ladd documented these conversations on these walks, and then compiled the transcripts, reflections, pictures, and recipes in "Honey, Baby, Mine."
These exchanges between mother and daughter, immortalized in the book, helped Ladd relate to her own children, Jaya and Ellery, whom she shares with her ex-husband, musician Ben Harper.
"We don't want to upset our parents, and the same applies to parents, not bringing up anything that may hurt the child," Dern explained. She was inspired to probe deeper into her children's lives, not only into the unknown depths, but also the surface-level aspects of their lives, such as their favorite colors and flowers. Ladd imparted that she, too, had overlooked similar aspects of Dern's world.
Ladd and Dern are both renowned figures in the entertainment industry; Ladd dazzled audiences in "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore" and "Wild at Heart" (1990), while Dern is famous for her Oscar-winning turn in "Marriage Story" (2020) and her performance in the HBO drama "Big Little Lies." In 1992, they broke ground as they both secured mother-daughter Oscar nominations for their work in "Rambling Rose."
Yet, despite their public stature, Dern acknowledged in our interview, "We don't know everything about the people we're closest to."
There are several moments in "Honey, Baby, Mine" that made me pause and reflect, such as a chapter with unresolved conflicts.
"There's one or two things we're still frustrated about," Ladd said with a wry smile.
"Sometimes, the anger resurfaces, but that's what makes it fun," stated Dern casually, without providing any further explanation. One can assume, though, that this could be a reference to the event when Ladd took Dern's then 5-year-old son Ellery to get a haircut without consulting her first, an incident that still makes Dern furious as told in her book.
The disagreement about Ellery's haircut didn't reach a consensus, as Ladd, emotionally depleted, expressed her desire to return home.
"Great. Me too," replied Dern.
This is the type of conversation-ending statement we've all experienced with our loved ones at some point, causing us to struggle with guilt and anxiety at night. However, there's a beauty in it. Even amidst facing the truth of Ladd's mortality during their strolls, they weren't afraid to revisit an age-old conflict rooted in past hurts caused by each other's actions and leave it unresolved.
"We just decided to accept it and let it go," stated Ladd about resolving conflicts with Dern. "I'm not going to win this one. She's not going to win this one. We should respect each other enough to let it go. So, we carry on and show our love by hugging, kissing and expressing affection."
Hugging, kissing. It may seem simple, but it takes courage to carry out in real life. As I read their book and spoke with the pair, I'm reminded of how fortunate I am to have a similar relationship with my mother.
Their determination to gain a better understanding of each other, no matter the time left, is inspiring. I've asked my mother more questions lately. There remains a lot I don't know and possibly should, including difficult topics. As Ladd and Dern discovered, you may find solace after a conversation like that.
Or not. And that's okay, too.
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Source: edition.cnn.com
