That’s going to leave a mark. Not just some possibly bruised limbs, but a bruised ego to go with it. You have to feel for a man whose job it is to walk a Welsh terrier during the Westminster Dog Show, only to lose his footing and stomach-flop in front of many on-scene spectators and at-home viewers.
What a cute pup, too! This was the terrier’s one shining moment after what had to be hours upon hours of training — and it was all derailed in an instant when this man couldn’t keep up with his tiny-legged canine friend’s slight increase in pawspeed.
I would be tempted to weep in shameless self-pity about eating it like this— even if my physical injuries were minimal. That’s the type of embarrassment you have nightmares about. Like being in a crowded place in the nude. Or being an actor on a stage and forgetting every single one of your lines. I’m sure y’all have had trips like that before while you were asleep. Maybe we’re all living in a simulation, and this man’s humiliation is a mere projection of whatever our collective consciousness actually is.
Beyond being a sci-fi nerd at heart, bringing up simulation theory has another motive that, believe it or not, is linked to the Westminster Dog Show. If we are in a simulation, that means climate change and the catastrophic apocalypse that could follow in any number of years technically aren’t real things. Then these protestors who crashed the party recently to give off the message of, “No dogs on a dead planet” could be laughed at for getting into such a tizzy.
Alas, I think the planet really is in trouble. There’s a time and place, though, climate protestors! Us humans, powerless against Mother Nature and our own shortsighted greed, are just trying to watch some dogs run around on some turf — and maybe get lucky to see one of the walkers eat sh*t — to give us a comedic distraction from the perpetual peril that surrounds our everyday lives. We as a human species, or our AI overlords, or extra-terrestrials in deus ex machina fashion, will solve climate change in due time. Let us enjoy our Westminster Dog Show while we can.
Now let me make my Wedding Crashers reference for this hilarious situation and I’ll consider how to improve the environment on my own time.
