What Did Tom Brady Think a Roast Entailed, Exactly?

Earlier this month, Tom Brady participated in a comedy roast of himself, one of the thirstiest things a man can do outside of hosting a podcast. The roast, which is now airing on Netflix, included a number of jokes about the implosion of his and Gisele Bündchen’s 13-year marriage—as literally anyone could have predicted. Shortly after The Roast of Tom Brady first aired, sources close to Bündchen said that she was upset with Brady over the whole situation.

Well, this week, Brady expressed some regret of his own over the roast and its potential impact on the two kids he shares with Bündchen, including a 14-year-old who surely has access to the internet. “I loved when the jokes were about me,” he said in Tuesday’s episode of The Pivot podcast, hosted by NFL stars Ryan Clark, Fred Taylor, and Channing Crowder. “I thought they were so fun. I didn’t like the way that affected my kids.” Brady said he “wouldn’t do that again, because of the way that affected actually the people that I care about the most in the world.”

It’s not super clear which jokes Brady is referring to as having “affected” his loved ones, but I have some theories. During Kevin Hart’s jokes, the comedian got pretty uh, raunchy, when he “joked” about Bündchen’s relationship with her famously hot jiu-jitsu teacher, Joaquim Valente. “You sometimes got to fuck your coach,” Hart said, referencing Brady ditching New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick when he transferred to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in 2020. “You know who else fucked their coach? Gisele. She fucked that karate man,” Hart said about Valente. “I mean Jesus Christ, Tom. One of the smartest quarterbacks ever played a game. How did you not see this coming? Eight karate classes a day and she’s still a white belt. … The only bruises she had were on her ass.” Yeah, I’m going to guess that if I’m a teenager, I wouldn’t love to read or hear these things said about my mother!

Don’t worry, Brady still managed to pat himself on the back—despite being the sole member of his family to agree to this in the first place. “It makes you in some ways a better parent because sometimes you’re naive, you don’t know or you get a little like, ‘Oh shit!” Brady said on the podcast. I guess you can teach old dogs (46-year-old football players) new tricks (if they have to do with reaching the emotional maturity of a 22-year-old). 

Last week, one source close to Bündchen told Page Six that she believed Brady “once again put football before his family” by taking part in the comedy roast; People reported that Bündchen was “deeply disappointed” by the “irresponsible” jokes about her. But, hey—as long as Brady learned how to be a “better parent”!

• Benny Blanco implied he wants to start a family with Selena Gomez... [Page Six]
• A Legally Blonde prequel series from Reese Witherspoon’s production company is on the way, for whatever reason. [Deadline]
• Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are refuting claims from the California attorney general’s office that their charitable foundation has engaged in “delinquent” activity. [People]
• Kelly Clarkson is NOT using Ozempic to lose weight, thank you very much; “it’s something else.” [Pop Crave]
• Introducing the first ever Golden Bachelorette, fan-favorite Joan Vassos! [Just Jared]
• OK, ew: Chris Brown is thirsting for Taylor Russell in her Instagram comments. [Twitter]