Chapter Text
September 23, 2017
Pleased satisfaction lingered when Eddie woke the next morning. Transitioning from intimacy on the psionic plane to intimacy on the physical plane had happened more easily than he’d expected – probably thanks to their bond, which made caring for Buck as a person far simpler than Eddie had thought it could ever be – and in the privacy of his own thoughts, carefully shielded from his guide, he could admit Buck had been right.
There’d been no need for embarrassment or shame as he and Buck had explored each other, making out like teenagers. He’d been an eager student and Buck a patient teacher, and he looked forward to expanding his education soon.
Now, though, he stretched and rolled out of bed. The space next to him was empty and cool, but he easily found Buck’s heartbeat. Judging by the scents of coffee and bacon, Buck was making breakfast. Eddie wouldn’t keep him waiting any longer than necessary.
He completed his morning ablutions quickly, then pulled on a T-shirt and lounge shorts. Sleeping naked, wrapped in his guide’s arms, felt entirely natural, but he had no idea when Christopher would return from the nursery-cum-daycare and would prefer to be dressed whenever he did.
Eddie followed the scent and sizzle of frying bacon to the kitchenette, and he saw that Buck had clearly decided that a pair of sweatpants was sufficient. Not that Eddie would ever object to an opportunity to touch his guide’s skin.
He did exactly that as he came up behind Buck where he stood at the stove, wrapping an arm around Buck’s waist and dropping a kiss to his shoulder.
“Morning,” he murmured.
“Morning,” Buck returned. “As soon as I shut off the privacy field, someone named JARVIS asked if it was okay for Christopher to come up.”
“Good morning, Sergeant,” JARVIS said. “The young master is just now getting into the elevator.”
“Thanks, JARVIS,” Eddie said. “Are Steve and Tony conscious yet?”
“The captain has gone for a run,” JARVIS replied, “and Sir is indulging in a lie-in. Shall I wake him?”
“No, that’s not necessary,” Eddie assured him. “It’s just habit to ask.”
“You are no longer Sir’s bodyguard,” JARVIS said.
“Old habits die hard,” Eddie said with a grin.
“Indeed.” And there was the dry tone Eddie had learned to appreciate. “Also, Miss Mills asked if she could visit.”
Eddie shifted so he could see Buck’s face. “Okay with you?”
“Sure,” Buck agreed easily as he turned the bacon in the pan. “But if the talk turns to war stories, I’m taking Christopher somewhere else.”
“Anytime after breakfast is good for her, then,” Eddie said. “Unless Tony or Steve have plans we’re not aware of. Correction – plans involving us that we’re not aware of.”
Because Tony Stark always had plans. Eddie suspected Steve did, too, though their conversations rarely turned in that direction.
“Sir wishes me to inform you that your evening is taken,” JARVIS said. “But your day is, I quote, wide open for whatever you want to get up to.”
And while that sounded reasonable enough, Eddie knew to ask for details. “When does our evening begin?”
Buck raised an eyebrow at him as he took up the bacon, placing it on a plate he’d lined with paper towels. Eddie just rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“Six p.m.,” JARVIS answered.
“Thanks, JARVIS,” Eddie said as the door to the apartment opened.
“Morning, Dad,” Christopher called.
“Kitchen, mijo,” Eddie called back. “Buck’s making…scrambled eggs, it looks like. With bacon.”
“Eggs however you want them,” Buck corrected. “Which is how, Christopher?”
“I like scrambled.” Christopher came into the kitchen and hugged Eddie. He was wearing the clothes he’d worn for the flight, but they looked and smelled freshly laundered. Eddie assumed there’d been pajamas available in the nursery.
“How was your night?” Eddie asked, draping an arm around his son’s shoulders. “And scrambled is fine for me, too.”
“It was great,” Christopher said, watching intently as Buck cracked eggs into a large bowl and added a dollop of heavy cream. “We started building robots.”
Before Eddie could ask for details, Buck whirled and stared at Christopher for a long moment before turning his astonished gaze to Eddie.
“I thought he was at a daycare,” Buck said, then shook his head. “Well, a daycare with overnight services.”
Eddie chuckled. “It’s as good a description as any – but you have to remember that this is a daycare designed for employees of Tony Stark.”
“Which means what?” Buck asked, turning back to whisk the eggs.
“It means that the activities they have aren’t limited to just story time,” Eddie said dryly.
“We have story hour sometimes. And sometimes, we play games,” Christopher said. “But last night, we wanted to build robots. We’re going to finish them today.”
“I’d be a bad parent if I didn’t show you something, I don’t know, cultural or educational while we’re in New York,” Eddie pointed out.
“Da-ad.”
“One thing,” Eddie said firmly. “And tonight you can finish your robots before we fly home tomorrow.”
Christopher sighed dramatically. “Fine. Can JARVIS make a list for me to pick from?”
“Certainly, young sir,” JARVIS answered. “I shall ensure we have sufficient time to discuss the matter, but for now, it appears your eggs are done. Enjoy your breakfast.”
A glance told Eddie that Buck was indeed plating their scrambled eggs, accenting each plate with a few slices of bacon.
Eddie helped Christopher settle at the table while Buck brought their plates. It felt incredibly domestic in a way that none of his mornings with Shannon ever had. Eddie decided to think about that later.
Once they were settled and Christopher had scarfed half of his eggs and two slices of bacon, Eddie cleared his throat. The sound drew both Buck’s and Christopher’s attention, but he focused on his son when he spoke.
“Buck and I bonded last night.”
“That’s like getting married, right?” Christopher asked.
Buck waved his fork in Eddie’s direction. “You’re the only one of us who can answer that.”
Eddie glared at him, but Buck only grinned back. With a shake of his head, Eddie turned to his son.
“On the surface, from the outside, yeah – it looks a lot like marriage. Are – you okay with that, mijo?”
“I like Buck.”
Which wasn’t really an answer, and their bond told him Buck realized that, too – and also that Buck was ready with a response, so Eddie took a bite of eggs.
“I’m not trying to replace your mom,” Buck said quietly.
“Good,” Christopher said firmly. “I miss her, sometimes, but we’re doing fine without her.”
“Do you want to see her?” Eddie asked cautiously.
He’d had no time, and very little thought, for Shannon since he’d signed the final divorce papers. He hadn’t even gone to the custody hearing, preferring instead to let his lawyer handle that, including a pointed barb of, “The former Mrs. Diaz made her intention clear never to see Mr. Diaz or young Christopher ever again. Mr. Diaz is simply honoring that.”
That barb had led the judge to issue the restraining order against Shannon, and Eddie had never felt a need to change things. But if Christopher wanted to see her…
“No,” Christopher said firmly. “She left, and she hasn’t tried to see us again.” He paused and looked at Eddie. “Has she? Other than that time with Cap’n Steve?”
“I would’ve told you if she had,” Eddie said. “I promise. I may not want to see her again, but if she wanted to see you, or you wanted to see her, I’d talk to the lawyers and do everything I could to make it happen, restraining order or no.”
Christopher nodded. He finished off his bacon, wiped his fingers on his napkin, and slid off his chair. A moment later, he’d rounded the table and put his arms around Buck.
“I’m glad you’re Dad’s guide.”
Eddie wouldn’t have heard the words if he weren’t a sentinel, and he smiled as Buck hugged Christopher back.
“I’m glad, too,” Buck said, “because that means I get you in the bargain.”
Christopher laughed and came around to hug Eddie. “Love you, Dad.”
“Love you, mijo.”
Christopher stepped back and reached for his crutches. “I’m gonna go talk to JARVIS about where to go.”
“Take your plate to the kitchen and brush your teeth first,” Eddie told him.
Grumbling just a little, Christopher picked up his plate and headed for the kitchen. When Buck would have stood, Eddie rested a hand on his arm.
“You cooked,” he said. “I’ll do the dishes.”
Buck blew out a breath. “Would you rather I wasn’t here when Anita Mills arrives?”
“No,” Eddie answered immediately. “Unless you think you’ll be uncomfortable. I was married at the time, but even if I hadn’t been, there was never anything between us but camaraderie.”
“It’s not that,” Buck said, then grimaced. “Well, mostly not that. It’s just that veterans don’t tend to talk about their service with civilians in any meaningful way.”
“True,” Eddie admitted. “But you’re not just any civilian. Even if you weren’t my guide, you were Navy.”
“Only the minimum enlistment, then reserves when I didn’t make it as a SEAL.”
“I’m glad you didn’t.”
Buck blinked. “What?”
“If you had, I’d probably still be in the service,” Eddie said, “and while I don’t regret it, I was ready to be out the moment Christopher was born. I only stayed in because the pay and benefits were better than I could get anywhere else, and we needed them.”
For Christopher went unsaid, but Buck nodded as though he heard them anyway – which he probably did, thanks to their bond.
“You should shower first,” was all he said. “So you’ll be ready whenever she gets here.”
Eddie huffed. “You’re going to do the dishes anyway, aren’t you?”
Buck just grinned.
*BREAK*
Even though Eddie took short showers, Buck had finished cleaning up the kitchen and had a cup of steaming coffee in his hand when Eddie got back to the kitchen.
Eddie enjoyed a brief kiss as he accepted the cup from Buck.
“Christopher headed out already,” Buck said, and Eddie nodded. He’d noted how far away his son’s heartbeat was as soon as he shut off the shower. “He said JARVIS will let him know when we’re ready to go. I suspect he’ll disappear into the daycare again as soon as we get back. We might not see him until dinner.”
“And maybe not then, depending on what Tony and Steve have planned,” Eddie murmured. Then, “Speaking of plans, is there anything you want to do in the city today? Maybe we can coordinate something for each of you?”
“I’ll think about it while I shower,” Buck said. “And we can figure it out after your talk with Anita.”
That made sense, so Eddie nodded and Buck headed down the hallway to their bedroom. A click of a door closing was followed by the rush of water, and then Eddie had nothing to do but wait for Mills to show up.
“I’ve alerted Miss Mills that you are ready to see her,” JARVIS said. “And she is on her way up now.”
Eddie wasn’t certain ready was the correct word, but all he said was, “Thanks, JARVIS.”
At least he didn’t have long to work himself up over whatever she might want to talk about, he thought as he headed for the kitchen to refresh his coffee and make a cup for Mills.
He kicked himself mentally. By his own preferences, she wasn’t Mills anymore. She was Anita.
He’d just gotten milk from the fridge when a chime sounded at the door. He crossed to the door and pulled it open.
Mills – Anita – had dressed casually in jeans and a peasant-style blouse, and Eddie blinked.
“What? You’ve never seen a woman before?” Anita asked with a grin.
“Just – this is the first time I’ve seen you out of uniform – military or civilian,” Eddie said, stepping back to let her in. “And I don’t know why that surprised me. Coffee’s on. Do you still take it black?”
“Cream and sugar,” she said, and he nodded understanding. Decadent coffee, at least compared to straight black, was for many veterans a sign that they were back home, that they weren’t in theater any longer.
“Milk okay instead of cream?”
“Sure.”
She followed him to the kitchen and in short order, they had occupied a pair of armchairs in the living room. Anita seemed fascinated by the contents of her coffee mug, and Eddie…
Eddie realized that they really didn’t know each other very well, despite the time they’d spent together in theater and the disastrous, life-threatening and life-altering, final mission they’d shared. That realization sat heavy in his heart and conscience, and he cast about for something to say, searching his memories for whatever personal knowledge of her he had.
Finally, and much to his relief, he found a topic that wasn’t related to their service.
“Did your brother graduate?” he asked. “And get into the law school he wanted?”
Anita looked up and smiled. “He did, both. He’s at Pepperdine and doing pretty well, last I heard.” Then she blew out a long breath. “Why is this so hard?”
“Because we’re strangers, in a way,” Eddie said, and she stared at him. “I just realized it myself. We know each other really well…as soldiers. As people…not so much.”
“Except I know all about Christopher,” she pointed out.
Eddie laughed ruefully. “Yeah, sorry about forcing pictures of my son on you.”
“No, don’t be. It was…nice. Normal. A bit of home, and we all needed that now and again.”
Eddie nodded and took a sip of his coffee. Then a thought occurred to him. “Would it be easier if I were Sergeant Diaz right now?”
Anita appeared to think it over as she took a sip of her own coffee. “Maybe? I mean, it’s a problem-”
Eddie took the invitation, distantly aware that Buck had completed his shower and was moving around their bedroom, presumably getting dressed. He straightened and summoned a tone he hadn’t used in years. “Sitrep, Corporal.”
She swallowed, straightened, and met his gaze, just as she had done in the field. “It’s – I’m not doing well. Being here, being back. I don’t – I don’t feel like I belong here anymore.”
“I had a hard time readjusting, too,” Eddie said quietly.
“But you did – you have,” Anita said, her voice cracking. “But I haven’t, and it’s been years. I don’t know that I ever will.”
Eddie didn’t need a sentinel’s senses to know that she was on the brink of an emotional collapse, and he debated briefly how to respond. The scent of salt water decided him.
He rose, crossed to the armchair Anita had claimed, and offered her his hand. She took it, and he tugged her to her feet, guiding her around the coffee table to the sofa before sitting down with her.
Anita looked at him oddly, and he smiled before opening his arms. “Sometimes, a hug helps. Not to solve problems, of course, but to bring you back to an even keel.”
Anita let out a shuddery breath that was almost a sob and all but fell against his chest. Eddie wrapped his arms around her like he would comfort Christopher.
He wasn’t surprised to feel his shirt becoming damp.
Then the sofa dipped and he looked up to see that Buck had taken a seat on Anita’s other side, and leaned forward to embrace her from behind. She stiffened, but Buck’s presence, both physical and psionic, was comforting enough that she relaxed almost immediately.
Eddie resisted the urge to murmur reassurances as he would if Christopher were crying like Anita was. Instead, he let her cry it out.
When she was more sniffling than sobbing, Buck straightened away and reached for a box of tissue that had appeared – probably brought by Buck when he came in – on the coffee table.
A small mountain of used tissues later, Anita managed a shaky smile.
“Sorry for the ugly cry,” she said.
“It’s not a problem,” Eddie reassured her. “I’ve had worse from Christopher.”
“But it was a very ugly cry,” Buck observed, his tone dry enough that it startled a laugh from Anita. Buck rested a hand on her back. “Can you tell us what’s wrong now?”
Anita hesitated, briefly. “It’s so stupid.”
“It’s not,” Eddie murmured. “A lot of veterans have trouble adjusting after being in theater.”
“I was doing okay,” she said. “And then I got a call from Bender – Chief died in country.”
Eddie swore under his breath.
Anita took a breath. “He chose to stay in, you know? But that doesn’t make it any easier.”
“No,” Buck said quietly. “I can’t imagine it would.”
“How’d you get here?” Eddie asked. “Not here, crying on our couch, but here as in working for Tony Stark.”
“It’s all your fault.”
Eddie blinked. “How can it be my fault, when we’ve barely exchanged Christmas texts for the last few years?”
Anita smiled more genuinely. “I saw you on TV, when Mr. Stark announced he’d found Captain Rogers. Not a lot,” she added hastily, “but you were there in the background, working security. And I thought, if Sarge can do it, I can do it. So I took courses in defensive and combat driving, and set to work. I thought I was doing so well-”
“You are,” Eddie assured her. “You have to be, because Tony Stark doesn’t tolerate slackers.”
“I know,” she said, and Eddie couldn’t help raising a disbelieving eyebrow. She grimaced. “I do. It’s just…”
“Everything else,” Buck said quietly. “It feels like you’re not enough, that you don’t deserve to be here-”
Anita stiffened. “I’m sorry. I usually keep-”
“Yourself to yourself,” Buck said. “I know. And I didn’t feel anything from you when we hugged last night. But just now…no one can be expected to keep themselves to themselves when they’re…emotionally unsettled.”
“Wow,” she said. “That was tactful.”
“It’s okay to feel what you feel,” Buck told her.
Eddie understood what Buck was doing, but he couldn’t let one thing stand. “Except for one thing that’s demonstrably wrong.”
Matching frowns met that statement, and he bit back an inappropriate grin to focus on Anita.
“You absolutely deserve to be here,” he said in his sergeant’s voice. “Why do you think I fought so hard that day?”
She bit her lip. “To save the patient, and the team.”
“Greggs didn’t survive the crash,” Eddie told her. “I still did what I could so we could bring his body home, and for the team, of course. But mostly I fought as hard as I did for you.”
Anita stared at him, eyes wide and mouth open. “For me?”
“I knew what they’d do to you if they took you,” Eddie said quietly. “And I wouldn’t let that happen if I had a single other choice. So I fought as hard as I could, because you’re an amazing person and the thought of what they’d do made me-”
“Fight harder,” Buck murmured.
“Almost feral,” Eddie corrected, and his guide nodded. Anita looked gobsmacked.
“I – I hadn’t realized,” she said.
“So,” Eddie continued, “it would be a favor to me if you’d get whatever help you need, because you deserve it – and because I really don’t want to have to tell Christoper that something’s happened to you.”
“Wow,” Buck muttered. “That’s doctorate-level emotional manipulation right there.”
Eddie laughed. “Well, maybe, but I learned from the best – and that doesn’t make it any less true. Anita.”
He waited until she focused on him and smiled at her. “You’re a beautiful, amazing woman. I’m proud to have served with you, and I would really like to get to know you better as a person.”
Anita stared at him for a moment, her scent pile as unreadable as her expression, which Eddie hadn’t expected.
He understood why a moment later, when she stretched forward and brushed his lips with a kiss.
He barely had time to respond – not to deepen the kiss, necessarily, but rather to acknowledge it – before she’d pulled back and met his gaze once again.
“Thank you,” she said, and sincerity filled her tone, her expression, and her scent pile. “That’s – one of the most genuine things anyone’s ever said to me. For the record, it was an honor to serve with you, Sergeant.”
“The honor was mine, Corporal,” Eddie returned, equally sincere. “Let’s not lose touch again?”
She snorted. “I’ve had the same phone number for years. You’re the one who disappeared.”
“Oh.” Eddie ducked his head, embarrassed. “It wasn’t deliberate – I ended up having to take out restraining orders against my ex-wife and my mother. I got a new phone and wiped all the contacts that weren’t my good family. In my defense, I was…distracted.”
“By which he means spitting mad at the situation,” Buck observed. “I wasn’t there, of course, but I can feel the echo of it, even now.”
“Damn bond,” Eddie muttered, making sure to send amusement down said bond so Buck would know he was teasing.
Anita pulled out her phone. “Tell me your new number, and I’ll text you mine, and Bender’s. I think-” she paused, not looking up from her phone, then blew out a breath. “I think he could do with hearing from you, too.”
Eddie nodded. A good leader looked after their team, no matter what, and he hadn’t done a good job of that. Yes, he had reasons – or were they excuses? he wasn’t sure now – but since Anita had reminded him, he’d step up.
The exchange of numbers complete, Anita rose to her feet. The manners his parents and the Army had drilled into him compelled Eddie to follow suit.
“I don’t mean to take up your whole trip,” she said.
“Still today and tomorrow morning left,” Eddie reminded her, “so you’re not taking up even half of it at this point.”
Anita chuckled briefly, and then seemed to have no idea what to say next.
Eddie opened his arms, and she came into them. “It’s good to see you again, to know you’re okay.”
“Well, not okay,” she muttered. “Not yet.”
“You will be,” Buck assured her.
Eddie pulled back just far enough to press a kiss to her forehead. “We’ll get together again soon.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” she said, then turned and hugged Buck, too. “And you take care of Sarge.”
“Will do.” Buck dropped a kiss to her cheek and released her.
Then she was gone, and Eddie blew out a breath as Buck closed the door behind her.
“That – was not at all what I was expecting,” he said.
Buck rested a hand on his shoulder. “What do you need, and/or how can I help?”
Eddie relaxed under his guide’s attention and touch, allowing himself to be pulled into the other man’s arms.
“I don’t know that there’s anything you can do,” he murmured into Buck’s shoulder. “I’m – ashamed.”
“Of your service?” Buck asked quietly.
“No, never,” Eddie replied, certain. “It’s not always serving the tribe the way I thought it was, but I’m not ashamed of it. I am ashamed that I let my team down.”
“I don’t see how.”
“By losing touch, not following up.” Eddie blew out a breath. “They’re my team, and I was in charge. They were my tribe…and I let them go. I didn’t even think of them.”
“You were injured and then you had family drama – which I don’t know the details of, but must have been bad – drop on top of that,” Buck said reasonably.
“That was years ago.” Eddie straightened away from Buck but didn’t step back. “I’ve had lots of opportunities to reach out, and I haven’t.”
“So, do it now,” Buck said. “If it bothers you that much, that’s the only thing you can do to make it right.”
“Chief’s dead.”
“The others aren’t,” Buck pointed out. “You just talked to Anita – and she mentioned someone called Bender? Who else?”
Eddie blew out a breath. “Chandler and Hong. Others, too, but those were the ones I worked with the most. ”
“So, pull out your phone and start texting. I’m pretty sure Anita gave you all their numbers.”
Eddie raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Your psi-senses that good?”
Buck smirked. “I looked over her shoulder.”
Eddie chuckled, and when he would have pulled away, Buck tightened his grip on his shoulder.
“What?” Eddie asked.
Buck’s expression combined curiosity and compassion in equal measure. “Restraining orders against your ex-wife and your mother?”
Eddie blew out a breath. “Not my choice, entirely, but the best choice I could make for Christopher.”
“And yourself?” Buck prompted gently.
“And myself.” Eddie could admit that much, at least. “You haven’t met Pepper yet.”
“Pepper?” Buck’s brows furrowed for a moment before his expression cleared. “Wait – Pepper Potts? Tony Stark’s super-hot assistant?”
“Super-competent,” Eddie corrected. “And while she doesn’t explode in a temper, she can be vicious when crossed.”
“Okay…?” Buck said leadingly.
“She was there when I was served with divorce papers, and when my mother showed up demanding to take Christopher.” Eddie smiled at the memory. “She got a team of lawyers together, and – well, I don’t know for a fact that she told them to do the legal equivalent of dropping a tactical nuke on Mom and Shannon, but that was the general effect.”
Buck grinned. “My kind of lady.”
Eddie chuckled. “Right? I just wish I could’ve seen their faces when they realized exactly what hell was raining down on them.”