In today’s fast-paced and sometimes chaotic world, it is normal for worries to consume our minds. People often expend energy worrying about external factors they cannot control.
Worry is a form of repetitive, future-oriented thinking that involves concerns about potential negative outcomes or threats. It is characterized by a sense of uncertainty and a desire to control or prevent anticipated negative events. Worry often involves “what if” questions or scenarios as individuals attempt to mentally prepare for or avoid possible adverse situations.
For many, these worries become particularly burdensome when they revolve around things beyond our control. Whether we worry about the future, feel anxious about global events, or fixate on personal circumstances, the weight of uncontrollable worries can feel overwhelming.
This is especially true for people with conditions such as Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). GAD is a common anxiety disorder that causes people to worry excessively about various things like health, relationships, money, and global events.
When does worrying become a problem? It is when worries start controlling our actions and feelings, making it hard for us to function normally.
While it is normal to think about the future, it is essential to distinguish between normal worries (a natural response) and excessive anxiety (a hindrance).
It is important to realize that we cannot control everything we worry about. Recognizing the inherent uncertainty of life marks the first step toward liberation from worry.
Below are 12 techniques which may help you to stop worrying about things that are not in your control:
1. Identify what is and isn’t in your control
Accept that some parts of life are beyond your power to change, no matter how much you may wish otherwise. Instead of resisting or denying this fact, accept situations for what they are without judgment or attachment.
Focusing your energy on controllable worries empowers you to feel in control over some aspects of life and direct your energy where it counts. This reduces feelings of helplessness or uncertainty, releasing you from trying to manipulate the uncontrollable.
Furthermore, develop a habit of practicing gratitude for what is within your control. Take time each day to appreciate your strengths, accomplishments, and the positive aspects of your life.
It may be helpful to break down your worrisome situation into smaller, more manageable components, which can help you gain a more realistic perspective on the issue and your ability to cope with it. This problem-solving activity can help shift your focus away from repetitive worries and towards more productive thoughts and actions.
Make a list of the parts of your life where you have agency and influence–where your actions and choices directly impact the outcome. These may include your attitudes and responses to circumstances. Express gratitude for your opportunities to make positive choices and initiate meaningful change in these areas.
Controllable / Uncontrollable List:
- Brainstorm situations that trigger your worries.
- For each worry, ask yourself: “Can I directly influence the outcome of this situation?” If the answer is yes, add it to a list titled “controllable.” These could include study habits, budgeting strategies, or communication tactics.
- For worries where the answer is no, add them to the “uncontrollable” list. This could include the results of an exam, the stock market, or other people’s behavior.
Try our worksheet for identifying Controllable Vs. Uncontrollable Worries below:
Controllable Vs. Uncontrollable Worries Worksheet2. Schedule worry times
Establish dedicated “worry times” in your daily schedule. Set aside 10-15 minutes, preferably at the same time each day (e.g., after lunch or early evening), to reflect on your worries.
Create a “Worry Diary” for these sessions using a notebook or digital app to write down your concerns, thoughts, and feelings.
As you review your Worry Diary over time, identify recurring patterns or themes. Are there specific situations or patterns of thought that trigger your worries? This awareness empowers you to develop preventive strategies or seek additional support.
Alternatively, if you do not wish to keep a record of your worries, write them on paper and then eventually rip it up. The act of destroying the worry can be a strategy of ‘letting go.’
Throughout the day, whenever a worry pops into your head, try not to fixate on it. Briefly note the essence of the concern on your phone or on paper, and then revisit it during worry time. Include the situation that triggered the worry.
Once the allotted time is up, close your Worry Diary and move on, reminding yourself that you have addressed your anxieties for now. Consciously transition your focus away from worrying and redirect your energy towards engaging in activities that make you feel relaxed and/or happy.
Try our Worry Diary worksheet below:
Worry Diary Worksheet3. Allow it–don’t suppress it
Julianne Schroeder, a licensed counselor, explains that anxiety is unavoidable. It is not helpful to try to eliminate all worries because we need a certain level of worry to keep us motivated. For example, you may use a manageable amount of anxiety to help propel you to finish a college project.
Licensed counselor Amanda Ruiz says the goal is not “to eliminate stress but to feel comfortable and confident and competent to face those stressors in a really healthy way.”
An instinctual response may be to suppress or ignore worry to try and regain control. However, pushing emotions down and denying their existence intensifies them in the long run.
According to ironic process theory, attempts to suppress unwanted thoughts, including those regarding pain or distress, may paradoxically increase awareness and salience of the thoughts and feelings that an individual wants to avoid.
Instead, allow yourself to feel the anxiety/worry fully without resistance. This does not mean dwelling on it, but rather acknowledging the presence of these feelings without judgment.
When worry strikes, take a deep breath and say, “I am feeling anxious right now.” Labeling the emotion can help detach from it.
Notice any physical sensations or patterns of thought associated with worry without trying to push them away (e.g., racing heart, butterflies in your stomach).
As you practice allowing worries to surface and flow through you, their intensity will diminish over time.
Recognizing worry as a temporary experience takes away its power. The struggle comes from resistance, not the emotion itself.
Psychotherapist Greg Dorter explains that “thoughts pop into our heads all the time, and usually, we don’t pay any special attention to them.
But certain thoughts tend to attract our attention. Instead of engaging them, just let them go, allowing them to pass out of your mind just like a cloud passing through the sky or a leaf floating down a stream.”
4. Praise your ability to handle the unexpected
Worry often stems from fear of the unknown. You may catastrophize future scenarios (a “what if . . . happens” style of thinking), assuming the worst and overlooking your resilience and adaptability when managing the unexpected.
Reflect on past experiences where you successfully managed unexpected events or adversities. Identify the skills, strengths, and coping mechanisms you used to overcome those challenges.
Perhaps you practiced self-compassion, sought support from loved ones, or actively problem-solved. Recognize these strengths as valuable tools you can rely on in the future.
Think back to a time you faced a situation that initially triggered worry or anxiety. Did the worst-case scenario actually happen? Focus on the ways you navigated the situation with strength and resourcefulness.
As you encounter new uncertainties, remind yourself of your past successes and gain confidence from the knowledge that you can cope with whatever life throws your way.
When worry arises, challenge the automatic negative narrative. Instead of thinking “I can’t handle this,” reframe it as “this might be difficult, but I have overcome challenges before, and I have the skills to navigate this too.”
Acknowledge and celebrate your victories, no matter how small. Did you take a deep breath and approach a problem logically? Recognizing your ability to manage these situations builds confidence and resilience.
5. Practice Uncertainty Tolerance
The desire for certainty can fuel anxiety. Research during the COVID-19 pandemic found that “intolerance of uncertainty is a risk factor for anxiety.”
Instead of fearing the unknown, practice accepting that life is inherently unpredictable and develop a level of comfort with the unknown.
Reframe thoughts like, “I need to know exactly what will happen” as “I can handle whatever comes my way.”
Expose yourself to situations that make you feel slightly uncomfortable with the unknown. This could involve stepping outside of your comfort zone or trying new activities. For example, try a new restaurant without reading reviews first, or take a different route to work.
During these experiences, pay attention to your thoughts and emotions, and practice staying present with the discomfort of uncertainty without seeking resolution or certainty.
Here are some more tips:
- Understand your triggers by identifying situations that make you crave certainty. Is it a need for a detailed daily schedule? Or a need to always have a backup plan?
- Question the belief that you always need to know exactly what will happen. Ask yourself: “Is needing certainty truly helpful, or is it causing me more stress?”
- When worry about the future creeps in, gently bring your attention back to the present moment. Engage your senses–what do you see, hear, smell, taste, or touch?
6. Future-Cast, Don’t Future-Trip
Worry often stems from “future-tripping”–catastrophizing future scenarios.
While it is natural to acknowledge potential challenges, refrain from dwelling on worst-case scenarios and mentally rehearsing all the ways things could go wrong.
Future-casting means envisioning what you want the outcome of an uncertain situation to be in a constructive manner and then channeling your energy into strategizing to increase the likelihood of achieving this outcome.
How to future-cast:
- Create a mental or written narrative of how you would like things to unfold, focusing on realistic and positive scenarios. Visualize yourself overcoming obstacles and adapting to changes.
- Envision your ideal future state. What do you want your life to look like in a specific area (career, relationships, etc.)?
- Brainstorm actionable steps you can take right now to move closer to your vision. These could be skill-building activities, networking opportunities, or starting small, manageable tasks.
- Focus on progress, not perfection. Do not get discouraged by setbacks or unexpected detours. Celebrate each step you take, no matter how small, as it brings you closer to your desired future.
- Revisit your future-cast regularly. Adjust your vision or action steps based on new information or experiences.
Future-casting empowers you to take control of your future, replacing anxious speculation with concrete action planning.
While the term ‘future-casting’ itself is not often included in clinical research, it is acknowledged that anxious individuals tend to engage in more negative future thinking, while positive future thinking can help reduce anxiety.
7. Reframe “What-Ifs” as “What-Thens”
Our minds love to dwell on negative hypothetical “what-ifs.” Shift your perspective by reframing “what-if” scenarios as empowering “what-then” plans.
When faced with anxiety-inducing questions or thoughts about potential future events, channel your energy into constructive problem-solving by asking yourself, “what can I do if this situation arises?”.
For example, instead of “what if I lose my job?”, ask yourself “what would I do if that happened?” and “what skills could I leverage to find a new opportunity?”.
Focus on identifying actionable steps and contingency plans that you can implement to address potential challenges.
Once you have your “what-then” question, brainstorm potential solutions. This could involve updating your resume, networking with contacts, or exploring new skill-building courses.
The act of brainstorming solutions empowers you. Even though you cannot predict the future, having a plan for potential challenges helps you feel more in control.
Choose one (or a few) actionable steps you can take right now to move forward with your solutions. This could be contacting a former colleague or researching online training programs.
Practice this reframing technique regularly to train your mind to respond to worrisome thoughts with constructive action, rather than spiraling into anxiety.
This simple shift in perspective from helpless worry to proactive planning, empowers you to take control of the situation.
8. Cultivate curiosity
Cultivating curiosity about your worries can help you stop worrying about things you cannot control.
By approaching worries with a curious mindset, you can shift your perspective, promote self-awareness, facilitate problem-solving, reduce avoidance, and cultivate acceptance. This allows you to focus on what you can control while letting go of what you cannot, ultimately reducing the impact of worries on your well-being.
To implement curiosity and manage your worries more effectively, try the following tips:
- Ask exploratory questions: When a worry arises, ask yourself questions like, “What is the root cause of this worry?” or “What can I learn from this situation?” This helps you gain a deeper understanding of your worries.
- Practice mindfulness: Observe your worries without judgment, as if you were an impartial third party. This helps you maintain a curious and objective perspective.
- Challenge your assumptions: Question the thoughts and beliefs underlying your worries. Ask yourself, “Is this worry based on facts or assumptions?” and “Are there alternative ways to view this situation?”
- Focus on problem-solving: When exploring your worries, identify aspects that you can control and brainstorm actionable steps to address them. This helps you channel your energy into constructive problem-solving.
- Embrace uncertainty: Accept that some things are beyond your control. Instead of worrying about them, practice curiosity by exploring how you can adapt to and cope with uncertain situations.
By incorporating these tips into your daily life, you can develop a curious approach to your worries, helping you manage them more effectively and reduce their impact on your well-being.
Try our worksheet on Challenging Unhelpful Thoughts below:
Challenge Unhelpful Thoughts Worksheet9. Utilize Humor as a Coping Mechanism
Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, our body’s natural feel-good chemicals. This makes you relax and injects lightheartedness into challenging situations.
Research has consistently found that having a greater sense of humor is linked to lower anxiety and stress. Dionigi et al. (2021) concluded that “fun and humor were found to relate positively to psychological well-being and negatively with worry.”
Furthermore, during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, internet memes related to the pandemic served as coping mechanisms for people with severe symptoms of anxiety.
Everyday, look for sources of amusement that you can rely on, whether it is watching a funny movie, reading a humorous book, or watching stand-up comedy on Netflix.
In addition, surround yourself with people who make you laugh, have a lighthearted perspective, or share your sense of humor.
More tips:
- Find the humor in worrisome situations. Maybe it is the exaggerated nature of your worst-case scenario.
- Use self-deprecating humor (sparingly). Be cautious with self-deprecating humor, but a joke about your worry can break the tension and remind yourself not to take things too seriously.
- Write down your worries in a humorous way, or create a funny story around them. Creative expression can be cathartic and help you distance yourself from the worry.
It’s crucial to strike a balance between using humor to manage worries and addressing genuine emotions. Avoid using humor to mask or suppress feelings, as this can lead to unresolved emotional issues.
Check-in with yourself regularly, and if you find that you’re consistently using humor to avoid dealing with deeper concerns, allow yourself to experience your emotions and seek support when needed.
Remember, while humor is a great coping tool, it should be used in moderation alongside other techniques like mindfulness, problem-solving, and seeking help from trusted friends, family, or mental health professionals when necessary.
By finding the right balance, you can effectively manage your worries while maintaining emotional well-being.
10. Explore the Therapeutic Benefits of Nature
If you need a break from your worries, try giving yourself some time in nature. While the worry will probably still exist afterwards, being in nature could provide a much-needed respite from feeling stuck in your spiralling thoughts.
Incorporate regular nature walks or hikes into your routine, immersing yourself in the sights, sounds, and smells of the environment. Consider joining a walking or hiking group to meet other people.
Studies show that spending time immersed in nature offers a multitude of therapeutic benefits, including reduced anxiety and improved mood.
A review of 14 studies concluded that “outdoor therapeutic practices” can improve mental wellbeing.
Here are some tips:
- Take your lunch break outside, have a walking meeting instead of one inside, or sit on your porch and listen to the sounds of birds chirping.
- Seek green space that feels calming and restorative to you. Find local parks or nature trails in your area.
- Fully immerse yourself in the present moment. Disconnect from technology and focus on sensory experiences. Feel the sun on your skin, smell the fresh air, listen to the rustling leaves, and observe the natural beauty around you.
- Listen to a walking meditation or a podcast if you need some entertainment.
- Participate in ecotherapy activities such as gardening, birdwatching, or outdoor yoga.
- Consider guided ecotherapy sessions led by a trained professional. These sessions may involve activities like forest bathing (mindful walks in nature) or simply spending time reflecting in a natural environment.
11. Help Others in Need
Shift your focus from your own anxieties to the well-being of others by lending a helping hand to those in need.
An umbrella review concluded that volunteering has a positive effect on mental health, including “increased functioning,” “quality of life,” and “empowerment.”
Identify individuals or organizations in your community that could benefit from your assistance. This could involve volunteering at a local food bank or offering support to friends, family members, or neighbors facing challenges.
Here are some tips:
- Research volunteer opportunities that align with your interests and skills (e.g., helping at an animal shelter, soup kitchen, or community center).
- Look for small ways to brighten someone’s day. Hold the door open for someone, offer to help with groceries, or pay for the coffee of the person behind you in line.
- Support a cause you care about. Donate to a charity that aligns with your values, or participate in fundraising walks or awareness campaigns.
- Reach out to offer a listening ear, practical assistance, or emotional support to a friend or family member who might be struggling. Providing support and encouragement can be just as therapeutic as receiving help yourself.
By helping others in need and actively contributing to positive change, you can increase feelings of empowerment and resilience within yourself, taking your mind off your own worries.
12. 5-Second Rule and Anchor Thought
Mel Robbins, motivational speaker and author of books including ‘The 5 Second Rule’ and ‘The High Five Habit’ suggests a technique for dealing with fear and uncertainty:
The 5-Second Rule and Anchor Thought Technique:
- Identify a situation that causes you fear or worry (e.g., worrying about financial issues)
- Create a positive, contextually relevant image or thought (Anchor Thought) that counteracts your fear and makes you feel happy or excited. For example, “I am capable of making smart financial decisions and creating a stable future for myself.” Or, visualize yourself taking proactive steps to improve your financial situation, such as creating a budget, saving more, or exploring new income opportunities.
- When you encounter the fear-inducing situation, use the 5 Second Rule by counting backwards from 5 to 1.
- Immediately after counting, focus on your pre-planned Anchor Thought.
- Engage with the Anchor Thought, telling yourself why you’re excited and focusing on the positive aspects.
- By combining the 5 Second Rule and Anchor Thought, you interrupt the fear response, assert control over your thoughts, and reframe your mindset from fear to excitement.
- Use the momentum gained from the 5 Second Rule and Anchor Thought to take concrete actions towards improving your finances. This may include creating a budget, cutting unnecessary expenses, or seeking financial advice.
Using this technique helps you break the cycle of fear and shift your mindset towards a more positive and proactive outlook. Instead of feeling helpless, you feel empowered to take action and be part of the solution.
This technique allows you to acknowledge your concerns while focusing on what you can control and the positive impact you can make.
Mel explains that fear and excitement have the same physiologicxal response in the body. So, by counting down and immediately focusing on a positive, contextual relevant thought, you interrupt the fear response and trick the brain into reframing the situation as exciting instead of scary.
This allows you to assert control over your thoughts and actions, enabling you to move forward despite the fear.
Conclusion
Feeling worried at times is a natural part of being human. However, when it becomes excessive and interferes with your daily life, it is time to take action.
By incorporating the tips and techniques explored in this article, you can develop your own toolkit filled with strategies for preventing and managing uncontrollable anxieties. Thus, you can focus more of your energy on what truly matters and things within your control.
These strategies may be especially helpful for someone with generalized anxiety who is also seeking treatment.
From identifying what is and is not within your control to embracing the therapeutic benefits of nature immersion, each strategy offers an effective pathway to peace of mind.
Remember that you do not have to control every aspect of life to feel secure. By practicing techniques like embracing uncertainty, you can let go of what lies outside your control, and focus on creating a life filled with possibility and purpose. Trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way.
References
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