7 Ways Anger Reveals Our Misplaced Values

Recognizing what makes us angry may help us realign misplaced affections.The late theologian and pastor Tim Keller once wrote that anger is energy spent defending what you love. This wise observation reveals that anger is more than a base impulse—it underlies a fierce determination to get what you most desire from life. When those desires are frustrated, anger serves as a warning sign to both oneself and others that this person should not be taken lightly and that their desires are of great importance to them—so beware.Most ordinary people would agree that anger is often an unhelpful and dangerous emotion in humans. However, I don’t think this is because anger is inherently wrong. As Keller pointed out, anger is simply the byproduct of passionately defending what you love.The problem, of course, is that our affections are often misplaced. We love some things more than we ought to and other things not as much as we should.Love Out of OrderBy saying our loves are out of order, I imply a common understanding of these matters. I believe that any society hinges, at the very least, on a broad consensus about what is good to love and what may be dangerous to overvalue. This does not mean there is perfect agreement or that everyone must conform, but rather that there must be some common ground for laws, culture, norms, and trust to be built among us.On that basis, I encourage you to reevaluate your affections and I humbly present a list of values I think we’ve grown to love too much. This is not to say that everyone is guilty of these or even that these values are wrong to hold. It’s just that we run the risk of elevating them at the expense of more worthy ideals.1. WealthI am blessed to live in one of the richest countries in history, a place where abundance should redefine our priorities and free many of us to focus beyond our material needs. Yet, too often, I find myself frustrated by my inability to afford the next level of luxuries just beyond my financial reach—proof that my appetite for such things is nearly insatiable. This inordinate love for material wealth crowds out other forms of wealth, such as love, beauty, and health.2. IndependenceFew things flare up our anger more than having to give up our autonomy and depend on others. We despise the feeling of weakness and the debt we might owe. Perhaps we’ve elevated our love of independence a bit too high. Our decreasing involvement in civic groups and churches might be the result of our reluctance to commit to others or take on responsibilities that we may later regret.3. EfficiencyMy kids never get ready for bed as quickly as I would like them to because—let’s face it—they’re kids and haven’t been fully indoctrinated into the cult of efficiency that we adults subscribe to. Instead of slowing down and enjoying the time with them, I too often spend my mental energy rushing them along, trying to get the whole routine over with.4. YouthHave you ever been frustrated with an older person in your life for being slow or out of touch? Compared to other cultures around the world, ours does not place a high value on the wisdom and experience of age. We are too quick to push the elderly aside, driven by our love and adoration of youth.5. PerfectionSome people, too shy to express anger toward others, treat themselves like someone they dislike. They get angry at themselves for not being perfect, for not figuring things out, or for struggling. This anger reveals a deep desire for perfection and achievement.6. IdeologyThe most intense and embarrassing anger I’ve seen usually revolves around politics. We have fallen deeply in love with our ideologies and merged them into our identities. This means that when others question our sacred beliefs, we feel deeply threatened and lash out in anger.7. TechnologyAs a parent in today’s culture, the harshest punishment you can inflict on your children is to take away their screen time. If you do this, prepare to see just how much kids love these devices. And if you think this doesn’t apply to adults, it’s only because we so rarely allow ourselves even a moment apart from our precious screens.A Barometer for the Realignment of ValuesTake the opportunity to reflect on the things that make you angry and whether they accurately reflect the values you claim to treasure most. If they don’t, it may be that the culture we live in has shaped you more than you realize—that your loves have become misaligned. The next time you experience a bout of anger, be thankful that your brain has given you such a useful barometer of the things that you love.