Married or divorced or soon to be so at what moment did you realize you married the wrong person?
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On our honeymoon I got sun stroke and he said, Thanks for ruining my fucking vacation.
It’s hilarious how narcissists expose themselves, hid it so well right up until the honeymoon, then just couldn’t help it.
They can’t deal with their partner being sick and having a legitimate need for attention.
This is what did it for me. Emotionally abusive, would apologize and minimize the following day, but each time left me feeling like a failure and like anything I did would never be enough. I didn’t realize this weird jealousy she would form if I was sick for more than a couple days was a core trait until later. I would just ask for her not to tear me down, and didn’t even expect her to be supportive at all. Meanwhile if I didn’t anticipate something that she needed, I was failing, and not supportive. It was awful. Don’t get me started on how impossible she made it for me to maintain the relationships I had formed with my step kids after 8 years.
My ex did that as well. I got swine flu, and my mom, who is a nurse, came to my apartment to pick me up and take me home so I could recover better and be looked after. My ex, who I saw only on weekends because she was away at college, had a fit about how dare you scare me about your health while I’m away trying to study, and if you really need help, why wouldn’t I wait til the weekend when she’d come help?!
Finally I realized she was angry not only because I was getting attention, but that it would be from someone other than her, even though it was just my mom. I’ll never forget, at 9pm that Thursday, after being yelled at for hours by her on the phone, I finally made my mom drive me back to my apartment so I could be alone, and sick as a dog. She came the next day and acted innocent, “I don’t know why you felt the need to come back while you were still sick.”
Don’t even get me started on how she’d act if I went out to dinner with my friends on the occasion we couldn’t see one another for some reason.
They usually don't hide it that well. I have two friends who married people (one man one woman ) like this and most of us can tell the whole time they're dating. People just don't want to believe it. My brother in law is about to divorce his second controlling psycho of a wife. His girlfriend he had a baby with between was also a controlling psycho. He just keeps finding and marrying slightly different versions of the same woman and I can tell like the minute I meet them.
this is why i stay single now. i dont trust myself not to pick another fixxer upper slash emotional toddler.
very fortunate that i didn't end up having children with any of them.
Amen. I was so wrong about my ex husband’s character that I don’t trust myself to pick a good one anymore.
My brother had a very bad accident which ended up killing him. He lived about 14hrs away from me. I didn't make it in time after receiving the call. The day after he died my ex called me and gave me shit for not running the errands I said I was going to do the day that my brothers accident happened. Specifically, I didn't buy kitty litter and it is very heavy for her to carry. She didn't even ask how I was doing or show any empathy whatsoever. That's when I knew
Wtf is with these spouses I keep reading about that think its OK to just be so cold to someone they're supposed to be in love with after a family or friend just died??
There were plenty of things that happened before. But this was the one where I was just.... done. Awhile after we split she did go see a psychologist and was diagnosed with BPD, which in retrospect makes sooooo much sense. She's doing better now, and we have a cordial relationship. My mom passed away earlier this year and my ex was genuinely very kind about the whole thing even though she never got along with my mom. So, I guess there's a silver lining? I'm glad she got help because she fucking needed it.
Fuuuuuuck that. I lost my younger brother last just over a year ago now, he was 29. I know everyone's grief is different, but it still hits me like a freight train sometimes. Idk if it gets better, but hang in there dude.
Edit: y'all good people. Over the course of about 7 months I lost my grandma, my brother, my mother, and found my sister slipping into a diabetic coma with fully failed kidneys on the anniversary of my brother's death. We expected permanent brain damage. It has been a really long year and a half. Strangers sharing their stories and experiences really helps, especially when it's clear you're all sharing it out of compassion and empathy. Thank you.
u/fairpumpkin5604 , I'm doing my best to face the beast of a time I've had, but am also doing my best to give myself grace when I need an escape. Thank you.
P.S. My sister is young and otherwise healthy enough to be an excellent candidate for a kidney and pancreas transplant, and is expected to be on multiple transplant lists soon. She's suffered no permanent cognitive issues.
Thanks, and sorry for your loss. Losing my brother took the wind right out of me. It was hard. It's a little over 7 years now. Grief sucks. It takes time. But it gets better. It's like a wound that heals and gets less painful eventually. But it's never quite the same as it was before.
A woman I was dating told me she divorced her husband because after his father died in his arms he was very depressed and she didn't want to be around depressed people.
Imagine your father died and a few months later your wife leaves you because you have not recovered from that
Married 13 yrs. Lost my dad to suicide, sister 11months 1 day later to suicide, then lost my mom to a terrible form of cancer 2 years after that. 4 months later the ex told me I don't show her enough affection...
My abusive ex pretty much did the same thing to me the week of my dad’s memorial and caused a mess of a custody battle/ruined my life.. Some people really are just put on this world to be terrible people. We’re better off. 🫶🏻
In HS my friend took his own life. I was devastated and cried at his funeral. My gf at the time legit said “why are you crying?” instead of comforting me. No empathy.
I don't understand people like that wtf
People are rude... My daughter had a asthma attack and rush her to the hospital just to get her stable and got a call my mom was dead leave my daughter go to my moms and when I got home my husband wanted sex😢
What a selfish asshole!
Wow what a fuggin kunt
"You exist to keep me happy".
-spouse thoughts
People suck. Two summers ago I went home to be with my mom as she died of cancer, and when I came back to work my work "friends" avoided me because I was sad and they couldn't make me happy.
I had the converse happen, a woman i work with made me a delicious meal because she somehow knew my mom only had a few days left and 30 minutes before I got the call, embraced me with tears to send me off, was with me in spirit as i watched her pass away....i could literally feel her arms around me! And welcomed me back with tears. This woman is the heart i thought was dead and gone, i could not ask for a better companion and friend
Jesus
Wow... some people. Yikes.
Engaged not quite married yet.
When I had been on mandatory bedrest and caring for our infant son, after having emergency surgery for nearly bleeding to death after a miscarriage, and he came home from work and looked me dead in the face and said "why aren't the fucking dishes done?"
Called my mom the next morning and told her I was leaving. Hightailed it out of there 2 weeks later.
May this post be an inspiration to other women to GTFO of relationships with men who don’t take on their share of familial responsibilities. Glad you left, OP.
The second day after I got home from giving birth he shrieked “why is there no underwear available to me?” And I stayed with that man for fifteen more years
"Because you haven't done your laundry bro"
My husband bought me a washer and dryer for Christmas one year. Guess who does all the laundry now?
That fight was epic!
Maybe this is the millennial in me talking but I’m kinda mindblown these guys aren’t doing their own laundry. I have literal guy roommates that I shared laundry duties with in grad school and tbh they were way better about it than I was 😅
As a woman I got wayyyy more clothes than men so I could go like 2-3 weeks without having to do laundry so my roommate just ended up doing it 90% of the time lol. Like wtf did these husbands wear if they didn’t do laundry before being married? How did these guys survive when they were single?!
I made a small ring holder in wood working when I was 14, my teacher looked at it and said "wow, you should keep that and give that to your wife" and I thought that was a good idea, and considered it romantic. It was admittedly a simple piece ... but it all came together quite well and looked elegant. I looked after it for 15 years and gave it to her on our wedding night along with the back story of why it was special. She looked at me and said, "Why would I want this? I already have one."
I would sob if someone did that for me. 🥲 what a punch to the gut.
It was ... not pleasant
the right one will sob, too. ❤️ I hope to get that lucky one day.
I mean you want a cute ring holder.. he has a cute ring holder that went unappreciated… Im not saying you two should dm each other but… 👀
This is literally so thoughtful of you and I would quite literally melt if my husband did that 😭
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Lol I’m sorry but “in comes the ice cream truck” had me laughing so hard I snorted twice
"In comes the ice cream truck" is official shorthand now for "this is the proof that I'm fucked."
They circled me in the alley, about 10 or 12 of them. I fought them off with every bit a strength I had but they were too much. The beat me, dragged me in the warehouse. The door slowly opened. And that’s when it happened. In came the ice cream truck.
Same, I feel bad, but I’m laughing so hard 😂
It literally sounds like something from a cartoon or sitcom as well — I can genuinely see Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin doing it in a cutaway scene 😭
Imagine if it came in too playing that ice cream truck jingle
Seems like their marriage could be headed down a rocky road.
Was the wedding night Vanilla?
Did… did it play the song…?
Fur elise or the entertainer?
I would have no ability to read the room as I got up and ran like a child to the ice cream van. Sorry friends and family, but this is where I depart.
Please tell me you ended it before actually becoming legally married.
I hope you ate all the ice cream at least
He had a banana split
Reminds me of that twitter meme when a woman says "If my man makes me pay half of the rent I'm moving out"
And one guy responds "Bitch where do you go, you can't even afford half a rent".
Gold diggers are the fucking worse. I hope you recovered from that.
And then what happened?
When my best friend died suddenly at a young age leaving 3 children behind and my now ex wife didn't want to be around me because I was very depressed.
She suggested polyamory as a way to save our marriage. Yeah I was out.
Some people shock me with how horrible they are. Glad you got out.
Thank you.
Shock is barely an adequate word. Esp when you had known them for nearly a decade, half of which you were married to them and then boom... completely destructive secret.
When I put away the groceries in the kitchen and I thought ‘Well, it may be convenient to put a box of tissues in the kitchen cabinet, in case I’m here when I’m crying.’
Massive reality check when I realized how f’ ed up that was. Divorced not much later.
That surreal moment when your subconscious reaches up from the basement of your brain and slaps you in the face.
The problem then comes with people not realizing that you shouldn’t be in a relationship for a long time after getting out of an abusive relationship. Too many people get out of that kind of thing and then immediately hop on the next trash boat with an equally shitty partner.
Can confirm that this is wise advice, but I hit the jackpot, fortunately. Happy with my (next) SO for nearly 3 decades now, even though the time in between was brief.