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"And just what scintillating subject matter has gotten Goofus and Gallant so worked up?" Joey asked as she sidled up to Dawson and Pacey.
The two boys stood in the school parking lot, leaning beside the open hatch of the Witter Wagoneer. Whatever they were looking at in there had them pointing fingers and waving arms in what appeared to be a very animated discussion.
"Joey!" Dawson spun to greet her enthusiastically. "Pacey and I were just working out the details of our impromptu camping trip this weekend." He stepped aside and gestured at the item of interest, a well worn triple A road atlas.
Joey glanced at it, plainly unimpressed. "By 'our' I assume you mean just you and Pacey as always?"
"Well yeah, camping is guys only. It's tradition." Dawson answered, seeming oblivious to her disgruntled energy.
Joey waved her hands in a mockery of a cheer. "Yay. All hail tradition." The words had the texture of wet cardboard, and even Dawson couldn't miss her intention this time.
His face fell with confusion. "Wait, are you upset?"
She didn't respond, but by the set of her jaw anyone could see the answer was 'yes'.
"Joey, you hate camping." Dawson protested, his voice reaching a near-falsetto of bewilderment.
"You know this based on what exactly?" She asked rhetorically. "Because to know I hate camping, I would have to have gone camping, which I have not done. Because I have never been invited."
Dawson looked absolutely baffled by this new information as it chafed against the facts he had long believed. "But…when we were kids and my dad offered to take us all camping you said you didn't want to go because it was scary and there were bugs."
"Dawson, I was 8! That was almost half my lifetime ago. Did it never occur to you that I might have developed new interests in the last 7 years?" Joey's rebuttal was delivered with a bitterness that had only a passing relationship to the topic at hand. If she was honest, she would probably still hate camping, but she also hated being left out. And, more than anything, she hated knowing that Dawson did, in fact, still see her as the 8 year old kid he had just described.
"I think we all know the answer to that one." Pacey muttered without looking up from the hatch of the Wagoneer. Throughout the whole exchange he had continued plotting out routes on the map, almost deliberately ignoring the conversation, and Joey in particular.
Pacey's dismissive demeanor had been peripherally irritating her but with this interjection the feeling came into sharper focus, manifesting itself in invisible laser beams of rage radiating from her eyes and trained on the back of his head.
Ignoring the attempted telepathic assault, Dawson carried on the conversation to its, perhaps inevitable, next step. "You should come with us then!" He chirped, seeming inordinately proud of his benevolent solution.
At this, Pacey abandoned the map and snapped to attention, very nearly cracking his head on the car hatch. "She should what?!"
"Uh, I wouldn't want to intrude." Joey stammered. Despite her grumbling she had neither expected, nor wanted to actually be invited along.
"You wouldn't be intruding. It would be fun to have you there."
"It would?" Pacey squeaked.
"It would. '' Dawson asserted confidently. "Do you think Bessie would give you the weekend off?"
"Um maybe." Joey answered absently. She wasn't quite sure how they had reached the logistics phase when she hadn't even agreed to go.
"Then it's settled. You go home and get ready and we'll pick you up at 4:30. I think dad has a second tent and I'll bring extra food so you'll just need a sleeping bag and clothes."
"Wait a minute Dawson, I didn't agree to go yet and I don't know if I want to sleep in a tent on my own." Joey argued, her words fast with panic at the way things had spiraled so quickly out of control.
"That's why this is perfect!" Dawson was practically glowing now. "Jen was telling me that her grandmother is away this weekend and hinting that we should spend some time together. Then we planned this trip and I couldn't but if you're coming along I can invite her and it won't be weird."
Dawson scanned the crowd as he rambled out his maniacal plan. After a moment his eyes settled on a head of blonde curls at the far edge of a group of students.
"There she is, I'll go ask her." He said, without taking his eyes off the distant ringlets. After a few long strides, however, he paused and spun back. "Hey Pacey, do you think we can give Joey a ride home so she'll have time to pack?"
"Sure. Why not." Pacey muttered to himself, or perhaps for Joey's benefit. It certainly wasn't addressed to Dawson since he hadn't waited for a reply before resuming his pursuit of Jen.
Joey stared after her friend as he disappeared into a crowd of students. When she turned back to Pacey she was met with a shell shocked face that matched her own. "What the hell just happened?"
"Dawson Leery happened " Pacey replied in a matter-of-fact sort of mumble, as though it were the most obvious answer imaginable. The look of non-comprehension on Joey's face quickly reminded him that to her it was far from apparent.
"You brought up an issue that was concerning you and he spun it to be about him and his own little existential project. Vintage Dawson." Pacey filled in. His light tone cracked at every corner flashing glimpses of genuine distaste.
"It is not." Was Joey's knee jerk reply.
Pacey fired out a humorless blast of air at just how immediate her defense mechanism was when it came to Dawson.
"Name one time he didn't do exactly that? " he challenged.
Her response was just as fast and delivered with a coolness that defied Pacey to dispute it.
"How about when my mom died?"
Dammit! Of course she would have to play the dead mom card right off the hop . He cursed inwardly.
The worst part was that it wasn't even true. Though Dawson had exhibited genuine sympathy towards Joey in her time of need he had still managed to make even that all about himself. She just wasn't aware of it. Only Pacey had the honor of hearing their mutual friend gloat and congratulate himself for the support he was offering. All the while pointedly calling attention to the fact that he, Dawson Leery was her rock, her savior. The not so subtle implication being that Pacey was very much not the person she had chosen to turn to.
Of course he wasn't about to bring any of that up now. For starters there was no way she would actually believe a word of it. And even if she did, with the mood he was in he didn't dare broach such a delicate subject. He'd probably just wind up making her cry.
"Fine." He huffed, choosing to cut his losses on that one. "Outside of the realm of devastating family loss, name one." He amended weakly. He was rapidly beginning to wish he had just kept his mouth shut in the first place.
There was a brief pause while Joey appeared to be thinking about it before her face hardened with familiar irritation.
"Shut up Pacey." She spat. A sure sign he had hit a nerve. "What's your problem anyway? You seem particularly objectionable today. Even for you."
Normally this might be an excellent jumping off point for a classic verbal sparring match but Pacey wasn't in the mood. She was right. He was particularly objectionable and he didn't want to discuss why.
So he picked the closest reason he could identify and channeled all of his anger into convincing her, (not to mention himself), that it was the only reason for his mood.
"Oh gee let's see… my guys only camping trip…" he fixed Joey with a pointed and accusing glare. "...that I was dearly in need of thank you very much…just got turned into some sitcom farce where I get to watch Dawson try and get in Lindley's pants for a whole weekend, all thanks to you." Her eyes flashed with anger and for a second he felt a twinge of guilt but he pressed on. "So excuse me if I am not a Goddamn ray of sunshine Josephine."
"Screw you Pacey!" She hissed through a scowl that burned with rage.
The two held frozen, staring one another down for a moment. Each silently daring the other to say one more word. The only sound was of the shallow seething breaths that they drew. Their chests rising and falling rapidly between tensely pinched shoulders.
"Looks like business as usual over here." Dawson observed with a knowing smirk as he meandered back toward his feuding friends. "What did he do now?" He addressed Joey specifically.
She shrugged in reply, shaking off the intensity that had possessed her. "Just being his usual charming self." She muttered.
"I aim to please." Pacey quipped, causing Joey's scowl to return in profile.
He flashed her a smug smile to gloat that he had gotten under her skin before returning his attention to an unmistakably chipper Dawson.
"So given that giant shit eating grin you're sporting is it fair to assume our camping trip can now boast two blonde participants?"
"And two brunettes." Dawson smiled at Joey as if waiting for a show of excitement or gratitude or something.
The best she could manage was a false toothy grin. "You do know how I love symmetry." She improvised, using the only positive she could see just then.
"Great!" Dawson chirped, utterly blind to the sarcasm that seeped through every word. "Let's get you home so you can get packing!" He added as he jumped into the front passenger seat, earning him a glare, both for his obscene level of pep and for stealing shotgun.
Pacey brushed past Joey with a brief look that, if she didn't know better, almost seemed sympathetic. He opened the rear driver's side door and gestured with a wave of his arm for her to get in, which she did muttering a downtrodden sounding, "Thanks…"
Seemingly unaware of the way his two friends were sulking, Dawson was happy to keep up the conversation in the vehicle. Though 'conversation' is probably not how one would best describe it. It was more like a long meandering, stream of thought monologue in which he outlined all of his plans for the weekend. He mused over which video camera to bring, what food, which store to stop at for supplies on the way and, of course,he paid extra attention to wondering if Jen would enjoy herself.
It was exhausting to listen to, and when they dropped Joey off in her driveway, she was pleased by the silence. But, as she stood on her front porch watching the Wagoneer driving down the laneway, she began ruefully contemplating what she had just blundered herself into. A camping trip with her crush, his crush and a boy who drove her insane. Great. Just fucking great.
********
Leave it to Bessie to actually say yes the one time it would have been convenient for her to say no, Joey thought as she crammed her clothes into a weather worn red camping backpack that used to be her fathers. Technically it still was his, which made her feel odd about using it, but it was the only bag large enough to fit every item on the sizable packing checklist that Pacey had hastily thrown together for her before dropping her off
. The list was scrawled on the back of a gas station receipt and the writing was even more illegible than Pacey's usual chicken scratchings, but she could figure out most of it by context. The double underline he had included under the words 'warm clothes' felt rather foreboding. She wondered if it was just Pacey's way of discouraging her from tagging along, but she grabbed an extra hoody and several pairs of warm socks just in case.
With her father's backpack full to bursting, Joey said her goodbye's to Bessie and headed to the front porch just in time to see the Witter Wagoneer pulling up in front of the house. Its arrival was signaled by a honk of the horn and some spirited cheering from the 3 occupants. Somehow, their enthusiasm only further decreased her desire to go. Yet , go she did.
She trudged down the driveway with the large backpack slung uncomfortably over one shoulder. When she arrived at the vehicle she was greeted by Pacey who had hopped out of the driver's seat to take her bag and stash it in the hatch with the other gear.
"Thanks…" she muttered as he lifted the burden from her arm.
She expected some mockery about the size of the bag or at least general sniping about her unwanted presence on the trip. Instead, Pacey mimed a tip of his cap and affected a terrible British accent. "My pleasure madam."
She rolled her eyes but couldn't fight a small smile, "you seem in better form."
"Might as well make the best of it," Pacey shrugged, closing the hatch and heading to the front to hop back in the driver's seat.
Joey joined him, taking the front passenger seat. Much to her chagrin Dawson and Jen were already seated comfortably next to one another in the back and she glared at them ever so-subtly in the rear view mirror.
"I remember when you used to fight tooth and nail to score shotgun." Pacey observed in a low tone with a knowing glimmer in his eyes. Apparently her glare hadn't been as subtle as she thought.
********
The best thing that could be said about the drive was that it was short. Their selected campgrounds were about an hour from Capeside but Pacey's blatant disregard for the speed limit cut that to an easy 45 minutes. Though he had cracked jokes throughout the trip Joey could tell that his mood hadn't actually improved much from earlier. There was an edge to him. His taunts had more bite, his steering was jerkier than usual and his eyes were harder somehow.
It bothered Joey that she couldn't be sure what had pissed him off. And then it bothered her more how bothered she was.
As on edge as the stormy energy in the front seat had set her though, the ceaseless chatter from the backseat was what really had her considering a tuck-and-roll exit from the vehicle. Dawson was clearly still riding the high of having convinced Jen to come on the trip and his excitement had, yet again, manifested itself in the form of verbal diarrhea.
He waxed poetic about previous camping expeditions that he and Pacey had been on for almost the whole ride. The stories were shared under the guise of catching the girls up on what they were about to experience but to Joey it sounded an awful lot like Dawson trying to impress Jen. It was pitiful and irritating and, what's more, most of the stories he was telling, Joey had heard before. Except she had heard them a little differently. In the version she recalled Pacey had instigated the adventures of which Dawson now bragged. Not only that but Dawson had bemoaned the very events he now boasted. It was like watching the movie version of a book she had read. Compelling perhaps but ultimately too jarring with the original to be enjoyable.
Based on Pacey's tightening jaw and death grip on the steering wheel each time Dawson made a particularly fraudulent claim, Joey suspected he had noticed the same discrepancies in the backseat narrative.
*******
The Wagoneer rolled into the Campsite around 6. Any time advantage that Pacey's lead foot might have gained them had been frittered away on a 'quick' stop for groceries in the last tiny town before the campgrounds, but they were still in good shape to get settled in before dark.
Step one was setting up the two tents. An easy enough task for four, but unfortunately they were suddenly not four but two. Jen needed to use the washroom and somehow that had spiraled into Dawson escorting her to the comfort station then giving her a quick tour of the campgrounds.
So Joey and Pacey were stuck with set up duty. Together. Alone.
That would always have been annoying but they would have gotten through it bickering all the way. Recently, however, things had been particularly 'off' between them. Nothing that Joey could quite put her finger on. He had just seemed to be around less and when he was around he wasn't as at ease. His jokes felt a little too forced and he touched her less. She hadn't really thought about how much Pacey touched her before but now that he didn't do it she missed it in a way she couldn't quite understand. In fact she missed him in a way she couldn't quite understand.
They had never been close friends in the traditional sense, but there was a rhythm to their back and forth. A rhythm that provided a steady beat behind the rest of the music of her life. This last while without it Joey had felt off tempo.
She told herself that it irritated her because it was so unexplainable, but the truth was quite the opposite. It vexed her because knew exactly what it was about, or at least she suspected she did, given that it had started about two weeks ago.
It didn't seem like a coincidence that two weeks ago also marked the day that Pacey had lost his mind and tried to kiss her. Two weeks ago she had jumped away from him in utter shock and questioned why he would do such a thing. It was awkward to say the least, but he had said he could handle the rejection fairly effortlessly and she believed him.
Everytime Joey had noticed it previously, there had been others around or time was short or some other very good reason had given her the excuse she needed not to address the matter. Now here they were, alone in the middle of nowhere, with not a soul around to interrupt. No excuses left.
So naturally Joey took this opportunity to disappear into the woods and gather kindling for the fire. It was the only practical thing to do. They would definitely be needing a fire soon.
When she returned with a massive bundle of dry sticks Joey was disheartened to find Pacey still alone, rummaging in the Wagoneer for all of the needed equipment. It felt like she had been gone for ages. How were the others not back?
"The bathrooms are like 5 minutes away. What are those guys doing? " She asked out of pure irritation at the situation, but the moment she heard her own words, a series of possible scenarios played through her mind and drew the focus of her concern like a lightning rod. Her face fell as she considered the implications of Dawson and Jen alone together.
"Gee. I don't know. What do you think they're doing?" Pacey replied, his tone cutting.
"Oh screw off Pacey. I didn't mean that. I was just worried that maybe they got lost."
"No Joey, I think we both know they did not get lost," Pacey's tone made no effort to hide his awareness that she was full of shit. "I think, and so do you, that Dawson has taken goldilocks off on a romantic stroll and left you, the wicked witch, on tent set up duty."
"Actually I think he left that job for the bridge troll." Joey stormed past Pacey and took a seat on one of the tree-trunk stools that circled the fire pit. But he followed behind her with the annoying persistence of one of the many deer flies that called these woods home.
"Then answer me these questions three." Pacey chimed after her. "What exactly did you expect to happen on this farcical little adventure?" Joey replied with a scowl. "Alright I'll accept that as an answer. Question of the second part. Do you think goldilocks is finding Dawson's advances too warm, too cold or just right?" He sneered, thoroughly savoring the goading enquiry.
"Fuck off Pacey," Joey spat, firing up from her seat. She attempted to storm away across the campsite, but instead almost bounced off of Pacey as he moved to block her progress.
"I'm sorry that's not the answer. You cannot pass."
Joey placed both hands against his chest, knocking him back two full steps. " Get out of my way Pacey! What's your problem anyway?"
"Oh I don't know, maybe I'm just not terribly thrilled to be a 3rd wheel in a group of four, on what was supposed to be my guys weekend with Dawson."
"No, that's not it. You've been acting weird for a while now. What is your problem?" It just came out, and the look that flashed across Pacey's face made Joey wish she could cram it back in.
"What do you care anyway?" He answered, then seemed to recognize the partial admission this implied. His eyes hardened abruptly. "If I were you I'd stick to fretting about what Prince charming and Goldilocks are up to, out there, alone in the woods."
Before his swift return to the offensive, Joey had definitely glimpsed something in Pacey's eyes. Hurt? Sadness? Anger? It had been too brief to reliably identify and it stirred something in her that was equally elusive. A part of her wanted to investigate these unsettling little mysteries. Another part, however, implored her to retreat to the safety of their trademark bickering. Unsurprisingly, it was the latter that won out.
"Goldilocks and Prince charming? I know you're illiterate but you can't even get the plot of fairy tails right." She snapped
"At least I'm not trying to live in one." Pacey half muttered as he walked to retrieve more supplies from the open hatch of the Wagoneer.
He returned with a bag containing one of the tents, and a rubber mallet. "You never did make it to question three."
Joey's face scrunched as she tried to place this reference.
"Question of the third part." Pacey announced in his Bridge Troll voice, making Joey tense up, anticipating another harsh dose of reality. "Where are we planning to sleep if we don't get these tents put up?" He continued switching to a normal, somewhat conciliatory voice.
Pacey reached out to hand her the rubber mallet, with an apology twinkling in his eyes. Joey looked at the mallet, then back at Pacey, then the mallet again before snatching the tool from his hand.
"Fine," she huffed. "But I should warn you, I've never actually set up a tent before."
"Enh. You can't possibly be worse at it than Dawson." He flapped his hands in dismissal, then dumped the contents of the tent bag onto the ground between them. "Now let's get to it, we're losing light."
******
"Your turn Joey!" Jen chirped with unwarranted glee.
Somehow she had roped them all into playing Never Have I Ever, after revealing the bottle of vodka she purchased on their supply stop. Apparently the teenage clerk had shared Dawson's susceptibility to the Lindley charms.
Pacey had expressed a few concerns but agreed fairly quickly to give it a try. Dawson on the other hand had launched into a mini campaign to save everyone's moral souls. The tie-breaker fell to Joey who, seeing an opportunity to sow discord among the blonde contingent, had ignored her better judgment and voted yes. And now here they sat, circled around a roaring fire, each clutching an enameled camp mug full to the brim with a disgusting mix of vodka and Mountain Dew.
"Ok ummmm….never have I ever…" Joey shrugged and tossed out the first thing that popped into her head, "...cut class." The moment the words left her lips she tipped the mug up, took a sip, then wrinkled her nose in disgust. Mountain Dew was never her favorite, and vodka and a lack of refrigeration hadn't improved it.
Dawson also took a tiny distasteful sip, while Jen tossed back a hardy swig.
Pacey also drank a quick gulp, to no one's surprise . "When did you ever cut class Potter? " he asked around the tail end of a mouthful of liquid.
"Last month. Bessie needed help at the Icehouse so I skipped class to go in. "
"It's not cutting class if your legal guardian asks you to do it." Pacey scoffed.
"Well I'm sorry my life doesn't allow for any more exciting rebellion. I'll try harder for you."
"Alright you two break it up." Jen intervened before Pacey could hurl back whatever it was that he was obviously winding up to say. "Dawson. It's your turn."
"Ugh. I don't know.. " he considered aloud, sounding enormously put upon by the game. "Never have I ever stolen anything."
Only Jen took a sheepish sip, no doubt feeling the judgment as Dawson's eyes snapped her way. "Seriously, you guys never even stole candy?" Her expression begged for someone else to fess up and take the spotlight off of her. No one did, so she opted to move things along.
"Ok Pacey, your turn."
"Huh, ok. Umm…never have I ever…" he scanned the air then his eyes landed on Joey and a faint smirk appeared, "...gone skinny dipping." His eyes twinkled mischievously, fixed on Joey even while he took a sip of his drink. Watching to keep her honest.
Joey took a hesitant sip, blushing when Jen made a scandalized, "ooooooo" sound.
"It was a dare between the three of us last summer." Joey explained.
"So why didn't Dawson drink?" Jen asked, looking at the man in question as though she were interrogating a witness.
"He chickened out," Joey replied before he could make any excuses.
"That he did." Pacey agreed. "My money was on Potter to back out but she actually did it." He explained to Jen but his eyes drifted to Joey and a fond smile warmed on his face.
"Ok, your turn Lindley." Pacey said, jerking his attention back on topic after a slightly-too-long pause.
Jen's eyes moved to Pacey, then to Joey then back again. The rest of the group took no note of her silent deduction, but Pacey fidgeted uncomfortably under her unwanted scrutiny.
"Hmm…never have I ever…" Jen directed a penetrating stare at Pacey as she considered her options. A dangerous grin signaled her decision, "....had a secret crush on anyone in this group."
Dawson drank first, giving Jen a winking sort of look. Joey felt ill just witnessing the embarrassing display but it did give her a moment to drink without anyone's notice. Her attention unconsciously shifted to Pacey, expecting a jeering look, but what she caught was him just finishing a covert drink of his beverage. He noticed Joey first, then Jen, then Dawson, all of whom were observing him with interest. After doing the rounds, his gaze found the ground and stayed there.
"Ok Joey, your turn" Jen said, the words lacking the pep they had carried the previous time. The blond girl exchanged a brief look with Pacey then turned expectantly to hear what Joey would say this round. She was met by a blood chilling glare.
Joey's insides were humming like a shaken beehive. The last turn had contained so many sources of agitation she couldn't pinpoint any single one, but the angry hive in her gut knew the original source that had jostled it. Joey stared at that source, with pure malice in her eyes.
"Never have I ever…" a popular Capeside High rumor floated into Joey's mind then. She wasn't sure it was true but she knew the mention of it would be a blow either way. "...fooled around with two guys at one time." She said in a rush, before she could talk herself out of it, then stared at Jen with smug curiosity.
The other girl stared back in utter horror at the betrayal that had just taken place. She took a guilty sip and shook her head faintly side to side, never breaking eye contact with Joey.
Dawson's eyes, which had been boring holes through Pacey ever since the previous question, snapped to Jen. They were wide and filled with shock and disappointment.
"Jen, I thought that was just a stupid rumor. I never thought… I mean I know you have a checkered past but I thought you had some self respect. How could you? No…I mean.. Why would you? " Dawson sputtered, searching for a way to reconcile this new information.
"It was a long time ago and it was a mistake." Jen answered, looking ready to cry, or slap him, or both.
"Was this a regular occurrence?" Dawson's voice was cold and condemning.
"No, Dawson. It was a one time mistake ." She emphasised the final word and her tone warned him to drop it now.
Naturally he did not. "Well, how would I know that? Until a minute ago I didn't think it happened at all. God Jen I defended you every time I heard that rumor." The way that he said the last part held an implied request for thanks or perhaps an apology. Either way it was the last straw for Jen. Any trace of contrition fell from her expression.
She stood and leaned menacingly over Dawson, "Well who asked you to?" She yelled, a few inches from his face, then stormed off to the farthest tent and zipped herself in. By the time she had finished struggling with the finicky tent door she was already in tears and a long, stunned silence fell over the group on the heels of the closing zzzzip.
After a moment of staring after her Dawson turned back to his friends. "What was that about?" He asked the group, and somehow he really meant it.
"You genuinely don't know?" Pacey demanded with barely concealed anger, causing Dawson's flummoxed expression to turn defensive. "You did everything but actually call her a slut. All over something that didn't involve you, happened way before you met her and frankly is none of your damn business."
"I did not call her a slut!" Dawson objected, entirely missing the point.
"Unbelievable." Pacey rolled his eyes skyward. "I didn't say you did. I said you might as well have, and whatever it is you think you said, you definitely sent a person you claim to care about running away in tears. If you have any sense at all you will get your ass over to that tent and apologize."
Dawson's lip curled and his nostrils widened stubbornly. Everything about his face screamed, 'I have nothing to apologize for,' but the glare that Pacey sent his way warned him not to say it out loud. To his credit he heeded the unspoken warning and, after a brief staredown between the two friends, Dawson huffed a petulant surrendering sigh. He gathered up his sleeping bag from where he had dumped it at the edge of the fire circle and trudged sulkily toward the tent.
Joey and Pacey observed the pouting departure of their friend, then watched as the camp lantern switched on inside the tent, casting silhouettes of figures with sharply waving arms and shaking heads.
Pacey turned his attention back toward the fire, rather than stare at the quarreling shadow puppets. Joey attempted to follow suit but she couldn't seem to keep her head from pulling itself toward the tent cinema. She had to keep yanking her focus back to the flames so as not to seem like she was spying, which of course she absolutely was. Even in the moments when she managed to keep her eyes off the show her ears were straining to pick out words.
When the muffled voices grew softer and less combative Joey's curiosity overcame her and she indulged herself in one proper look, then instantly wished she hadn't. Though it was hard to distinguish depth in the shadows, there was no denying that the two silhouettes were embracing. Her eyes narrowed, her mouth gaped and any pretense of fire watching fell from her mind as Joey openly stared, willing the shadowed bodies to separate.
" Just a little fashion tip for ya Jo . You look better in red or even blue." Pacey startled her from her snooping. . "Pretty much anything would be an improvement on that unattractive green shade you're wearing right now."
"I'm not jealous." Joey spat. "But wouldn't you just love it if I were? You probably sent Dawson after her just to mess with my head."
"Jesus Joey get over yourself. That" he gestured at the closed tent," had nothing to do with you. I sent Dawson after her because he was out of line and he needed to apologize " Joey's shoulders softened slightly.
"You were out of line too by the way." Pacey added in a stern, almost parental voice.
Joey looked blindsided by this truth. "what?...no I was just playing the game. The game Jen suggested we play I might add."
"Come on Joey, even you don't believe that. You of all people should know how shitty it is to throw a rumor back in somebody's face." Pacey pointed a finger to silence the anticipated objection. "Even If it's true."
"Yeah but she started it." Joey defended childishly.
"Are you sure? Maybe that wasn't even about you." Pacey responded, trying to sound vague and hypothetical.
Joey tilted her head down and stared up at him with eyes that suggested he was being ridiculous. "Really? Who would it be about?"
It was a logical question and Pacey mentally kicked himself for not having thought this through enough to have an answer.
"Ok fine it was probably about you," he fibbed, choosing to leave that thread unpulled. "But even if it was, she fired a pellet gun at best and you dropped a Goddam nuclear bomb." His penetrating stare urged her to admit the truth of his words. He even saw a glimmer of self recognition in her eyes. He also saw the exact moment that she pushed the thought away and replaced it with her trademark irrational rage.
"You would take her side." She spit out sharply. "I mean, you have some stupid crush on her, right? "
Pacey's eyes shot wide with shock and he made a helpless sputtering sound. His arms flopped about in the air, rising to emphasize a retort then falling again when he realized he couldn't form one.
"I just…" he puffed. "You really… " he tried again. "I really thought Dawson was the most oblivious person I knew but you win. That's it. You win. You are the queen of all obliviousness." His voice grew steadily higher and louder as he spoke and he paced back and forth only making half a step each direction before pivoting to reverse course. "Is that really what you actually think? You think I have some secret crush on Jen.?"
It almost seemed rhetorical but Joey felt challenged to answer. "I saw you drink." She offered into evidence like it was a perfectly sensible reply.
"Unbelievable!" Pacey ran his hand over his head, attempting to soothe his overheating brain. "You are just…ugh…" he turned and walked toward the unoccupied tent and unzipped the door flap. Poised in the nylon doorway he looked back at Joey as if he was about to say something more but then shook his head and emitted an exasperated gust of air instead.
"Unbelievable.. " he muttered once more before zipping himself inside leaving Joey standing alone a few steps from the fire.
A drop of moisture rolled down Joey's cheek, and for a moment she thought that her overwhelming cocktail of emotions had spilled out in the form of tears. But as she reached up to swipe the drop from her face another ran down her scalp, then the back of her neck. Before long she couldn't keep track of the points of moisture as they grew increasingly frequent. Then, punctuated by a jarring clap of thunder, the skies let forth a torrent of rain. The fire hissed and the leaves of the trees rattled in the wind.
Pacey heard the rain rebounding off the taught walls of the tent. He heard the wind whipping through the campgrounds and the creecking of tree branches. He half expected Joey to come racing in for shelter but she didn't. Dear Lord, the girl was stubborn.
He opened the tent flap a slice and peeked out. There was Joey drenched to the bone, huddled up against the trunk of a tree. Her arms were hugged around herself and even from a distance he could see she was shivering.
With a sigh he opened the tent wider and waved his arm in a beckoning gesture. "Potter, would you just get in here?"
"I'm fine." She replied, her voice wavering as she shook with cold.
"Joey, it's pouring. Get in."
He was right. It was pouring and she was not, as she had claimed, fine. She was cold and wet and frightened and at the moment she couldn't quite remember why she had even been fighting with Pacey.
Without making eye contact Joey peeled herself away from the tree and made her way to the tent. She tried to move with grace and dignity, still not wanting to admit that Pacey was rescuing her. But in her current state of sog it only made her appear all the more pathetic and Pacey had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.
She flopped into the tent with a squelch and quickly sealed the door. When she turned around she was greeted with a towel that Pacey had dug out of his duffle bag.
"Here, start with your hair and I'll see if I can find you something to change into. "
"Pacey, I am not changing with you in here."
"Once again, get over yourself Potter. I'm not looking for a cheap thrill. I'm trying to keep you from getting pneumonia and soaking everything in the tent." He grumbled as he searched his bag then tossed her a pair of plaid pajama pants and a thread bare Boston Bruins t-shirt. "Here put these on."
She wasn't thrilled about the idea but her frozen body won out over her bashfulness and she took the clothes from his hands.
"Turn around. And if I catch you peeking they'll be taking you out of these woods in a body bag." She cautioned.
"I wouldn't dream of it." Pacey retorted. But the moment his back was to her he found that he was, in fact, dreaming of it.
"You can turn around now." Joey's voice pulled him from his reverie.
He spun around and nearly swallowed his own tongue while trying to stifle a gasp at the sight of her. The thin cotton t-shirt he had provided skimmed her braless form and did nothing to hide how cold she was after her ordeal. It took every ounce of self control Pacey had not to look directly at the Bruins logo held aloft by the tantalizing physical evidence of her chill. He cast his eyes down at the sleeping bag beneath him staring with great interest at an empty spot. Shifting uncomfortably, he found himself worrying what physical evidence his own jeans might not be hiding.
For a long minute the only sound was that of the rain pinging off of the tent. Joey seemed to have noticed the same very interesting empty spot that Pacey was staring at on his sleeping bag. They sat together in awkward silence and watched as the spot did absolutely nothing.
It was Joey who finally broke the conversational stalemate.
"I'm sorry." She shrugged, not looking up.
"For what? " Pacey asked.
For accidentally crashing your boys weekend. It's really not what I meant to do you know." He smiled warmly and nodded his appreciation of this but he didn't speak.
"And for overreacting to the whole you having a crush on Jen thing." She admitted with a bashful half roll of her eyes.
A smirk tugged at the corners of Pacey's mouth and a mirthful glimmer invaded his eyes. "Yeah you did overreact, didn't you?
She had no idea how much she'd over reacted considering that there was nothing to react to in the first place but he didn't mention that bit.
"So…why are you so threatened by Lindley anyway? Pacey ventured, breaking the brief silence that had fallen. "She's not with Dawson anymore and I think she really does want to be your friend."
Joey's eyes hardened for a split second and Pacey feared he had overstepped the invisible bounds of their current tentative peace. After a moment's consideration however she softened.
"Do you promise you won't make fun of me?"
Pacey nodded solemnly.
"I don't mean just now. I mean you can't bring this up ever again. " she cautioned.
Pacey placed his hand over his heart. "You have my word. What happens in the tent stays in the tent."
" It's just…well she's not with Dawson but he still wants her. He still thinks of her as this beautiful, sexy girl. All the guys at school do. And it just bothers me because he will probably never see me that way and maybe no guy ever will and.. ." Her nervous rambling trailed off into confusion when she noticed a change in Pacey's eyes. There was a heaviness growing there.
"Ouch." He muttered through an unconvincing chuckle. "I mean…I knew I wasn't your favorite guy but now apparently I'm just not a guy at all." His desperate attempt to make this observation sound humorous failed completely. It rang more with resignation than wit
Joey froze. For the first time since it happened Pacey had mentioned the kiss. Or had he? Not really. Not in so many words at least. She stared at him quizzically hoping he would expand on the subject.
"You really can't be this clueless." He huffed with obvious irritation.
Since he had attempted to kiss her two weeks ago there hadn't been so much as a whisper of a hint of a breath of an allusion to the incident. This was far from normal between them. In the past if something awkward happened, like when their good natured banter crossed an unspoken line, or the fateful day she had walked in on him changing after swimming, they always joked about it extensively until equilibrium was restored. He could only assume that the idea of him kissing her had been so terrible that it couldn't even be mentioned in jest.
" Am I the only one who remembers trying to kiss you a couple weeks ago?"
Joey's breath stopped short. He had officially said it. 'I remember it, " she confirmed, feeling like she should say more but not knowing what.
"OK thank God!" He gasped with exaggerated drama. "Because honestly I was really starting to think maybe I dreamed it or imagined it since you haven't said a word. Seriously, you, Josephine Potter the queen of snarky commentary , .Haven't. Mentioned. A single. Word." He enunciated sharply as his joking melodramatic tone broke apart to reveal glimpses of the hurt it was meant to conceal.
"I…I didn't…I didn't want to embarrass you." Joey replied. Her voice was shaky. Partially because she hadn't expected the discussion to unfold this way, or now, or maybe even at all. But also because this explanation for her silence was a guess at best and a lie at worst and she really didn't want to start digging for the truth.
"I don't buy that for a second." Pacey snapped back. "We have never handled each other with kid gloves before. Everything has always been fair game. So what? Was it just so horrifying that you can't even bring yourself to tease me about it?."
"So that's all you want? You just want me to tease you about it? " Joey somewhat deliberately misunderstood.
Pacey's puffed an exasperated sigh in place of a reply. He wasn't even sure what he wanted. He wanted things to be normal again. He wanted to go back in time and never let himself be fool enough to believe that Joey would ever deign to kiss him back. He wanted her not to be so damned obtuse about the whole situation. But most of all at this moment he wanted not to be having this conversation anymore.
"You know what I want? I want you to just drop it." His frustration broke free with the words and what was meant to be a calm resolution became a continuation of his agitated diatribe. " Forget I said anything. I shouldn't have said anything. I wasn't going to say anything. And you obviously didn't want me to say anything. So that was exactly what I was doing and it was going fine." Pacey could hear the repetitive erratic words he was spitting out and stopped speaking abruptly. His mind however, continued racing and before he knew it more of his thoughts broke free.
"You weren't supposed to be here, you know?" He winced to discover that his treacherous voice was almost an octave higher for this round of word vomit. "It was supposed to be a guys only weekend. Just me and Dawson. No Jen. No you. If you could have just let it be it would have been fine. We wouldn't be having this conversation and I could have…." Suddenly his mind caught up to his words and, realizing just how much he was in danger of revealing, it pulled the emergency brake on his racing mouth.
"Actually…No. I'm not having this conversation." He concluded with sharp conviction. Then he grabbed a hoodie from his duffle bag, bawled it up, jammed it under his head and layed back on the mattress pad. He executed all of this with fast jerky movements intended to slap a final, full stop punctuation on the discussion.
Joey stared at him expectantly. He could feel her eyes on him but he kept his gaze trained on the roof of the tent as though he were attempting to use telekinesis to light it ablaze.
After a minute or so Joey seemed to resign herself to the end of the conversation. She followed suit laying down with her hands behind her head as a pillow. And for a while he got his wish. They lay beside one another not saying anything, just listening to the muffled pinging of water drops on the tent. The only other sounds were of slightly tense breathing and the sporadic bouts of anxious fidgeting that flared up each time Pacey thought of another thing he had said that he wished he hadn't.
Unfortunately for him, the moratorium on speech also gave Joey time to sit and mull over the exact words that he had said. And as she did bit by bit pieces began to fall into place until her thoughts brimmed over with questions.
"Pacey?" her voice broke through the staccato soundtrack of the rain. He didn't answer but his fidgeting halted abruptly and she could feel the tension in the air increase. She took this to mean he was listening, however reluctantly.
"Did you plan this weekend specifically to get away from me? " she asked tentatively.
Fuck . She had to choose now to be observant?
Pacey chuckled uncomfortably. "Huhummm no." He lied. "Not exactly…"
He still hadn't looked away from the tent roof but Joey had rolled onto her side to observe him as he answered. Just the awareness of her gaze made him feel unbelievably exposed. He shifted nervously bringing his arm up to drape across his forehead and eyes. If he was going to say this out loud he at least needed to pretend she couldn't see him.
"Ok. So maybe when I said I could deal with you rejecting me pretty effortlessly… I might have slightly underestimated the amount of effort involved."
Joey's silence at this made him instantly uncomfortable. He removed his hand from his eyes and turned to look at her, attempting to demonstrate with his even countenance exactly how much of a big deal this was not.
"It's fine, it's not like I'm sitting around listening to the Cure and writing bad poetry or anything. I just found it a little harder to get back to our status quo than I thought I would."
The moment his eyes locked on hers his forced cool faltered. Her face seemed so much more open and vulnerable than he was accustomed to. Her eyes wide with interest and, dare he dream, something else. Perhaps he did need to listen to the Cure and write some bad poetry, he mused as he turned his gaze back to the safety of the tent roof.
"So when you drank in that game that was…because of me?" She followed up. Pacey couldn't believe how uncertain the question sounded given the preceding discussion.
"Come on Jo? You're a bright girl, do you really need to ask that at this point?"
"I don't know. You could also have a crush on Jen." Joey answered, only partially joking.
"Huh, no thank you. My life's complicated enough without developing feelings for both girls who are in love with my best friend."
"Feelings?" Joey echoed, feeling the weight of the word with her mouth. "Like…feeling feelings?
"I don't know. I guess yeah." Pacey replied, mentally cursing his carelessly chosen words. "I've been hoping they'll go away. They just haven't so far, and I know it's been making me act weird around you and I hate that. I hate that I've been a jerk to you because of it. It is my problem not yours. That was kind of what I hoped this weekend would help with. A little out of sight out of mind and maybe things could go back to normal."
"So it was to get away from me." Joey smiled, teasing him gently to break the tension in the air.
Pacey returned her smile. "I suppose you could say that." He admitted, "so you see why I wasn't thrilled when you went and got yourself invited along." Joey flashed him a sweet, crinkly, apologetic look that sent butterflies swooping through his stomach. "Gah, and now you're in my tent, looking like that," his eyes subconsciously surveyed her form hugged by his t-shirt. She had clearly not warmed up.
"You know what, I think the best plan is to just go to sleep and pretend this conversation never happened." He resolved, sitting up to retrieve the hoodie from under his head and tossing it at Joey. "Put this on, it's only going to get colder overnight."
Joey studied the garment, then the thin Hawaiian shirt that Pacey was currently wearing. "What about you?"
"I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Just put the hoodie on Jo." He insisted, and she complied. As it went over her head, Pacey watched her ribcage rise and fall with a deep breath. He swallowed against a sudden lump in his throat, tore his eyes away and busied himself laying out his sleeping bag and unzipping it.
Pacey scanned the tent. "Shit."
"What?" Joey queried after his seemingly left field expletive.
"Dawson took his sleeping bag, and yours is in the other tent." He eyed his own sleeping bag doing mental calculations. It would fit two he concluded but far too tightly given the current circumstances.
"Here," he gestured to Joey to climb in, "take mine, I'll figure something out."
"Pacey, I can't take your shirt and your sleeping bag. You'll die of hypothermia.
"You can and you will." He scooted out of her way and held the bag open.
Joey saw no room for argument in Pacey's expression, so she reluctantly crawled over to the bag and climbed in. He closed the zipper behind her then rummaged in his duffle bag. He pulled out a large beach towel then moved to the far side of the tent and curled into a ball using the towel as a makeshift blanket.
He obviously didn't want to talk and Joey tried to respect that, despite the flurry of questions racing through her brain. She opened her mouth to speak several times, catching herself at the last minute before any sound escaped. Then, in the silence she heard a strange sound. Her first instinct was panic, imagining some forest creature trying to break in. But as she listened closely she discovered the sound was coming from inside the tent. After another minute, Joey realized it was the sound of Pacey shivering.
Joey sat bolt upright and unzipped the sleeping bag. "Pacey get in here." She commanded.
"I'm fine."
"Your teeth are literally chattering. I didn't even think that happened to anyone but cartoon characters. "
"After that conversation it is just gonna be way too awkward and you know it. "
"It will be more awkward when I have to explain your frozen blue corpse to Dawson and Jen tomorrow morning."
"Only for you," Pacey noted, but he was already halfway in the sleeping bag before he finished the last word.
Once zipped in he plastered his front side against the farthest edge of the tiny space with his arms wrapped tightly across his chest to be sure he didn't accidentally touch anything he shouldn't. In spite of his efforts, the confined area did not allow for zero contact and he was overly conscious of the warmth radiating from her hip where it pressed against his butt.
For several minutes they lay in agonizing silence but all the while Joey was gradually losing her private battle to leave well enough alone. Something about Pacey's proximity made all of her questions burn hotter in her head.
"Pace?" She whispered into the darkness.
"Mmhmm?" The darkness grumbled back.
"What did you mean by what you said about me being in your tent 'looking like that'. Looking like what?"
Pacey scrubbed a hand over his face and down the back of his head. "I thought we were dropping this."
"Right. Dropping this." Joey agreed.
In the ensuing quiet Pacey could almost hear the effort she was exerting to hold in her thoughts and he already knew he wouldn't be able to deny her an answer for long. Not because she might ask again but because he couldn't stop replaying her question in his mind. The vulnerability and genuine confusion in her voice for something that should be so obvious. She deserved to know.
With clumsy jerking movements Pacey rolled himself to face her, struggling to maintain a safe distance while maneuvering in the tiny enclosure.
He puffed an irritated sigh at his own failure to leave the subject alone. "You genuinely have no idea how gorgeous you are, do you?" He asked in a rapid burst, the verbal equivalent of tearing off a bandaid.
The dumbstruck expression she wore gave him his answer. As did her humoring chuckle. "Well considering how no one has ever noticed or mentioned anything about it until now, and I'm not convinced you aren't suffering from temporary insanity, I would have to say no. No, I am not aware of this fictional gorgeousness of which you speak." Joey replied with the thick coating of sarcasm that greeted any compliment some poor fool attempted to pay her.
"I can't argue with the insanity part," Pacey chuckled. He conveniently omitted the 'temporary' qualifier, of which he was much less certain. "But I can assure you that your attractiveness has very much been noticed by others.
"How exactly?"
"Ah, Miss Potter, you forget that I have the great misfortune of being privy to the conversations in the guys' locker room. The meatheads at our school may lack the depth to appreciate your…um…nuanced personality but your physical charms are not lost on them."
"They talk about me? What do they say?"
"Oh you do not want details. Wordsmiths and feminists they are not."
She didn't need to know how many times Pacey had been motivated to exchange heated words in her defense. Nor was it important how Warren Goering ended up sporting a black eye after circulating a particularly nasty rumor.
"Suffice it to say they think you are hot but terrifying." Sensing more questions Pacey redirected. "So when I said 'looking like that' I basically meant looking like you…and my Bruins shirt didn't help the situation either."
"What does a ratty old t-shirt have to do with anything?
An affectionate chuckle rumbled in his chest. "On me it's a ratty old t-shirt. On you it should come with one of those parental advisory stickers."
Even in the dark Pacey could see her disbelief and another heavy sigh expelled itself from his lungs as he felt more ill-advised words ready to breach his long maintained barricade walls.
"Jo you are stunning." He blurted out, over his mind's objections. "And I say that with zero personal agenda. I'm not hitting on you or trying to flatter you or whatever you're telling yourself I'm doing so you can brush this off. It has been killing me watching you run yourself down because Dawson head-in-the-sand Leery can't see what is obvious to everyone else. Until now I couldn't say anything because it would make things weird between us, but I think it's fair to say that that ship has already sailed, come back, and sailed again. So here it is.
I'm sorry it has to be me and not Dawson telling you this, but he'll figure it out eventually. He has to. In the meantime though, just please believe me when I say that you are breathtaking. You're the kind of beautiful they describe in fairytales, effortless and innocent … and your eyes…
Without thinking, Pacey reached up and pushed aside the hair that was obscuring her face, wanting to see the perfection he described. But the incidental brush of fingers on velvet skin rendered him mute, as a bolt of electricity rocketed through every cell in his body. In an instant he was overwhelmed by all of the feelings he had been denying for weeks, months, probably years if he was honest. They congregated in his stomach, churning and swooping then traveled enmasse out of his eyes, radiating with desire. Pacey could only hope that the dim light provided sufficient cover, because he found himself frozen, his hand still on her cheek and his gaze locked with her own. If he granted permission of movement to even a single muscle, he was certain that somehow he'd end up trying to kiss her again.
Yet despite his full body lockdown, Joey still seemed to be getting closer. He couldn't tell if she was moving, or if his muscles had staged a mutiny and taken action without approval from his brain. Or perhaps the magnetic force he so often experienced in her company was no illusion but an actual physical phenomenon.
Whatever the root cause, there was no denying it, she was now dangerously near. In this proximity he could hear the way her breathing had grown shallow and wavering, and feel the warm air of her exhalation dancing across his skin. He could smell the strawberry scent of her shampoo and the freshness of the rain in her hair.
Then suddenly his heart stopped beating in his chest as he felt her lips faintly brush against his own. Pacey held still, waiting for Joey to leap away, or demand to know what on earth he was doing. But she didn't. She actually moved closer, making a very soft, contented humming noise as she increased the pressure against his lips.
Any restraint he had hoped to exercise crumbled under the weight of the faint sound. Pacey's hand moved from where it had been frozen on her cheek to the back of her head, his fingers tangling in her thick damp hair. Again he braced for her retreat and again she shocked him by scooting closer so that her chest was pressed against his. Then he felt her arm sneak through the depths of the sleeping bag up his hip, ending its journey by circling around his waist in the narrow gap between his t-shirt and jeans. Her hand was ice cold but the sensation of it against his bare skin sent fire charging through his veins.
Emboldened, Pacey ran his tongue along the seam of her lips and marveled when she parted them in response. He tentatively explored the inner edges of her lips, tracing them with the tip of his tongue. Her mouth opened even further then and her tongue met him at the entrance almost insisting that he enter.
Pacey obliged without hesitation, kissing her now with complete abandon. He allowed all of the want, all of the admiration and affection that he had held at bay for too long, to spill into this one kiss. To his great surprise, Joey responded with passion to equal his own. Soft moans laced her heavy breath as her lips moved hungrily against his. Her arm which was now tightly gripping Pacey's waist, urged him closer and her leg looped over his to intensify the pull. He gave in to her demanding limbs and moved with her until they were flush against one another. An involuntary guttural moan pushed itself from his lungs as the move provided a sudden delightful friction against his aching arousal.
He could pinpoint the exact moment when Joey realized the reality of the situation and the spell that she had been under lifted. She stilled then jumped back the short distance the sleeping bag would allow.
"I'm sorry." Pacey gasped.
He was surprised when Joey also exclaimed a hasty, "I'm sorry, " almost in unison.
"What are you sorry for?" They both asked.
"For kissing you." They both replied.
"Huh? No. I kissed you." Joey stated, and she seemed pretty certain of it.
Pacey began replaying the scene in his mind and, upon reflection, it did make more sense that she had kissed him. Except, that is, for all the ways that it made no sense at all
"Uh, yeah." He shrugged, trying to breeze past his misinterpretation of events. "What I meant was, why would you apologize? Didn't our whole conversation tonight make it abundantly clear that I'm ok with that sort of thing?"
"Exactly." Joey said as though he had just agreed with a point she had yet to make. "You told me all of that and then I went and kissed you, which is a totally unfair thing to do because I still have all these confusing feelings for Dawson, and I shouldn't be kissing you when I know that. These last few weeks things have been so weird between you and me and it has sucked. I don't think I really appreciated it before but, up until then, you were my one and only uncomplicated friendship and I didn't know how much I needed that until I suddenly didn't seem to have it anymore. And now I've gone and ruined everything because if the weirdness between us wasn't permanent before it is now, or at least…"
"Woah, woah, woah." Pacey put a hand on her arm to halt her rambling, then immediately jerked it away before the resulting tingling heat could spread. "Nothing is ruined, because I won't let it be." He assured her, hoping that he could deliver on the confidence he projected. It pained him to let go of the possibility of something more, but hearing her admit how much she valued his friendship made Pacey more determined than ever to at least preserve what they already had.
"Remember what I said before?" He asked, and Joey cocked her head curiously? "What happens in the tent stays in the tent."
He could hear her smile in the darkness. "What happens in the tent stays in the tent." She repeated. "Do you really think that will work?"
"Sure it will." Pacey replied succinctly. He knew the more words he spoke on the subject the more obvious it would become that he was not sure at all.
"Hmm, ok.' Joey sounded equally unconvinced but, apparently she was also equally willing to roll with the dubious plan since the next thing she said was, "so…um…what now. Do we just…go to sleep?"
He might have been imagining it but Pacey swore he heard a dangerous, unspoken 'or' hanging in the air after her question. For an insane half second he considered pursuing that hunch, but then sensibly replied. "Uh yeah. That's probably the best idea."
"Ok…then I guess…goodnight Pace."
Did she sound disappointed? No, Pacey assured himself, it was purely the awkwardness of the situation strangling her words. This evening of strange events had rendered his imagination overactive, he decided. Sleep was the safest plan.
"Goodnight Jo." He replied, settling back to stare at the ceiling of the tent. He watched the moonlight silhouetted raindrops rolling down the faded blue roof and realized that at some point the storm had given way to drizzle. It must have happened while they were kissing, he thought. But the thought flooded his mind with images of that scene and reawakened a pressing question. Before he could stop himself he heard his voice ask into the night air above him.
"Why did you kiss me?"
The steady breathing beside him ceased abruptly, followed by a pensive, "I don't know..." After a beat she tried again with a promising sounding, "I just…" that immediately fizzled into more silent thought. In her weighty pause Pacey imagined 100 ways she might finish that sentence, but ultimately she simply sighed and reprised her original, "I don't know."
It was a lie. Or at least a half truth. He could hear it in her cadence. Moreover he knew it because he knew her. Joey Potter didn't do things just because. If she did it there was a reason. But whatever that reason was she didn't want to tell him and he decided that may be for the best anyway. If he was to have any hope of leaving this night shrouded in tent secrecy, it was probably better if he knew as little as possible. Any information would just be fodder for his desperate imagination to cling to.
"Hmm. Ok," he said, hoping his far away tone sounded disinterested rather than pathetic and forlorn.
He flipped onto his side, facing away from Joey in an attempt to stop focusing on her enticing presence. It didn't work of course. How could it when he could still taste her on his lips and feel the heat radiating from her body, just inches away. He laid still, watching the shadow droplets roll and listening to Joey's breathing. After a long while the droplets ceased. After a while more than that, the breaths from across the tent grew slow and long. Then, like the masochist he clearly was, Pacey carefully rolled over , just to be sure she was sleeping. Once there however he remained, admiring her delicate, moon kissed form until he himself drifted into slumber. Then in his dreams he watched her still.