I don’t have any want or desire but I feel awful fear and guilt for that

I understand that being the kind of person I am, and likely how a lot of you are, I need to feel purpose in what I’m doing, in all aspects of life. So, I’ve attributed part of my struggle to find something to work towards and throw myself into, to not seeing any true purpose in these paths. I’ve only ever lived my life by shaping it and molding it to fit other people’s lives and further their desires, so it’s been a process of trying out things for myself, and finding out what I want. I did have a drive to do that for a while, and some things brought me what I thought might be fulfillment for brief moments. But now, I lack even the drive to want something. Like, if I was genuinely asked, what do you actually want right now, all I could say is, to sleep. I am very unhappy with my circumstances, and I know that the way my life is going is not healthy or joyful, but I cannot find it in me to want things for myself, to fantasize even. I am scared, not because of the depression, but because I am usually in that hole and longing for something. I have been a dreamer, living in my head, and though it’s not healthy, it has at least been proof that I can see a life for myself that I would want to live, if it were to escape my mind. Now I really don’t know what I’m here for anymore